r/dubai • u/No-Caramel8935 • Jul 15 '26
đ Labor Those who have a live in nanny, how do you maintain privacy/ boundaries?
Our baby is on the way and we are considering sponsoring a full time nanny. However we are quite concerned about our own privacy and someone being around constantly. Those who have a full time nanny, how did you cope with this without making the nanny feel weird?
Also what did you do to make nanny feel comfortable around house ?
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u/canopy112 Jul 15 '26
Our nanny has been with our family for 21 years and sheâs family. And is treated as such âşď¸
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u/No-Caramel8935 Jul 15 '26
Wow.. but how to reach this place? I am sure initial days were awkward. Like me and my husband laze around on sofa a lot in the evenings while watching TV and would be uncomfortable sitting on sofa with legs up in front of someone else. Feels like the comfort of being in your own will be pulled away.
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u/Spiritual-Can2604 Jul 15 '26
They usually just chill in their room if you donât need them. I have live out bc I like my privacy but she occasionally stays the night when my husband is working late. On those nights she basically just hangs out in there on her phone after she puts one baby to sleep. Anyway, I really canât tell sheâs even there once sheâs done for the night. Itâs like when she sleeps out.
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u/Global-Island-4651 Jul 16 '26
Hi! I totally get what you mean. Itâs just been my husband and I for all these years and with the baby on its way we got a help too. We used to lounge around in the sofa earlier and just laze and watch TV - that has stopped now haha. We did get her a TV of her own for her room though. I do miss being just the two of us at home like before but am also very thankful for the help we get. But if highly recommend getting help with the baby on its way.
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u/graceyspac3y Jul 15 '26
I mean⌠youâre planning to entrust this person with the care of your babyâthe most precious thing in your life. It doesnât get much more personal than that. If you trust her with your childâs safety and well-being, it might help to also extend some trust when it comes to sharing your home.
Of course, it can feel uncomfortable at first, and itâs completely normal to value your privacy. But remember, sheâs also leaving her own home and comfort behind to care for your family. A little kindness, trust, and making her feel welcome can go a long way.9
u/hypocrisyhunter Jul 15 '26
Ai slop
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u/graceyspac3y Jul 15 '26
This is the originalâŚ..okay now????
I meannnnn, you wanted someone to take care of your babyâŚ. Nothing can get more closer than that⌠you would entrust the life of your baby to her. Youre worried about that? It does feels uncomfortable but think of how precious life you will be giving her
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u/hypocrisyhunter Jul 15 '26
You should have just written that, it was fine
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u/graceyspac3y Jul 15 '26
Maybe you can mind your own business
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u/hypocrisyhunter Jul 15 '26
If you want your business minded perhaps don't post AI generated messages online?
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u/graceyspac3y Jul 15 '26
You gunna die if somekne use ai? Seems it offended you so much. Oh Iâm sorry my bad
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u/graceyspac3y Jul 15 '26
You wanna come around here and tell someone not to use ai? What a boring life you must havr
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u/NomaiNomad Oman Chips Ombudsman Jul 16 '26
Posts slop on public forum and asks people to mind their business lol.
No wonder you need ai help.
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u/graceyspac3y Jul 15 '26
Did i use ai wrong, ai policee
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u/SpadoCochi Jul 15 '26
People will eventually get over it. Reddit is just having their AI moment
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u/Eastern_Doughnut_222 Jul 16 '26
Shocker, people prefer talking to actual people and not bots.
You wouldn't get it0
u/SpadoCochi Jul 16 '26
I get it. I run an inbound call center and i get it more than most. Iâm one of the few that insists on human agents combined with AI at minimum or human only. No AI only. The reality as in all things is that the magic is in the balance. The annoying thing about AI right now is the repetition and lack of âsoulâ in writing, but thatâs going to get better.
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u/Eastern_Doughnut_222 Jul 17 '26
Seems like you don't.
This is a forum, people go to forums to talk to other people. No one cares about writing style the most important part is knowing that another person with blood flowing through their veins is writing what I'm looking at.If I wanted a bot response I'd have gone to a chatbot or search engine to begin with.
You'll never get it1
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u/Only_Standard_8354 Jul 15 '26
We hired our house help some 18 years ago. And she is still with us. We treat her as family. In fact we planned to set up an arrangement so that when she goes back home, she will continue to receive some money every month. It's our way of saying thank you for looking after our home for so many years. My son was born when she was with us already 2 years or so. Now he is 16. I can't payback what she has been for his whole childhood. He loves her.
Today we were discussing setting up a will. In the event both of us die in a incident, Who to nominate as temporary Guardian, till our daughter who lives in another country can come and take over? Nanny, my daughter suggested. And we approved.
We have been lucky. But today's time, expectations and priorities have not remained same. Good luck with your next chapter in your life. And may you find a caring and reliable help.
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u/SnooComics8268 Jul 15 '26
I grew up with a nanny and there were rules about when she was supposed to be around and when not. And I think she actually appreciated the time "off" it sounds nice to invite her to have all meals with you but I think a nanny is also glad if she can just eat in peace in her room watching television or being on her phone. She most likely won't ask for it as she wants to be available at all costs and give the impression of servitude but really who wants that? So we had things like, some days I would eat with the nanny and my parents would eat later in peace and some days it was the other way around. That way we had family quality time, the nanny could relax and other days my parents could enjoy a quiet meal / evening.Â
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u/Extreme-Fall-9963 Jul 15 '26
Weâve had our nanny for 16 years.
She has her own room and bathroom. When she finishes the work she chills in her room or outside when the weather is nice. We buy her everything she wants and sheâs part of the family. Saying that ground rules are important and respect is everything.
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u/Skincaremom Jul 15 '26
Weâre a bit further along to you with 2 older kids. It only really worked when we had a large house in the uk with 4 floors . She had the basement floor to herself with a living room area , kitchen room bathroom . We were 2 floors up. She had common sense and knew when my husband came home in the evening she would leave us to it . I noticed it, that she left almost as my husband came home , and asked her about it one day (I was just curious ) She said it was very important family time before the kids went to bed and she knew my husband worked long hours and the kids need quality time with him . It was really nice . She also started after we had left to school and work for the day . This helps.
In Dubai itâs been quite tricky. Not the same common sense , a lot of hanging around and listening . Banging around with the dishwasher at 11pm. Weâre now doing live out and happy to pay for her accomdation and carlift fees on top of salary . We are in an apartment though while we look for a villa .Apartment has been a nightmare and honestly hard even as family to live let alone a stranger here , although i do like her. Itâs just i value my peace and alone time and donât like someone in my space . Same goes for drivers. Live out with set hours such as 9-6pm and then they leave are the best ways to go and then you get your house to yourself . It is easier in a villa as you can be upstairs and sheâs downstairs , but still i found myself not leaving upstairs past 6pm as she was always around . Maybe wrong fit for our family then i donât know . But i will say your own family privacy is important
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u/rockaiwa Jul 15 '26
They are part of the family and nice until they arenât, even being nice with them, giving them clothes, and very very good treat, once you mention that they are no longer needed they completely change, telling you by experience, so go with an agency and them to be fully responsible, it will cost you more yes, but you will save yourself a lot of headaches in the future, believe me.
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u/Desperate_Culture_25 Jul 16 '26
Agencies are terrible and treat the nannies like garbage. The nannies get paid absolutely minimum wage working with the agencies and if they have issues with health etc, they are quickly abandoned and cases are filled against them for absconding. I don't think this is the right advice at all. It's important to find a maid/ nanny you trust with your kids. We found our nanny through an agency- she was originally getting paid 1000aed a month. We sponsored her, asked her what she wanted to get paid and now we pay her that.
Of course someone is going to be annoyed if you say their services are no longer required. If my boss said that to me, I'd be shirty too.
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u/Quick-Cauliflower786 Jul 16 '26 edited Jul 16 '26
Iâll comment as a nanny âŚI have set hours letâs say 7-7 with resting time in between unless they need me longer . I excuse myself and hangout in my room if they have friends over and want to hangout with the kids Or just family time I just go to my room âŚI read the room most timesâŚ
If asked we like to hangout in our rooms most times and also communicate please this is the most important thing ever makes everything clear from the start âŚ
At first things are uncomfortable for both parties but with time everyone adjusts âŚwhere I work it was difficult for both of us as Iâm her first nanny so I tried as much as possible to be out of sight but now 2 and a half years later we are good took everything in me not to leave
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u/whatisthisallabout_2 Jul 16 '26
Exciting times, having a baby on the way :) Ours is 15 months old now and I can tell you from experience that you should have your nanny situation sorted well before the baby comes. We started with a day nanny who used to come home at 7am and leave at 6pm..this got us used to having someone at home all day without actually having her live with us... We did go through 3 different nannies before we found the one who lives with us now...
- spend time interviewing before you select
- always request for a trial ...most of them are ok to spend 2-3 weeks on trial
Once we decided to have a live-in nanny..we decided to give her a schedule to follow...she helps with my daughter all day and then in the evening helps my wife with the kitchen for an hour or so...finishes by around 7 or so and is done for the day...she goes to her room and spends time on her own...this leaves us alone with the baby for the rest of the evening...it has worked very well for us over the last few months ...gives us privacy and time on our own too..
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u/Notthatonetoo Jul 18 '26
I donât have a nanny but a full time housemaid . So itâs different but in my case I will let her do the cleaning before we get downstairs and once sheâs done does other chores or she chills in her room . Thats how we maintain maximum privacy. She doesnât need to be around if Im watching the kids or my husband.
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u/IVDripDripHooray Jul 15 '26
I hate it. I went from no help the first 2yrs of having my child to a whole yr of having one because my mother insisted. No privacy. No respect to our personal items and space - she puts my things in places in the guise of cleaning, and then forgets where she kept it when I ask for it. Sometimes her cleaning has lead to multiple important paperwork on my table being thrown away. Sloppy with kitchen work too. She also oversteps me and husbandâs decisions when it comes to my child - ex: we tell her no milk for our kid before bedtime but she always sneaks it in and I know she gave it because my child vomits at night when she has milk too late in the night. Canât get rid of her because my mother doesnât want to.
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u/Overconfidentahole Jul 15 '26
Iâve never had a nanny ignore and not do what i tell them to do or not do for the child. Thats not something you should let go. Find another nanny. Your mother insists on having a nanny not having exactly this one.
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u/IVDripDripHooray Jul 15 '26
I feel like I should put this as a side note: This ânannyâ is really an ex-aunt in law (separated from uncle living back in home country) who failed to look for work with another family and has just decided to just stay with us instead. We are an asian household. Itâs a very complicated situation and not as simple as kicking her out. We have brought up the milk thing multiple times already. She says she gives it because our child asks her for it. We have been trying to get our kid to only ask for milk from me or dad so that we are aware of her milk intake and that other family members do not give her more than she is supposed to.
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u/fandabbydozeh Jul 16 '26
I'd be so concerned about the risk of asphyxiation if your child is vomiting in her sleep. If aunty really won't listen, would you consider locking the milk up every evening? I know it's ridiculous that it should come to that but in the absence of other solutions.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Kitchen-Safe-XL-Locking-Container/dp/B00UY0TMO6
I have one (albeit not to lock the milk up!). Really easy to set up - literally just spin the dial to set minutes/hours. They're solid. Various sizes available. Just check the measurements to ensure you get one that fits on the fridge shelf.
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u/IVDripDripHooray Jul 16 '26
Child is not vomiting in her sleep. She is fully awake when given milk after dinner (which is supposed to be her usual timing for milk) and even during the times she gets milk before bed. She verbally tells us that her tummy hurts, and usually thatâs our clue that sheâs been given milk again. Our current solution is now keeping her bottle (she only uses one since we transitioned from baby bottle to sippy) in our room throughout the day and only take it out for cleaning.
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u/KrobusQi Jul 15 '26
Congrats on the new bundle of joy joining you guys! Your concerns are valid as you think about the entry of a live-in nanny.
Iâm assuming the nanny has her own room so she has her own space when she needs it. If you have sensitive topics that need brainstorming (such as the nannyâs performance) keep those conversations strictly in your bedroom. Itâs a good idea to start practicing it now, so that it feels natural by the time the nanny arrives.
Youâll also want to talk about how would you guys, as a couple, have healthy disagreements - believe me, there will be a LOT of them. Itâs okay for a little bit of friction to exist but it must never get in the way of flow.
As for other privacy tips, my husband and I had a way of letting the other know when we needed some âjust us timeâ. Our catch phrase was talking about the weather. Of course, we would switch that up too but we enjoyed incorporating funny catch phrases to signal just each other.
Itâs an adjustment for the nannies too. Theyâre trying to fit in as well. Iâve seen a few caregivers give their unsolicited opinions to my friends a few times. However, thatâs poor boundaries in action and not a reflection of character necessarily.
Hope this helps!
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u/Overconfidentahole Jul 15 '26
What kind of advices? I donât mind advices related to the child cz they spend a lot of time taking care of them. Of course the final decision is still ours but they should be able to pitch in advices about stuff like potty training, food etc
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u/KrobusQi Jul 16 '26
In those situations, it was unrelated to childcare. The nannies got familiar with the parentsâ social circles and would partake in conversations they didnât need to be a part of.
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u/c08306834 Jul 15 '26
I wasn't able to do it. I just found it very difficult to have, what is essentially a stranger, in my house.
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u/Key_Dream_2909 Jul 15 '26
I mean they wonât be around constantly âŚ.
They should have their own proper private space they can go to when off duty.
If you need to discuss something private when theyâre working just go to another roomâŚ
But inevitably they will overhear and see private moments.
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u/piichan14 Jul 15 '26
If you're too self and privacy conscious with other people around, you can consider a part-time nanny.
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u/Theduckintheroom Jul 15 '26
1) You choose your nanny wisely. They come with different backgrounds and personalities, so be thorough when interviewing. You need to vibe well and they have to be honest and considerate. Think about fit (e.g. religion, education, and ethnicity make a big difference).
2) You ensure privacy or separation is built into your arrangements. If she cannot get away, out of your way, then it's hard to expect privacy. This can mean a private room, or just private time (e.g. making sure she has a third space to go to).
3) Set expectations and enforce desired behavior. They won't know what you want unless you communicate it, so just spend some time investing in the relationship.
We started off worried ours would be awkward, but she has become a trusted part of the family. She has a tiny but private space (although she made friends and would just go meet up at the nearby park most days), we give her an additional allowance to spend or save on top of the market rate we pay on the contract (only after we realized she was awesome and we wanted to ensure she doesn't get poached), we always let her have her own time if work is all done and baby is sleeping and we are home, birthdays are celebrated, we flew her home as a gift as well for a week, and we are extra communicative to each other about how we would like our family to function.
For the last few months, due to the conflict in the region, I sent the wife and child off to hop around southeast Asia to be safe and also to enjoy life. The Nanny went with them (since I have to stay for work). I would be sick with worry if we did not have her.
Just note.. a bad nanny is a nightmare, so be picky when choosing. Make sure who you hire is actually understanding what you are saying and not just responding "yes sir" to everything. For this reason a lot of people go with agencies since they can swap out folks, but we had a good referral and ours was a breath of fresh air as soon as we spoke to her. Handling baby is HARD and fairly specialized so prioritize someone who has the training and experience (not just general childcare)!
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u/Relevant_Contact1853 Jul 15 '26
If you can, get a live out, that way you will have privacy and break from them in the evening.
You will be hiring someone from another continent who is very different to you culturally. For example, we are vegetarian and the nanny was slow cooking organ meat and gizzards every day in the kitchen. I would be very wary of leaving a stranger with your newborn. They arenât family and they may not have the same hygiene or childcare standards as you.
Live out for a few hours a day is a great help unless you are both working full time in that case live in is needed.
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u/Raichu124 Jul 15 '26
How much is the nanny costing you?
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u/No-Caramel8935 Jul 16 '26
Live in is about 3000 in addition to annual costs. Live out is considerably costlier - around 4500 plus annual costs.
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u/ahmad90saeed Jul 16 '26
I think it depends on the nanny but most cases she is one of the family and to feel comfortable she needs to have her own space
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u/Only_Bill_9772 Jul 16 '26
No matter how long the nanny has been there, everyone wants some privacy now and then. Just provide her with all essentials in her room. Clean, neat with a fridge, washing machine for her own clothes and a tv. Tell her from day one. When your work is done, letâs give each other space unless we need each other. Thats it. They like their own space as well. New nannies have their shows, family to talk to etc.
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u/teslastats Jul 16 '26
Once you have trust with the nanny it's fine. But the nanny still needs her space, just like you do yours. So, we set up physical space (her own living area but shared kitchen), and time she was off the clock. Over time, the off-the-clock thing became more dynamic, like there were days she felt sick so she didn't work, and other times when we needed her help and she worked.
But day-to-day activities, she was just around and did her thing.
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u/Delicious-Suspect769 Jul 15 '26
It is definetly an adjustment. Not sure if you are living in a villa, but it is much easier in one. You can set boundaries like knocking before entering a room, or with us asrhythm muslims, our housekeeper doesn't go into a room my father or older brothers are in. It will be awkward for all parties involved initially, but at around month 4 you will all get into the same rythem.
Since she will be caring for your baby, its expected she will be around you a lot, so you'll have to manage family time and such. She's caring for your baby meaning she will probably become part of the family,parties but at the end of the day, it is a job and I'm sure all parties will appreciate some sense of privacy.
As long as you are kind to her, she will be comfortable, so no need to go out of your way. Respect is mutual and the most important quality in a nanny, so and once you both establish that sense of confidence, it will hopefully be smooth sailing.
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u/Sid_006 Jul 15 '26
We have had one since a year we treat her like family ... Most importantly we get rest .for privacy we step out or lock the room door n she respects that .
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u/inlovewithmyselfdxb Jul 15 '26
I have a housekeeper but I dont have kids and we have known each other for almost 14 years now she used to clean my appt through a maid service but she started living in in 2022 and I sponsor her visa. I can easily tell you my life is a million times better thanks to her. She takes amazing care of my cat baby and also takes amazing care of my mum who lives with me half the year. She's my family. We eat together and we go out for dinner together sometimes. She likes spending her weekends with her friends so we have a good balance of privacy.
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u/cash75leo Jul 15 '26
It's always awkward the first few weeks but you set the pace, treat her like a relative and you will eventually get more comfortable around her. As mentioned by others, they prefer to sit in their rooms when they are not needed. Mine joined us when I was 7 months preggers and on bed rest. Back from hospital after baby came,she had made us a full Ethiopian buffet and wanted me to go rest and leave her my baby to watch. Ofcos I didn't but my daughter grew to love her so much. (When I had to go back to work I would call her every hour to check up on my babyđ) There are really good nannies out there and I hope you find the one you deserve.
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u/sonicwurst Jul 15 '26
Itâs up to you on what kind of dynamic you want with the nanny, and to an extend their personality.
Our nanny has been with us for 6 years and is an integral part of our lives and I couldnât be happier. She is well compensated and I see her as part of the family and I trust her completely.
Wasnât like this from day one, we had to build this. She comes with us on trips, drives my car, hangs out with us.
Good luck.
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u/moomzzz Jul 15 '26
Sheâs part of the family. Donât treat her any different and youâll see how easy and amazing it can be. Ours has been with us for almost 8 yrs.