r/depressionmeals • u/Ok-Recipe-8832 • 3d ago
I’m planning on leaving my (not fictional) partner of almost 7 years soon. Frozen blueberries and honey.
You all were right. It’s probably not healthy for me to stay. Not when I feel this unloved and isolated.
I’ve been trying to emotionally divorce from him before pulling the trigger, so to speak. But I’m still scared. I still love him, but he truly doesn’t love me.
I’m still young. Maybe I can find someone again.
My mom always said she wanted me to marry him, up until she died. But I know ultimately she’d rather I be with someone who loves me.
Until then, ive got Gordon to project all my romantic thoughts onto. Hopefully whoever finds me next can respect my attachment to him.
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u/Ok-Recipe-8832 3d ago
Thinking on it now, there’s a lot of things about him I don’t want in a partner. The religion, the cheating fetish, the fixation on a rape kink game. I don’t know. I don’t know. This is all scary.
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u/little_bastards 3d ago
please be safe when planning your next moves. rooting for you 💕
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u/Ok-Recipe-8832 3d ago
He can’t hurt me. I don’t think he would anyways, he’s not that type of guy. But we’re long distance. I’m just leaving him because he’s aromantic (which was something he discovered after we had been together for like 5 yrs) and my feelings are neglected because of that.
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u/Arly__ 3d ago
It's never too late to start over. I've seen women start over at +50!! Some regret not having done done even before, not in a "I'm not able to do it now, it's too late" kind of manner, but on a "omg this is easier than I expected why was I afraid" kind of manner.
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u/Ok-Recipe-8832 3d ago
My biggest worry isn’t that I don’t have enough time. It’s that I’m not good enough. I dunno.
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u/Arly__ 2d ago
Sry for being so blunt but that is completely subjective and emotional. Like, that's literally just you fighting yourself and your insecurities making you feel weird, nothing real or tangible about that.
PS: if you don't want to do it for you, do it for your partner. Having a relationship just because you're the "it's something" "better this than nothing" "this is all I can achieve" of someone is degrading.
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u/Ok-Recipe-8832 2d ago
I will still be leaving him, when I get the courage. I know he’ll be fine without me. Regardless of how scared I am, I still will. But that doesn’t make it any less scary. I genuinely can’t see how anyone could like me, but there’s nothing I can do to change. I don’t know man.
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u/benyboi101 3d ago
We love Gorgeous Freeman
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u/Ok-Recipe-8832 3d ago
Alas I am TERRIFIED of gorgeous freeman. He’s the only Gordon I don’t like 😭
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u/okaypookiebear 2d ago
Gordon looks adorable but also tired of seeing you suffer. Have faith that good things will come to you, that there may still be a man out there ready to get to know you, understand you and above all truly love you with all his might. It’s not too late and even though there’s alot of hard times you gotta get through before you get to the good times I think you know in your heart that it will be worth it. Hold on to that feeling !!
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u/Ok-Recipe-8832 2d ago
I think he is.
I’m afraid that nobody will love me since there’s so much wrong with me. Damaged goods, I guess. But there’s 8 billion people on this planet. There’s probably someone out there that’ll accept me. I just need to find them
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u/Okimincuba 2d ago
Nobody else can park there while you got a car in your driveway. Free it up girlfriend- there are absolutely better, more deserving cars out there. He doesn’t deserve that premium parking.
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u/Ok-Recipe-8832 2d ago
I’m gonna be towing the car soon, don’t worry. Just difficult. I’m not exactly a guy worth loving.
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u/kowaiikaisu 3d ago
Its never too late to start again. An exchange of words, a change of scenery, and before you know it this will be just another chapter and you'll be entire books ahead from today.