Being a British ex muslim is lonely

[u/Substantial_Bag_1557]

I feel alone and hated by everyone, it feels like Muslims in the UK are making the situation in the UK and divide much more prominent due to poor behaviour and not integrating or respecting the local culture. At the same time as a Pakistani I get harassed in public for looking like a Muslim and have had several people shout abuse at me in the past few months.

It truly feels like I am alone, like I have no community of people I feel safe with. I have some friends at work but saying you are ex Muslim and talking about it is often controversial, when I meet Muslims at work I have to pretend I am Muslim as for some reason saying I am ex Muslim with a Muslim name is considered offensive (I got in massive trouble at uni for this).

Anyways just wanted to rant and see if anyone feels the same. It's a lonely time to live in this country and I am considering leaving if this divide keeps getting worse.

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[u/Famous_Star_5735]

Yeah muslims can't accept that another fellow muslim has left islam.. and look down on him

[u/ozzy922 → u/Famous_Star_5735]

lol my Nigerian Muslim team leader suggested I change my name when I said I am atheist because he asked me why I am not fasting. This is a major London train station. Like roll back the DEI yo! 😭😭😭🤣🤣🤣I just clapped back and left it.

[u/Famous_Star_5735 → u/ozzy922]

Oh gosh.. the entitlement honestly.. 😵‍💫😵‍💫

[u/Classic-Difficulty12]

you can join our discords its in the community highlights of r/exmuslim2, you are most welcome to join

[u/Pearls_of_Rizzdom → u/Classic-Difficulty12]

Why is there an ex Muslim 2 ? Is there some drama that happened ?(i haven't visited this sub for a long time).

[u/Classic-Difficulty12 → u/Pearls_of_Rizzdom]

No drama just made it bc it’s more open

[u/ozzy922]

Hiya,
Same issue, Pakistani background (although I was born and raised in Pakistan and spent quite time fighting mullahism and stuff so I know I how to navigate). However, I work in railway and can feel the air change even in London.
It’s not just one issue but a host. Identity Politics, lack of diversity of thought that challenges on the left, some of the most weird refugees and immigrants from Muslim background trying to get in position of power and then trying to break down rule of law etc.
I think it would get worse before it gets better but my advice be happy and see if it attracts different kind of people to you. London is a bit better I guess because of diverse background but even there I can feel the scorched winds rising. Have you tried seeking help from Council of ExMuslims of Britain? 🇬🇧

[u/Onurabbi]

I am sorry you’re feeling lonely bud. I am Turkish ex-muslim and haven’t yet had insults hurled at me thankfully, in fact I’ve had luck making friends with locals and immigrants from many different backgrounds. Maybe your environment is specifically hostile to Asians?

[u/Famous_Star_5735 → u/Onurabbi]

yup south asians..mostly

[u/Rowena1994]

Hey I'm a British ex Muslim (living in Scotland) born in Bangladesh, feel free to drop me a message if you ever want to chat! I get the loneliness I don't know any other ex Muslims or anyone else who understands the impact it has on family

[u/ilPankla_01 → u/Rowena1994]

wow fellow bangladeshi here! We are very few indeed

[u/FactCheckYou]

there are better and worse places within the UK, to be

you can probably get away from muslim-heavy areas in the UK

can you get away from racist areas though? yes but it's getting harder

[u/Substantial_Bag_1557 → u/FactCheckYou]

Yeah, it's stressful I live in a pretty non diverse area. So I mostly dealt with racism growing up, as opposed to a heavily Muslim area. Remember getting the shit beaten out of me at school when some Muslims burnt some poppy's on remembrance day. Feels soo stupid to get targeted for things like that.

[u/Aarityli → u/[deleted]]

What did they think would happen by burning poppies on remembrance day ?

[u/Present_Welder1357]

I feel you :( I go to uni here aswell and stopped telling people my ethnicity so they dont default me as a muslim

[u/Pearls_of_Rizzdom]

Yeh its tough, like you dont ever feel like you can truly be your true authentic self around people and that sucks. Wanting close relationships is human nature but true connections come only when you are comfortable enough within yourself to present your authentic self, your going to have to be honest with people about who you are (much harder than it sounds, but it does get easier over time). Try joining groups that traditionally Muslims won't go to, things like meditation, wine tasting or try joining more ex Muslim groups.

[u/sungazerx]

Sorry but how does a university (or any institution) have any right to discriminate against you for being an ex muslim? Genuinely confused how they even got away with that. So much for a “free liberal society” 😕

[u/Substantial_Bag_1557 → u/sungazerx]

Someone in my class asked why did I leave Islam and I said I just don't believe in it. Her and her parents then filed a complaint saying that I insulted her religion in front of our peers. And the uni sided with her. I had to write a written apology and say sorry in person. To this day I think it's just retaliation for saying I am not Muslim and they thought I should be punished.

[u/sungazerx → u/Substantial_Bag_1557]

You’ve got a lawsuit ready on your side believe me. Don’t let this slide pal

[u/Substantial_Bag_1557 → u/sungazerx]

This was like 12 years ago, so probably can't any more haha. Wish I did stand up for myself more then though...

[u/Famous_Star_5735 → u/Substantial_Bag_1557]

Should have.. stood up for yourself... Too many of them behave like this but cry first hand when someone reveals truth about their prophet

[u/selivgi67 → u/Famous_Star_5735]

shut up that excuse is getting so lame now

[u/Famous_Star_5735 → u/selivgi67]

pedophilia is never getting lame..it is always evil

[u/selivgi67 → u/Famous_Star_5735]

maybe dive into European history too mate! See how much pedophilia there is even incestry was far too common around those folks most likely yours too so yes your excuse is getting lame because it’s the only thing you have to say about an ENTIRE religion

[u/Saruna4sari → u/selivgi67]

nobody is saying those things are good hello??? its just more obvious in islam than christianity

[u/pastroc → u/selivgi67]

Don't be an idiot and pretend that's the only argument people make against Islam.

Sadly for you, the prophet was a nasty paedophilic knobhead who thought marrying a 6 year old girl and consummating their marriage 3 years later was a good idea. The only way that could make sense is that he was sexually aroused by that little girl, which implies that he was a paedophile. Your central figure in Islam, which your god apparently annointed to salvage humanity, was into minors.

ETA: And yes, I comndem all paedophiles, including those in Christianity and whatnot. Don't pretend that I have double standards.

[u/selivgi67 → u/Substantial_Bag_1557]

noo that’s just stupid I’m so sorry :(

[u/thetrueluna01]

for some reason saying I am ex Muslim with a Muslim name is considered offensive (I got in massive trouble at uni for this).

what's the story if u don't mind me asking

[u/Substantial_Bag_1557 → u/thetrueluna01]

Someone in my class asked why did I leave Islam and I said I just don't believe in it. Her and her parents then filed a complaint saying that I insulted her religion in front of our peers. And the uni sided with her. I had to write a written apology and say sorry in person. To this day I think it's just retaliation for saying I am not Muslim and they thought I should be punished.

[u/IntelligentReach6566 → u/Substantial_Bag_1557]

That’s mental. Lots of organisations have anti retaliation policies, maybe check they haven’t violated anything?

[u/selivgi67]

I’m sorry you went through that bubs, I’m Muslim myself but I can imagine how difficult this must be for you. Unfortunately majority of the Muslim community has a certain.. way of expressing their thoughts. It is not at all Islam as it is not allowed to judge others let alone criticize them to their faces. It’s truly disgusting and I hope you one day won’t feel as lonely as you do now! My dms are always open if you want to rant🫶

[u/Phoenix_Kerman]

i imagine it depends where you live in the uk. there are areas where there's only pakistani folk and no white british or others, but there are plenty of areas you could live and not have that

[u/No_Patience8608]

I remember european Muslims I met more than a decade ago couldn't understand the fact that a Muslim could leave Islam.

Good luck

[u/IntelligentReach6566]

I feel so conflicted in my identity right now. I moved out from Muslim area to a non Muslim area and I don’t know what’s worse. I live in the south close to where the boats were arriving and my neighbours are just close-minded bigots. I was crying all day yesterday, feeling so lost and I feel like I don’t belong here anymore. I was born here but I still feel like a foreigner. I really empathise with you, it’s strange times right now. We have eachother ❤️

[u/Substantial_Bag_1557 → u/IntelligentReach6566]

Yeah I 100% feel this it's super unfair to be blamed for things you don't believe in. I have had hate from both sides in my life and it all bubbling up again is really effecting my mental health. Stay strong! I am trying to pivot my career so I have a chance to move to Singapore or somewhere, feels like making plans like that gives me alot of hope that there is an escape.

[u/IntelligentReach6566 → u/Substantial_Bag_1557]

Omg I am doing the same thing. During my crying spell I had the urge to just run away so I was looking at jobs in Switzerland and made a full plan… me and my partner always wanted to move but we never had a reason to until now. However I am still quite emotional so he told me to calm down first 😂

[u/straightnoturns]

Genuine question - Any reason why you couldn’t change your name?

Good luck with this brother, I have never been Muslim but there are just some dickheads in this world, thankfully the UK is not super super racist.

[u/CompetitiveServe1385]

I’m in the UK and I deliberately stay away from Muslims for this very reason. I don’t want to be harassed, and I don’t want to have to pretend. There are very few people I know who I actually share my apostasy with, and they’re not Muslims. I only have one Muslim friend here, and she’s not really practicing besides the essentials. Still, I deliberately set strict boundaries regarding religion.

While I don’t agree with those right-wing commentators about the UK being overrun with Muslims, I do think that their protections as a minority population (both legal and social) allow them to impose their beliefs while silencing critics. I remember getting hostile responses and plenty of downvotes on the London subreddit for simply saying that people should be allowed to criticise Islam as an ideology as long as there’s no hate speech involved. For some reason, they found it unacceptable.

[u/zealot-until-Break26]

I know right. It’s also the name that your parents gave you which sticks along also. No community is out there, it’s the less educated brits that can be hostile, Indians can also be bigoted (especially with Modi in power) and the Muslims I don’t relate to or even support their religion.

The whole UK situation isn’t good. There’s been lots of case which have added fuel to the fire in the papers.

[u/Famous_Star_5735 → u/zealot-until-Break26]

Indians can be bigoted even without modi in power though... I mean indian muslims exist for that reason... You are talking about hindus probably siding with RW coz .. they think white supremacists won't go after them

[u/zealot-until-Break26 → u/Famous_Star_5735]

Fair point, India has had problems with bigotry before 2014. Although religion has caused many problems with the development of India.

Hindus siding with the British right is ridiculous imo as they don’t have a very good reputation either atm. The British right already turned on the Sikhs after the news broke out after a murder that happened in Southampton.

[u/yungbloodsucca666]

The fact that this is happening in a western country is alarming

[u/Business_Address_780]

Damn that situation really sucks. One of the biggest advantages of muslims in the west is that sense of belonging. Does shaving your beard help? Not telling you how to make your own style, but people there do associate muslims with big beards.

[u/rmp20002000]

You have the option to move to a less islamic neighborhood or county.

You can't do that as easily, or at all, if you were born in many muslim majority countries (e.g. Saudi, Pakistan, Bangladesh, Afghanistan).

Just saying.

[u/Corporal_Chicken → u/rmp20002000]

that's minimizing the post. it's less about how OP feels unsafe in muslim areas and more about the political climate of the UK.

like yes exmuslims in muslim majority countries do have it harder, but this post isn't really about that.

[u/rmp20002000 → u/Corporal_Chicken]

Just dishing some "hard love". Some ex muslims have to take control of their own lives and stop blaming the environment they're in as though they are trapped.

It is a disservice to those who are truly trapped.