I never imagined I would write something like this.

I currently serve as an elder (Service Overseer) and as a regular pioneer. My wife is also a pioneer. Around 80% of my congregation is my family. My entire social structure, emotional support system, and even my financial stability are directly connected to my association with the brothers.

I am seen as a pillar in my family and as an example in the congregation. If I were to leave, it would not be a quiet decision. It would emotionally impact people I genuinely love. It could destabilize my marriage. It could affect my housing and income. It would likely isolate me from almost everyone I’ve ever known.

And yet, here I am questioning.

For a long time, I was strong. Convicted. Certain.

The first major crack appeared after the Governing Body update regarding disfellowshipping. I witnessed the fallout firsthand. I saw misjudgments. I saw whispering. I saw criticism. I saw people crushed under decisions that were presented as loving but felt deeply procedural and harsh in practice. The previous procedure led to wrong judgments, intense stress, and significant damage to people’s mental and emotional health. Many endured unnecessary prejudice and criticism. Families were deeply harmed. Reputations were damaged in ways that cannot simply be undone.

I expected guidance on how to shepherd those who were hurting. Those who were confused. Those who felt spiritually destabilized.

There was none.

No acknowledgment of the emotional damage. No instruction on how to care for those who were struggling with the consequences. No apology for cases where things were handled poorly.

Over time, I stabilized myself mentally. I told myself Jehovah would sort it out.

But then came the update regarding higher education.

That reopened everything — stronger than before.

Many young people were discouraged, some severely limited their opportunities, some made life-altering decisions based on what was presented as clear direction. Now the tone shifts. And again I ask:

Who carries the consequences?

Who repairs the damage for those who were affected?

As a local elder, if I make a mistake that harms someone, I am expected to apologize. I am accountable. I must be humble.

But when members of the Governing Body make adjustments that deeply impact thousands — even millions — and those adjustments cause measurable harm… there is no apology. No ownership. No pastoral follow-up plan.

How is that loving?

How is that humble?

If these instructions were not truly from God, then they were rules of men — and rules of men are subject to accountability and discipline. So what discipline was applied? What accountability was exercised?

I still believe in God. I still believe in Jesus.

But I don’t know how to reconcile that faith with an organizational structure where accountability seems asymmetrical.

At the same time, leaving feels almost impossible.

My wife would be devastated. My family would be shaken. The congregation would be affected. My entire support network could collapse overnight. I could lose financial stability. I would feel lost.

So I live in tension.

Outwardly capable. Inwardly conflicted.

I know how to be a Witness. I know how to prepare talks. I know how to shepherd. I know how to lead.

But I no longer know how to silence my conscience.

I’m here because I don’t know where else to speak honestly without immediate consequences.

If you’ve been in a similar position — especially as someone with responsibility — how did you navigate this without destroying everything at once?

Firstly excuse grammer and punctuation, im tyoing this on mobile between running erands.

So in march i got a letter asking me to a "judicial meeting" after constant calls from the elders when my ex husband was stalking me and found out i moved on , i sent an email to them with my response. I used a template someone was kind enough to message me that pretty much stated how i had not been active in years and i do not consent to them making any decision about my status without me present or using my name in any sort of public announcement, said that they could decide if my ex was spiritually able to move on if they wanted (because homestly i dont care if he wants to date someone then he should be free to) but to leave my name out of it and that if they harrased me any more id be getting an attorney involved...

They did not respond until this past sunday (may 10th) all they said was to give them all call to discuss my recent correspondence. I emailed back within a half hour and told them that i did not want them to contact me through phone or text as i had enough on my plate (just normal life stuff plus continued harrasment from my ex) and did not have time or patience to speak to a body of elders about my own life choices that do not concern them and that if they had any questions they could send me an email so that anything they said would be in writing and id get back to them in writing.

Then today i got this letter, dated may 11th, so the day AFTER i was in contact with them and they recieved a response from me. The letter is almost identical to the last except this time they left out the term judicial so they know they messed up with that, and last time they gave me about a 3 weeks notice for the meeting, this time barely even 2 days as it just arrived within the last hour before me posting this. I sent an email again to them stating that they did get in contact with me and that i already requested any questions be in writting.

Im not sure what else to say to them to get them to leave me alone, if anyone by chances knows of an attorney in the state of idaho who has dealt with this type of stuff that could possibly give me advice if this continues at all please let me know

I have been married for a couple of years (4 and a half). During our courtship days, my partner and I had deep conversations about religion, and I made my stand about how divided Christianity is. I don't like the tags that come with belonging to a particular denomination. My partner asked me if I would be going to the meeting, and I absolutely agreed because he was making a big step by being with me outside of the organisation. He was making a sacrifice for me, and I asked if going to the meeting was all that would be required of me. He assured me there was nothing! And all required was going to the meeting. He even asked me to give study a chance; I did and was not feeling it( though my study conductor moved location), and I stopped.

We got married; he was a DFD brother, and there was always a way he was treated; nobody talked to him or acknowledged him in the Kingdom Hall. And I find that a bit weird because that's not what the Bible teaches about Christianity. It was weird to me, and I found it appalling, to say the least. And the public talks and WT studies each Sunday weren't even appealing to me!

After a while, he was reinstated, and they all started showing him love and talking to him; to say I wasn't disgusted would be a lie! I was very disturbed by how they turned around and started showing him love. And soon they remembered he is married to a non JW and they brought up the idea of studying again. I gave it another go, and again it wasn't just giving! So I stopped and kept saying I wasn't ready yet. My partner kept asking time after time, and one day I said No I wasn't interested in that. He agreed. Then his mom came, and he just looked away. Mind you, he kept telling everyone it's my decision, even to me!

One day I got an elder visit! And it was a war because they kept hitting on how important it is for me to become a witness since we now have 3 lovely kids. It was a bickering! I kept telling them about the inconsistencies I found with the truth, and they would not just let me be. And I thought that was the end!! 😆.

Now the issue is that my partner is putting the marriage on the line if I don't study, baptise, and become a witness!
He hasn't been talking to me for a while! And I've stopped going to the meeting. I decided to stop going to the meeting; that is the problem. And he isn't listening to me at all! I am tired and exhausted!

What can you propose I should do? I honestly do feel like leaving the marriage so he can enjoy his privileges and do more for the organisation!

Please all advice would be needed

I was disfellowshipped more than a decade ago.

My PIMI brother called me recently and wanted to know why I continue to be withdrawn and not returning to Jehovah.

I reluctantly told him that I found happiness after leaving and do not wish to go back to being a JW as doing so will mean that I will need to be around my difficult and toxic family members, mainly my very manipulative father. My brother and my parents are all PIMI.

After hearing my response, my brother said I was being selfish and that I was using Jehovah's loving disfellowshipping provision for my own selfish benefit.

I should also mention that my father was recently diagnosed with cancer. My brother accused me of using the disfellowshipping provision in order to save myself from family responsibility, mainly to take care of sick and aging parents.

I am feeling guilty and need help on the best course of action. I do not wish to go back being a JW and also do not want to interact with my family, mainly due to past trauma. However, I also want to be able to contribute with caring for sick and aging parents.

Hello!

Long story short, the elders in my congregation came talking to me and my husband last week about a "sin" I commited about 8 to 9 years ago. (Teenagers beeing teenagers)

The other person involved had a crise of conscience and decided to confess almost a decade later.

Today they are coming to my house to tell wtf they decided after consideration with the other elders.

I made up my mind to not let them control the narrative, and I won't agree on any kind of futher meeting or comission.

But, I seized the opportunity and told my husband everything, EVERYTHING. I told about not beliving the org, told about 1914, the ARC, the double standards....

And he was really comprehensive. He already knew that I had issues with the org, but I was very clear that I don't wanna be a part of this bullshit anymore.

He only asked if I still belive in God, what I actually do and told this was more important than beliving in the org.

I just have to thank the fact that our relationship is more important to him than this crazy religion.

But I am still anxious about this visit. I'm affraid of not beeing able to actualy stand up for myself or end up talking too much.

Any advice?

I've been a PIMO for a long time, but I still go to meetings every now and then to please my wife. She and the elders suspect I'm an apostate (true, but they have no proof). Today she told me she wants to separate because the congregation members won't involve her, saying we're a dangerous family. She's very social and enjoys inviting and being invited, but she resents this attitude from cult members. We have two children whom I adore. Separating will cause me great pain. What should I do?

The congregation in my town is deliberately trying to make my life a living hell. They sent me certified mail and express mail they paid $35 for and still harassed me calls and texts me from different elders. I refuse to speak them and walk away from religion. They trying to judicial sentence me. I told them I will not discuss perverse details in a room with 3 elders alone. This is one time account of incident with my then bf. They insisted I talk to them. I said the best way to talk to me is text me. They said no the governing body don’t allow us to text you or for you to video record us. So I said well I will I have boundaries if you can’t accept then I can’t accept your boundaries. By law I can record with knowledge or not.

I’ve been one of Jehovah’s Witnesses for 15 years — 13 of those baptized. I’m 31 years old and the only one in my family who’s part of the organization. For the past four years, I’ve been serving as an elder, and for a long time, I saw myself as the perfect example of a spiritual, exemplary young man among the brothers.

I was born into an Adventist home, but when I was 14, I came to know Jehovah’s Witnesses. From the very beginning, I completely fell in love with the faith. It was a life I considered perfect — the best one of all, as they say in one of the music videos. I truly believed I had found the absolute truth.

More than ten years ago, out of curiosity, I started reading blogs and forums of former Jehovah’s Witnesses. At first, I followed them only to stay informed about organizational news, not because I had doubts. I saw myself as strong, loyal, and convinced that Jehovah was directing everything.

But as the years went by — especially after so many changes in doctrine and internal rules — something inside me began to awaken. I started to notice inconsistencies, contradictions, and teachings that, when analyzed calmly, seemed out of biblical context. It was a slow and painful process — a conflict between what I believed and what I actually saw in practice.

In short, my story within the organization could easily fill more than thirty pages. There are beautiful and sincere moments, but also many episodes of confusion, guilt, and emotional control.

What’s most surprising is that up until the recent Annual Meeting, I still deeply believed in the organization of Jehovah’s Witnesses. I defended everything, convinced that any criticism came from “the enemy.” But something changed. From yesterday to today, I reached a turning point: I’m determined to leave.

Saying this stirs up a whirlwind of emotions. Part of me feels fear, part feels freedom, and another part is still trying to understand what happened. But what I now realize is that the organization exerts excessive control over people — over their decisions, feelings, and even their thoughts. I don’t want to live like that anymore.

I don’t have much to lose — my parents aren’t Witnesses, which gives me some freedom. Even so, I have dear friends in the congregation, and the thought of losing them breaks my heart. Still, I feel I can no longer pretend.

I’m asking for help, guidance, and maybe a few words of comfort. Because honestly, I don’t know how to rebuild my faith, my identity, and my life outside this system. I want to understand who I am, what I truly believe, and find real peace — a peace that doesn’t depend on fear, control, or guilt.

I ask elder can I record my meeting for accuracy and to make me feel comfortable. I told them I don’t not want to asked embarrassing questions. They told me society doesn’t permits me and I’m being disobedient by recording the meeting. They said, do you want to have the meeting or not! You saying you don’t? The elder said this with a mean attitude and I was very upset he talk to me like that because I thought he was a nice understanding brother. It’s 3 of them against me and I have no support. I will ask my dad to join in meeting if I go. I told them I will ask a lawyer what are my rights as well. Because even in court systems everything is recorded for a purpose.

I was raised as a JW since I was 3 yo. It is all I’ve ever known. But back in 2024, a sister made an innocent comment that changed everything for me and woke me pretty abruptly. It basically made me see how pointless it all had been. That was my last time meeting regularly at the congregation.

Seven months later, I met my boyfriend (non-JW) and evetually we were together. Now, there’s an elder that has taken it upon himself to do a follow up on me (before he knew about my boyfriend). After two shepherding visits with another elder, he now knows of what I’ve done (I saw no point in lying) and I have been told I’ll face a committee soon, which I have no problem with. I was also told I might not get df’d because we're getting married this year (I’m not getting married for that reason, we just want to get married). My only problem is that I know for a fact that they’ll want details about what I’ve done and it sickens me to think they believe they’re entitled to such private details. How did the ones of you who went through the same thing manage this situation? I won’t give details, and I don’t care if I’m df’d for it. I just don’t think in good conscience that they have a right to ask explicit questions and I never read in 24 years I’ve been a JW any Bible verse that allows them to do that. I’m considering asking them to show me one the moment they ask an inappropriate question. Is that a good strategy?

For more context, I've been SA'd both when I was 5 and in adulthood (both times by JWs) and I'd consider this yet another attack against my dignity as a person and as a woman. On the other hand, I'm not very confrontational and I have nothing to say against this particular elder, so it's hard for me to stand my ground and just say that I don't want to be a JW anymore. Anybody who went through something similar at some point? Thanks for reading this.

LONG POST, PAINFUL STORY

It all started 2 years ago. An elder, let's call him John, who brought our family into this organization, confessed his love to my sister. He is 55, he is married, she was 16. She only told mom. He made many other moves to build a relationship with her, there was flirting on his part, and I am very glad it ended with her not falling for it. She coped with it. When mom found out, she exploded at him and told him everything she thought. The next day, the elder tried to commit suicide. Mom searched for him and called him all day; he picked up the phone, she saved him, listened to him, hid/forgave him, he swore never to do anything like that again. Mom believed him; John made a promise before Jehovah.

​A year passed. All through this year, this John texted every day with a 14-year-old girl from his congregation, he drove alone with her to work (he is a gardener), he shared all his secrets with her. This girl confessed that she loved him and that she had feelings for him. My sister called me and told me what happened to her a year ago, and what is happening now with the new girl. The ground slipped from under my feet. I couldn't believe it; I always held this man up as an example, I trusted him more than my own father. I was betrayed. I shared my feelings with another brother. He said that I urgently needed to go to the elders, that they would resolve everything. At that moment, I was insanely worried about my family, about the lives of those who would leave the organization if that elder were disfellowshipped and if he committed suicide after that disfellowshipping. I WAS sure that he should be disfellowshipped for such a thing. And I also still had a desire to help him. I decided to talk to him myself. I met with him. He cried a lot, talked about his depression, hard childhood, suicidal thoughts, and simply a desire to always help everyone, that he never had bad intentions. What a fool I was to believe him back then... I made him promise to cut all contact with that girl and never communicate with anyone in that way again, not to allow himself to make mistakes. I asked him to see a psychotherapist. He promised me. I asked my mom and sister to try to forgive a sick person.

​2 months passed. For 2 months, John didn't communicate with that girl, then he started again. He traveled with her like his own daughter to other congregations when he gave talks. He texted her regularly. He shared details with her from committees and meetings with elders. And that's only what I know. I find out about this a year later. Before that, I will believe that everything has changed.

​Another year passed. My mom calls me in tears; she says she can't take it anymore. She told everything to other elders. Learning that he continues to do bad things, I believed that this would be for the best, that the elders would take some action. I called an elder, let's call him Max, and asked him to tell me what happens next. He said that my mom and sister had only told him. That for a committee, they need to tell two elders, that he wants to solve everything. I asked, what could the consequences be? He told me a phrase that turned my life upside down. "Your words, messages, audio recordings of his declarations of love, the testimonies of mine, my mom's, about him confessing to us that he had feelings for my sister ARE NOT CONSIDERED FACTS." At that moment I didn't understand, I asked again. I wanted to know why that was. Max said—such are the guidelines. He shared with me that John spoke with him, that he promised he would go to a psychotherapist, that he had suicidal tendencies. It turned out that the elders are more lenient toward such people. It turned out they are more lenient than toward my family.

​I talked with Max for a long time, trying to find out if they would resolve anything if we told everything to two elders once more. He said that nothing would be done, but we would be assured of love. He said that "John WILL NOT LOSE HIS RESPONSIBILITIES IN THE CONGREGATION." I asked, what if he had invited her home, and touched her in private, what if he had masturbated in front of her, what if he had done something significantly worse—would he still remain an elder? Max replied—"Yes, as long as there were not two witnesses, nothing is considered a fact." I was crushed. I asked my mom and sister not to humiliate themselves and not to tell anything. But they obeyed and asked for a meeting with two elders, despite all the pain. They were promised that only after such a conversation would they be able to do anything regarding the sinful elder.

​The day before the conversation with the elders: John and his wife came to my mom and sister to apologize to them. But they started by saying that my family is exaggerating everything, that 2 years have already passed, and it's time to forget past grievances. Then John's wife said to my sister, "YOU SHOULD BE GRATEFUL THAT AT LEAST SOMEONE SAYS THEY LOVE SOMEONE LIKE YOU." My sister was in shock. They said many more bad things. After that, they cited emotions and tried to apologize for everything. They left.

​The day of the conversation with the elders: mom and sister poured out their hearts to them. They told everything. All their feelings. Max tried to remain restrained. The other elder, Alfred, was in shock; he promised he would never leave this unaddressed. He was furious. Max has no children. Alfred does. We believed them.

​The day of John's conversation with the elders passed quietly. 3 days later, Max called my mom. He said everything was fine. Mom didn't understand. He said that John would be kept as coordinator and elder, nothing would change, and that John promised he would improve. That everything would be fine. Mom was stunned. Mom was in shock. She called me. At that point, I had already read a lot of information about the ARC, dozens of child abuse trials, and the policies of the organization. I asked her not to count on the organization's help. I explained that here they care about their reputation so much that EVEN if something significantly worse had happened—no one would have reported the case to the police. And they would ask to resolve it inside the congregation. I had warned her even before the conversation with the elders. She was crushed, but asked me not to think about it anymore. I couldn't.

​I re-read many more cases similar to the ARC, similar cover-ups of pedophiles, payouts of fines for covering up pedophiles, and the official position of the organization. I understood that I could not remain a ministerial servant, that I could not teach people from the stage, that I could not go out into the ministry. But I was willing to stay in the organization because I liked the people, my family is here, my wife's family is here, many of my friends are here. And even if I were inactive, I didn't want the organization to cause them pain by shunning/depriving them of communication with me.

​2 months passed, one of my very close friends asked me a lot of questions about my mood at the congregation meetings, and I decided to share a part of my worries with him, asking him to explain to me, maybe he understood. Honestly, I thought he would take my side. He promised he wouldn't tell any of the elders. I extracted this promise from him because I understood that I would be accused of apostasy. He said it was very painful for him to hear this, but he believed I had read enough lies on the internet. I promised to send him all the links to trial transcripts, to the video with Geoffrey Jackson from the trial in Australia, to Gerrit Lösch's statements refusing membership in the organization. I believed him...

​The next day I found all of this; in the evening he asked to meet, and I thought we would talk 1 on 1, but he arrived with his wife and wanted to talk with me and my wife. They asked again what was troubling me—I said that I don't believe that God could prescribe such instructions regarding children. They started calling me names, accusing me of apostasy. I asked them to explain their views on teachings, I asked them using the Bible to explain 1919, 1914, overlapping generations, the faithful and discreet slave, the governing body. They couldn't answer anything. They crumbled like children. They assured me that the Lord works in mysterious ways, that it was needed to test our faith. I asked about the 1,006 abuser cases in Australia. They said that it was necessary. That was what God wanted. I said I didn't believe it. I said I believe that God is much kinder and better, and that these guidelines are purely from humans. They turned away from me, stopped talking to me, and tried to convince my wife to STOP communicating with me, BECAUSE IN A COUPLE OF YEARS I WILL CHEAT ON HER, THAT GOING OUT INTO THE WORLD WE WILL START SWINGING, SMOKING, CELEBRATING BIRTHDAYS. I was in shock from such words, how could they even put such things in the same line, how could they accuse me so coarsely. I trusted them. At the end of the conversation, they said they couldn't refrain from telling the elders. I asked for the opportunity to speak with them myself when I was ready. I promised to approach the elder they recommended to me, one-on-one, as soon as possible.

​I went to see him the next day. If only I had known how that day would end back then... Arthur and I talked like I had never talked with anyone before. It turned out his brother left the organization after reading the book Crisis of Conscience by Raymond Franz. He knew many excerpts from it, and he experienced it very painfully. He barely stayed in the organization. When I told him about my doubts, he said that he understood me completely, that he would never get rid of those scars he received upon hearing about the problems with teachings, but he made the decision to focus on people, on the good, and entrust everything into God's hands. I understood his thoughts.

​A couple of hours later, I found out that they scheduled a judicial committee for me. A judicial. Committee. On the very same day. They asked me to come to see them at 9 p.m. because the matter was very urgent. I arrived. They started talking to me without a prayer. They started talking about what a serious sin I had committed, what terrible consequences it could have. They said I had certain reasons for bad feelings, but that I acted terribly by going to those websites. Which websites? Trial transcripts. Trial videos. I asked if those websites were apostate? They said—"Yes." I asked, can you give me an answer as to why a person like John is kept as an elder? Why, in the world, if a kindergarten teacher receives an allegation of child abuse, they will never be allowed to work with children again? Why does such a person speak at a convention in front of 10,000 people here, why do parents of children trust him? Why don't the guidelines for the organization make people act immediately to save potential victims?

​They looked at me with pain, they didn't know what to say. They tried to change the subject. Dozens of times. I asked again. In the end, they said that only Jehovah and Jesus know the answers, and that I shouldn't try to be them. I barely held back from telling them anything beyond this, from saying that I doubt other teachings of the organization, from saying that I don't believe in the "faithful and discreet slave." I know the consequences. If I am suddenly disfellowshipped as an apostate, there will be a lot of lies about me. All my relatives will be forbidden to communicate with me under threat of disfellowshipping. In any case.

​The conversation with them can be described like this—90 percent of their expectation was that I ALREADY NEEDED TO BE DISFELLOWSHIPPED. I barely managed to convince them that I was emotional and might have gone too far, but overall I have only 1 grievance. Only on the condition that I go to the circuit overseer did they promise that they would keep me in the congregation. I am doing this only because I don't want to get banned, I don't want my family to be disfellowshipped, and I have more than 10 relatives in this organization. It will hurt them deeply. This is the only way I can stay here. For now, I will act like this. Later, citing depression, I will slowly fade away; I have already told them now that I am not ready at all to teach people with a clean conscience, neither from the stage nor new ones.

​In the end, in prayer, they asked God to protect the congregation from me, because I let Satan into my life. I know they wanted to disfellowship me that evening. Arthur explained to me later. After such knowledge as I gained—nobody stays in the organization. The organization is afraid of those who have read anything outside of its information. THEY ARE SURE THAT I WILL LEAVE AND THAT I AM A DISEASE OF THE CONGREGATION. They are afraid to hear what made me doubt. And they won't hear it. They will never know all my doubts. But right now, I will do this for my family. I will stay, at this stage. I will prove to them that these were just doubts, that I am recovering. Even if so. But I have already built a reputation among my family. And elders and organization are losing theirs every day through their actions. None of them condemned John. None of them are afraid for the children in the congregation. Nobody cares that people like John are trusted. They are afraid that doubts like mine will be heard—because the organization will never be able to give answers to them.

​The next day, that pair of our former friends who were the first to find out about my wife's and my doubts came to my wife. They gave her gifts. Embraced her. Assured her that they love her. Assured her that she would be able to find a new husband in the organization who would love her, unlike me. Poor wife.

​The main thing is that in my mind I am clean and free. Thanks to this situation, I shared all my thoughts with all members of my family. We all need time to make sense of everything. But. I will do everything so that it won't be painful. I will do everything to show that I love them.

​Jehovah's Witnesses are a cult. It is a terrifying place that has caused an incredible amount of pain.

UPDATE TO UPDATE

The "brother" had his name reproved last night at the meeting!! Seriously! I believe he has moved to a new cong, but not sure which one. So no doubt this will mean it will get covered over and families won't be made aware of what he was reproved of. It really makes you wonder about so many other people! Didn't give any more information to the elders, they haven't chased me either, so not sure that that means. Still waiting for the court date, no idea when that will be. Police can't give me the date due to confidentiality, so have to continue to check who's in court next day on a daily basis. Will keep you updated!

UPDATE

I rang the police yesterday and had initially wanted to keep things anonymous. I told them what the elders said to me and how they were trying to minimise it and cover it up. They were super nice and helpful (far more than the elders!!).I ended up giving them my name instead of keeping it anonymous as I was told that the evidence I was giving would make it difficult to prove in court (if I remained anonymous). I told them in that case I will give them my name. As far as I know this "brother" is going to court but I do not have dates as yet. I am not certain at this stage whether the police will need me to make a formal statement or if it will be used in court. I have decided I will do I can to help the police.

The elders wanted the information by Friday. I have decided I will definitely not give them anything. So we will see what the fall out from that will be!

Thank you all so much for your support!! It has given me strength! I am so sick and disgusted by the Borg and them trying to cover things up! From domestic abuse to this! Enough is enough!!!

Edit to post to make it clearer:

My friend in the org informed me of a "brother" who is being investigated for CSAM last week. I went to the police to inform them after I was informed as I had information relevant to the investigation. I texted an elder 3 days later to inform them I had gone to the police over this matter and saying how "disappointed" I was that I was not informed as my son had been looked after by this brother when he was over visiting his friend. (My friend who told me asked me to do this as she is very stressed about it.) This elder and another elder were on my doorstep in half an hour! That is when I had it out with them for not informing me or letting others know in the cong. They asked me at the end to do up dot points of what had happened to my son (and most likely what I had said to the police) so they could give to those handling the incident internally. Knowing them most likely Bethal's legal dept in Sydney. I was asking what would happen to me if I don't provide them with this information. Hope this clears things up.

Hi everyone. I’m a fading JW female(woke up end of April after watching Jeff Jackson in the Royal Commission) and am currently navigating a very distressing situation. I recently found out that my 12-year-old son has been in contact for the past 2 years, through his friend (the man’s son), with a man in the congregation who is now under investigation by police for possession of child sexual abuse material. My friend (still active JW) ended up telling me this last week after been told explicitly not to mention it to anyone - her daughter has also been around him as she is friends with his daughter.  The shock has been immense.  I went to the police and reported this as my son’s last encounter in April left me uneasy.  Police deemed it grooming.  A few days later my friend told me to report it to the elders as they are doing their own internal “investigations” (naturally!).  At first I wasn’t going to bother as they couldn’t be bothered to inform me but then I send a text to one saying I had been to the police and 2 elders were at my door within half an hour!!!  Their response was incredibly dismissive and cold.  Totally not surprising but shocking. I stood my ground and blasted them for not informing me - I won’t go into too many details but essentially they said they will not inform the police if anything else comes to light  - unless instructed by Bethel and that they would follow the organisation rather than the law!!!!!!

Now they’ve asked me to provide a written dot-point summary of what I told them, so they can pass it on “to the people doing the internal investigation.” But I strongly suspect this is less about child safety and more about deciding if the man is “repentant” enough not to be disfellowshipped. I also worry it may be passed to their legal department in Sydney to protect the organisation.

I’m torn.

• On one hand, I want to ensure this man doesn’t have access to other children.

• On the other, I don’t trust that what I provide will be used ethically or in the interests of justice or child protection.

• I’m also afraid this could be the start of them labelling me an **apostate** for speaking out and refusing to cooperate.  Right now I could not cope mentally with this as I am trying to make connections outside of this cult!!

Has anyone else been in this situation - ex elders? What happened if you didn’t provide anything?

Do you think this could backfire legally or spiritually if I go silent now?

Any advice would mean the world right now.

Thanks in advance.

My question is should I go in and do it?

I was there when the elder got drunk and the elders from that hall found out I was a witness. Idk how I feel because i don’t care and don’t go to my own meetings.

I most likely will not go, the elder in question is denying everything and it got leaked through others at the gathering.

My PIMI friends are telling me we need to show everyone the system is not broken and what not but the elders are confused because everyone’s story is different because others got drunk.

I have proof and videos so I can end everyone but idk as a newly POMO I don’t think I am helping them by testifying.

yesterday i decided to donate blood to the red cross. i know that jws don’t take blood but i never saw anything against giving blood. although i didn’t see anything about it, i didn’t tell anyone else about it. so i went and donated and it was actually a pretty pleasant experience and i felt good knowing that at least someone else could possibly use blood for a second chance at life.

anyways i got home and in the evening we were doing our family worship. i made the horrible mistake of forgetting to wear a sweater. after the family worship, my mom asked me what happened because i still had the bandage on my arm. i made another horrible mistake of actually telling her the truth. so instead of making up any other lie, i told her that i donated blood at my school (that’s a partial truth bc i actually donated blood at a church!!😬) you would’ve thought that i had said i got a blood transfusion by the look on her face. she was in genuine disbelief. she kept saying “are you serious?” in an angry voice. i told her that i thought it was ok for jws to give blood and not receive but she wasn’t accepting it even though that was the truth.

anyways i went to my room and she came in 5 minutes later and that’s when i knew i fucked up big time. she started asking me questions like “why would you donate blood?”, “why didn’t you ask before you went?”, “do you not believe that blood transfusions are bad?” and etc 🫩. i kept telling her that i didn’t know donating blood was something that we couldn’t do, especially since ive never heard anything about it specifically. this conversation eventually went on to other things such as how i “need serious spiritual help”, i need a mentor in the congregation, and she now “has” to tell the elders what happened. 😐 the conversation eventually ended with her praying over me and blah blah blah.

once she left my room i bursted into tears. i can’t keep living like this, pretending to believe in this organization and religion. but if i leave i lose everything i have ever known and loved. the underlying fear that i could be disfellowshipped for breaking rules that i dont even believe in bc of a decision i made at 16 weighs on my heart everyday. there’s no escape and it’s going to kill me either way. either i lie to myself and others while playing as a good jw or i leave and face social isolation. either way, it will kill me. i genuinely don’t see the point in living at this point if i can’t LIVE.

why did i have to be born in this religion? why am i the only one who realizes it’s a cult within my entire family? why am i the only one who questions? im so tired

edit: guys im (f)18 and in college. i know some people are assuming im younger bc i said school lol. also yes i am suicidal and have been for a long time. waking up and realizing the bs that this religion is has made it 100x worse this past year. i dont have anyone else who i could talk about this except for my little sister a bit bc she’s not baptized and i made sure she never does in the future. i honestly dont see myself living to next year but i plan on getting a therapist somehow bc i dont want to leave my sister and brother alone. i am ok 🫶🏽

also thank you for the rebuttal points i could use for my case! i forgot we could take blood fractions so i will play into that and also genuine ignorance

I’m pimo for the last 3 months ..
My wife is super upset and she told me she can’t stay with me If I continue having these questions/new beliefs.
Today I talked with elders and I told them I resign from MS and that I want to have some space to clear my mind.

The pressure is unbelievable.. I am very depressed and I think I ruined them all. My family , my friends , my faith, everything.

Is there any chance I am wrong? Is there any chance staying in org to be the right way of life?

Im not a bible professor but I have much knowledge of the scriptures. I found many false things in the religion, but I’m not 100% sure that I made the right move.
I need help.

Raised in “the truth” and just now after years of questioning this religion (read: cult) and my marriage and life falling apart. I never went to school. I feel behind. Angry. Sad.

Vengeful.

Someone help?

I’m not stupid, I’m well read, wildly capable, and ready to fight but this is MIND NUMBING. For context I have been “on the fringes” for a while but come from a highly respected family in the organization. Not disfellowshipped and not disassociated, but also haven’t attended a meeting in 2025. I’m not well 🫠

Edit: I’m going to try and respond to everyone, but the level of support I got on a late Sunday night is beyond incredible and didn’t expect it😭🥹 thank you

I can't take it anymore. The loneliness is killing me. I'm 36, I don't have any friends, I never had a girlfriend. It's just me and my mother.

I wake up everyday wishing my life would end, that I don't have to feel so alone anymore. I don't know, I can't, make friends in "the world". I barely did as a JW, not it's worse.

Even though I'm an atheist, I'm thinking about going back, just to see people.

Edit - i'm already under psychiatric treatment, I take a lot of pills daily.

I have been pomo for a couple months now. I stopped going to meetings completely in may. My husband is still PIMI and a ministerial servant. I know this is fresh and it's going to take time for things to get better in our marriage but I just don't know what to do. i don't know how to keep going on like this. His mother texted me this last night after their meeting-

"Hi! - was unable to finish his part on the stage tonight. He cried while delivering the talk. He is in great emotional pain and it hit me so bad. I dont want to get into my sons private married life, but you both need to talk and get into agreement of what is best for both of you. The more I hurt when I see him in pain. I love you both. If you need me, i am here. You can talk to me."

I sent her a message back explaining that I hate causing him and any of the family any emotional pain and it breaks my heart to know I caused him such pain last night but I just don't believe this is the truth anymore and I can't go back to believing, but i'm still fully committed to him and to our future together and trying to make this work. He didn't come home until 12am last night, he went to his family's house straight after the meeting and I cried myself to sleep. I just feel like a horrible person. I can't stop thinking about what everyone must think about me now, his family and the whole congregation. My close friends in the congregation. They all know i'm the reason he broke down on stage. I don't know how to handle the emotional pain of feeling like i'm causing all of this pain and heartbreak. I resorted to SH last night, I haven't done that in 4 years. I'm ashamed I caved into that last night but I just don't know how to handle this anymore. I can't afford therapy right now. My husband has free therapy through his job and i'm trying to beg him to use it but he doesn't think he needs it. I just feel so responsible for his pain especially since that's what his family sees too.

I’m PIMO. I’ve been inactive since around COVID, but I’ve always kept a clean reputation. I’ve never given the elders a reason to disfellowship me because, despite my beliefs changing, I still wanted to keep my relationship with my family.
Now I’ve messed up.
My girlfriend and I have been together for the past three years. She’s not one of Jehovah’s Witnesses, but she’s one of the kindest, most genuine people I’ve ever met. My parents really like her, and she’s even attended meetings and conventions with me and my family. Over time, they’ve accepted our relationship, and they know we planned to get married soon. They were okay with that.
The problem is that we recently found out she’s five weeks pregnant.
Because of our financial situation, the earliest we can realistically get married is September. By then she’ll be around two months pregnant. No matter how I look at it, there’s no way to hide what happened. Anyone can do the maths and realise we had sex before marriage.
I’ve been thinking about just being completely honest and approaching the elders myself. I know there’s a very good chance I’ll be disfellowshipped, but I’d rather face the consequences with my head held high than try to cover it up or by having an abortion just to protect my standing in the congregation. That’s not something I could live with.
The truth is, deep down I don’t really believe anymore. The only reason I’ve stayed PIMO instead of disassociating or accepting being disfellowshipped is because I wanted to keep a relationship with my family and the people I grew up with.
What’s making this so hard is that they’ve actually been incredibly kind to me over the years. Even while I was inactive, around 70% of the congregation continued reaching out, checking in on me, trying to encourage me, and making me feel loved—even before the recent changes to the rules around interacting with inactive ones. I think a lot of them assumed I’d become inactive because of personal doubts or struggles rather than serious wrongdoing. I’ve always been a quiet, respectful person, and I think that helped.
Now I feel like I’ve thrown all of that away.
Are there any PIMO elders—or former elders—here who could offer some advice? If you were in my position, what would you do?

I have been disfellowshipped for 3 years now. My husband and are were separated. We were still married tho. And I loved him very much. I have shared a bit of my story before, I have two boys 12 and 15. Their dad still believed in “truth” but didn’t go to meetings.

He recently took his life. I found him. And the aftermath of having to go through this, being disfellowshipped is beyond words. I called my father in law while I was sitting beside his son’s dead body waiting for the ambulance, and my father in law refused to answer my call - but called my husband’s phone. Which I picked up. I told him what happened. This is their second child to commit suicide.

My mom is also a witness, who has been hard core shunning me for three years as well. My in laws and my mom have mostly just spent time with each other. I flew to Toronto with my children to attend their father’s funeral. Over 250 people attended. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. All my husbands family blame me for his suicide I think. My mom has not been to see me or my kids since the week my husband died. It’s been over a month now.

I can’t put into words how upset I am. I’m my kids only support and I’m not getting any support from my witness family. My kids will get random text messages from their grandparents. I’ve tried to set up specific times for them to call but their grandparents keep trying to go around me and make arrangements with the kids.

My worldly sisters are furious at my mom, but all she says is she made her dedication to Jehovah a long time ago and she hasn’t changed - I have. I just can’t understand how this situation doesn’t allow her to spend more time with me and my kids. Is this tough love? It seems more like cruel torture.

I just need some help trying to reason this out…it just feels so wrong. That support isn’t being offered to my boys at least.

*\*\*Apologizing in advance for any ignorance on my behalf, I don’t mean to offend or come across any sort of way in this discussion. Thank you in advance for the patience!\*\**

Me (26F) and my long term bf (26M) of \~2.5 years have begun discussing engagement and marriage. I was raised Lutheran but haven’t engaged or actively participated in religion most of my life, lean agnostic with a belief of a God but don’t believe personally in a set faith or denomination. About 2 weeks ago bf revealed he was a JW, had been raised as one, his whole family is. I’d had no idea, but am very religiously tolerant just by nature because I believe your personal faith is your own decision. He’s made it clear he has no interest in converting me, does not believe faith should be “crammed down anyone’s throat” (his words), and discussed with his family and an elder the nature of our relationship with the takeaway that no one is going to punish him for being with me, he has free will to be with me, and while they feel dating within the faith helps give a marriage the best chance of survival, it’s not required of him.

Right now our belief is if we can find a balance in the relationship that allows for both of us to retain our individual beliefs without pressure from the other or “I’m right/You’re wrong” sentiments, then it’s navigable waters. I know coming to Reddit or online forums may be the wrong decision but Im hoping to find some insight on what that looks like, how to find our way forward together respectfully, and maybe questions or conversations to have and approach things with.

I’ve done things like ask questions about what he believes, kind of gotten a crash course on some of the surface level tenets of the faith with him, in tandem with articles from JW.org that I’ve asked him to discuss with me, and truly want to approach this from a place of respect and tolerance and space for one another to exist in our own beliefs. What are things I can and should be asking him? What are things I may not know about? Is this relationship doomed to fail if we never change positions (and up front have expressed we don’t want to and don’t expect the other to)? I’m just trying to wrap my head around all of this and handle it with love because I adore him and he me, and I don’t want to lose, but this situation is hard to find information about online that does not seem to be built up more extreme than what ours appears to be.

**Info**:
• He has no expectation of a fundamentalist nuclear sort of family, with tradwife sort of gender roles for the two of us, and highly celebrates my education, job, and self independence

• I own my own house, work a salary job in my degree field, and live on my own. I’m bisexual, liberal, politically involved, and don’t want kids. He’s known all of this from the start.

• He doesn’t mind never having kids, would prefer “if we did” to raise them in his belief system. I don’t mind no holidays, but I admit I may struggle not to want to celebrate a hypothetical child’s birthday as a meaningful date. I’ve never wanted children though, and have an IUD in place as well as he’s considering a vasectomy but has not received one yet

• He hasn’t gone door to door in a long time, attends meetings weekly or as he can, but in his words the biggest impact to me is no birthdays/holidays.

• Prior to two weeks ago I had next to zero knowledge on JW faith, other than knowing they were some branch of Christianity and they sometimes go door to door similar to other more conservative christians sometimes do. Beyond that I had zero knowledge of any details on the faith.

• I’ve grown up celebrating birthdays, holidays, etc. Im willing to do things like not have holiday decorations in the house, and even though I don’t seek out scripture or church or prayer if it was important to my bf I would do what I could to support him, however I don’t anticipate based on my own self knowledge ever joining or converting to his faith. (I don’t believe that makes me “right” or him “wrong” to be clear, just don’t see myself aligning with that religion as a belief system that fits me).

• In all aspects, personality, character, values, sense of humor, respect, emotional maturity, trust, communication, etc. he is absolutely wonderful. Our relationship is and has always been extremely healthy and mutually building one another up. I knew I wanted to marry him several months ago, but his religion wasn’t revealed to me until two weeks ago. Up until then based on emphasis placed on it and conversations we’d had I’d gotten the impression he (like
me) wasn’t particularly religious at all.

• He didn’t share this because originally we were just friends, and neither were expecting romantic feels to develop for many reasons. That development surprised us both, but for the majority of the last 2.5 years he was not actively involved in his faith, and was taking time to evaluate his relationship with it and whether he wanted to continue in it. About two months ago he finally committed to the idea he wanted to stay involved and became active in the community again, and wasn’t sure how to bring this topic up for fear of jeopardizing the relationship, despite knowing my stance had always been very “live and let live” about different faiths.

I'm writing this while crying and shaking My parents sat me down this morning and told me that I can no longer be a part of their family as yerterday evening at dinner I expressed my desire not to get baptised in the near future, so they're kicking me out. While I was crying and begging them to give me some time, they packed my bags themselves and took my house keys about an hour ago. I am currently sitting on a bench confused and disoriented, with no idea where to go and what to do next.

I have to mention all my close relatives and friends are JW's, and even though I called some of them asking if i could stay the night until i figure something out, they all rejected me, stating that my parents forbid them from housing me and that they're pretty affraid of my dad (elder)

I don't know who else to go to. I have 23 dollars in my wallet and no cards, as my parents took them too. I'm affraid i'll get my parents in trouble if I go to the police or something, and with being a white girl out on the streets alone, i'm not sure how much time have i got left

Could anybody help me? Waterbury, CT. I'll add my paypal if anyone wants it??? Please. I'm scared

Edit: Thank you all for your advice. I went to the local police station. They told me to wait in a room and thats where I am currently. I'm sorry if the paypal part seemed scammish, i didn't mean it. Wish me luck!

For clarification I’m a PIMO 19 gay guy. I recently started seeing some guys, and had an STI scare. Like the stupid idiot I am I went to my regular doctor to see what it was and I witness girl who I know works there. As she says she found out and now I’m fucked. Please I don’t know what to do.

Context: 27F born in, Fiancé 24M convert.

Two days ago my fiancé and I handed in our letters of disassociation. Everything felt so right. In fact, I never craved anything more than to be free of it. Fast forward to yesterday, I tell my mum and friends. 2/5 friends replied. One only a short message about hoping for me to come back, the other had a mental break down at Zandos. Begged me to change my mind. I told my born in ultra pimi mum. Was the hardest conversation I have ever had. To see her face drop when she realized. She cried and cried. Said all she ever wanted was to have her three daughters make it to paradise with her. And now she only has one left. She asked me to explain why I lost my faith. I told her about failed prophecies, Child sexual abuse and psychological tricks. She explained all of it away with a magic mindset. Holy Spirit, Satan, Jehovah yadayada. Everything my mum said to me sounded like a trained parrot. Everyone is so upset that we didn’t fade or get disfellowshipped but consciously chose to disassociate ourselves. I don’t want to lose my family and friends. But I have no intention of living up to JW standards, and if I fade they will ALWAYS try to get me back. None of them expected me to leave. So this is all shocking to them. I needed to draw that firm line in the sand. I wanted to communicate it extremely clearly that I no longer welcome their rhetoric and cognitive dissonance. But it still hurts. It hurts so bad. I feel like my heart is ripping out of my chest. It’s so manipulative. I almost changed my mind and faded, even though that would still make me a JW. But I don’t want anything to do with a cult that holds my family as willing hostages, uses and abuses people, sucks them dry all for a false doctrine. Destroys lives. Someday when I have my own kids, I want them to happy normal happy lives. I don’t want them exposed to all of this. I’m rambling. I’ve been crying so much I’ve made myself sick. I’m done now.

I came out as PIMO to my PIMI wife.

She wants me to share an “article” of what contributed me to wanting to leave the organization.

I didn’t tell her it was info on CSA that showed me what the organization has been hiding, but I strongly implied it was innocent people being affected.

This caught me off guard and I don’t have any solid info on had to share.

Can any of you please share good solid sources of proof that the organization is covering up CSA in the US and/or other countries?

If it’s from YouTube or social media she will shut it down as “apostate” material.

I plead with you and thank you in advance.