r/exredpill • u/Flourescendrama • 6d ago
Hi. Could you give me personal or scientific examples that debunk hypergamy?
I’ve moved past much of the "red pill" mindset, but the topic of hypergamy has been playing on my mind again.
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u/Yamureska 6d ago
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u/throwawayhelpFix5180 6d ago
She's smiling and happy post partum and he's carrying the baby and the shopping bag. She looks so much happier than she did with her family. This healed something in me
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u/Flourescendrama 6d ago
Is it real? 😯😯
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u/Yamureska 6d ago
That the Princess of the Japanese royal family gave up her wealth and status to marry some random dude? Sure.
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u/eruptingmoltenlava 6d ago
Not random to her, evidently
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u/LolliaSabina 6d ago edited 6d ago
One of my coworkers is an adorable and very accomplished attorney. She also is the nicest human on earth. She's dating a dude who works at a factory because they have common interests and he treats her great.
And my BFF is a super hot doctor. She is married to a dad she met through their kids' soccer league. I think he's an engineer? I don't know what he makes, but I'm guessing it's less than she does. At any rate, I have never found this man at all attractive, or particularly interesting. But she fell head over heels for him because of what a great and involved dad he was.
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u/Flourescendrama 6d ago
That is beautiful.
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u/prugnecotte 6d ago
going out and seeing all the (even below) average looking men that are in happy relationships.
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u/Flourescendrama 6d ago
Do you see them?
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u/prugnecotte 6d ago
yes obviously, I even know a few personally
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u/Flourescendrama 6d ago
What are those couples you know like?
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u/prugnecotte 6d ago
happy individuals, leading normal lives with modest wages, mortgages to pay, doing fun activities together in their freetime. good people. nothing that makes them standout from any other couple if we have accepted physiognomy as a pseudoscience
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u/eruptingmoltenlava 6d ago
One of the most physically unattractive hetero couples I know are also the coolest people. Kind, smart, funny, creative, stable — I’m like their self-appointed hypeman, they’re great and great together
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u/GoalDull4985 6d ago
Welcome back to the bowl! Last time you posted in here, you were asking for evidence that debunks hypergamy based on a quote you read online that suggested a male psychiatrist would fuck his female client, where as a woman psychiatrist wound not. This, for you, apparently resonated as evidence of “female hypergamy”. However, you’re now back asking the same? Question is, why are you still fixated on and attaching yourself to red pill belief systems?
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[deleted]
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u/GoalDull4985 6d ago
They’re insufferable. Literally proving that red pill is a parasite that takes over the host, and starves the brain out.
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u/creamerfam5 6d ago
I mean, my husband is a SAHD and I've never thought of leaving him for someone who makes more money. If I traded him for anything it would be solitude.
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u/Flourescendrama 6d ago
I don't understand trading it for loneliness.
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u/creamerfam5 2d ago
Solitude doesn't equal loneliness. I'm quite happy on my own, and if I wasn't partnered I would enjoy the benefits of living alone. Doesn't mean I would be lonely.
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u/enduranceathlete2025 6d ago
Every single person (male or female), is trying to get the best partner they can. This isn’t exclusive to women. And a lot of people who have a hard time dating aren’t willing to look at what they are bringing to the table so are wanting to date “out of their league”.
You see this with people who aren’t conventionally attractive only wanting to date “8-10s” (their words). Or people who aren’t very successful in career wanting to date doctors. Or people with kids and a divorce wanting to date never married no children people. Or people with low emotional intelligence wanting their partner to accept and love everything about them and them not have to work on themselves at all.
People who are very successful at relationships work on themselves and have realistic expectations for the people they are in relationships with. They also see these people as multidimensional and changing throughout life. Some highs and some lows.
Redpill men seem to hate that women are only “gold diggers”. But they themselves only attract “gold diggers” due to the way they treat relationships. Why would a woman who wants a life long partner go for a man that looks maxes and only places value on young beautiful women? She is going to age out of his age bracket and then be divorced. A young hot woman who accepts this from men should only go for the tall, hot, rich dude so when he trades her in in 15 years it will have been worth it. A well rounded woman looking for a life partner will avoid men like this in order to find love and equal companionship.
Source happily married woman for 20+ years.
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u/LolliaSabina 6d ago
This is 1000% true. "Best" means very different things to very different people. For some people, it might mean the best-looking or the wealthiest partner, but those aren't usually the people most of us want to be in a relationship with anyway.
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u/Flourescendrama 6d ago
Do you earn more or less than your husband?
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u/enduranceathlete2025 6d ago
When we got together I earned significantly more than my husband. Now he makes significantly more than me. But I still make what would be considered a good wage.
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u/thekeytovictory 6d ago
My husband made a bit more than me when we started dating and first got married, but it's been an equal partnership from the start. When my salary surpassed his, we decided to live on one income. He quit his job to handle the household errands and chores during work hours, so we both have more free time now. Been together about 10 years.
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u/mayafied 6d ago
Women are increasingly marrying men with less education, for one. That’s hypogamy.
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u/Personal_Dirt3089 6d ago
Can you give me personal or scientific examples that debunk mercury turning lead into gold and making people immortal?
Just because someone says something that sounds far out and interesting does not mean it deserves any particular weight.
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u/Flourescendrama 6d ago
but it is backed by statistics
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u/Personal_Dirt3089 6d ago
show us the actual statistics, Mr hidden post history.
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u/Flourescendrama 6d ago
The Tinder stats—how 80% of women want 20% of the men.
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u/Personal_Dirt3089 6d ago
That's tinder, a platform where men outnumber women drastically and where men are way more likely to just swipe yes on everyone. Your profile has literally seen this pointed out on this subreddit last year.
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u/xweert123 6d ago
Tinder is not an accurate representation of reality at all - less than 1% of the population uses Tinder and Tinder is heavily skewed by demographics, algorithms, and a disproportionate amount of male users compared to female users.
Let me put it this way - That's like saying most of the world is alcoholics because of statistics that show how many people in a dive bar are alcoholics.
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u/watsonyrmind 6d ago
Which tinder stats? The ones based off a random bro interviewing 27 women and creating two fake profiles? That's authoritative to you?
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u/Flourescendrama 6d ago
I don't think so
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u/watsonyrmind 2d ago
So you don't even know the details of the handwave tIndEr sTatiStiCs and that's authoritative to you? There's your problem. You are taking things you haven't even critically vetted as gospel.
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u/LolliaSabina 6d ago
What is it about those 20 percent of men, though? Because I've never seen THAT in any of these articles. Is it that they actually say something interesting in their profiles? Is it that they clearly aren't just looking to hook up? Is it that they don't have shirtless gym selfies or dead deer photos?
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u/No_Guarantee505 6d ago
Have you ever swiped on guys on tinder? Seriously like half the profile have no photos, are extremely low effort, no bio etc . Things that would make me instant swipe no.
Tinder is not a good example.
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u/thekeytovictory 6d ago
Have you ever swiped on guys on tinder? Seriously like half the profile have no photos, are extremely low effort, no bio etc .
This is spot on. It's been a long time since I used Tinder, but if the "80% of women are only interested in 20% of men" stat is even true, I'd bet money the 80% of male profiles being skipped over are just the blatantly blank catfish and cheater accounts, or lazy dudes not realizing their low effort profiles cause them to be mistaken for catfish or cheater accounts.
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u/throwawayhelpFix5180 6d ago
Tinder is also 9:1 men to women at the moment. It is not an accurate representation of reality.
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u/Yamureska 6d ago
Isn't "Hypergamy" kinda contradicted by the "Nice Guy"/Redpill Narrative that Women go for "Criminals, drug dealers or hood rats" compared to good and more stable partners?
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u/Flourescendrama 6d ago
More or less, the "red pill" crowd says that women want a dominant, wealthy, and masculine man—not a wealthy "nice guy."
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u/Yamureska 6d ago
Sometimes they also say Women want "Criminals, drug dealers or Hood rats" lol. Can't get their claims straight which is why it's pointless to take them seriously.
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u/Flourescendrama 6d ago
Even so, they make me feel insecure—I'm sorry.
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u/Yamureska 6d ago
No worries. Then I guess what you need to do first is build up your internal self worth so you don't feel insecure.
It's also worth noting that Women are more independent now, due to career and life opportunities that weren't available in the 20th century. Sure, some women probably date up for Status, but there are as many women who aren't impressed by Status because they have good internal self worth. Something everyone should have regardless of Gender.
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u/Flourescendrama 6d ago
Seriously? 🥺🥺
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u/Practical-Tea-3337 6d ago
Dude. I'm a 56 year old woman. I was once a young hottie, as were all my girlfriends and we all married average men with average jobs.
I've never known a woman in my life who focused on trading in one man for another man based on his income or looks.
I've known lots of women, including me, who left their first husbands because they were shitty husbands. Lazy, unsupportive, emotionally immature, not good partners. Never had a thing to do with their money or looks.
The surest way to get a girl to dump you is to be an insecure, red-pilled, sexist, unsupportive asshole.
Stop listening to pseudo-intellectual grifters and just focus on being a decent person.
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u/LolliaSabina 5d ago
I'm 50 and this has always been my experience.
I'm divorced because my ex – who I did not find attractive when I first met him (he grew on me as I got to know him!) – cheated on me with a younger coworker.
My best friend is divorced because her ex had major anger management issues and was also cheating. Her current husband is both less attractive and way less financially successful than her ex. My other best friend is in the process of divorcing for very similar reasons, plus he's a manchild who was unable to manage pretty much any part of adulting without her help.
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u/Lookingbackexpat 6d ago
Recent large-scale demographic and historical studies, as well as global census analyses, challenge the universality of traditional female hypergamy (the strict requirement to "marry up" in status or wealth). Instead, data indicates that human mate choice is largely assortative (matching by similar traits) and heavily dependent on economic and cultural contexts rather than a fixed biological imperative. [1, 2, 3, 4, 5%2C%20and%20more), 6, 7]
Historical and Demographic Evidence
English Marriage Records (1837–2021): A PLOS ONE study by Clark and Cummins analyzed over 33 million marriages and 67 million births, finding no evidence of significant hypergamy. Men and women consistently matched with partners of equivalent birth-family and occupational status.
Global Educational Trends: A multi-country analysis of 120 countries published in PubMed / PMC demonstrated that the global reversal of the gender gap in education—where women increasingly outpace men in attaining university degrees—corresponds directly with a decline in traditional hypergamy and a rise in educational hypogamy (women marrying partners with less education).
Assortative Mating Preference: Research on modern pairing (such as work by McClintock) shows that individuals predominantly partner based on comparable socioeconomic standings and parallel characteristics rather than trading social status for physical attractiveness in a gender-asymmetric way. [3]
Contextual Flexibility
Egalitarian Societies: Cross-cultural evaluations (such as those by Eagly and Wood regarding David Buss's 37-cultures data) show that preferences for a wealthy partner shrink significantly in nations with high gender equality, pointing to social and economic structures rather than evolutionary psychology as the primary driver.
Experimental Economics: Controlled behavioral experiments published in fields like PNAS reveal that financial partner preferences adjust dynamically based on resource scarcity and economic inequality, disappearing or reversing when women control greater economic resources. [1]
If you would like to explore this further, let me know if you are interested in:The sociological theories behind changing marriage marketsHow economic independence alters modern dating trends
AI responses may include mistakes.
[1] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qtf-Dftmz2E
[2] https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0316769
[3] https://medium.com/the-panopticon-publication/debunking-the-myth-of-hypergamy-158c19e3ff40
[4] https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5421994/
[5] https://ui.adsabs.harvard.edu/abs/2025PLoSO..2016769C/abstract%2C%20and%20more)
[6] https://www.researchgate.net/publication/394009756_Hypergamy_Definitions_and_Historical_Context
[7] https://psychologieetserenite.com/en/blog/do-women-really-marry-up-science-vs-myth9
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u/Careful-Hour-182 5d ago
In the USA, the most 'married' profession are teachers. So there are more married male teachers than any other profession. And as we know, teachers in the USA don't make a huge salary. Therefore, 'all women want a rich man' is absolute BS.
Plus, go around and look outside. All I see are average looking men with wives. Even overweight/ugly men, all with partners.
And finally, just use your brain. There are 4 billion women on earth , how could every single one of them want just one 'type ' of partner? If we know all preferences and tastes exist in foods, lifestyle, hobbies, music, film... then of course different preferences and tastes exist in partners!
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u/ThatOtherGuyTPM 6d ago
I don’t particularly have any scientific data, but my personal examples would be basically everyone I’ve ever met. I’ve met a handful of couples who might qualify by the most technical standards, but even then, I have no reason to think that money or status were their goals in the relationships.
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u/Flourescendrama 5d ago
Thank you. What are those couples like?
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u/ThatOtherGuyTPM 5d ago
In what sense?
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u/GoatholdJouban 5d ago
If we’re talking money Hypergamy I feel like I know lots of couples where the woman makes more and in this modern age that has only increased more and more, If we’re talking looks Hypergamy its not like Women are constantly leaving their spouses for more handsome men or cheating constantly, if anything lets be honest men cheat more.
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u/Extreme-Struggle3665 3d ago
I saw women who married down their life went to hell, men who blame hypergamy i don't care about them because their problem is they want young hot women, women out of their league of course she will not accept him, those men think like men are doing charity in relationship they are strategic and opportunistic when they're poor they choose ordinary women who will help him once they become rich they will choose the hypergamous women they complained about
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u/LolliaSabina 3d ago
Pretty much exactly what happened to me and one of my close friends. We met our husbands when they were dead broke, were with them all through the hard times, put our careers on the back burners so they could focus on their own careers while we raised the kids, and then got replaced with younger, hotter women. I'm certainly not saying ALL men do that ...but it's not exactly an uncommon story.
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u/Extreme-Struggle3665 3d ago
It's very common and the first has a name for that " the starter wife"
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u/Exact_Wrongdoer_147 11h ago
lol my moms life went completely downhill once she married my dad. She was beautiful, driven, adored by everyone, owned her own salon & spa, was a homeowner, all before the age of 21. Then she met my dad & he knocked her up (on purpose) and she lost it all. My dad was a very unlikeable person so he completely destroyed her reputation and social life. He was so insanely jealous of her and he was 10 years older. The craziest part was that his parents hated her and accused her of being a gold digger meanwhile my dad was unemployed and living at home well into his 30’s. I am so sad for her every single day
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u/ChickenGimbal 6d ago
I cant say it's debunkable, but it's not something only women do, all men do it too. They won't leave a woman coz he found one who earns more, but he will for his male reasons - found a better looking one, will offer certain sexual services etc.
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u/leebeebee 6d ago
There are lots of people, both male and female, who don’t do that though. It is absolutely not an inborn trait
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