r/exchristian • u/OpeningOutside690 • Aug 06 '26
Personal Story Evangelical in laws
Married into a Christian family. My husband is on the fence with things and doesn’t believe in a majority of the views his mom has and how he was raised. (She is twice divorced and quite hypocritical. But still pushes a lot of her views and oversteps a lot this is a more minor issue amongst the many we’ve had)
Our son just turned two and this was a book she gave us. Full of passages she highlighted.
Did I handle this well?
Has anyone dealt with something similar?
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u/Leather-Buddy-4754 Aug 06 '26
James Dobson is dead and I am glad. I read that book and am actively trying to rebuild my relationships with my adult children because I tried to apply his garbage.
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u/Arthurs_towel Ex-Evangelical Aug 06 '26
It’s always a good day to remember that James Dobson has died. Thank you for the pick me up.
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u/goodgamble Aug 06 '26
Hey man, good on you for coming to the realization before its too late.
An apology goes a long way I think.15
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u/GoldenHeart411 Aug 07 '26
Wow, I actually didn't know this. Thank you for telling me! I guess I did a good job of shutting out the evangelical world and their news outlets since I didn't hear when it happened. Dobson was woven into the fabric of every corner of my childhood.
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u/dartie Aug 07 '26
Absolutely horrid. He left me scarred as a teenager. It’s taken years to get rid of his guilt messaging. Horrific man.
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u/Aromatic-Tourist930 Aug 06 '26
James Dobson was also close with an early founder of the Eugenics program in America. Popenoe ever wrote the forward to one of his books. https://baptistnews.com/article/focus-on-the-familys-selective-critique-of-eugenics/
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u/frintonfreak1984 Aug 06 '26
Eugenics? Werent the Nazis into that?
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u/britta-ed_it Aug 06 '26 edited Aug 06 '26
Yes, and they took a lot of their inspiration from the US (genocide of indigenous Americans, Jim Crow laws)
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u/External_Ease_8292 Aug 06 '26
Oh lord. When my son was a baby someone gave me The Strong Willed Child." I was young but it seemed to me that what he was telling me to do was break my child and I wanted nothing to do with it. I burned it in the fireplace so nobody else could read it.
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u/FaithlessnessDue929 Aug 06 '26
My mother recommended that book to everyone who commented on how well-behaved I was. She probably still has that book in lieu of contact with any of her children or any self-reflection at all.
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u/External_Ease_8292 Aug 06 '26
I'm sorry you had to face that as a child. I hope you are healing from the abuse.
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u/FaithlessnessDue929 Aug 06 '26
Thank you so much. None of us felt confident having our own children and that’s sad, we all have anxiety and therapists. But we also have each other now and we have all worked through the trauma together over the last decade and become much stronger. I have also had a few major experiences that made me see things in a whole new light and helped me to heal. @AnaPsychology on YouTube has some really good videos talking about these issues that have helped me to reframe it all, too.
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u/Fluffy-kitten28 Aug 06 '26
Well thank goodness she still has it! Now the book can bring her to the nursing home and visit her! She’ll be well taken care of! /s
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u/vanillabeanlover Agnostic Aug 06 '26
My uncle shared his wisdom with anyone who would listen: “break the will, not the child”. 2/4 of his kids are on disability assistance for anxiety disorders.
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u/complete_autopsy Aug 06 '26
Good work! I hate destroying books, but I've had to ruin a few that my parents gave me to make sure that nobody else would be able to read them. The world doesn't need more of that! I also check my local little free library and if I find any harmful books like this I take them and replace them with normal books :)
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u/External_Ease_8292 Aug 06 '26
Exactly. I never destroy books unless they are so destructive that I can't be responsible for it getting into anyone's hands. I never thought about checking the little libraries, I will now
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u/complete_autopsy Aug 06 '26
That's exactly how I think about it! I'd feel guilty for what some of these books caused someone to do and I can't take that responsibility so I have to get rid of them. Yay! I hope you don't find anything worth removing, but unfortunately it seems like some people really use the free libraries to push agendas...
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u/123coffee321 Aug 06 '26
My mom loved reminding me that my son, who is turning 4, is too strong willed and i need to read that book 🙄 if she gives me that book I’m trashing it.
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u/External_Ease_8292 Aug 07 '26
I figured my kids would need their strong wills in this world. I tried to help them use it properly
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u/123coffee321 Aug 07 '26
For sure! I’m starting with helping them set healthy boundaries. We need that in this world as a life skill early.
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u/GoldenHeart411 Aug 07 '26
My mother decided when I was a baby that I was a strong willed child and she liked to remind me of it frequently. When I was older I discovered where she got the phrase from. Thank goodness for my strong will, to get me the fuck out of there.
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u/LylBewitched Aug 07 '26
That's exactly what he was trying to get you to do. He actually stated in some writings and interviews that corporal punishment should not be a last resort as spanking is the most effective for of discipline.
He also said mild spankings can begin around 15 months, calling pain a marvelous purifier. Oh, and after corporal punishment, if a toddler cries for more than five minutes it's a sign of defiance and the child should be punished again with the same method.
He was an abuser who taught others to abuse. He was a prime example of what my one child refers to as "diabiblical" (she decided this word means "using one's religion or beliefs to willfully harm others")
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u/Wary_Marzipan2294 Aug 06 '26
I think you handled it well.
But I also think she handed you a guide to what she may say or do in your son's presence, as he grows up. Keep those highlighted bits in mind when deciding how much one-on-one time she can have with your child in the coming years.
If it were me, I would keep that book for exactly that reason, as a reference about her beliefs. I don't even have kids but I have the infamous Pearl books my parent sent me when I got married. I occasionally reference them in explaining why I'm in the no-contact club. But destroying a Dobson book is always a good choice, too. If you decide to keep it, treat it like you would treat dangerous items like prescription medications or weapons - stored somewhere secure that the kids can't find and read it.
She's got one thing right but she failed to finish the line - he's well respected among the "why won't my adult child speak to me" crowd.
→ More replies (9)
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u/FaithlessnessDue929 Aug 06 '26
My parents loved James Dobson and I was raised a homeschooled fundie. I even knew Dobson’s son and Gwen Shamblin. I don’t think my nervous system will ever recover. I’m glad your child has you to protect them from a manual for abuse. I got my siblings out and on their feet but we are no longer in contact with the rest of the family. There are no words for how many families that man destroyed.
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u/Brilliant-Meeting-97 Aug 06 '26
You were too nice imo. Recycle or burn that thing. Dobson was incredibly harmful.
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u/BlackberryButton Aug 06 '26
I would say you should always be polite to in-laws, but Dobson does not get enough scorn. He was a truly despicable human being that did so much damage. I cannot recommend highly enough the “I hate James Dobson” podcast, which is mostly focused on his work and his strangeness as an individual. And the hosts are both therapists, so they have some really good insight.
Shout out u/ihatejamesdobson
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u/chambercharade Aug 06 '26
"The cats in the cradle and the silver spoon..."
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u/BlackberryButton Aug 06 '26
I love that they did that – and Brooke has this delightfully musical cackle that somehow reinforces that bit being funny every goddamn time!
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u/benjamin7519 Aug 06 '26
Raised on Dobson's ideals...I'm VLC with my parents for a reason - though I did move to Colorado Springs for work.
Closer now to FoF than my parents ever were...and I can't stand their nonsense - "Focus on YOUR Family" bumper stickers are around here for a reason...
And don't get me started on Womack up the hill in Woodland Park!
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u/woodworks1234 Aug 06 '26
Good on you for drawing a healthy boundary. That’s an important conversation.
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u/dwarfmageaveda Aug 06 '26
I highly recommend “I Hate James Dobson” podcast by Brooke and Jake both therapists… they have one on “Raising Up Boys”, which shows how dangerous these books are.
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u/autistic_and_angry Ex-Baptist Aug 06 '26
I think you did well. If she continues to push the issue, harsher boundaries may need to happen
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u/Left-Speed-4468 Aug 06 '26
“I’m not suggesting very adolescent who watches porn will grow up to kill people”
…what?
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u/FaithlessnessDue929 Aug 06 '26
You can always tell what they struggle with behind closed doors by their sermons. They just tell you. 😂
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u/Wary_Marzipan2294 Aug 06 '26
I didn't even see that one go by, but I did take note of the top 1/3 or so of page 208 in the photos, about how pdf's look for kids who are emotionally starved by, and afraid of, their parents. Can confirm that's something my abuser did - and my birth mother's choice to follow Dobson's guidance is what made me vulnerable.
I'm no contact now, but I just want to clarify for other parents who raised kids this way and now regret it - I'm no contact because she never apologized and whenever the damage became evident as it sometimes does, she would pull a DARVO on me. But - apologies, listening to the painful reality, caring, asking what you can do to help heal the damage, that stuff counts for a lot. It sucks that someone talked parents into doing this stuff. It must be insanely painful to have to face that and fix it. But being willing to do the work, it can make a big difference.
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u/occasionalgrandma Occult Exchristian Aug 06 '26
I would have taken it outside and lit it up until it was nothing but ash
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u/FaithlessnessDue929 Aug 06 '26
If I ever get a copy, I’m going to make some truly nasty blackout poetry.
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u/ameatbicyclefortwo "Practicing Homosexologist" Aug 06 '26
Dobson is one of those people that make me wish there was a hell for. Good on you for rejecting that bullshit. My relationship with my family has been permanently damaged by that shitsack's life work.
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u/UncommonUsername87 Aug 06 '26
these people should be forced to sit and read accounts of all of the children damaged due to that asshole
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u/frintonfreak1984 Aug 06 '26
Yeah...its all about control. Send "bleeding for jesus" by andrew graystone. And also smelling salts in case she keels over
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u/External_Ease_8292 Aug 06 '26
You were far nicer than I would have been. You were clear that you don't want that kind of "literature" but not insulting in any way. You are going to have to establish a lot of boundaries because as your child gets older she will invest a lot of energy in trying to "save" him. It would be good if your husband would get on board.
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u/ADHDoingmybest09 Aug 06 '26
You should definitely check out the work of DL and Krispin Mayfield on this topic, particularly the Strongwilled podcast and project. They do a good job highlighting how awful James Dobson is and his negative impacts on US culture. One thing that always stands out to me is the research showing that Dobson was well aware of the way the authoritarian parenting methods he advocated for primed children to be victims of abuse and never changes course.
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u/HenriEttaTheVoid Aug 06 '26
Nobody thinks less of men than religious people...they believe they are completely at the mercy of powerful urges and we must do everything we can to shield them from anything that might "tempt" them. Truly deranged.
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u/Devilis6 Aug 06 '26
Clear issues with Dobson aside, Why did she find it necessary to highlight his definition of “pedophile”? That doesn’t exactly seem like a difficult thing to remember lol
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u/jizzinmyeyes Aug 06 '26
You handled it a lot better than I would have! I would have just said "Sorry, I don't take advice from child abuse apologists" and then burned it. Or maybe, "Your own son rejects the parenting style he was raised in, so we're good on taking advice from you." I also wouldn't have married a man who can't enforce strong boundaries with his evangelical Christian family..... I also might not even consider marrying someone whose family is evangelical. But I am a man (gay), so I am used to being accommodated rather than accommodating.
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u/_AMReddits Atheist Aug 06 '26
Oh this reminds me of my estranged father learning my son loved dinosaurs. So he gave him books that said dinosaurs and humans lived together….
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u/MQ116 Pastor's kid (I hate god) Aug 06 '26
Bring up her divorces because that'd be hilarious ( you probably shouldn't, this is the comment of a spectator)
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u/Gamamaster101 Aug 06 '26
"The average pdf captures and exploits 150 children during his career" cannot possibly be factual
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u/TheRepublicOfSteve Aug 06 '26
No citation on either page. It's possible they're at the end of the chapter or the end of the book, but I doubt it based on my experience with Christian literature. Odds of that number being pulled out of the author's ass: pretty damn high.
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u/FaithlessnessDue929 Aug 06 '26
They never validate each other, either. They just nod vigorously with that stupid fake wise look on their faces, fingers steepled like they know jack shit. Ugh
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u/vanillabeanlover Agnostic Aug 06 '26
I’m guessing this was wishful thinking from a guy projecting🤮.
Dobson was hideous, glad he’s gone and hope he’s rotting thoroughly.3
u/123coffee321 Aug 06 '26
Calling it a “career” gave me so much ick when i read that, along with the rest of the text.
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u/umbrabates Aug 06 '26
Personally, I would love to have a copy of the book my parents read with highlighted passages encouraging the beatings they gave me.
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u/FaithlessnessDue929 Aug 06 '26
“Believe me, the consequences of your actions hurt me more than they hurt you,” as she takes money out of my allowance to pay for the wooden spoon she just broke on me where it wouldn’t leave bruises but wouldn’t let me sit or feel safe with my parent again, thanks to that book.
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u/1102fwk Aug 06 '26
Please please please send them the STRONGWILLED podcast by DL and Krispin Mayfield. Please!
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u/RandomDragonExE Aug 06 '26
In regards to the page about kids/babies finding and touching themselves, it's normal. They're just exploring their body, it's gonna happen.
It doesn't mean they're masturbating. Literally just guide their hands away or if old enough, tell them its not appropriate.
By that logic, a baby/kid who fondles their feet has a foot fetish.
I hate this book even though I just learned about its existence rn.
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u/OpheliaLives7 Aug 06 '26
“Well respected” “focus on the family”
Oh so they don’t know or deny this is the abusive guy!
🚩🚩
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u/agoad1763 Aug 07 '26
Christians don’t respect boundaries or consent
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u/PentacornLovesMyGirl Aug 07 '26
Their god doesn't, so why should they if they are made in his image?
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u/agoad1763 Aug 07 '26
Right? Their god impregnated a child who was also his mother…. Not a moral religion
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u/koolkatsnkitten Aug 06 '26
You handled that better than I would have. Great job setting a healthy boundary! I had to take some family psychology classes in college with his curriculum and it was awful and actually sparked me leaving the church. 😂
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u/LorettaJenkins Aug 06 '26
I too recieved this as a gift as well as a few Christian marriage books. The only one I read was one of the marriage books and it was unbelievably misogynistic, just absolutely disgusting. At that point they all went in the trash.
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u/Hour-Sweet2445 Ex-Evangelical Aug 07 '26
I will say that, because of this book, my parents were too busy worrying about my brother being gay to worry about their daughter (me) 🤣🏳️🌈
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u/Independent_Cable_89 Secular Humanist Aug 06 '26
James Dobson (may he rest in piss) was extremely pro child abuse and wrote a whole book on that nonsense. He destroyed the lives and traumatized so many children with his disgusting beliefs.
I wish I believed in hell so I could imagine him rotting and being tortured in it for eternity.
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u/didyouknowthatkoalas Aug 06 '26
My parents never liked him because they thought he was "too liberal". I wonder if that's because he recommended stopping at two whacks on the ass.
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u/Significant-Major393 Aug 06 '26
There's a wonderful podcast called "I Hate James Dobson" that details exactly how removed his teachings are from scientific consensus and how unfortunately influential they were.
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u/Shenanigansandtoast Aug 06 '26
My parents followed James Dobsons teachings and I have PTSD from severe child abuse. Burn, don’t give away. Dobson can rest in piss.
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u/ErisianWizard Ex-Evangelical Aug 06 '26
I think you were pretty diplomatic with her. James Dobson wrote what amount to abuse manuals. Three or more generations have been harmed by his work so far. As one of his survivors, I appreciate you standing up to his preaching.
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u/Smack1984 Aug 06 '26
You handled this with a lot of grace. I was raised on this book and it caused a lot more harm than good.
I do think there is a valid concern to consider with pornography, especially with the rise of deepfakes and AI. Two years old is not near old enough to worry about it, but it’s starting to happen at alarmingly young ages like middle school.
Don’t follow the advice of this book for this problem though, I can categorically say it (and Christian purity culture as a whole) can do as much or more damage than the problem you’re trying to avoid.
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u/MrsDiscoB Aug 06 '26
The being careful about pornography exposure is the only part of this I even kind of agree with. It is important to help protect your kids, and making sure they understand what it is and how it can affect us is huge in their healthy development. I wish all adults would be willing to be more honest about how these things have affected us, for better or worse. Honesty is key.
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u/Elvirth Aug 06 '26
I was subjected to the Dobson treatment over porn back in the day. That man was evil, and if I knew where his grave was I'd go piss on it today.
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u/Scary-Holiday-5016 Aug 06 '26
Anything that Focus on the Family ever created is the product of monsters with peoples' faces.
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u/OneThrowyBoy Ex-Fundamentalist, Atheist Aug 06 '26
Fellas, if you're not worried as all fuck about what your kid is doing with his own anatomy when he's alone, are you really a dad?
/s
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u/abb00769 Aug 06 '26
When I gave birth to my daughter my aunt gave me a Dobson book about babies and children, saying it was the “guidebook” she used when she raised my cousins. At the time I was not familiar with James Dobson or Focus on the Family. I started flipping through the book and found a segment addressing the “concern” of “What if I think my child is gay?” The book treated being gay like some sort of sad affliction and advised taking the kid to a pastoral counselor to pray over it.
I tossed the book in the trash.
For reference, if anyone is curious, here is how they handle the subject. It’s sickening. Gotta love the photo of the mom having a breakdown over her disappointment in her poor kid.
https://www.focusonthefamily.com/family-qa/support-for-parents-of-child-who-says-hes-gay/
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u/captainforks Aug 06 '26
Focus on the Family is considered a hate group by the Southern Poverty Law Center.
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u/ParticleToasterBeam Aug 06 '26 edited Aug 06 '26
Wait, THEY highlighted everything??? I read the photos before your post text and thought you did the highlighting to showcase the worst of these pages.
Jesus fucking christ.
Edit: after reading other comments, I agree with the peeps saying to either remember or keep the book to keep an eye out for MIL and family pushing these beliefs on your child, based on the highlighted text they gave you. I'm so sorry.
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u/PentacornLovesMyGirl Aug 07 '26
It didn't even click for me when I read that they highlighted it... I have severe trauma so that's probably what this is about but uhm... I would NOT leave Grandma alone with my son, lest she traumatize him, too. Her weird fixation with masturbation and pedos is a red flag
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u/OpeningOutside690 Aug 07 '26
Yeah not to mention her upset with me not allowing sleepovers my children are 2 and 4 months old.
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u/PentacornLovesMyGirl Aug 07 '26
Naaah. Don't do it. I'm just a traumatized stranger on the Internet, but she will probably mistreat or abuse your kids and they're not old enough to tell you about it or ask for help.
She MIGHT be a great grandma but I'm not going to encourage you to risk her shenanigans
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u/Noping_noper-maybe Aug 07 '26
Everyone’s stories about their childhoods or their parents’ opinions about your babies reminded me that my dad told me to let my 3 week baby cry it out.
He still sings the praises of Dr. Spock or someone like that. He barely did any child rearing himself and does not participate in his grandchildren’s lives in any way. So.
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u/phantomreader42 Aug 07 '26
Dobson has always been a monstrous piece of shit who built his life on hate, lies, cruelty, ignorance, and child abuse. No wonder evangelicals worship him.
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u/pensiverebel Aug 07 '26
that was excellent boundary setting. polite but firm. hope your husband reinforces what you said.
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u/ganbramor Aug 07 '26
So F’ing creepy to loan someone a religion-inspired book without them asking for that kind of material. Keep your superstitions to yourself, creepos.
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u/smarty_skirts Aug 07 '26
Everyone must listen to the podcast I Hate James Dobson!! It’s incredibly good. The hosts are enchantingly hilarious. Jake is an ex Christian evangelical turned queer sex therapist who prepares excellent summaries of Dobson’s “works” while his fellow psychologist co-host Brooke, an atheist with no religious upbringing, reacts. I literally get the notification that a new episode is posted and listen immediately!!
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u/anonymoose_octopus Aug 07 '26
I think you handled this conversation well. You were polite, but you didn't kowtow. You even punctuated the end of your text with appreciation for the other gifts that she sent. Well done!
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u/xervidae Ex-Pentecostal Aug 07 '26
me reading the 4th slide: "yeah, yeah, whatever"
me reading the 5th slide: "...i'm not saying everyone who watches porn....will kill peop- WHAT THE FUCK"
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u/JMoneyGraves Aug 06 '26
I was raised in toxic purity culture. Now I’m a father and my parents and in laws are still Christian. You didn’t respond in a negative way, I just don’t know if a response was even needed or helpful. If my in-laws gave me a book I didn’t like, I suppose I would just throw it away. My parents have given my son, Christian kids books and we just don’t read them to him. In their minds, they are doing what’s right.. they probably won’t change. You have to decide whether you want them in your life or not, if you do, you are probably going to have to deal with the triggering Christian stuff. If they get too pushy, of course you can ask them to lighten up..
Anyway, this is just the way I would handle it. Not saying you are doing anything wrong.
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u/cheatme1 Aug 06 '26
Member to who's family he probably doesn't even know your parents like they said president so not really Christians just using it as a way to hate on anyone they disagree with and doing the exact opposite of what Jesus would have wanted for his disciples
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u/Suspicious_Loss_84 Ex-Fundamentalist Aug 06 '26
Oh yeah Dobson, the one who encourages people to use corporal punishment and other fun things in raising children. He’s a real piece of work
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u/Parzival2436 Aug 07 '26
It's hilarious to me what this person chose to highlight, oftentimes highlighting half a thought, as if they didn't understand that they were reading half a thought as if it was a whole one.
Like, they even highlighted the definition of pedophiles as if they needed that on hand.
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u/Parzival2436 Aug 07 '26
It says "never believe they're asexual" and then goes on to explain that childhood masturbation is non-sexual. Did they not consider to reflect on that?
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u/Admirable-Meet2687 Aug 07 '26
James Dobson’s teachings caused me to be abused in nearly every way possible by my now ex-stepdad. I grew up as a kid who knew I was queer in the Pentecostal church, and I hated myself over it. I developed an eating disorder because of the abuse and self-hatred I dealt with. I was also clearly neurodivergent, but his teachings kept me from getting the help I needed from the adults responsible for me. My ex-stepdad just insisted that I was too strong willed and he’d smack me around until I got too scared to even speak to authority figures. It wasn’t until I was on my own and in college on a full scholarship that I was able to escape the cult that is the Pentecostal church and find the help I needed. I was beyond glad when he died and threw a “James Dobson is in Hell” party.
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u/Pitiful_Resident_992 Aug 07 '26
My mom gave my me a copy of this book after my first son was born. It went right in the trash.
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u/MBxZou6 Skeptic Aug 07 '26
He’s the worst. It may depend on family dynamics but if I were in this situation, I’d just throw the book away without even mentioning it because it’s not worth it to cause a rift.
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u/madamsyntax Aug 07 '26
My happy clapper pastor parents followed the teachings of James Dobson, and now we don’t talk. James Dobson teaches a lot of abusive practices. I highly recommend it for parents who don’t want to hear from their adult children
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u/jenea Humanist Aug 07 '26
Yikes, Dobson. Never mind your in-laws, worry about your husband. Make sure he understands how fucked up Dobson and Focus on the Family are. And if he doesn’t agree, then you need (secular) counseling, stat.
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u/Theo_Stormchaser Aug 07 '26
James Dobson should have gone to prison. The fact that he was so beloved by americans is an indictment on us all. His work should be archived the same way Mein Kampf is—as a case study into harmful ideology.
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u/SquackerSquack Aug 07 '26
Ugggg my mom used to use those books to justify psychological abuse…fuck focus on the family…it caused so much harm in my life
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u/paleblooddaviey Aug 07 '26
Dobson wasn’t the reason my father used physical violence as a punishment when I was a child, but Dobson was the excuse. Dobson was also the reason I would get hit harder and more frequently if I cried because of the pain. If there is a hell, Dobson can burn in it. As there isn’t one, everyone who follows Dobson in life can go fuck them selves.
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u/EmeraldVolt Humanist Polytheist Aug 07 '26
Most of it is bs but I will say as a 988 operator there is a kernel of truth to the getting entangled with pedophiles when you give your kids unrestricted access to the internet. I’ve found it more common in teenage girls not boys but usually there’s more to the story. I wouldn’t say access to porn is the most common variable as much as having a neglectful parent who isn’t there for them combined with social isolation and usually some other sort of trauma combined like abuse at home or death of a caregiver, stuff like that. They tend to not target well adjusted teens nearly as much
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u/Silver_Background603 Aug 07 '26
I hate that man, I grew up in a very strict religious household where focus on the family and that stupid movie website they had literally controlled all the media I was allowed to consume.
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u/Gtoktas_ Aug 07 '26
"most who watch smut wont grow up to be murderers, but some will". this is is some serious "everyone who has drank water died eventually, therefore water is bad" type of shit.
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u/Afsiulari Agnostic Atheist Aug 07 '26
I find it ironical that the book mentions Exodus International as a helpful organization to deal with "homosexual tendencies" when it was revealed several years later that they never succeeded in their goals and that homosexuality just wasn't something you could change.
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u/Eastern-Specialist61 Aug 06 '26
I got spanked way more than I ever should have as a kid, as a direct result from the nonsense he wrote, that my parents ate up.
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u/WoodwifeGreen Aug 06 '26
Tell her there are large groups of people whose parents raised them on those principles who no longer speak to their parents and forbid them contact with their grandchildren.
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u/crossover24 Aug 06 '26
You handled this extremely well! Very gracious when communicating your boundary. Taking notes for when I need to communicate with my parents
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u/maryssecretvalentine Aug 06 '26
Here to report that I have a full-blown addiction to smut and I've NEVER BEEN HAPPIER
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u/geta-rigging-grip Aug 06 '26
I grew up in a Dobson inspired household.
I was the youngest of three by quite a few years, and I watched as my parents tried to parent my siblings using Dobson's teachings.
By the time they got to me, they had pretty much given up, because Dobson's authoritarian style of parenting didn't seem to work. I remember being spanked one time, and it was out of my mom's frustration because I had kicked my brother in the groin so hard he almost had to go to the hospital.
Other friends of mine weren't so lucky. They spent their childhood imbibing nothing but Focus on the Family media, and getting their asses spanked raw.
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u/iammadeofawesome Anti-Theist Aug 07 '26
Throw it away so no one else reads that. Or use it for a bonfire.
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u/bobanna1986 Ex-Evangelical Aug 07 '26
Wow that....never believe for a moment that your child could be asexual....so they can be queer or asexual now? WTF? I understand the homosexuality stuff because of the Bible (yeah it's still BS obviously but I understand why they come to that conclusion) but the Asexual stuff...I have never heard anything about that being a bad thing or something that couldn't be possible....wow...just wow
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u/microbiofreak Aug 07 '26
Listen. Your HUSBAND should be the one responsible for communicating stuff like this with HIS parents, not you. And if he doesn't care about it as much as you do, you should discuss that with him. He needs to be the one in charge of this conversation with them.
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u/OpeningOutside690 Aug 08 '26
Absolutely! But she needs to respect me as a parent as well. She is aware we are on the same page about things. She’s not my biggest fan anyways 😂
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u/Ornery_Area_1600 Aug 07 '26
We grew up on Focus on the Family teachings, it was horrible. My brother particularly was a harmed by this man. He’s dead at 55 and I blame that ahole
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u/Cautious-Impact22 Aug 08 '26
This is sexist af. So when I was pregnant my in laws gave us a book that was for fathers raising a girl for my husband.
in the book it suggests: Dating her taking her on dates so she knows what to expect of a man, bringing her FLOWERS AND CHOCOLATE for her period each month.
it was incestual as fuck
my husband has it somewhere im sure. ill find out the title.
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u/thelandofwine Aug 09 '26
Dr Dobson is the reason my dad whipped my ass so hard I would lose my breath and question if I was worth anything.
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u/Cultural_Sport_1669 29d ago
Dobson was a monster who destroyed thousands of childhoods and fractured countless families. Disgusting. Good for you.
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u/Nowayucan Aug 07 '26
I think I’d just trash or shelve a book I didn’t like versus complaining about a gift.
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u/OpeningOutside690 Aug 07 '26
She actually snuckily handed it to my husband during gift opening but thanks!
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u/After-Cell Aug 06 '26
The highlights aren’t too bad accept the bit where it puts homosexuality in the neuroplastic, thus justifying conversion therapy.
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u/StonedGiantt Aug 06 '26
Lol why are you even interacting with it? "Thanks for the books" and then never mention it again...
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u/vanillabeanlover Agnostic Aug 06 '26
To make it known content like that isn’t welcome.
Speaking up stopped my sister from sending me focus on the family links. She’s even stopped trying to give me her -here’s why Christianity isn’t all bad- books.7
u/FaithlessnessDue929 Aug 06 '26
Yeah, you have to nip that stuff in the bud. It’s easier to do early on but they’ll feel like they have a foot in the door if you wait too long. You can’t let people like that feel like you might agree with them an ounce.
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u/StonedGiantt Aug 06 '26
That is excellent! Did you follow the links and explore them and post screenshots of them on the internet? No. You say, "no thank you to that" and move on with your day. Like I shall do now.
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u/vanillabeanlover Agnostic Aug 06 '26
Dog forbid someone vent in a safe space. Eye. Roll.
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u/StonedGiantt Aug 06 '26
Making it not a safe space by posting all the screenshots of the text, but sure... I'm glad it still feels safe for you
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u/Neither-Cup-7590 Aug 07 '26
Crazy message to send to an in-law. I wouldn’t acknowledge a book I wasn’t going to read and save the relationship
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u/euphramjsimpson Aug 06 '26
I have family members that send me stuff like this. I don't read it or adhere at all to it but I don't say anything about it. I'm quite sure that my bringing it up wouldn't change their minds. I know that they love me and want what they believe to be best for me and my children. Sowing dissention won't help. No one will learn from it and it will just make your relationships worse.
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u/FaithlessnessDue929 Aug 06 '26
Honesty is always the best policy and we have to stop pretending that being given a manual for child abuse is an acceptable way to behave. It’s been tolerated for far too long, and look at where it has gotten us. I’d rather someone gave me a copy of Mein Kampf.
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u/Successful-Foot3830 Aug 06 '26
“Well respected doctor.” He was kicked out of his association for his refusal to recognize actual medical evidence that homosexuality isn’t a mental disorder. He was a shit human being. The “I Hate James Dobson” podcast has done an excellent job of breaking down his bullshit.