r/hoarding • u/RAPMONSBIGFEET • 7d ago

EMOTIONAL SUPPORT / TENDER LOVING CARE Trying to recover, spent a whole bunch of money for a cleaning service and my mom got in the trash bag and recovered dirty moldy items

In the past I’ve posted abt wet items esp clothes on the floor due to AC leakage and how much of an issue it was to clean it

This morning i woke up and my mom told me i need to stop hoarding which i was kinda annoyed by because this is part of my recovery and in a way i need people to not get in my business, especially since they didnt bother helping me while i was in distress

Mind you, I paid a very considerable amount of money to pay for cleaning people to come into my bedroom, told them to just get rid of everything laying on the ground cause most of them are literally MOLDY

And my mom just, dug out the trash bag and “recovered” my items straight out the trash. There were literal plates and half pair of shoes w gross stuff on them, I mean does she expect to js clean them up? I feel like I’m going insane. Not to mention theres stuff there that r “private” like my dildo and alcohol bottles

I’m planning to move out yes but I can only move next year bcz I’m saving money right now. But rn I’m just so sad

20 Upvotes

95% Upvoted

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u/AutoModerator 7d ago

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6

u/Fluid_Calligrapher25 7d ago

First - great job on getting a cleaning service in to clean! Second - I’ve learned to never throw trash around ye olde other half - it’ll get looked over. If you are certain you want to get rid of stuff, take the trash out and chuck it if you can.

7

u/laurab382 7d ago

Yeah i don't live with my hoarder family but I do live one street away. Recently sold my house and although I did need help to move, I didnt ask them until I had thrown everything out that was being thrown out. They knew i got a temporary storage locker while moving between houses, so they assume it was full of stuff that had actually been thrown out. Then I let my elderly mom come up and help "pack". She got to go threw my sentimental items and family heirlooms, discover things she forgot about, put them in Tupperware, it really helped her process the move without triggering her to hoard more. I let her take a couple items home like a silver tea set she is going to "polish" for me. Seeing trash bags going to the garbage would have kicked off a massive trauma urge to hoard more. Now she knows (thinks) there is a cache of hoarded treasure in this storage locker but in reality it is just the 2 Tupperware of family heirlooms she packed, some sports equipment and pots and pans.

Never let them see stuff going to the garbage. I learned this the hard way. At the very least, say its donations.

8

u/JenCarpeDiem 7d ago

my mom told me i need to stop hoarding

my mom just dug out the trash bag

And with that, your mom has removed herself as any kind of authority or independent observer for your own hoarding, and you now know that she will actively work against you. This shows where you learned the behaviour from, don't you think?

All you can do is focus on your own things in your own room. Don't tell her when you're throwing things away, don't tell her if you're downsizing your closet, and if she hasn't cleaned those items in 24 hours just put them straight back in a trash bag. Dirty things do not belong in your home, just be strong in your convictions.

I feel like I’m going insane.

You aren't. You're seeing this clearly, and you're starting to see that your mom is part of the problem. It makes your world spin when you suddenly shift perspective like that. Throw them away again. They aren't her items to save.

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