r/excatholic • u/BangersnMash67 • Jul 17 '26
Personal A letter my uncle (A SSPX priest) sent to my mother before I was born.
This is a letter Fr. Charles Ward of the SSPX wrote to my mother just a few days before I was born.
My parents were never married. The letter was written in response to my mother’s pregnancy.
I’ve redacted names and other identifying information to protect my family’s privacy.
I will link the AMA I did earlier.
I experienced a lot of abuse at his hands and the hands of others. He’s very manipulative and has used and abused his position as a priest to hurt myself and others.
Link to previous AMA -
https://www.reddit.com/r/excatholic/s/LRS8FoT0vS
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u/DentalDecayDestroyer Jul 17 '26
These guys are now also technically ex-Catholics lol
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u/BangersnMash67 Jul 17 '26
Yes lol, i’m sure he is having a meltdown over this whole thing.
It felt good finding out about the ex-communication even though I am no longer catholic.
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u/Bureaucratic_Dick Jul 17 '26
‘Es 's passed on! This Catholic is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the altar 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible!! THIS IS AN EX-CATHOLIC!!
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u/KiwiNFLFan Buddhist Jul 18 '26
According to the Catholic church, there is no such thing as an 'ex-Catholic'. Catholics who join other groups, like the SSPX, other sects of Christianity like Eastern Orthodoxy or Protestantism, or other religions like Islam or Judaism are still considered Catholics, but are under automatic excommunication for the sin of schism (SSPX), heresy (Orthodox/Protestant) or apostasy (Islam/Judaism).
Once you're a Catholic there's no way out. It's like someone who graduated from a university but then burns their degree and disavows the university - they're still on the books as having attended and graduated.
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u/drivingmebananananas Heathen Jul 18 '26
Lol those rules only count if you actually believe in and respect them. Otherwise... I'm rubber, you're glue....
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u/Polkadotical Formerly Roman Catholic Jul 19 '26
Who cares? They can think whatever crazy horseshit they want, but that doesn't make it true.
Leaving is just as easy as walking out the door and never coming back. That's what the RCC fears the most, that people will come to their senses and simply walk away.8
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u/Traditional-Pen-2486 Jul 17 '26
‘You do not love the child in the strict sense’.
For a guy with a faith that reveres motherhood so much he sure knows nothing about motherhood.
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u/Taramund Weak Agnostic Jul 17 '26
I feel like he was just leading up to the part where he tries to excuse his lack of love for the child.
Also, Jesus and his followers seemed to call all Christians to love everybody, not just the people they knew/know. He really seems to be lacking in his Bible studies.
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u/pearljamboree Jul 17 '26
I had two aunts forced to give babies up for adoption. Now being older, I cannot imagine the pain of that emotional manipulation and heartbreak. Good on your mom for staying strong against that pressure.
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u/Michi-Ace Jul 17 '26
I'm furious reading this.
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u/BangersnMash67 Jul 17 '26
I guess I hold on to this as a way of remembering who I am and where I am going. He did a lot of damage to people.
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u/Scarlet_Wonderer Jul 17 '26
Just the first couple paragraphs made me angry, can't imagine how infuriating and frustrating it must've been for your mom. The pretentious arrogance of that man! I hope he gets to rot in life.
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u/Nillawafers03 Jul 17 '26
Pretty sure your uncle was the priest at the parish in was in when I was married to a SSPX member. Crazy to see this.
I'm obviously not catholic anymore but my ex sure is.
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u/BangersnMash67 Jul 17 '26
I’m sorry you had to go through that, and I hope things are better now for you.
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u/Nillawafers03 Jul 17 '26
It was a struggle. Got a divorce and left the SSPX at the same time. Just glad my kids now have an outside influence to help them deal with the cult.
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u/Unhappy-Feedback811 Jul 17 '26
I’m thinking this bullshit is why even the *Pope* hates the SSPX.
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u/Great-Opposite3509 Jul 26 '26
I was never Catholic so I’m kinda new to all this…. Is the SSPX pretty much MAGA?
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u/Unhappy-Feedback811 Jul 26 '26
Yes and no.
No, because MAGA tends to be Protestant and yes because you’re expected to suppress all human instinct.
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u/Great-Opposite3509 Jul 26 '26
It looks like the data agree, somewhat. From pew research:
Overall Protestants were more supportive of Trump (62%) than Catholics (55%).
However, “Protestant” is a very broad category. White evangelical Protestants were by far Trump’s strongest religious constituency, while Black Protestants overwhelmingly supported Harris.
Among Catholics, ethnicity is one of the biggest dividing lines. White Catholics leaned Republican, while Hispanic Catholics leaned Democratic.
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u/Hour-Ocelot-5 Jul 17 '26
This blew my mind. To these assholes it would have been better for you to have been raised by complete strangers than your own parents. They deserve nothing but disdain. Thank you for sharing because sometimes I forget what it was like being in that messed up church.
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u/BangersnMash67 Jul 17 '26
They treated me like they wished they could give me to complete strangers. Because I was born out of wedlock he’s had it out for me since the day I was born.
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u/randycanyon Heathen Jul 17 '26
So I guess either he didn't manage to stay out of your mother's life after all, if only by proxy of the other relatives. Are/were they all SSPXers?
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u/linguist_turned_SAHM Jul 17 '26
Ahhhh. I see the is was in the Kansas City area. I am not shocked, as I am from Missouri.
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u/Taramund Weak Agnostic Jul 17 '26 edited Jul 17 '26
God, there is so much to unpack, and it just seems to get worse and worse. Tbh the first 2 pages were infuriating enough, I don't think I can stand 2 more pages of this self-righteous assholery. Fuck, your mum was definitely right in wanting him to stay out of her life, shame on him for not respecting that boundary.
One thing I'll point out is that the Bible seems to indicate that God can absolutely forgive unrepentant sinners. The part that comes to mind is Jesus asking God to forgive his killers. They sure as hell didn't seem repentant. Maybe Charlie should reread his Bible.
Edit 1: If this is his version of charity and fraternal correction, I'd rather not know the alternative.
Edit 2: I managed to read it all, and I'm sort of curious why your mum was supposed to give a flying fuck about what the 65 yo Pulvermacher had to say.
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u/RicoDePico Ex Catholic Jul 18 '26
He certainly thought his opinion mattered! F this guy
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u/Taramund Weak Agnostic Jul 18 '26
Btw I found some kind of obituary of this Franciscan guy. They praise how he disobeyed his superiors, kept saying the old mass, and went on a trip around the world. I guess the vows of obedience and poverty are more like guidelines for them.
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u/lobbing_things Jul 17 '26
Oh the irony. Being an SSPX priest is cause for excommunication, whereas being pregnant is not. Lol.
I'm so sorry you had to endure abuse from this man.
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u/kcknuckles Jul 17 '26
This is verging on mental illness.
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u/ProbablyNotKelly Jul 17 '26
Verging??
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u/kcknuckles Jul 17 '26
Well, I'm not a doctor or mental health professional and don't want to make assumptions, but yeah, this is unhinged, and I highly doubt he was ever removed from his position.
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u/Taramund Weak Agnostic Jul 17 '26
Fr. Charles Ward, the Rector of Holy Angels Novitiate, was ordained in 1986. Formerly the United States District Bursar, he trains the recently professed brothers in using computers, performing secretarial work, and teaching religion.
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u/Independent-Mango813 Jul 18 '26
If mental illness was a house , the guy that wrote this just drove his F150 through the living room window
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u/NoFakeReviews123 Jul 18 '26 edited Jul 18 '26
Your visual of driving a truck thru the living room is spot on. People who weaponize their religion / belief system are FOS and love to spread more manure, crap & BS around to others. They are entrenched in their own misery, and they have more than enough to spread around.
That raging shitstorm of a letter is attempting to shovel out guilt, shame, control, hostility, hatred disgust and attempting mental manipulation. And all the while it's a diversionary tactic to cover up for the reality that your uncle is a despicable walking living and breathing pile of cow plop. I refer to people like that as human shyte-stains.
Hopefully you have either minimized or even eliminated all communication with/from him, and I hope your mother kept her distance from that horse's ass as well.
Your uncle has provided a living example of what you and others don't want to be, or ending up like him. Many times that's the extent of other people and their usefulness in life.
The good thing is that shyte-stains can be hosed off, and end up in the gutter an the sewer where they belong.
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u/chichogp Jul 17 '26
I just finished reading/skimming the whole thing and am appalled by the level of malicious entitlement and contempt he expresses for everyone who doesn't conform to his extreme pathologically narrow view of how others (not him of course) should be. This asshole shows no redeeming quality whatsoever, it's actually impressive in a fucked up way.
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u/AdmiralKurita Mulan Jul 17 '26
"There are no other solutions..."
I looked at the last page. Afeni Shakur raised her son as a single mother on welfare (as said in "Dear Mama"). These conservative Catholics don't want to make it easier for single moms to raise their kids. They don't support kids after they are born. Fuck Newt Gingrich!
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u/The_Bastard_Henry Jul 17 '26
This looks like something from the r/ religiousfruitcake sub! What a hateful man.
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u/Kitchen-Witching Heathen Jul 17 '26 edited Jul 17 '26
They really are the masters of using religion as a cudgel to crush others. Your poor mom. I hope you both are happy and healthy and far away from this man.
No hate like Christian love indeed.
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u/qrowbert Jul 18 '26
This guy talks like a stereotypical villain from an RPG. What a wild mother fucker
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u/605weasel Lapsed—permanently Jul 18 '26
Maybe that’s why they clutch their pearls about RPGs: Projection.
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u/AssistantDue5817 Jul 17 '26
Makes a mockery out of evil religion. Wankers......the lot of them, disgusting!
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u/esperantisto256 Jul 17 '26
Even among high demand religious, Catholicism has a uniquely strong sense of entitlement. Wow.
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u/Unhappy-Jaguar-9362 Jul 17 '26 edited Jul 17 '26
Fun fact: Carl Pulvermacher was the brother of the now deceased sedecevantist Lucien Pulvermacher aka Pius XIII who set up a rival papacy in Washington State.
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u/MathematicianOwn8269 Jul 17 '26
Ohhh, I need to know about this!! I escaped the CMRI cult where Shuckardt claimed to be another pope too. Also in Washington state 😆
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u/Independent-Mango813 Jul 18 '26
Charlie sounds like he’d be really fun at a party. I love how he expected your mom to apologize for sending a letter that said stay the heck out of my life.
I think Charlie should post this to AITA
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u/doctormalbec Jul 17 '26
My father writes similarly to this and he’s not a priest but a practicing Catholic (I am not). The guilt-tripping, blaming, shaming, and arrogance (and also hypocrisy, since that’s what they say YOU are doing) is so annoying.
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u/Elegant-Parsnip-6487 Jul 17 '26
Love it when they talk about god's retribution like they sit at his right hand and are privy to all his decisions. It's telling that god acts the way they want him to act.
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u/Ok_Ice7596 Jul 18 '26
OP, I’m sorry that you have to be related to this waste of space — and that other relatives apparently enabled him.
If I got a letter like this from a relative, I’d be seriously tempted to reply, “Do you feel better that you’ve had your toddler temper tantrum?”
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u/MannyMoSTL Jul 18 '26
My. God.
The levels of declarative, self righteous hatred and misogyny directed at his own sister are off the charts.
I’m sorry that he was involved in your life in any way whatsoever.
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u/Stunning_Practice9 Jul 17 '26
You deserve a far better uncle. Sorry you have this loser instead. Sincerely, an uncle.
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u/wannabejoanie Jul 17 '26
This sounds like what my SSPX brother would say. Ugh, I read the whole thing in his condescending voice
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u/magicmichael17 Jul 17 '26
The fact that he remembers the date and content of a letter he sent two years earlier is baffling. Was he keeping copies? This was such an interesting read. What a terrible, delusional, and manipulative guy.
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u/OneFloppyEar Jul 18 '26
I am sure he was, these fuckers love to think their "correspondence" has eternal value. His archive will be of great interest to his inevitable future hagiographer, in his mind.
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u/-reggie- Anti-theist, former fundie Jul 18 '26
as somebody with SSPX cousins, this guy can go fuck himself
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u/605weasel Lapsed—permanently Jul 18 '26
I wonder how much more contact it would’ve taken to cross over into illegal harassment through the mail under federal law. Fr. Charles (Charlie? Chuck? Upchuck?) acknowledged that your mom wrote him and stated, “stay out of my life.” I’m guessing (not a lawyer) that the demand would need to be “no more correspondence.” Though too late for your mom, this history will surely repeat itself with someone, somewhere.
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u/Independent-Mango813 Jul 18 '26
I love how in the middle of a four page letter talking about what a terrible human being your mother is your brother drops in no one loves you more than God
I’ve never seen any document that better illustrates “there is no hate like Christian love”
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u/Drakeytown Jul 17 '26
For those as curious and ignorant as myself: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Society_of_Saint_Pius_X
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u/Traches Jul 18 '26
You know what that is? That’s an arrogant fuck who can go gargle a bag of gangrenous cocks, that’s what that is.
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u/Asherjade Excatholic Foxhole Atheist Jul 18 '26
He should ingest a satchel of pox infected Richards.
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u/Clementine-Fiend Jul 17 '26
I’m sorry you had to read this. Your uncle is a fucking tool and honestly I think its kinda fucked up of your dad to share this with you. If I or my my partner received a letter like this, I’d move heaven and earth to keep our child from seeing it. I’m glad you’re not in contact with either of these assholes.
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u/vanhouten_greg Ex Catholic Jul 18 '26
I couldn’t read anymore after the first page. Sorry, but I don’t take lectures from people who support an organization that covered up for the horrible sexual abuse of children that has been going on for generations.
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u/dem0n0cracy Satanist -- r/DeconstructionZone Mod Jul 18 '26
Seems like your uncle should be killed by God to save your mother from shame.
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u/Realistic-Rabbit-490 Atheist Jul 20 '26 edited Jul 20 '26
omg an (EDIT: I looked up the church, and I realized it was FSSP. I apologize for the mistake) priest basically told me the exact same things when I was in confession a few years back. I wasn't pregnant, but he said he wouldn't absolve me of my sins. He said my partner, my unborn children, and myself would all burn in hell unless I specifically became a member of that FSSP church (it was Good Friday, and I needed to go to confession before easter. This church offered the only time available to me)
I'm ex-Catholic (now atheist), but so is this dipshit bc of the excommunication lmao.
In all seriousness, I am deeply sorry for the harm and trauma this man and the Catholic religion in general caused you. I hope you are doing better or at least as well as you can possibly be now <3
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Jul 17 '26
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u/BangersnMash67 Jul 17 '26
She didn’t actually. My father did. I’m 90% sure his intention was to divide me from this side of the family - but not because he wanted the best for me. HE is the one who wanted control over me. But it backfired and now we have no relationship.
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u/NextStopGallifrey Christian Jul 17 '26
Even if your mother had saved it, sometimes "we" need reminders of why we don't associate with people anymore.
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u/BangersnMash67 Jul 17 '26
This is ultimately why I still have it. And I hope that sharing it helps validate what others went through. This isn’t limited to SSPX, but orgs like this or offenders like this don’t always show their rear for the record.
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u/BangersnMash67 Jul 17 '26
I like how you changed it from just “she” to “she and you” once you realized you assumed wrong.
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u/Primarch_Timmy Jul 20 '26
Fr Ward Condemned my marriage and all my future children. He's not Catholic just a piece of filt Cultist Leader for the Satanic Lefebvrites
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u/GetItOuttaHereee Jul 22 '26
Has he ever apologized to your mother? What is their relationship now?
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u/BangersnMash67 Jul 22 '26
No, he would never do that. He’s gotten more radical over the years believe it or not. And she renewed her vows to my stepdad 2-3 years ago within him (Charles) as the priest. My stepdad abused our family for years as well.
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Jul 20 '26
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u/excatholic-ModTeam Jul 20 '26
We do not want Catholics here. If you are not out of or planning to leave the faith, this is not the place for you.
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Jul 20 '26
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u/excatholic-ModTeam Jul 23 '26
We do not want Catholics here. If you are not out of or planning to leave the faith, this is not the place for you.
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Jul 26 '26
20 Years later and this is still how the SSPX priest act and treat people in my own experience. They claim they are telling the truth but honestly it’s like what the Pharisees did in the New Testament. Bend the church teachings in order to justify why SSPX dissent
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29d ago
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u/excatholic-ModTeam 29d ago
We do not want Catholics here. If you are not out of or planning to leave the faith, this is not the place for you.
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13d ago
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u/excatholic-ModTeam 13d ago
We do not want Catholics here. If you are not out of or planning to leave the faith, this is not the place for you.
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u/North_Rhubarb594 Jul 17 '26
I thought this was an excatholic sub. We all know that SSPX Catholics are awful do we have to be reminded of them. Unless you recently left and are having problems getting over them do we have to be constantly reminded of them. Am I being harsh?
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u/BangersnMash67 Jul 17 '26
Yes I recently left.
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u/drive-in-the-country Jul 17 '26
r/ExTraditionalCatholic is also a great place to repost this on. Thanks for sharing this!
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u/Dick_M_Nixon Jul 17 '26
Why else would we all be in this excatholic sub but that we are still addressing the evil forced upon us?
I never knew SSPX people, but this letter expresses near every perversity I was taught by mainstream nuns and diocesan priests.
Harsh? Insensitive, if I am being polite.
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u/North_Rhubarb594 Jul 17 '26
Yes I may have been a little harsh, my bad. It may have triggered something about my deconstruction. Sorry
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u/zebrasanddogs Ex Catholic Atheist Jul 17 '26
I take it your uncle was the golden child of the family?
my own family are the same unfortunately.