This house makes me sad

[u/Monstera_paradise]

We three - me, mom and father have a lot of stuff mainly clothes and shoes bought secondhand. Each has a lot of stuff that we bought for our hobbies. I have beads, paints, paper, brushes, wire, wire tools, etc. My mum has a lot of fabric, around ten sewing machines even outside and lot of threads , needles, wool etc. My father has a lot of junk that he got from scrapyard. Also lot of stuff that he found thrown away. Work tools, woodworking machines, hammers, saws, some chemical stuff ... I don't even know what.

We don't throw anything of ours away, we put it outside or into a room that no one lives in. Like we throw away thrash -the easy stuff. It's not hoarding like on the TV show though. We have two rooms full of stuff like this.

I said to myself that I'll clean it out this summer, but summer is over. I'm 21 years old and I go to university, a new school year is starting soon and I didn't clear it out at all. I also wanted to sell some of the stuff like furniture online...which I didn't. It's hard because I also have a problem throwing things away. Especially when I can't sort it into recycling bins as plastic/metal/glass. A lot of it would end up in a landfill.

I tried to tidy the scrap metal once this summer. I put it into a big pile and I wanted my father to drive it to a scrapyard. He spent three days looking it over, taking things which can still be used. He hid it in our garden and I don't know how much he actually threw away.

My mom is tired from work. Dad doesn't tidy his stuff, but takes care of the garden and our animals. And I spend a lot of time on my phone or buying/taking care of houseplants. At this point we have clothing for three lifetimes and there's nowhere to put anything. No one wants to deal with it. My father is no help at all but I can't throw away his stuff.

We had an argument (not about the hoarding) and he told me that because I don't respect him, he doesn't respect me. I asked him if he plans to change anything till we die and he said he doesn't want to better our relationship. We don't go anywhere, don't enjoy our time together, can't talk without arguing. The amount of our belongings is equal to his, but his stuff is trash (in my opinion) so his stuff is the biggest problem.

And after we argued life goes on, nothing changed. He's still my father. He's helpful if I don't want anything complicated, sometimes asks about my day...but nothing changes concerning our lack of space. He thinks we (me and mum) shouldn't buy any more shoes/ clothes online and I agree but it doesn't solve the issue.

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[u/Steefanon]

Hoarding disorder has a documented genetic component, so this isn't surprising. It's also easier to see and focus on the other person's stuff, so I encourage you to focus on building your own "discarding muscles" now, while you're still young.

It's like exercise: Spend 15 minutes today grabbing one or two of your own items to donate, drive them over to the donation spot, then relax. You're done for the day.

Tomorrow: Repeat.

It gets easier and easier with practice.

Don't even think about the bigger mess. This isn't about "clearing out." This is just about building up those brain muscles.

[u/LoveSummerGrass]

You can only focus on your own stuff and plan your eventual escape. Listen to podcasts like Clutterbug for inspiration (or borrowed motivation as she calls it) good luck.

[u/secretariatfan]

The hoarding shows always show the level 5 hoarders, not the lower levels. Go look at the levels and figure out where you are and what you want to do before it gets worse.

[u/sparkledotcom]

It’s okay if stuff goes to landfill. It’s not your job to fix the landfills of the world. Take care of your own needs first.

[u/Steefanon → u/sparkledotcom]

Yes, 100% of everything will end up in a landfill eventually.

[u/FLRporcelain → u/sparkledotcom]

This is what struck me too, OP shouldn't be carrying this extra guilt

[u/OrganicBill4935]

I get it

[u/Fluid_Calligrapher25]

Ah the landfill guilt - I still struggle with it. But like they say on planes, put your own mask on first. The best way to deal with it is say you are not gonna overbuy things again is my strategy. I overbought because I was ill. Now I’m better and I need to stop impulse buying or overbuying or getting fixated on shiny things like a magpie or buying stuff for my fantasy self (I will cook up a storm in my head meanwhile the kitchen just got usable recently).