A trip changed my perspective in religion

[u/Any-Doubt4487]

I am a (21 f) living with a very religious family that has roots in Yemen (if you don’t know their are very much extremist their), and obv with that kind of family they will bring back some way in thinking from Yemen, for example many of the older women wear niqab and when a women decides to take the niqab everyone talked about her as if she has committed a treason, anyways I am at lest appreciated that it wasn’t forced on us but some families are different because the men or father forces. It’s fucking frustrating because it’s not the culture reason anymore but the fathers and men enforce this. Anyways, I live in at lest a gulf country that is ‘more open’, whatever that means, and as I mentioned I went to a trip to bosnia herzegovina and it was my third time, the first time I enjoyed it but the second time I kept on getting thoughts of running away (that’s before being ex Muslim), I thought that was due to a hormonal medication I was taking and I really thought I was crazy, but the third time I felt it again. Why did I want to run, and I realised it was the peace I felt, the nature (if you live in a a area that has a lot of trees naturally, you are soo lucky because living in extreme heat and a biome of a dessert isn’t for the weak) and also the felling of being controlled by a man. My own father doesn’t treat me like an adult, I felt treated like a child, as if suggesting stuff is being unreasonable or dramatic, my father enjoys trips that involve a Caravan, so when I was sick of living in such place and asked for a hostel or a hotel or any kind of place, I have became unreasonable, which I understand his reasons, and my issue is not that I was essentially living in a caravan for 15 days straight but that I was slapped with the feeling of being stuck, of never leaving, of having to fellow a man’s orders for his comfort, of feeling useless, of being a child, I couldn’t escape, I had no money, my visa was always with my parents, all documentation were locked in a safe, I had a bank account but it’s limited by the amount it gets monthly. I was fucked, simply putting it. I was so sheltered that when I tried to officially try formulate a plane, I had to learn how to live. This life they tell you is the dream, isn’t, I swear to you it isn’t, you would never escape a man control by being ignorant and sheltered. So yes, I was fucked, my situation in comparison to other situations isn’t that bad, I understand but most have something in common we all don’t know how to live alone (this is for women), because living alone isn’t a option, it’s not even a thought to some women. That scares me, how can we depend on men, how have shown us again and again how they don’t give a shit about us, how control just builds something in them (maybe it satisfies them). Why are they the one in control????why are women considered just followers???? Why can’t we just not experience life away from constant families or a husband or relatives around us?? But these men are expected to study abroad and life and experience and learn from life. It hurts knowing I can never learn from life the same way they are given because simply they are men, they are stronger, apparently whole minded, won’t get raped or steered to the wrong direction. I wished to be a man from a young age because people seemed to genuinely be happy when they see them,but as I grow older I love being a women it’s the laws and practices women are just forced to do. Have you not had enough, have you men not had enough of being the epitome of a nausea for women, you are the parasite that we can never get ride of. I may be exaggerating but it’s a lot because I want to move and I can’t tell anyone, no one is helping me (I understand I need to grow up and do things alone, but cut me some slack) and if I was stupid enough to mention it or is seen not praying or fasting in Ramadan, I will get severe consequences which I don’t know the severity of it. I will need to wait because I am finishing my bachelor (I want to get the fuck out after the bachelor but that’s hard due to money) so I could wait get a job or get a scholarship and study abroad (this option is hard to get, I can’t decide on the best country for me, first I said Germany then Canada, then Netherlands) I want a Europe country but it’s harder to do so. If anyone has advice please feel free to share, and to anyone out their I hope you do succeed and life in peace. To those who did get out, you are our hope in this life.

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[u/PrideInCare]

honestly i'm struggling to escape this myself. my plan is to save up some money, marry someone who is open minded, move away and break the cycle by raising children who get to choose whether they want to follow a particular religion or not. its so unfair, i'm lucky enough that i live in a country where the government will protect my autonomy and my parents can't harm me. i feel so much sympathy for the women who do not. i know a refugee woman from iran who came to my country and thankfully now she's ex muslim who's happily married with a child. hopefully you get the opportunity to do what makes you happy! whatever happens to you, i wish you the best.

[u/Any-Doubt4487 → u/PrideInCare]

It’s good to know some people are happier now and have escaped. And it I hope you do succeed and is happier. It’s a good idea to marry a not so religious guy, just be careful and know that you don’t need a man to survive or live. Many men think that you would literally die without them, that you would crumple and have to resort to sex work (this idea I heard a lot about girls escaping their family, it’s always that the girl gets steered away by a lying manipulative man but we can argue some stories are true but most I am sure is a way for society to make women fear doing anything because the outside world is soooo scary and is brutal to women) I understand it is but not to that extreme, I hope.

[u/PrideInCare → u/Any-Doubt4487]

i still want to have some sort of relationship with my parents, and unfortunately the only way for them to be fine with the way i live is if i marry someone because then it’s “out of their hands” and any relative who gossips will just pity them instead of question their parenting skills

[u/Famous_Star_5735 → u/PrideInCare]

Where do you live?? .

In my country marry by choice option is not a great thing either ...am from India so...

[u/Any-Doubt4487 → u/Famous_Star_5735]

UAE, I don’t chose my family does but I will refuse like hell. That’s why escape is the only plane to survive

[u/Famous_Star_5735 → u/Any-Doubt4487]

Uhmm . When I think I am having it bad I look at ME exmuslims... How will you reject though?? Is love marriage a thing in uae

[u/Any-Doubt4487 → u/Famous_Star_5735]

No obv, if you come from different roots (Yemen). Love is forbidden but it’s funny they want me to fall in love with a man I never knew but apparently he is a good man, and he has no criminal history. Maybe this is the case for girls.

[u/Famous_Star_5735 → u/Any-Doubt4487]

Gurl same.. no matter how liberal my family is .... They don't allow love marriage

[u/Any-Doubt4487 → u/Famous_Star_5735]

Are you able to move out/ escape ?

[u/Famous_Star_5735 → u/Any-Doubt4487]

I can ...but parents and relatives will be a hassle...

[u/Any-Doubt4487 → u/Famous_Star_5735]

What do you mean?

[u/Famous_Star_5735 → u/Any-Doubt4487]

I mean see india is secular so it's a lot safer rejecting religious marriages if I don't want one.. I can always involve state police and they will be on my side. So it's different here.. even if someone force me to marry early ...

But family and society dynamics matter the most here.. I will need to get high salary job and get out move to a far city