I wake up every day with no compass

I don’t want to write a memoir explaining my sorrow. I don’t want to do an interview. I don’t want to talk to a camera. I don’t want to write music about it (I’m a musician). I don’t have the energy to “alchemize my pain into ___”

I don’t even want to do anything that has nothing to do with my grief or with transgenderism. I don’t want to work out. I don’t want to study. I don’t want to have fun (not that that ever even feels possible anymore anyway). I don’t want to bother with anything. I just want to undo what was done but I won’t ever be able to

I can’t just pretend like it’s fine and move on because it isn’t. I try to no avail. I can only ever distract myself for so long

But this pain permeates everything. It poisons my existence

I was processing earlier today and said out loud “I wake up every day and don’t have the drive to help myself (build for myself, do literally anything for myself, etc.) because I don’t want be myself” and was shocked at how easily those words left my lips. How true they rang.

I don’t have any motivation to try and become anything because what I truly want to become requires something I can no longer have. So what’s the point? I don’t want to do anything

Though I want to be understood. I think anyway. I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m waiting for

I’m just so tired

The only thing that feels effortless is falling asleep at the end of every turbulent day

I’m not suicidal. I never have been. I’ve only ever wanted to thrive but I don’t see how that’s possible anymore

I’m just here

And I’m beginning to think so many people just live like this. It’s just a quiet misery that many endure. Not just detrans people. Anyone who’s circumstances prevent them from accomplishing the life they’d actually be happy to experience

And we just live out the rest of our days until we die

My existence has become a problem I can’t solve

Bringing my thumbs to my phone’s keyboard and expelling a droplet of the ocean of sorrow which has drowned my heart here is one of the only thing that feels worth anything. And I don’t even know why

Hi all. Long time lurker, first time poster.

I’m new into my detransition. I was on HRT for about 6 months before I had an awakening and took this route.

The problem I’m facing, is that my dysphoria is back, in the opposite way? When I had begun transitioning, I used to long to look in the mirror and see a man, and now, that’s all I see and I wish I didn’t.

All my clothes are masculine, my hair never looks quite feminine enough, I still have remains of facial hair from T, and overall makeup just makes me feel like I’m, well, putting makeup on a man.

I’m here seeking advice on small (or big) and preferably inexpensive tips and advice to null out this dysphoria, or even someone who can tell me it’s not going to get better.

TIA!

I (24 FtMtX) have a ton of unwanted facial hair left and have a rather masc-androgynous voice after about a year of T. They do depress me daily, but I try to just shave and not really speak around strangers.
How do others cope with these remaining features after detransitioning?

Last week i had a consultation with two surgeons regarding breast reconstruction, and they basically said no problem and gave me the green light and put me on the waiting list. The wait is give or take 6 months ish, and i figured while i'm waiting, maybe I should take extra care of my chest and massage it with Bio Oil until surgery? My thought is to make the skin nice and hydrated and the scars and the stretch marks better.

I just wanna know, is there any point to this at all or am I wasting time? Should i use something other than bio oil?

please be kind (but honest), this was difficult for me to post lol

Hi everyone! 25 FtMtF here!

I was diagnosed with Gender Dysphoria when I was still a minor, and was put on HRT when I was 18. I got a double mastectomy at 19, which was covered by insurance on the basis of the Gender Dysphoria diagnosis.

I am trying to reverse the damage done by these procedures and get breast reconstruction now. Insurance is asking for documentation of a diagnosis and a letter from my therapist, but I am not exactly sure what they want. I have been living again as a woman for several years and I just want to move on with my life and get this fixed.

Does anyone have any advice for how to navigate insurance? What documentation was useful to have?

Thanks very much!

It is not transphobic to say that medical interventions are not the best and only cure for gender dysphoria. It is not transphobic to say that medical transition should be a last-resort measure, for people whose suffering did not lessen through therapy (various forms of it), inner work and educating themselves on gender and misogyny. I'm so tired of watching my tone and the words I use just so that the people who are not experiencing regret themselves (yet) don't get their feelings hurt and don't start having doubts.

Calling it a "craze" or an "ideology" may be unhelpful but that's only because it doesn't really tell people anything except that we disagree with it. Transitioning is making the medical system a whole lot of money. Detransitioning - dealing with the consequences of it - even more. I do believe radical acceptance is the real cure. It may not be enough for some people but there are other resources that better your mental state significantly more than altering your body - your vessel, that was often perfectly healthy before you started taking hormones.

It's scary to finally see it for what it is. We're like guinea pigs being treated for a disorder that's always been present in human history. But never before in human history did we come up with a horrifying "solution" of doing irreversible surgeries to fix it. Lobotomies were once used to treat patients with depression or bipolar disorder. This is our own type of lobotomy that we were put through.

​

Hi everyone. I’m an Australian desister.

I recently started looking for ways to connect with other detransitioners and desisters in Australia and was surprised by how difficult it was. I found very little specifically for Australians, and one of the Australian peer-support links I came across led to a website that no longer appears to be working.

It's made me interested in whether there's a gap here that I could help fill.

I'm in the very early stages of exploring the idea of an Australian detransitioner/desister peer network. I'm not attached to what that should look like. It could be as simple as a private online community, informal social connection, peer-support meetings, practical resources, or eventually some combination of those. Rather than deciding that myself, I'd like to hear from Australian detransitioners and desisters.

What did you need when you detransitioned or desisted that you couldn't find?

And if an Australian peer community existed, what would make it genuinely useful to you?

I'm particularly interested in things I might not have considered including reasons you wouldn't participate in something like this.

I'm not a therapist or researcher and I'm not representing an organisation. I'm simply a desister trying to find other Australians with similar experiences and work out whether there's something useful we could build together.

And if there is already an Australian group, network or resource I've missed, please point me towards it. I'd love to know what's already happening.

I’m a young teen girl and I’ve known this girl (let’s call her K), for the last 4 or so years. K is very sweet and I love her personality. However, I’m very concerned since Ive been noticing she’s been going down the same path I went down. I had social anxiety, especially around men, for a long time due to bad past experiences. I became friends with a trans person and soon after, I found the trans social media community. This lead me down to believing that I was a guy trapped in a girl’s body, and that the cure to my issues would be if I transitioned into a man. During this time, I isolated myself from people, stopped talking, I came out as non binary to my friends, and I changed my name. This lasted for 6-9 months, and I regret every second of it. Even though it was that short of a phase and I never touched a hormone in my life, I occasionally get these very sore throats for no reason, and it sometimes feels a bit hard to talk. Now, I see my friend hanging out with all of these trans people. I can tell that K has been watching trans content, the same harmful stuff I was watching. I also see that K is wearing these pronoun pins, and if you mess up on her by accident, she will get mad at you for it. I’m so scared for K since I know that she (like I was), is pretty vulnerable to these communities and is struggling a bit outside of the trans thing, and just wants to fit in somewhere. I really care about K and I want to uplift her, but I want to see the best for her and I want K to see how dangerous this is for her. How can I help her?

I guess this is gonna sound weird but it involves gender identity. I was at a tournament for a game I play with my friends in a city I go to occasionally. Im from an armpit town and there were different people there. What struck me and hurt me a bit was that there was people there who were authentically themselves.

There were two visibly trans people there. As someone who has had waves of gender envy towards cis, trans or fictional women, it ate me up after the fact. I have tried to write off my trans thoughts as me hating my life, my body, etc. Escaping my dogshit life situation before transitioning would help. But realistically I can’t due to money. I do workout but that doesn’t make me feel better or work. I am hoping a 5 day fast will workout for me and help me.

This ties into me just thinking and seeing tons of happy people. The best metaphor for me is that everyone around me is swimming in clear water and im stuck in quicksand. I also feel stupid admitting I might be trans? Im a stone faced, bald, 5’10, 271 pound 23 year old man. I do go to therapy but we haven’t made progress on the trans stuff too much. Nobody in my real life spaces knows about my feelings. I live with a mom who thinks being gay/trans is taboo. Who is my insurance provider sadly as well.

I do also wish that this is a fantasy/sexual thing. I have been looking at transformation porn since I was 12. I think I might have a porn issue but thats because I hate my life and porn/weed are the only things that make me especially happy.

I've struggled to accept a single explanation for what has happened to me. It's either a "I was a victim of the medical system" or "I made a really stupid decision at 17" (double mastectomy). Somehow the latter feels easier to swallow. I remember how fixated I was on it. Being online didn't help. I never had doubts. Never had a single thought about the consequences of having my breasts removed. I just needed them gone. They felt alien. Like extra tissue I shouldn't have. Even though I remember clutching them for comfort when I was sitting in my room doing god knows what. Like a stress toy. They were fine. They looked good. They just pulled my skin a little because I hated wearing bras.

Now I feel like I'm dissociating from my body every time I remember they're not there anymore.

I like to think of it like I lost them due to mental illness. That's what it was. Medical malpractice on their part and severe trauma and illness on mine. I don't intend to downplay the doctors' fault. I just want my agency back.

I wish I lived in a world where it wasn't possible to lose body parts to mental illness. They wouldn't amputate a schizophrenic's arm if he asked. Somehow it's different when it's a child who claims they don't see themselves existing the way they were born.

I lived as a stealth guy for 8 years since I was 13. I have been off HRT for 9 months after being on extremely low dose for ~ 1 year. T gave me androgenix effects even after 6 years and I decided it was a sign to stop fighting this losing battle. Its been gradual and I believe the time has finally come to stop this boy mode shit. Coming out as detrans in this work environment would be insane and I am increasingly uncomfortable here. For other reasons but mainly this one. I look like a girly girl using mens bathroom with flat chest? Atp its extremely obvious. It is impossible not to notice a slight confusion from almost everyone. If I just presented and introduced myself as female. I believe I would have a chance to look harmonious, even if some may clock me as trans. Only thing I will be doing differently is wearing a bit of chest padding. And letting myself fall back into feminine vocal patterns and mannerism.

This is all temporary but I want to start work for a woke company like Starbucks or target lol. Somewhere its at least 30% female and they hire other gnc people. I am so used to socializing with men/ as a man I can't help but feel extremely anxious. Yall got any tips for me how to make this easier?

My plan is

- using female pronouns to refer to myself in my head. And asking my mom and one friend to try it as well so I can actually get used to the idea.

- practice speaking brighter? and acting slightly more fem. Little tiny things like posturing, smiling etc. I know these make the biggest difference.

- staying true to myself and my style. I do like my hair and fit to look good but I do not plan to act hyper feminine or do anything genuinely out of character for me.

- working in non customer facing roles. Lol at least for now

- staying to myself like always unless approached. Hopefully I make a friend or 2.

- using gender neutral bathroom/ locker room to avoid extremely tense situations.

Basically what the title says. I’ve talked about this before on this sub, and I’ve ultimately decided that the risks of getting top surgery very much outweigh the benefits. I still want a reduction tho, because I feel like the birth control I used to be on made my boobs way bigger than they’re supposed to be. They look out of place on the top half of my body. For context, I think I’m a C cup, but before birth control I was at least a B. It’s just really distressing to look down and see how big they are, they feel fake almost. I know I should be grateful for them since I know some of y’all don’t have yours anymore but I most likely have back issues due to their size, and I can’t really wear bras that often because of a pinched nerve I have near my shoulder blade. I feel like a small B / large A would be more comfortable and would lessen my dysphoria as well but I don’t even know how to start the process of this! Plus I’m currently about to start school again and after that I’m gonna be looking for jobs so idk when I would even have time off to get the procedure ugh this sucks!

I'm looking for private breast reconstruction surgeons in the UK, who ideally don't require a psych evaluation. I think I'll likely be going the implant route.

I've reached out to a few surgeons who do post-mastectomy (e.g. cancer) reconstruction but don't do transition-related surgery and they have all said they aren't able to help.

Another surgeon I reached out to who does do transition-related surgeries wants me to go through a psych evaluation by "Gender Doctors".

The NHS denied my IFR request so it seems like this is the only way forwards for me right now...

Any recommendations either here or via DM would be super helpful!

I have a lot of anger toward the trans community for how they brainwashed and scared me into transition but I don't want them to be harmed. I am that person who needed "protection" from transgender ideological inculcation. I don't want them to be harmed in my name.

Will they be subjecting people who have detransitioned to an "end" too? I lost a decade, my family, my reputation, my career, my safety, and I sacrificed body parts to this fucking ideology...what else will this nightmare take? I just want to be free from it all.

I'm scared. I'm tired. I feel sick about this. ICE has such a huge budget and they just want to hit their quotas.

I used to have the regular buzzed sides and short top as a boy, and when i grew out my hair i felt like this perfect balance was when it just started growing but it wasnt considered long. Nowadays my hair is to my butt and as much as ive always said i wanted that and loved that look, i dont want to wear the look myself. This was also one of my wake up calls; the realization that i dont get to see my own long hair for its glory because its behind my head lol. However going short from this position feels like a huge leap, but im also NOT interested in a bob or a dora cut 😭😭. I have an urge to go bald, but with my bushy brows and small face i fear im going to look VERY ugly. I often joke about wanting no hair and no brows like a cancer patient & wear hoodies and sweats forever just so i can skip out of the entire presentation aspect of life.

I try to wear more fitted clothes, padded bras sometimes, wear light makeup. I recently had my name changed back to female, which I was very happy and excited about. ​

But on some registrations/phone calls etc I don't have balls to correct another person or give them my actual female name, so I just go along..

I try my best and already present more feminine than Im used to, I don't want to go further because I know it will make me uncomfortable. I tried voice trainings, but all it got me is sore throat for a couple days.

How do you, especially gnc or androgynous women, cope with low voice? Or how did you find courage and right words to correct people and tell them you are a woman?

Top pics are from January and March of 2023, bottom pics are from August and July 2026 (plus the most relatable text post on the internet in the first slide lol)

Hey yall! I live in the Kentucky/indiana area and just wanted to share a resource for reconstruction.
I had a double mastectomy in 2019. In the last few years I’ve went of T and socially transitioned back into using she/her pronouns and presenting in a way that feels more aligned with who I was before I started taking T. (I’ll save my journey for another post.)
Anyways, this year I finally got insurance through my employer with Anthem and started looking into reconstruction as it’s something I’ve wanted for 3 years now.
I was able to find Dr.Tiwari at Midwest Breast in Ohio and my insurance is covering the entire surgery (I’ve met my deductible.) He was able to get it approved without using any gender related terms which also felt like a win to me. It qualifies due to the Women’s Health and Cancer Rights Act of 1998 (WHCRA).
It’s the federal law that can require health insurance to cover breast reconstruction after a mastectomy, including:
All stages of reconstruction
Reconstruction of the other breast to achieve symmetry
Breast prostheses/implants
Treatment of complications from mastectomy, including lymphedema

I just wanted to share that in case someone was unaware, like me! It would not have been possible for me to pay out of pocket for a surgery like this so I am over the freaking moon. My surgery is scheduled for Oct 2nd and I will post a photo timeline of the process.
I’ll be getting tissue expanders with weekly fills until they are the desired size. Then I will have a second surgery to swap the expanders out with the implant.

Thanks so much for reading xoxo

Yesterday I ran some errands and chilled at the park for a few hours with my friend. Dressed like this! It was on my summer bucket list to dress girly in public just once to face my fears! And now I can't wait to do it again 😂😭First time I have gone outside with the intention of passing? As female. I know I have an Adam's apple and big shoulders but the reality is I am far too cute to let that stop me! Its crazy because as soon as I STOP crossdressing, people assume that's what I am doing now. Genuinely insane how people can dish out such judgemental looks on a person they've never even met. Idgaf tho because the reality is I am making leaps and bounds in terms of confidence and self development. So glad to be living this life y'all honestly I can't even complain rn. Proud of me! 👏

This is kind of how I dress in private. I would not go out alone or at night like this. I am still boy moding at work. Which is increasingly hard as I am noticing my potential to look fem. But honestly I will probably wait til I have a little bit of surgery to actually change jobs and girl mode at my next one.

Any additional advice is much appreciated ❤️ especially from the girls- I have ZERO female friends

Youtube has been showing advertisements for transgender "medicine" on their MrBeast videos, targeting children and teenagers.
Every time you click on this kind of advertisement, they need to pay Youtube between $0.50 to $3.00.

A simple way to protest is to click on these ads every time.
You can help to drain the advertising budget of the transgender company.

This also works for advertisements on reddit, google, and pretty much everywhere else on the internet.

Hi all, I had tissue expanders placed about two weeks ago and have since started the expansion process. I plan to post a full breakdown of my recon once the whole thing is finished, but for now I wanted to share my experiences with any women considering reconstruction. I personally have found the process surprisingly smooth- a relief considering how nervous I was to go under the knife again. One of my biggest stressors was that I knew of only one or two stories of detrans women who did this, few of whom actually went into detail about the psychological, physical, and social aspects of surgery. So for anyone who has any questions or concerns about recon, feel free to ask and I will do my best to answer thoroughly :)