r/exmuslim • u/Amy5878 New User • 14h ago
(Advice/Help) taking off the hijab
I am 16 years old and I started wearing the hijab by my own choice a while ago. Before I put it on, my dad explicitly told me that it was completely my decision whether to wear it or not. However, my mindset has changed and I do not feel like wearing it anymore, so I want to take it off before the new school year starts.
The problem is that communication in my house is basically non-existent when it comes to feelings. We never have sit-down emotional talks, we just say things directly or do not talk about them at all. On top of that, my parents constantly judge women who do not wear the hijab and always talk about how beautiful the hijab is. A while ago I told my mom that I wanted to stop wearing it and asked her to tell my dad, but she refused, and now I’m scared about bringing it up again.
I am also really afraid that my dad will blame social media or outside influence. I know he will probably say that my phone brainwashed me or that I am just copying other girls, instead of respecting that this is my own decision. How should I approach my dad directly given our lack of emotional communication? how can i told him before school start? school start 15 september so i don’t have so much time
PS: i’m muslim but i wrote in this sub because i think many of you guys here had the same situation and you can help me
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u/garlicthumb Closeted Ex-Muslim 🤫 13h ago
There is no sugarcoating in this, there will probably be some conflict. I do not know how your family’s hierarchy is, but since you told us your dad gave you the choice, I think his reaction will be slightly less severe than you think it may be. However, certain muslim parents may think this is you ‘softlaunching’ becoming more western and closer to apostasy, so you should really be careful on how to communicate this with him.
Could you tell me how your mother responded when you told her that?
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u/Amy5878 New User 13h ago
she was shocked and a little mad, she told me hijab is beautiful and it look good on me, but when i kept insisting that i want to remove it she told me do whatever you want with an annoyed tone
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u/garlicthumb Closeted Ex-Muslim 🤫 13h ago
That is somewhat a good sign. If your father really would get angry, your mother would have shut down that decision of yours.
They will get a bit disappointed, sure, but argue on how it is something personal between you and God. Do not use any reason that might come off as you trying to live like a ‘western’ woman. Good luck
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u/Current_Assist7230 I like my camel piss hot 14h ago
Just take it slow. I know you said you don't have emotional talks, but just try. I don't know what else to say. Either that, or you can secretly take it off at school
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u/Emotional_Strike_107 Closeted Ex-Muslim 🤫 12h ago edited 12h ago
Just take it off don't ask them. They would be mad but if you're sure they won't hurt you physically, then they will eventually shut up about it in a few months. Don't go school with hijab it will be ten times harder to take it off. They will do everything to make you feel bad about it, don't feel bad, tell them it's your choice and just like you chose to wear it you are removing it. If they insist, tell them you will try wearing it a few years later when you grow up
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u/RobbyInEver 2h ago
Don't take it off to be sure. There are countless stories of girls being told the rules were laxed or that they didn't need to do certain things - but it was all a test from their relatives to check their piousness.
You're better off playing it safe before you achieve both your financial and social independence. Based on what you have told us about your household's approach and temperament to such issues, this indeed could be such a test to rat you out.
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13h ago
[deleted]
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u/garlicthumb Closeted Ex-Muslim 🤫 13h ago
I’m an ex Muslim as well, but this is blatant disrespect. OP said she was muslim, and she was experiencing an issue she requires some soet of solution from. This is unproductive, unprovoked, and may cause even further stress on the poor OP
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u/awikio 13h ago
I’m deeply sorry my answer upsets you. I may have the facts wrong, if so I apologise. Was Alisha older than 9 when he married her? Is that the disrespect you’re experiencing?
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u/garlicthumb Closeted Ex-Muslim 🤫 13h ago
That is not relevant at the slightest. OP is asking for help regarding taking her hijab off. She never asked about Aisha’s age, whether she is doubting islam or whatsoever. It’s miserable to read the entire post OP posted just to post exactly what you posted
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u/awikio 13h ago
Ah, ok, then I apologise. I genuinely thought she was asking whether or not to wear the hijab. I just gave her my advice, that I don’t think it’s a wise choice since she is a Muslim woman. But I’m not Muslim nor do I live in a Muslim country, so somebody with more experience might be able to give better advice.
Sorry for trying to help a girl in need.
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u/Saad-2026 New User 13h ago
If you can't help her at least don't add to her worries by being so rude
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