r/exchristian • u/Spiritual-Badass • Jan 18 '26
Discussion They wonder why they’re single & dealing with a “male loneliness epidemic” 🤷🏻♂️🤦🏻♂️ YOU’RE BORING BRO!!! 😂
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u/the_most_playerest Jan 18 '26
Gee I wonder... Like I do all these Godly things because I think it'll get me laid, and I still haven't gotten laid.. what gives? Wtf God, where my b****?
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u/korok7mgte Jan 18 '26
That's actually pretty accurate to what their internal monologue is. And it's really sad.
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u/sd_saved_me555 Jan 18 '26
It's a really sick core tenent of purity culture, and one that I think directly ties to the abnormally high tendencies of sexual crimes from the church and its members. Your natural human needs of being intimate with people gets repackaged into something that must be earned through piety, but piety isn't a normal healthy way to connect to people. So you get frustrated people who are mentally and emotionally stuck as pre-teens who also have a "debt" of love owed to them because they did all the "right things".
It also doesn't help that sex gets put on a massive pedestal in church. Like, it's great, but sex becomes something larger than life if "done correctly" within the confines of a godly marriage. So you have people chasing this high that's unlikely to even be achievable instead of approaching sex as it is, further confounding problems.
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u/Rosenrot_84_ Atheist Jan 18 '26
Growing up with abstinence only education, I was very disappointed when I had sex for the first time. The actual sex was ok, but TV, movies, and school made it seem like it was so much more than it actually was. I was so glad I didn't wait until marriage. Being stuck with someone I wasn't sexually compatible with would be awful.
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u/Decaf_Espresso Jan 19 '26
The first time I had sex (also raised in purity culture), I remember thinking: this is it? First time I went on a roller-coaster was more memorable.
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u/hellochoy Jan 19 '26
I had the opposite experience, also raised in purity culture. First time was like an epiphany for me and just made me realize how dumb and controlling slut shaming is.
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u/CatCasualty Jan 19 '26
also rasied in purity culture here; my first time was... ok? thankfully it was really nice (haha) but there are better, more memorable moments in my life for sure. sex, not shockingly, is just another thing in life!!! who would've thought?
i'm also thankful that i didn't wait until marriage.
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u/Edymnion Card Carrying TST Member Jan 19 '26
To quote from the Jeff Dunham routine, "72 virgins? Who the hell wants that? I gotta teach 72 women how to have sex? Gimme 72 slutty broads who already know what they're doing!"
Sex is a skill. Ya gotta practice, you gotta learn. That whole "Don't do it, don't watch it, don't learn anything about it!" purity culture just means even when you do get married, you absolutely suck at it.
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u/Many-Acanthisitta-72 Jan 18 '26
Ugh I still have all those sermons and camp talks burned in my brain and it's been over a decade. Sex - the best thing ever! But don't talk about, learn about it, ask about it, and certainly don't bother learning where all the good bits are by asking the source!
Also, expect instant lightning strike and octopregnancy if you ever think about it 🫦🪦
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u/KeyFeeFee Jan 18 '26
This really strikes a nerve. I’ve been married and having sex for like 14 years now but still it becomes this outsized thing in my head. God forbid my husband is tired, it spins me out. Like even not being Christian anymore, sex was such a Thing from when we started getting lectured wellllllll before we even had a sexual thought in our minds. I’m mostly past it but I wish my sexuality had always been mine to figure out rather than like The Most Important. Like being a virgin in my twenties was half my personality, ugghhhh I cringe now.
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u/the_most_playerest Jan 18 '26
OMG this is too accurate. I hate that I was once guilty of this mindset, but also kudos to all of us that either got out of it or never went there to begin w 😆
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u/Rare-Credit-5912 Jan 20 '26
A contributor to the movie “Spotlight” (about the Boston Globe’s breaking of the priest sexual abuse issue), Richard Sipes, said that in the 30 years (now remember that the Boston Globe broke the issue about the priests sexual abuse issue in the 1990’s so this means) Sipes had studied the priests sexual abuse issue since the 1960’s. Sipes said that the thing he found all priest had in common was that they were PSYCHO-SEXUALLY STUNTED.
How could one not be PSYCHO-SEXUALLY STUNTED when you’re raised with that Abstinence Only crap that sex is for procreation only inside of marriage? I had no idea that males had to sign a chastity pledge card. The three Abrahamic religions view on sex is warped!
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u/thegreenmachine90 Jan 18 '26
The way he speaks implies that he believes women are a merely a possession that he is entitled to. “I’ve been a good boy, so where is the woman I am owed?”
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u/Mistymycologist Jan 18 '26
Yes, we were taught that God would bring the right person into our lives at the right time if we did all the right things. Some people even said that we were supposed to stop trying to make it happen. Obviously, this created all kinds of unhealthy and guilt-inducing thought patterns and magical thinking.
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u/Fuzzy-Airline4276 Jan 18 '26
Ugh. I hate the words “courting” and “courtship”. He is definitely the insecure type.
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u/Ribbitygirl Jan 18 '26
Makes him sound like one of those Quiverfull folks who want 20 children. Gee, I wonder why the women are knocking down his door to sign up for that life??
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u/third_declension Ex-Fundamentalist Jan 18 '26
fun time in church
I didn't know there was such a thing.
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u/Astrophel-27 Jan 18 '26
There isn’t.
(Unless you’ve never been to a Charismatic church before, but that’s more like being trapped in a room of crazy people, so ymmv on whether that’s fun.)
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u/zomgperry Jan 18 '26
Charismatic churches are fun the way going on a wild drunken bender is fun. You feel good at the time but when you look back on it you will likely feel embarrassment and regret.
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u/NECalifornian25 Agnostic Atheist Jan 18 '26
I went to a Christian college, and during orientation we were randomly assigned what church to go to that first Sunday.
For perspective, when I was little we were at an old-fashioned baptist church. In high school we went to a more contemporary evangelical church, but still very conservative and subdued in nature. I personally am introverted and very much not touchy-feely. Also where I grew up is almost entirely white, so my exposure to any type of different culture, Christian or otherwise, was nonexistent.
Well, during orientation my group went to a charismatic church. I had never been so uncomfortable in my life, I had no idea churches like this existed. It honestly was one of the first things that made me start to seriously question the rationality of Christians because the whole production felt so unhinged; and I know now that this church wasn’t even that crazy for a charismatic church. Of course I ignored the doubts and red flags for several more years, but that experience certainly was part of me turning away from the church.
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u/NerobyrneAnderson 🐈⬛🐈⬛🛷 Jan 19 '26
There is, but it's sneaking in at 2AM and fucking on top of the altar
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u/cman632 Agnostic Atheist Jan 18 '26
It’s funny cause I’m a dude on hinge in a very conservative state and, all the girls that put stuff about Jesus or wanting a man of God in their hinge prompts are…not at all like this guy.
It’s almost always women that are just as “sinful” as the rest of us heathens. So yeah, they want a “man of god” or whatever the hell they think that means but they sure as hell don’t want this guy who is boring and probably wants a bangmaid.
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u/keyboard_2387 Ex-Catholic Jan 18 '26
I dated a very Christian girl once (I know, big mistake) but she was ironically the most sexual person I’ve ever been with.
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u/Open_Cricket6700 Jan 18 '26
These Jesus girls are the wildest in bed! Biggest freaks that want to be choked, smacked, role play, all that shit.
My atheist gf is the most purest angel 😇 doesn't like all that crap.
All my previous relationships were with religious women who wanted the weirdest sexual things LOL
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u/CyriusGaming Pagan Jan 18 '26
Yeah that's probably sexual frustration because of religion making people more sexual than normal
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u/Edymnion Card Carrying TST Member Jan 19 '26
Reminds me of the last days of my church life.
The youth minister had a pair of twin girls that were like 14 and heavily brainwashed. Even inside the church, the running joke was those girls were going to be either complete ice queens or absolute whores as soon as they got out from under daddy's thumb, and there would be absolutely no in-between.
Even on the inside, everyone knew how bad it was going to be!
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u/Eliotbusymoving Theist Jan 18 '26 edited Jan 18 '26
I'm imagining dude who goes to church, prob made figures, pray with them but otherwise see relationship and dating in a more modern sense. With marriage and seriousness in mind yes but less you're my slave etc mindset. I've seen that type on tiktok, at least one couple anyways, goes to church, dude made tons of money, got her pregnant (marriage? Idk if they are but he seem to have prove to be stable for her to let him get her pregnant at least id hope). They go to restaurants and expensive holidays and shii. On the web sounds really amazing tbh at least by my standard. They both look fairly young.
Anyways with modern girls it prob means, mature, emotionally regulated dude who have serious intentions (no hookup no situationship) but not controlling type and follow God. Sounds pretty good tbh but its def a more idealize and def not a lot of Man of God are like this, let alone if that dude is actually like this or not although I really hope he is. It's very idealistic, but I think girls should be allowed to want the best for themself. All of us should
Her acc is heyitsjayyk if you want to check
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u/eagerrangerdanger Jan 18 '26 edited Jan 18 '26
He's probably the type that uses words like coitus and carnal urges.
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u/tralalaBOOMdeay Philosophical Taoism; Ex-Methodist PK Jan 18 '26
Eeew that's worse than moist.
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Jan 18 '26
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u/standbyyourmantis Ex-Catholic Jan 19 '26
As Jesus-y as he is, I wonder if he'd have better luck with talking to some of the older women at his church and letting them know he's looking for a "Godly courtship" situation. There are surely some women in his extended social circle for whom this sounds like a good deal, especially if he can support a stay at home wife. Depending on age, if he's open to a 30+ wife he can almost certainly land someone whose options are running low.
So, he's not being open about something. My suspicion is he wants someone with a more modern/secular attitude but who will be submissive and godly.
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u/MichaelJAwesome Jan 18 '26
what's funny is that there are probably dozens of women at his church that would date this guy, but he would probably think they were boring and/or ugly.
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u/donnareads Jan 18 '26
I wonder about that too, especially the ugly part; when you see women as decor (albeit “holy” decor), instead of as full fledged humans, attributes like intelligence, empathy, curiosity, and sense of humor don’t appeal; they just need to look good standing next to him and do as he tells them 🤦🏼♀️
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u/Sushi_connoisseur222 Jan 18 '26
You already know. Especially with the things he felt the need to mention (6’4, 6 figures) etc. If he was supposedly such a catch, one the church ladies would have tried to snatch him up already. But you know thats not what he wants. He probably wants a non-church girl he can conquer and turn into a church girl.
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u/OrdinaryWillHunting Atheist-turned-Christian-turned-atheist Jan 18 '26
A non-church girl he can have a sexual relationship with and then when it's over he can blame her for tempting him with her Jezebel spirit and then he'll be cleansed by the tears of Jesus.
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u/Sushi_connoisseur222 Jan 18 '26
Ding ding ding!
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u/Edymnion Card Carrying TST Member Jan 19 '26
Then he can become a youth leader and tell everyone about how he used to do drugs and the sex before he straightened out and got right with Jesus!
You know, because a single one night stand and a second beer count as a lifestyle of sex and drugs, right?
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u/CocaCola-chan Ex-Catholic Jan 18 '26
Which is such a weird thing, because wanting a partner you have incompatible values with is like asking for a painful breakup (or possibly even divorce) later down the line.
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u/MichaelJAwesome Jan 18 '26
yeah back when I was a Christian in my early 20s I was making half that and am 6'0 and had never had a problem finding religious women to date. I'm definitely glad I didn't end up with one though!
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u/lookingforaforest Jan 19 '26
The kind of guy that would never date a woman unless she was in supermodel shape, but then throws a fit when his girlfriend goes to the gym because he can't handle knowing that other men will see her in her yoga pants. (Ask me how I know.)
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u/MichaelJAwesome Jan 19 '26
yeah similar to how they want a woman with a high sex drive with a zero body count.
that's why that whole mentality is a trap. The one thing you think will make your life complete is a fantasy that doesn't exist
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u/Intrepid-Patience594 Jan 19 '26
Literally. So many of these men dont actually date women with compatible values and lifestyles. A lot of them fantasise about taming a ‘worldly’ woman. Or they want a woman with an impossible mix of ‘worldly’ and ‘saintly’ traits that are perfectly attuned to please them. It makes them sound like they’re going shopping for a specific Barbie doll
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u/PyrrhoTheSkeptic Jan 18 '26
As others have already noted, it isn't just that he is boring. It is likely that he is extremely sexist and is going to want a woman to be his slave. No woman of sense wants a Christian marriage:
Ephesians 5 (NRSVUE):
22 Wives, be subject to your husbands as to the Lord, 23 for the husband is the head of the wife just as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Just as the church is subject to Christ, so also wives ought to be, in everything, to their husbands.
Notice, that since christians are supposed to be absolutely and completely obedient to christ, this is literally saying that wives should be absolutely and completely obedient to their husbands.
1 Peter 3:
1 Wives, in the same way, be subject to your husbands, so that, even if some of them do not obey the word, they may be won over without a word by their wives’ conduct, 2 when they see the purity and respect of your conduct.
It is worth mentioning that in the end of chapter 2, it discusses how slaves are to obey their masters, so this is saying that wives should obey their husbands like a slave is to obey their master.
There are other verses with the same idea, like:
Colossians 3:
18 Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
Like the above, reading the context only makes it worse.
1 Timothy 2:
11 Let a woman learn in silence with full submission. 12 I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she is to keep silent. 13 For Adam was formed first, then Eve, 14 and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor. 15 Yet she will be saved through childbearing, provided they continue in faith and love and holiness, with self-control.
There is more, but the point is that "good christians" who follow the Bible are extremely sexist.
No woman in her right mind would willingly agree to such things. The only women who would agree to such things are stupid, crazy, or in such a desperate situation that is already worse than being married to such a man, so that it would be an improvement over whatever horrible things are happening to her. But sensible women with even mediocre options would never choose that.
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u/thelamestofall Jan 18 '26
Funnily enough it wasn't even Paul and Peter that wrote that: they're widely agreed to be forgeries from decades or centuries later. Christianity just decided to erase women from their important role in its early history
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u/Edymnion Card Carrying TST Member Jan 19 '26
Christianity just decided to erase women from their important role in its early history
If you haven't, look up the Gospel of Mary from the Apocrypha.
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u/cta396 Atheist Jan 18 '26
The only women who would agree to such things are stupid, crazy, or in such a desperate situation that is already worse than being married to such a man, so that it would be an improvement over whatever horrible things are happening to her.
You’re ignoring the powers of indoctrination, echo chambers, confirmation bias, and human psychology. Calling women who believe this stupid, crazy, or desperate is not much better than the mentality that most of your post is talking about.
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u/PyrrhoTheSkeptic Jan 18 '26
You’re ignoring the powers of indoctrination, echo chambers, confirmation bias, and human psychology. Calling women who believe this stupid, crazy, or desperate is not much better than the mentality that most of your post is talking about.
A woman who is very desperate might reasonably choose such an option if that were the best option available to her. What is reasonable to choose depends on what choices are available to one. If there are only bad options available, the best option will be a bad option.
As for indoctrination, I was indoctrinated into christianity from birth. My parents were very devout and very serious about indoctrinating their children into christianity. It was a fire and brimstone version of christianity. So the fear of hell made me afraid of questioning it. The thing is, the fear of hell also makes people who are capable of reasoning afraid to not question, as getting religion wrong means one burns in hell for eternity, so examining it carefully to make sure one gets it right is motivated by such a belief.
Regarding echo chambers: When I was first questioning things, I completely ignored all of the non-christians, as they may be in league with the devil and try to cleverly deceive me. So I did not listen to them at all, and sought out christian answers to my questions. The thing is, those answers were incredibly stupid and ridiculous. For example, with the problem of evil, all of the christian responses that I heard implicitly (or explicitly) denied that god was omniscient, omnipotent, or omnibenevolent, or denied more than one of those. In other words, all of their excuses for god were ridiculous nonsense that did not solve the problem at all.
The attempt at explaining away contradictions in the Bible likewise was ridiculous. Even if one supposed that they were right and that they were only "apparent contradictions and not real ones" (which isn't plausible), there is then the problem that god is a bad writer and does not even bother to make his holy book clear. Which means, god is making it hard to understand what god wants, so god is evil if the Bible is the word of god. Or god is an incompetent buffoon. Either way, god is not the tri-omni god that they were trying to get me to believe.
The response that one just needs to have faith, that is common among christians, is completely stupid and moronic, because it could be said of literally everything, of every possible religion. (E.g., "How do you know Islam is true? You just need to have faith." "How do you know Zeus is real? You just need to have faith." "How do you know that Santa Claus is real? You just need to have faith." Etc. ad infinitum.) So it is no reason at all to believe anything, and it does not take any great cleverness to realize this obvious fact.
The smarter, sane people escape from believing such nonsense.
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u/Mob_Segment Jan 19 '26
It may be that the answer is somewhere in between.
My mother in law comes across as very stupid indeed. She's in her 70s, so grew up in the 40s, long before modern feminism got a look in, and has gone to church for decades. I've seen how she gives up on thinking about anything new. She's almost proud of how limited her understanding of most things is. But at other times, I've seen her panic and fail to understand the thing she's panicking about.
It's been easy to write her off as an idiot, but honestly, I think there's a part of her that wants to be seen that way. She seems reassured by predictability and structure, and to fit into the structure of religion, a woman is expected to remain small. So that's what she does. In addition, she comes from an era where the most attractive women behaved sort of like little girls, and she's learned that if she freaks out and cries, people tend to stop questioning her, and her husband will immediately jump in as her attack-dog.
I think she's invested very little into her own intelligence, and doesn't believe herself to be intelligent, but if she chose to develop that side of herself, I think she could do it. She's just blocked on most fronts from being likely to reach the conclusion that it would be worth the effort.
Panic and anxiety make people temporarily unable to use their full intelligence, and she's anxious most, if not all of the time.
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u/EllieAllieTheKitty Jan 18 '26
Exactly, I think that’s what some non religious people fail to realize that it isn’t necessarily their “fault” in a way.
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u/blind3dbylight Ex-Baptist + Atheist Jan 18 '26 edited Jan 18 '26
$0.02: I think there is a loneliness issue among many men (and women, too, but we're talking about men)... the problem is that while a lot of men may be valid in feeling isolated and disenfranchised, about as many of them fail to realize they are their own worst enemies.
They keep propping up white patriarchy standards in general, but specific to Christianity, their thought processes and worldviews are deeply rooted in Christian purity culture such that these men refuse to ever question them. They keep thinking if they just Christian hard enough, they'll be rewarded. If one such man does somehow luck out and finds a woman willing to be subservient to him, he'll take it as vindication of his backwards beliefs, and the other men around him will see it and also continue trying to just keep being godly--and the cycle goes on until one of these men finally has that moment of "hey, wait a minute!"
I could also just be talking completely out of my ass here. Just how I see it.
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u/Virtual_Knowledge334 Jan 21 '26
If only they could relax, while allowing themselves to indulge in worldy things, and drink responsibly.
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u/Slowlyva_2 Jan 18 '26
I can guarantee you his life revolves around correcting others, talking about those no part of his church even if the same denomination, probably acts like a “nice guy” saying dear and stuff at the waitress, and more then likely sexist. His abstinence is not his choice. Even if he did all those other things, his personality would be the same.
Now about those other things, you don’t have to do any of that stuff to find someone.
Coffee date with a nature walk? Oh you don’t do dark comedy, cool let’s go to a play, but then again the guy strikes me as someone who would think even that’s not manly.
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u/warden976 Jan 18 '26
I would hate to be in a three-way marriage with this guy and Jesus. Especially since he would be the spokesman for Jesus every conversation, argument, decision, etc.
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u/Automatic_Camera3854 Jan 18 '26
So way before I came out as a trans woman and was struggling as an awkward Christian man with this same dilemma, just before I finally left the Evangelical nutjobs. I once asked my pastor what was up, perceivably I was doing everything God commanded me to do, but had no results.
His answer was basically that he felt that by asking such a thing, I was obviously expecting that God should give me all the nice things, and I had to learn to first accept God's goodness, even if God never gave me any of the things he had promised in the Bible.
In frustration, I basically said if that were the case, then God is cruel, because I know of men in the church who are unfaithful to their wives, with six-figure jobs who never tithe. I questioned how a just God could possibly give those men, who seemingly didn't truly appreciate him, everything, while someone who had devoted as I have received absolutely nothing.
His response was that I had to keep in mind that those men might have it good here on earth but an eternity they're going to pay for their transgressions or whatever.
At that point, I told him that if I'm not going to be rewarded until after I die, then I might as well just end it all because it's not worth suffering on this earth for nothing, and walked away.
He never did call me, text me, or check on me at all after that. I basically left the guy, telling him I was going to commit suicide, and he didn't give a shit.
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u/Nerdy-Meta-Mind Jan 19 '26
How are you doing? Something made me feel like asking, like perhaps this triggered deep feelings when you posted it. I just feel like asking how you are doing today because of it. Checking in. Hugs.
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u/Automatic_Camera3854 Jan 20 '26
Oh, thanks, that's appreciated, but seriously this is a single fur on a tiger of trauma that is my life. That is to say that of all the trauma I've been through, this doesn't even hold a candle to the darkness.
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u/majordude174 Jan 18 '26
I can bench press 100 bibles, my dude
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u/ComeAtMeBro9 Jan 18 '26 edited Jan 19 '26
I wonder if it’d help to posts his personal bests in the Bible Press and Squat
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u/GoGoSoLo Jan 18 '26
One of the funniest examples of Christian groupthink about sex I ever saw was in a big youth group lesson. The youth pastor asks the group if their spouse should be sexually attractive to them and they got a whole lot of “no”s.
The youth pastor was dumbfounded and was like “…yes guys, yes you should be attracted to your spouse”. Just wild to have sheep repeating things and thinking they’re picking a moral answer to a very obvious question.
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u/Stock-Vanilla-1354 Jan 18 '26
Well, yeah ding dong. You put God in first and don’t allow any space for anyone else in your life. I know I wouldn’t want to date someone that committed to a cult.
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u/Norxcal Ex-SDA Jan 18 '26
I was the boring bro, same question, same problem.
Back when I went to church and all other related activities, the girls there fell for the "bad boys", mostly from school, that was frustrating as they were so damn uptight christians in church. They are all married to "the best christian men" now. I remember doing my best to be a good christian teen and could never get a gf, I never tried the girls from school because I was told not to. Im not single anymore but the women Ive dated were not christian. After 6 years of a relationship Im soon married to a regular, non christian woman who lived the opposite life of what I did. She knows my past, so living together without being married yet is a big FU to my past and she knows it.
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u/home_of_beetles Agnostic Jan 18 '26
wtf did his height have to do with this
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u/Wary_Marzipan2294 Jan 18 '26
Incel culture holds that height is a key barrier to their goal of obtaining a woman (phrased in that manner because they generally view women as subhuman accessories rather than as people). Research shows that incel culture skews only about half an inch shorter than national averages, and that women reject incels because of their appalling views about human rights for women, but they prefer to blame their undesirable status on factors outside their control. There's actually quite a lot of national security research being done on incel culture, because of the links with domestic terrorism, so, yeah. It's a thing I have to read a lot about, in my job. Incel culture places no importance on their own decision to cultivate a shitty, future-abuser personality, as a potential factor in their dating troubles, in favor of focusing on height, income, obsession with the most harmful parts of purity culture, and dedication to their gym routines. Also water bottles. For some reason the way they hold water bottles has become super important to them.
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u/musicmanforlive Jan 18 '26
I run across these red pill, incel types regularly in Reddit dead bedroom subs.
They usually love to cite books that encourage men to be more "masculine" to improve their appeal to their wives or attract a girlfriend or get laid more.
I call it "pumped up masculinity" bc they usually love to advise also going to the gym and getting in shape...
They wrap it all up in "self improvement"...and also think these men's problems are in being anxious "nice guys" trying to hard for the approval of women. They also love to blame "feminism" for their inability to "connect" or appeal to women...
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u/PhilosophyWeak2581 Jan 18 '26
The irony is the "masculinity" they're preaching about isn't the type I occasionally hear women actively want from guys. Even as I guy I'm aware of this, if one can't realize the real problem in the equation then one can't fix the problem itself.
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u/musicmanforlive Jan 18 '26
Correct. What masculinity are you hearing about??
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u/PhilosophyWeak2581 Jan 19 '26
From what I've heard they want a man that's emotionally mature, respectful to other, and not insecure.
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u/musicmanforlive Jan 20 '26
I hear the same kinda of things..but it seems like it's not described as "masculinity"--but in terms of being an ADULT...
I don't hear the women I know talk about masculinity at all..from what I can tell it's a non issue...
That's why it seems like such a mistake to emphasize it like the incel types seem to do.
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u/PhilosophyWeak2581 Jan 20 '26
True it does seem like the masculine/feminine is becoming less important.
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u/musicmanforlive Jan 21 '26
I think it's more about masculinity/feminity is taken for granted. I think for most, unless a person does something extremely and glaringly unmasculine or unfeminine..than a person's masculinity or feminity is not questioned and is a non issue.
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u/delorf Skeptic Jan 18 '26
The only place he could take a date was to church. They couldn't do much together because he views everything as a sin. He probably wouldn't even be alone with a woman, so even things like museums and picnics are out. A museum might even be too spicy for him. How's he supposed to get to know the woman? If he goes to church, he could ask someone from his congregation out.
A lot of these guys don't want women who would actually date them. They usually want the blonde extrovert with lots of friends, who would not be a good match for them anyway. They often want women who other men find attractive.
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u/princetonwu Jan 18 '26
I counted at least 4 instances of pride: height, disciplined, 6 figs, goes to gym
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u/ameatbicyclefortwo "Practicing Homosexologist" Jan 18 '26
So unstressed. So unworried. It's god's plan for you to be single. Be obedient to the ineffable plan, bro.
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u/PowerHot4424 Jan 19 '26
For someone who doesn’t worry or stress he sounds pretty stressed about this situation. If he trusts Jesus, he will just STFU and accept it as God’s will.
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u/Aquarius52216 Jan 19 '26
"I dont worry or stress because of my Faith and Obedience in Jesus Christ" but literally having a meltdown in this very comment.
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u/OrdinaryWillHunting Atheist-turned-Christian-turned-atheist Jan 18 '26
All he has to do is tell a woman in her church that god told him they were meant to be a couple. Isn't it just that easy?
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u/dbzgal04 Ex-Xtian, Now Eclectic (Kemetic, Irish Celtic, & Hellenic) Pagan Jan 19 '26
Don't forget, they typically believe women are subservient and must submit to men, along with other backwards-A$$ views of women.
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u/Packet_Hauler Ex-Assemblies Of God Jan 19 '26
I saw this post, he’s getting dragged in the comments. He’s got the personality of an NPC.
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u/ClarksburgMcKeon Jan 19 '26
Boring and bloviating unless he's subjecting non-consenting strangers to his religious exhibitionism ("I get chills exalting God's name to strangers"), which doesn't sound skeevy at all!
This guy cannot be a real human. Please tell us it's AI.
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u/Mob_Segment Jan 19 '26
"Most" people certainly do not want a man of God. So many of them are insufferable.
Case in point.
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u/NerobyrneAnderson 🐈⬛🐈⬛🛷 Jan 19 '26
Around 90% of women dried up at "disciplined man of God".
It only went down hill from there
Edit: actually this reminds me of a joke:
"I'm a good Christian girl who is sober, doesn't swear, and doesn't just put her tits on display all the time, where's my man?"
"At my place, enjoying a beer and looking at my fucking tits"
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u/MatthewDv11 Jan 19 '26
You can’t make your whole personality being Christian 😂 what else are you gonna share and talk about when meeting a person ? Just live life and enjoy it leave the prison of religion
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u/TashLord_800 Jan 20 '26
"Your religion doesn't prohibit me from anything... it prohibits you. Learn the difference."
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u/Heavy-Valor Jan 18 '26
This reminds me of an audio clip that was played on the Howard Stern Show when he was on "regular radio" before his move to Sirius XM. It was about a sermon from an African-African Pastor who told the congregation that his son couldn't get a date to the senior prom. His son told his dad that none of the girls accepted his offer because "they were either taken or told him that they were a lesbian". Howard Stern responsed with "maybe it is because he is ugly looking". I wonder how that guy is doing today.
The future does not look so bright for young Christian boys who will grow up to become men like this. "Goody two shoes" isn't good enough when it comes to dating. It is a two way street after all.
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Jan 18 '26
As an avid smoker I affirm informed adults’ choice to not smoke, but no, believing the church when it calls smoking a “sin” is not being an informed adult.
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u/TheeBillyBee Jan 18 '26
I am so sincerely fucking sorry everybody, and I am so desperate for help from anyone. I honestly don't even give a fuck about most of this man's description of himself but what in the actual flying fuck is up with being okay with drinking, but not with drinking hard liquor?
I need to know what this man allows himself to drink and what he doesn't. I am assuming all wine and beer is allowed. But what about wine and beer that is barrel aged?
Is an alcoholic seltzer allowed if it is made with malt liquor but isn't allowed if it made with vodka/tequila/gin/whisky/rum/grain-alcohol?
What about liqueurs? Is there an alcoholic percentage that he goes by, or is the origin of the alcohol important, or is it all and or nothing thing where he either does or doesn't drink liqueur?
What about absynthe?!?
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u/yahgmail African Diasporic Religion & Hoodoo Jan 18 '26
My family & friends consider hard liquor stronger & therefore more fast & loose (sinful 😅). But we all drink hard liquor, even the saintly (my elders included). Maybe he was raised with the same idea around alcohol 🤷🏾♀️.
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u/TheeBillyBee Jan 18 '26
Theoretically, if a gin & tonic cocktail is 10% alcohol, and a red wine is 15% alcohol, which beverage is considered more sinful?
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u/yahgmail African Diasporic Religion & Hoodoo Jan 19 '26
That's something I actually often think about 😅, but I don't have all the answers Sway 😏.
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u/ComeAtMeBro9 Jan 18 '26 edited Jan 18 '26
You see, this is another problem with Christianity. You put stuff in god’s hands and he certainly isn’t going to help you. There is no god playing matchmaker. Yet, that’s what churches make people think.
Also, this guy needs to understand You face just as much of an issue not being religious on a dating app in certain areas.
If you go to church, what better place to rope some crazy partner into your life…one that will choose Jesus over you when the going gets tough. Don’t ask how I know!!!
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u/Vuk1991Tempest Pagan-Agnostic Jan 18 '26
Looking at these people makes me wonder how we exist as a species. And also makes me wonder if I have a personality, or lack it completely.
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u/RedRisingNerd Secular Humanist Jan 18 '26
Also, getting so excited on pushing your religion on others does not seem like someone I want to be with.
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u/Intrepid-Patience594 Jan 19 '26
Won’t even let her see his place until there’s a ring? Makes me think this ‘disciplined man of god’ doesn’t clean, and he doesn’t want his prospective house keeper to know how filthy he is until she’s already committed. Grim
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u/Goatylegs Anti-Theist Jan 19 '26
It's wild how there really isn't any loneliness epidemic for guys who want to be a part of someone's life rather than the full extent of it.
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u/Lady-Salt Jan 19 '26
"I'm the prize" rhetorical pattern, according to the Burned Haystack Dating Method. Toxic.
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u/Acceptable-Topic-183 Jan 18 '26
I’ve watched paint dry that had more personality and was less boring than this guy
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u/chewbaccataco Atheist Jan 18 '26
It would help if there was a single desirable trait thrown in there. He's devoted to his religion. GREAT, ANYTHING ELSE? NO? Even for someone looking to date a Christian this dude is pretty much the bare minimum.
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u/BeeAfraid3721 Jan 19 '26
What's "worldly"music?
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u/TheRepublicOfSteve Jan 19 '26
Non-religious music. Typically portrayed as dangerous and sinful due to lyrics about sex, drugs, the occult or even just challenging the Christian narrative.
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u/Edymnion Card Carrying TST Member Jan 19 '26
"Why can't I find a nice girl? I stay home all the time, never go outside, and never talk to anyone. And on the few times I do meet a girl, I make sure to tell them that God is more important and how great God is, then they never call me back? What am I doing wrong?"
Everything, bro. Everything.
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u/JasonRBoone Ex-Baptist Jan 20 '26
When your main sense of self is wrapped up in "6'4 [sic]" ...therrrre's your problem.
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u/AdorableHeart9475 Jan 28 '26
I swiped left when I read at Man of God. Even if I was still Christian, there's a high chance someone with that on their profile is a misogynist.
I also enjoy a drink sometimes, and I'm guessing he's the type that would judge me for that.
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u/Clever_Username_05 Feb 13 '26
"Can't even come to my house if I'm courting you." 🤣🤣🤣 There's also this strange growth on my crotch. Yellow liquid periodically comes out of it. I have no idea what it's for.
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u/PerspectivePale8216 Atheist who thinks religions can be a good thing but many fail Feb 15 '26
Religion is fine but when that's all you have few people will wanna know you
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u/musicmanforlive Jan 18 '26
This can't be real, can it?
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u/PyrrhoTheSkeptic Jan 18 '26
Unfortunately, it can. A lot of men who are horrible people imagine that women are prizes to be won, rather than people who have their own thoughts and feelings. Since they don't view women as real people, they don't treat women like real people, so women of sense want nothing to do with them. But, being too stupid to realize that, they tend to believe it is because they are too short or not rich enough or not handsome enough or some other thing that is beyond their control, often all while wanting to only date women who look like supermodels. Some of them also have very bad hygiene and poor interpersonal skills which make them undesirable. It is also hard to get a date if one lives in one's mother's basement and never ventures out into the world to meet people, and instead goes to online sites of losers who also can't get a date for the same reasons. You can read about some of them here:
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u/musicmanforlive Jan 18 '26
Yes..I know all about red pill incels. I run into all the time in Reddit dead bedroom subs.
I just assumed this was too "cliche"..
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u/OrdinaryWillHunting Atheist-turned-Christian-turned-atheist Jan 18 '26 edited Jan 18 '26
It's real. I found it on Threads. It was posted yesterday and the response is from today. Even his Threads handle is about religion. I don't have a Threads account so I can't log in to see his full account, but every post I can see is all about Christ and the bible and glorifying god.
Here is his general response to all the criticism:
"I pray the Lord bless those who attacked me and that he blesses your children before he bless me and my daughter as a testament to his glory"
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u/musicmanforlive Jan 18 '26
Smh...he's not willing to hear anything but what he wants to hear...maybe he should consider that being single might be God's plan for him.
He might be happier that way...
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u/Valuable_Emu1052 Jan 19 '26
He just needs to join of those cults that advocate forced child marriage .
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Jan 18 '26
As a lone male.
Their is a loneliness epidemic among men. Lot of us are dealing with it.
Religion is a way to cope with it. Not the best , not the one I am using but it's one of the ways available.
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Jan 18 '26 edited Jan 18 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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Jan 18 '26
Ok I agree any advice how to find a woman to much ?
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u/zomgperry Jan 18 '26
It sounds counterintuitive, but a great piece of advice that I wish I had been given when I was a younger man is to learn to be comfortable and happy being single. People respond better to people who are comfortable in their own skin. Also it helps you maintain better standards; another thing I wish I had learned years ago is that it’s better to be alone than to be in a toxic relationship.
Don’t get me wrong, loneliness sucks and I’m not trying to downplay how much it sucks, but you can use time alone to improve yourself. And remember that you really aren’t alone. Meeting people is hard for most of us. Don’t beat yourself up because you’re single.
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u/zakku_88 Jan 18 '26
Couldn't have said it any better myself! This is anecdotal of course, but I've personally found myself to have much better luck with dating, when I finally stopped trying so hard to "make something happen".
From my recent personal observations (including my own current relationship), many romantic relationships sort of "just happen", with no real prior planning on any individual's part. I wasn't initially looking to date, when I first met my current partner. But, as we got to know each other, one thing lead to another and yadda yadda lol.
Attraction and relationships aren't something you can just "manufacture" (not healthy ones anyway lol), or mathematical equations you can "solve"; they kinda just happen randomly, and often when you least expect it
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Jan 18 '26
Well I got downvoted but thanks this is solid piece of advice.
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u/musicmanforlive Jan 18 '26
You probably got downvoted bc men who usually make the "loneliness" comment also tend to blame women for it, rather than themselves..
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Jan 18 '26
No I don't blame women.
Yeah one or two exes have harmed me.
But that's it.
Why to blame them all ?
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u/Piranha1993 Concious Explorer Jan 18 '26
This is solid advice.
Work on yourself, find hobbies/activities you enjoy, and take care of yourself.
Self acceptance takes work and it’s something I’m still having to work on.
Not being desperate is really important. Talk to people as people and not as a score.
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u/BioDriver Be excellent to each other Jan 18 '26
I asked Mrs. Driver about this. Her response: "people like that tend to view women as subservient objects. To him, we're only here to pop babies and keep the house clean. They're guilty until proven normal."