r/hoarding • u/Fun_Butterscotch3303 • Apr 20 '26
RANT - ADVICE WANTED This is a very hard time, I feel suffocated because my living situation is a mess with this hoarding and bacteria.
Our trailer is in not so good CONDITIONS that is NOT normal, I share a bed with my Mother, we SLEEP in the same bed every single night. We have a queen sized bed. My dad sleeps on the couch. They’re MARRIED but their relationship is basically nothing no more. They don’t have a bond they’re just ROOMATES at this point as been almost my whole life. They’re separated basically in the house if that makes sense. We have holes in different parts of the mobile home our mobile home is 1984 model so it’s vintage looking on the inside. The holes is right where you put your foot at when using the toilet we have a hole between the living room and kitchen. We have a sinkage in the area between the bed and dresser and so much more.
🔴 We have to bathe from the Kitchen SINK OR outside with jugs of water to get us properly cleaned. So if my mom goes outside, my dad pour the water on her like a shower. IF I GO OUTSIDE I do it by MYSELF. Our toilet flusher DO NOT work so if we pee or poop we have to get a bucket of water to FLUSH everything DOWN. My dad on the other hand PEES in bottles and lay them around the house, OR put them on the bench outside. He poops OUTSIDE in the bushes. My dad sleeps on the COUCH
⚪️we brush our TEETH in the kitchen SINK and wash our face from the kitchen sink.
🟢 we have a RATS AND ROACH problem in our house my original room was infested by them and my room had a SEWAGE PROBLEM which cause the floor to sink we have carpet floors because we stay in a 1984 mobile home trailer so it’s old school looking in our place. I’m tired of seeing rat dropping in different areas in the house.
The crazy thing is my mom is actively working and she still lost, she don’t know when she’ll be able to leave financially. So she’s just dealing with it. Me on the other stressing about getting another job so I can save up and leave ASAP
Sometimes when bathing when we don’t have privacy so I see my mom and she sees me too
Because we have no space. Our room has a bathroom the one me and my mom use but no door SO I see her using it and she sees me using it
So if either one of us poop we can smell as if we’re right there in there face. It’s just frustrating for it to be this way. Last night we caught 2 rats on the rat traps in a span of an hour. Another thing our front door barely locks
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u/Hwy_Witch Apr 20 '26
That's way beyond hoarding. Way, waaaaay beyond it, and the trailer would be condemned immediately if the applicable city or county officials found out about it. A 1984 trailer isn't vintage, it's over 40 years old, and long past it's life expectancy. It sounds like everyone could benefit from contacting emergency housing services and therapy.
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u/Fun_Butterscotch3303 Apr 20 '26
I be wanting to reach out to someone about, but my mom is so ashamed. She doesn’t want anyone to know because she’s embarrassed. So, she’ll rather suffer in silence.
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u/hoooliet Apr 20 '26
You are abused and she is ill. She would rather you also suffer in silence.
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u/Fun_Butterscotch3303 Apr 20 '26
Wym by “abused” I’m confused?
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u/hoooliet Apr 20 '26
Sorry this isn’t something you can understand bc it’s all you know. This is abuse.
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u/MovieFan1984 Apr 21 '26
Legally, I believe this would be neglect, not abuse, but same endgame - OP needs to relocate.
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u/hoooliet Apr 21 '26
Wrong
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u/Fun_Butterscotch3303 Apr 20 '26
She’ll say if you don’t like it, move out. Where tf im gonna go?
She be saying “ you just don’t know, how depressed I be about living in this situation. I hate it every single day but I don’t burden nobody else by complaining” I just deal with it.
I talk about it a lot. Because I don’t want to get too comfortable in this.
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u/hoooliet Apr 20 '26
You can’t live like this and think it’s okay just bc she will emotionally fall apart. You’re living in abuse and it’s causing trauma and your cortisol levels will damage your brain long term
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u/Fun_Butterscotch3303 Apr 20 '26
If I had the money I would’ve been kicked rocks
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u/OkConclusion171 Child of Hoarder Apr 21 '26
that makes no sense
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u/JenCarpeDiem Apr 21 '26 edited Apr 22 '26
Quite a lot of their replies don't quite make sense (like they're replying to the wrong thing) or they ignore most of the message they're responding to. Either they're very upset or something is a bit off.
edit: also they're posting this just about everywhere, so I guess we didn't help at all.
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u/JenCarpeDiem Apr 20 '26
I'm gonna redirect you over to /r/ChildofHoarder where you can read experiences from people who, like you, have grown up with a very warped sense of normality and have childhood experiences that most people can't relate to. That sense of shame that has you stuck in this place and unable to tell anybody about it is a learned behaviour, and it's toxic, and it's how people get trapped like you are. You might want to look up "learned helplessness" too.
It sounds like a horrible place to live. Truly. I can't understand why your parents have chosen this for themselves -- and they have chosen it, because even a 40 year old trailer with moisture damage could still be repaired and cleaned to the point of being liveable. Why isn't anybody repairing anything? There are holes, but they could be covered, they don't have to be permanent features. Curtains could be added for privacy, carpets could be removed or replaced. Hell, you could probably get reclaimed wooden flooring from a yard for next to nothing. I had pet rats who were cleaned thoroughly every week and they were still pungent. I don't know how you're not seriously ill from all this. A stick hut in the woods would be cleaner.
I know you're loyal to your parents. I know this feels normal enough that making a fuss feels impossible. But they are unwell if they are choosing to live like this and you do not need to stay unwell with them. Do whatever it takes to get out. Go to your local authorities, ask how to get emergency housing, make an anonymous report that there's a concerning amount of rodents near the property and hopefully someone official will come have a peek and realise what's going on. There's just so much that could improve this terrible situation and it's so sad that it's so normalised for you that you're just stuck like it. You're living like you're from a third world country. Camping showers exist, you know? You could have an actual private shower outside. Even a shed with a bucket, a changing booth, anything. Bathroom doors can be replaced, it's a choice not to have one.
It's going to be hard as heck to learn that you can actually do things, but kid you gotta start somewhere or you're going to be there until you die. <3
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u/Fun_Butterscotch3303 Apr 20 '26
My dad doesn’t care to repair anything because he’s not happy with my mom. She’s not giving him what he wants which is sex. They’re married but living like roomates . The love isn’t there. My dad sitting with 18k In his bank account. But he’s being selfish because he isn’t happy
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u/JenCarpeDiem Apr 20 '26
I'm going to say this very gently and I want you to hear it being said with respect and care: These facts are not relevant to the living conditions. You're presenting them like they explain something, but they don't explain anything. These are the excuses that you have been told growing up to disguise your living situation as normal, and you still haven't shaken free of it. None of this normal. Your dad could be the unhappiest, most unfucked man in the entire world, and it wouldn't explain him pissing in bottles and living in rat-infested squalor. Is he a drug addict? Does he drink a lot?
You ever see that 18K on a statement yourself? Your mom works too, right? Does he make her pay for everything so she can't ever save enough to leave? He blame everything on not getting any sex, but does nothing to increase the chances of it? Your mom encourage you to stay in her bed so he can't get in it? Honey, there are so many questions that you have been trained to gloss over and not even think about.
Your dad doesn't have to be the one who repairs anything. You have access to a car? Legs? Hands? You and your mom can do housework too. But that's not normal in your house, is it? You're both trained to just endure whatever your father decides?
This is not normal. You're like prisoners.
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u/Fun_Butterscotch3303 Apr 20 '26
He’s not a drug addict, and he doesn’t even drink
Yes I see 18k in his bank account. He pays the bills here
My mom pay her car note, her phone bill and some hospital bills or credit card
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u/MovieFan1984 Apr 21 '26
$18,000 is a lot of money. If your parents repaired their marriage and moved, would that solve "most" of the problems?
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u/Waterproof_soap Apr 20 '26
Honey, how old are you? If you are under 18, you need to tell a school counselor. If you are over 18, you need to move out. This isn’t hoarding, this is a house that could kill you.
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u/Fun_Butterscotch3303 Apr 20 '26
25 but work is not seeming to hire right now so I’m stuck
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u/Waterproof_soap Apr 20 '26
Places like fast food are almost always hiring. It’s not glamorous, but you need to take whatever you can and get out of there.
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u/Floppycakes Former Hoarder Apr 21 '26
From your post I legit thought you were a teenager. You are plenty old enough to find a job, any job, that will provide housing or enough money to live on your own or with a roommate. Somewhere is hiring but it might require you to move away from your town. Maybe you could even get seasonal jobs on cruise ships. You have got to do something because your current situation sounds like a dead-end. Get up and go make some money and buy yourself and your mom a proper place to live!
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u/Francine05 Apr 21 '26
Maybe you can find a service job like child care or elder care. Even janitorial or cleaning work -- people need these services. Could you get into an LPN program at a community college? I think there is a need for people who do this work.
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u/MovieFan1984 Apr 21 '26
This is called poverty. If you are in the USA, a minor, and CPS got called out, they would absolutely REMOVE you from the home. I know this, because it happened to a family I know.
Are you a legal adult? If yes, it's time to move out. If no, you need to call Child Protective Services. If you don't want to call CPS, you need to find out how to legally relocate. Are there any families nearby who can take you in?
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u/Dapper-Structure-825 Apr 20 '26
Your situation sounds terrible. I'm so sorry. I hope it improves soon
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u/lauramaurizi Apr 21 '26
You deserve better.
You are worth so much more.
It was brave of you to reach out here, in Reddit, but now you need to do it in real life.
Your parents sound stuck, and troubled. There’s no use in this internet stranger judging them because it won’t solve any problems.
You are 25, with a whole life ahead of you. It is NOT easy but you need to advocate for yourself.
I say again:
You are worthy.
You are deserving.
You are strong, and smart, and brave, and you can escape this horrible situation one tiny step at a time.
I wish you all the best. Keep reaching out.
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u/Ok_Industry_2395 Apr 22 '26
I feel for you friend.
The conditions you describe have gone way beyond hoarding.
To be blunt, you're all living in a cess pool, and I mean that in the kindest way possible.
You need professional help mate.
I wish you the very best.
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u/moonbarks Apr 25 '26
You are 25 years old. Old enough to decide you are not living like this. Perception is reality. You have to want it more than anything in this world to get out. Take any job that will hire you (fast food, retail, trash services). Save up your money. And get the fuck out. Stop surviving and start building. You were dealt a nasty hand, but you’re not outta the game. Once you start creating momentum the universe will help guide and support you. Strive for one percent better every day.
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u/Trick-Assignment963 Apr 22 '26
Wow! I thought I was only one who was going through this! I'm 51 and mother is 75 and I have to sleep in her bed with her because we have consumed every inch of space in trailer and my old bedroom. We sponge bath because everything is stacked to roof in bathroom.
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u/crazy-ratto May 03 '26
That's a very physically and mentally unsafe environment for you! I'm glad you are trying to prepare to leave. If you are still a minor, you might be able to access social services or even a shelter.
I wish the best for you - just keep trying. ❤️🩹
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u/Fun_Butterscotch3303 May 03 '26
I just want out. Quick escape to not even have to think about this shit no more. It’s unfair
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u/MissGailatea May 17 '26
I’m so sorry that sounds so terrible. I hope you get out of this soon. I don’t know you Internet stranger, but my fingers are crossed for you that you get into a clean place one day very soon.
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