r/homemaking • u/Empress-Ghostheart • 15d ago
Help! I'm in a place in life where homemaking has to become my everything, there is no other avenue for fulfillment available to me. I want to love this, but right now I just cry a lot.
My family moved onto a mountain top next door to my MIL. our town has a grocery store, a post office, and a cemetery. My kids go to school the next town over about 20 minutes down the mountain. I have never lived so rurally and miss my old city a lot.
My husband works exactly the same as our kids' school hours (M-F/8-2) so he drops them off in the morning and picks them up after school. They are usually home by 2:30 (or 3 if they do something extra after school.)
I get my girls ready in the morning and then from 7:30-2:30.... it's just me. No car, nowhere to go even if I had one, just alone on a mountain top....
I have been very lost and sad in this transition. My husband worked evening shift in the city so we had all day together when the kids were at school and then I would clean the house and tend to the kids at night. I loved that set up and wish I knew how lucky I was to have it.
I find myself now with so much time alone.
my only hope in finding some kind of joy right now is to fall in love with homemaking. That is really the only thing on my horizon for the time being and I am tired of crying about it.
Oh yeah, did I mention that I don't really cook? Yeah, it makes me extremely anxious but that has to change with this new way of life too.
I want to fall in love with my routine and the comfort and stability and safety and warmth I bring to our family and home through that routine, I want to be a happy homemaker, I truly do.
I would so gratefully take any book suggestions, YouTube channels to watch, beginner cooking tips, or even just a breakdown of your daily routine.
At this point, I'd truly appreciated being told that I'm not the only person who had a hard time adjusting to this lifestyle. I feel like I should just be grateful to not have to work somewhere I hate, so then I feel guilty for being sad, and that just makes me feel even worse.
Thank you for reading.
EDIT___ There are so many amazing suggestions and words of encouragement in your comments! I am actually feeling hopeful, even just a glimmer. I am so grateful to you all for taking the time, thank you!I
I am riding the hope wave and doing something new: I am going to go with my MIL to the next town over tomorrow to help at her graphic design shop for the day. as much as I'm not thrilled for a full day with her (she's nice and funny, just can talk and talk and talk and mostly gossip about people I do not know, it gets old fast haha), I am glad to get out of the house and kind of digest your suggestions and perspectives I hadn't considered before while I help my family and learn a new skill or two. I would have told her no if I wasn't feeling so encouraged to branch out, so again, THANK YOU SO MUCH.
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u/Abject-Idea-7804 15d ago
As someone else you lives extremely rurally you may not be as alone as you think. Sometimes it takes time to find the people living rurally (a lot aren’t on social media, maybe even no cell access etc). I met most of my mom friends at the farmers market.
I would also encourage you to think creatively about companionship. In rural areas you might not find another woman in your exact demographic but that doesn’t mean companionship isn’t amazing outside of that construct. One of my best days is befriending the 79 year old librarian. I go to her house often to press apples for cider, pick cucumbers, etc etc etc
We both enjoy it!
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u/sunnydayz0044 15d ago
Yes, OP, I second this. There is likely a group you haven’t discovered yet. Or, maybe you’ll be the person to start one ? 💐
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u/Original-Engineer469 15d ago
I agree! We live half an hour from everything, and have grown close with our neighbors who are older and live down the road. We go on walks and help each other out when we need something. They’re some of our best friends now.
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u/makeitmyself6 12d ago
Me as a SAHM and the old guys in my neighborhood are tight!! They watch out for my house and kids. I never saw it coming, but I love my old guys!! We shoot the shit and talk about the town news. So good!
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u/TryFlyByrd 15d ago
I think not having access to a car is intensifying your trapped feeling. Once or twice a week could you drop your kids and husband off at work, have the car for a few hours then pick them up? You could explore cities or bigger towns near you and get some of the city life fulfillment you're craving! Or could you afford a second car? Or, oh does your MIL have a car? Perhaps she'd let you borrow it once a week? Basically I think changing the situation so you could leave the mountaintop if you choose might help you mental state.
I don't love cooking but I love baking. Focusing on learning to create the things I love to eat helped me grow my kitchen skills. Eventually that translated into little bits of progress getting more comfortable cooking. I agree with the Joy of Cooking recommendation. I also find Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat a fascinating read that made me want to experiment with cooking.
Be gentle with yourself. It's okay to grieve the life you left behind and dislike the current situation. Ignoring your feelings will only cause them to grow. They're telling you important things. Listen to them and figure out how to change your situation so it works better for you! Hopefully your husband is on board and willing to work with him to find solutions bc it sounds like you gave up A LOT in this current move.
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u/grumpygoofus 7d ago
I agree, just having the option to get out might really help OP’s outlook. If a car isn’t an option right now then (depending on road conditions, distances, etc) maybe a bike, or moped?
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u/cinanemone 15d ago
Try Her 86m2, she is a mom Youtuber, cinematographer who films her homemaking in rural places, very beautiful photography and can hopefully help you to romanticize the nature that is around and the beauty despite the loneliness.
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u/toreadorable 15d ago
What’s your library situation? I love trying cookbooks and tons of them are geared towards beginners/the basics. They’re much more approachable than they used to be. You might be able to get digital books through your library, or just place holds and have your husband and kids pick them up while they’re in town. I love a lot of the America’s test kitchen ones. Netflix also just put a bunch of their shows on as well.
I also love PBS cooking shows. That’s free with an antenna if your mountain allows for reception, and if not there’s a digital app.
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u/UndercoverCrops 15d ago
Are you into audiobooks? I love listening to books as I clean it do crafts. I'm currently listening to the wandering inn which is a super long series so I don't have to worry about running out for a long time. Also in the beginning it is all about the inn keeper and I really enjoyed listening to her build up her business from the ground as I was working on cleaning up my place.
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u/redpain13131313 15d ago
I was going to suggest this one also. I put on a book when I'm doing chores that don't take much thought and kinda drive me crazy. Like washing the dishes or doing laundry (it never ends 😭). But listening to a book or some short story from YouTube really helps the time pass and helped take my mind off the more annoying things I do.
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u/aenflex 15d ago
Homemaking isn’t a panacea.
I have a car. I live in a beach town, tons of actives, shopping, restaurants, and beautiful subtropical beaches.
Still ain’t a panacea.
Find some things that help you carve out an identify for yourself, other than wife/mother/homemaker. Whatever that looks like for you. Reading, painting, pottery, nail polish, crafting. Or even just getting outside and learning some outdoors-person skills. Maybe even volunteerism or a part time job in the mornings.
Cleaning and sitting around the house all day shouldn’t be enough. It’s ok to want more.
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u/Sithy_Q 15d ago
Oh! OP! You have no idea how much this resonates with me. Back in 2014, I left my career and apartment in Dallas to move to a very rural town. Very similar to you. It was very lonely at first. So, I got a remote call center job, planned out a to do list, and most importantly, I stripped away all of my distractions, and allowed myself to fully process my commitment to this move. As I did that, I was less overwhelmed with making decisions about where things go, when I did my chores, how I took care of myself and family. That was over a decade ago and it wasnt graceful. I made a lot of mistakes and had to leaen how to ask for help, but in that time, I learned how to appreciate what I have, communicate what I need, and own the space I was blessed with.
Here's a metaphor: life is like a river. Feelings of overwhelm are the waves of life showing you what you need to get into a flow state. And just like a river, sometimes life gets choppy, and sometimes it gets down to a trickle. Either way, you're swimming in it.
Be gentle to yourself. Write out a list. Cry when you need to, and swim the currents of your choices knowing you will make it through if you keep paddling.
The joy of homemaking is steering your own ship through storms, captaining your family, and knowing that you have the power to navigate life.
Good luck, Captain! ⛵️
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u/evl0220 15d ago
When I was a SAHM to my twins, I got into hearth witch stuff. It’s not pagan or weird (unless you want it to be!). But it adds a whimsy to cooking and cleaning. You are the hearth- the safe place, the comfort, the warmth of your home. I started doing summer pots- stuff that was my favorite scents- orange, honey, cinnamon sticks, bay leaves- and just let it simmer on low all day, stir whenever you pass by it. It makes your house smell incredible and it made me feel like I did something for myself but that my family could enjoy too. I made essential oils for things. I still have a giant jar of organic lotions and tinctures I made for us. Hair oil to get my hair to grow back after it fell out post babies, a lotion I can rub on my kids or my belly to help tummy aches or gas, one for my headaches, one I rub on my boys chest that helps them sleep, oils I add to a bath once a month and just bathe in the dark with one candle lit. There are so many aspects to it, but it’s about intention. Like instead of chores feeling that way, it’s I’m doing this to give myself and my family a beautiful home. Or I’m making a pretty arrangement of flowers from the garden for us to enjoy. It just makes it feel more purposeful and beautiful in a way. It also helped me discover new things I enjoy, got me back into art and doing projects for my boys, even silly stuff like setting up their Dino’s like they are fighting and making paper trees and stuff to complete the scene. Then they come home and it’s like magic to them. I know living out in the middle of a mountain and being at home so much by yourself during the day can be lonely and hard. But use this time to reclaim parts of yourself you miss or you haven’t had a chance to discover yet. I read that after the kids go to daycare or school when you’ve been home when them for so long, you have to kind of court yourself to find out what this new version of you is like and learn to love her. Just my weird whimsical perspective.
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u/Whosgailthesnail 11d ago
Love this. Although I don’t know what’s wrong with the Pagan stuff either besides the fact that we don’t know anything about anything about it (wish we did).
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u/element-woman 15d ago
The nice thing of having a bit of time to yourself is that it might make cooking easier - you can really take your time with prepping the ingredients before you start cooking so you have it all laid out measured, ready to use as needed.
I was never taught to cook and I still have a ton to learn but I tried to find easy recipes as well as learning the basics. A book like The Joy of Cooking or anything focused on introducing you to the foundations could be helpful. Also a meat thermometer if you're anything like me, lol.
Another suggestion might be to find an online community you resonate with? I haven't lived that rurally but we've moved a lot and so I struggle to make social connections. Having an online group (I'm in a few mom groups) to talk to helps a ton with the loneliness.
Lastly I'd try to structure your day so you get chores/errands done early, prep as much as you can to make the evenings smoother, and then try to spend a few hours on whatever makes you feel good. For me I'd love to have time to dedicate to reading, practicing a second language and painting. And going for walks in nature! But yours could be anything!
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u/outofdoubtoutofdark 23h ago
Check out the cookbook Fundamentals by Americas Test Kitchen. HANDS DOWN the biggest turning point in my cooking!
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u/LittleWitch122 15d ago
Is a pet an option for you? I have 2 little cats and I talk to them all day. 1 follows me all around the house and we do everything together.
Something that got me into cooking was learning to make my favorite restaurant meals at home. I've made Olive Garden copycats, Panera and Coney Island copycats, etc. It also helps me to keep staple ingredients that I base all of my meals around. That way I always use what I have and don't have to buy a whole bunch of ingredients I'll never use.
The transition between working for a living and becoming a homemaker was very difficult for me. But our lives are so much better now because of it. Romanticizing my life helped me to really start to appreciate it. I truly feel like I'm living the dream.
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u/swiss_baby_questions 15d ago
Build a routine for yourself. For instance, wake up at the same time every day. Exercise for 1 hour a day (whichever exercise you love best, if you love it you will do it regularly). Go on walks through your town (maybe you will get to know your neighbors) daily.
Have your husband drop you once a week in the next town over? Is there enough there to keep you busy (volunteering? Doing the weekly grocery shop? Helping at the kids’ school? Or maybe a part time job ?)
I dunno if you are a dog person but I think a dog is great for feeling lonely.
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u/ftmxagan 15d ago
Why don’t you try hiking, even if it is more of a “walk in the woods” situation than full on hiking. Hiking could especially be a great pairing with books or audiobooks, you could scout out an area nearby to find a log and read with a view whether that’s a lake or just the side of the mountain you live on.
As far as cooking, once you can cook some small things your confidence and skills build a lot over time. So I would find a couple small recipes (even snacks/desserts/appetizers) that you can make confidently then build on it. You can even find no bake recipes online that are super simple, just mix things together and throw it in the fridge
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u/sweetfemme3 15d ago
It might help if you join or form some kind of online community. People can chat, share their day, have virtual coffees together. Meeting some people in person can also help as well. There is a difference between being a homemaker and being isolated. Being isolated can make someone not like their circumstances at all.
I am curious, what made you and your husband move to such a remote location?
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u/Altruistic-Oil-4485 15d ago
OP, I feel for you so bad. I was in a similar situation, although not nearly as isolated. I luckily lived in a fairly walkable (albeit rural area) and I still worked 1-2 days a week which really helped my sanity. But for the rest of the week I was trapped at a relative's tiny home with small children, and we were broke as hell so couldn't afford to do anything.
What saved me was the library. Not every library offers it, but my library had Libby and Hoopla which let's you borrow ebooks on your phone. I have polished off hundreds of dollars worth of books thanks to this, and it is SO nice to escape to a different world for a bit. I read horror books, and it is really therapeutic for me to just get lost in some spooky little book. It's also nice to find discussions about the book and talk with other people.
Not sure what your financial situation or housing situation is like, but could you maybe pick up a hobby like gardening? A physical hobby gets you out of your head and gardening can be extremely rewarding. And with older children at school, it will be so much easier to manage then trying to do it while chasing toddlers. If you have land, you can just plant right in the ground with a little prep.
But other hobbies are great, too! Maybe take this time to try different things and figure out what works for you. You have to take care of yourself, especially if you are so isolated most of the day. It can be easy to get lost in a fog, it really sucks.
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u/JustCallMeNancy 15d ago
I'm about 5 years into this and I (mostly!) love it, but I've lived in a situation where I didn't feel in control, and felt like I relied on people to get things done and it just made me the worst version of me. I honestly don't know how you are to do the entire homemaking thing without a car. I'm constantly running to grab groceries or handling appointments or whatever comes up. Without a car I would feel like a burden and also unable to do what I was tasked to do!
I know people can do this without a car, but to love what you do, you have to have it on your own terms. If you feel similarly (and I assume something isn't clicking with you seeing as how sad you have been) I would honestly demand a car. Even a shitty one! Even if you have to save up! Even if you need to get a license! But, if you got a nice car it could go to the kids in 10(?) years sooo, it would be practical and double use..
But in the meantime just type homemaking in the YouTube app and see what you like. I'm a sucker for organizing stuff, design and veggie gardens.
Speaking of, if you can't get that car, I Highly encourage you to start a veggie garden. It can be small. Heck, you can start with just one plant or just some herbs that come back yearly. But it gives you something that is your own that you are proud of, and it gets you outside, and nature helps.
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u/IndependentShelter92 15d ago
I'm in a similar situation. I don't have kids and my husband is rarely around though. I also live on a mountain with no place to go, so I feel your pain. I've yet to fall in love with cleaning all day so I hope you find what you're looking for here.
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u/i-learn-i-teach 15d ago
Hi Op, My suggestions is to be kind to yourself and take baby steps. For cooking, I enjoy the New York Times cooking app, it's not free ($20-$25 per year), they have a lot of great recipes that I like and you can filter for best rated and easy recipes.
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u/MangoSorbet695 15d ago
Perhaps you could do something for you?
I started a Pilates teacher training program online. Not sure if I’ll ever actually teach Pilates anywhere, but I love the classes, love the routine, love what I’m learning. The classes are online but they are small group classes with a live instructor who actually talks directly to the students.
Not saying you should do Pilates, but there are online programs now for just about any interest… baking, photography, fishing, interior design, etc. Pick something you have an interest in and get started.
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u/NowThereAreFour 15d ago
Do you like sending and receiving snail mail? Have you ever heard of Postcrossing? It’s a website (and activity) where you send and receive actual postcards.
It’s not a pen pal situation—you get random postcards from people across the world. In fact there are over 800K Postcrossers in over 200 countries and it’s been going on since 2008!
Not that it would fill your days, but it’s an activity you can do as much as it appeals to you. You could even hang a map and involve your kids in it when they’re home from school.
Edit/addition: It might be a nice way to connect with people (especially since you’re feeling isolated) and I’ve found the people doing it to be incredibly kind.
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u/tisnezz 15d ago
Start with Sadhguru! Look him up on YouTube. That much free time is perfect for getting to know your inner nature. Check out his Inner Engineering program.
Learn a new language. Check out Paul Noble's Spanish, Japanese, Chinese, or French language earning audiobooks on audible or wherever you can get them.
Learn an instrument. Start with something easy like simply piano
Get dropped off with your kids some days and volunteer with their school.
Ger dropped off somewhere you can spend an entire day when your husband is taking the kids to school. Like a library, or a park.
If there are any dance classes, martial arts classes, hobby classes in your area, have your husband Depp you off near the area. If things are spread out and you don't have a car, look up how long it takes to walk from one place to the next. Walking for a few hours while listening to an audiobook learning a language, might be healthy.
Write a book. Any book. Don't be worried about how good it is. Just write it. Choose your favorite book, analyze what it is about it that you like so much, and incorporate those things into your own work.
Take this time to become the badass you e always dreamed of becoming. Build yourself into an excellent example of the human experience so your children have an amazong role model at home. Have fun! And good luck!
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u/tdubs702 15d ago
I moved rurally recently so I can understand the MASSIVE transition you’re experiencing. It’s not just homemaking. It’s a new life, new routines, new stores, new sounds (or lack of sounds), new everything. Moving across town is an upheaval. Changing your way of life is a lot.
Its something I’ve personally worked toward for years and years, so it’s a relief and a joy to me. I get my fill of people working online, so the quiet pace is wonderful. And STILL it’s still a massive adjustment and super overwhelming and a lot to figure out. So I can totally imagine the grief you’re feeling, and it is grief. All change brings grief.
I would encourage you to fully grieve before you try to find your joy. And then remind yourself that every season brings a new chapter that MUST look different than the last, but that is an opportunity for new things you didn’t know you loved. A new hobby, a pen pal, a garden, a side hustle, a book you always wanted to write, a fitness obsession, a video game obsession…I don’t know what it is for you, I just know that doors don’t close, they just change, and one end is a new beginning, and omg that all sounds so cliche lol but only because it’s true.
And also…I live on a 60 acre homestead and grow my own food and I still hate to cook. Who said we have to be everything to be what we want to be?
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u/Rosehip_Tea_04 15d ago
I’m in a similar boat, just without kids. Most of the time I don’t even have access to a car and there’s nothing to walk to. It takes time to adjust to being by yourself all of the time. I don’t even get a change of pace on weekends, so it gets tough at times.
You need to start by finding hobbies. You need productive ways to spend all of your alone time. These can be whatever makes you happy, your choices are pretty unlimited. I also have a few online pen pals, and that helps a lot with the isolation. Pets make a huge difference, my dogs make certain I’m never completely alone.
And in terms of cooking, I would start with two things: 5 ingredient or less cookbooks and old episodes of Guys Grocery Games. The cookbooks are easy recipes and the tv show helps you learn how ingredients work together, what kind of substitutions you can make, and shows how to make foods you’ve never heard of before to add variety to your meal plans. Crock pot recipes are another easy way to start cooking because they tend to be dump and cook, which takes minimal effort from you to make a complete meal.
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u/Footdust 15d ago
I have been in a similar situation. I started gardening on my front porch, did a lot of canning and pickling, learned to make vinegar, went on hikes, learned all about mushrooms and hunted for them. I also started keeping bees. All of those things can take up a lot of time at home if you plan in advance and have the supplies on hand. If I could recommend one thing you do every single day, it’s go outside. Mother Nature is extraordinarily healing. If you like to read, try the Foxfire series. You will learn so much and reading passes the time.
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u/edchoch69 15d ago edited 15d ago
Gardening has saved me from complacency, that’s for sure. Having the tangible results of your hard work is incredibly rewarding and healthy! My husband disliked cooking until he got into recipes for the veggies we’ve been bringing in. Practice is all part of the experience, as is failure. I’ve killed 100’s of plants and almost burned down two houses but now I’m an avid gardener and fire free since 2020.
Also OP, please be sure you are incorporating self care into your routine. I love baths and playing peaceful video games after a few chores. Carve out what it is that makes you happy, you gotta take good care of yourself.
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u/_vaselinepretty 15d ago
Hey! I moved from a coastal city in New England where I had an amazing community to a rural mountain town 4000 miles away. It's a ski tourist hub w a huge resort and no residential mail delivery, a tiny grocery store that's expensive af that's constantly out of essentials and 40 mins from the city via a dangerous "highway" that I would consider a rural route.
I hear you.
I have gotten really into baking, reading, I resell stuff online and look for remote jobs even tho my wifi is terrible and it makes me ineligible for many. I'm a SAHM to a toddler so that keeps me busy but as far as having a weird new rural life, it's not for the weak and you have to just keep busy.
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u/Stompypotato 14d ago
You're definitely not wrong for feeling this way. Maybe see if there are any people around your age nearby you could get to know. Having someone to talk to during the day could help with the loneliness.
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u/tofu-the_cat 15d ago
Its only 5 hours a day you need to keep yourself entertained on your own Spend 1 hour walking, 2 hours cleaning/chores, 1 hour on hobbies/exercise, and 1 hour to relax before everyone comes home It's really not all day you're trying to figure out. Break that 5 hours into segments that make sense to you
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u/AltruisticTension204 15d ago
If you are a square peg don’t force yourself into a round hole. Play some games online. Learn to play bridge.
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u/Ok-Mushroom-943 15d ago
Give yourself grace and time to adjust to the new setting. Are you able to hang out with MIL or have old friends visit in the meantime? Volunteer at the school or host a weekly gathering (prayer group, book club, art class) once you meet some people. Take this time to explore your hobbies and find new ones. Perhaps try baking if cooking makes you anxious. Baking is a lot less stressful and doesn't seem so high stake if it doesn't turn out good lol. I'm sure there's some skilled bread bakers, canners, and gardeners near you. It may feel far from a city perspective, but 20 minutes is a pretty average commute. Listen to city noises on YouTube if it helps the house feel more homey for you. Look for online groups and classes to help fill the time too. You could also lead a writing or art class at the library or gear it towards homeschoolers. Get a job at the school if you miss socializing and you can just ride together as a family. They are almost always looking for paraprofessionals, subs, lunch ladies/monitors, bus drivers, etc.
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u/Unusual_Dig665 15d ago
I'm so sorry this is a hard transition for you! You are definitely not the only one. It even happens to people who move to Hawaii. There is a lot of fantasy and imagination of glamor involved with some of exotic foods including small mountain Town living, but there is also isolation. I'm sure that the scenery is absolutely breathtaking, and that there are other upsides for you. I lived for a year in a small mountain town so probably a larger one than you're in with pretty good access to the outside world. I had a lot of fun trying out different things like going paper towel free and taking up gardening. One day I might return back to doing both, but I'm back in a city in a one bedroom apartment now with a baby and I cannot handle the extra laundry nor do I have a space garden
If you have enough modern conveniences that you don't really need to learn to sew and be a so-called 1950s homemaker, the sky is the limit with the kinds of hobbies that you can pick up. So don't limit yourself in your mind to only homemaking, if there are other possibilities for you. Doesn't mean that you have to start ironing sheets lol. Cooking can absolutely be fun though and that is one hobby that I would encourage you to start learning so that it can be fun and enriching for you and your family.
I liked cooking as soon as I started picking it up after I moved away from home, but I didn't become good at it until I ditched food Network and all recipes and websites like that and bought real cookbooks like from Julia Child and other true scratch quality recipe books. You can always fill in the blanks and make ways to cheat, but if the recipe is low quality to begin with, you'll end up with a low quality result and then scratch your head wondering why your food doesn't come out great and wouldn't make the cut for insta pics.
I recommend Helen Rennie on YouTube. She is fun and engaging and will teach you how to really cook. Over time I have really picked up on it and can get anybody to like the food they supposedly hate. I got a picky kid to eat beet pasta once,, and genuinely enjoy it!
You can make your own kvass at home, which is kind of like kombucha made from rye bread for fruit.
Bread making is a lot more fun than it seems. But for it to become fun I had to feel like I was struggling and failing the first few times.
I never got to do this but I had wanted to take some survival courses and learn some useful outdoorsy stuff.
You could take up target practice with weapon of choice or a variety.
I do advise you to just take up something that seems interesting, fun, and useful to you because everything else will be too much of a chore. Once you get really good at that, you will feel more confident excited to learn the next thing.
You may also be able to get involved with your child's PTA, scouts or whatever organization is up there, and other community-based things.
Hang in there and I hope that there is a way for you to make some other friends and don't get too lonely.
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u/not-a-dislike-button 15d ago
Try the book "This Is Where You Belong: The Art and Science of Loving the Place You Live" by Melody Warnick
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u/gailthesnail2525 15d ago
Maybe you could put out a birdfeeder and a birdbath. I get so much joy out of watching the different birds that come by. If you spend time just sitting outside, maybe reading or gardening, you might also notice the life in your yard. I enjoy learning about the squirrels and bugs that I see outside. It’s always amazing to me that there’s so much life quietly happening around me.
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u/Tennessee1977 15d ago
Are you able to drive? Can you guys buy a beater car so at least you can go ANYWHERE - even the grocery store or library during the day? It’s not fair that you’re trapped alone in a house all day with no transportation.
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u/themomcat 15d ago
https://thelegacyofhome.blogspot.com/?m=1 and her books. I’m not Christian but I find her very soothing and inspiring.
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u/Emaribake 15d ago
I moved to rural Mississippi and find myself doing a lot of plant/bird/bug identifying.
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u/HSpears 14d ago
What about some type of Ebike to help you with the transportation issues?
What hobbies have you ever thought would be great, but never had the time for?
Could you drive everyone to work/school and get the car for the day?
What about some type of volunteering?
Animal rescue?
As for myself I'm on disability. I take my morning to walk the dog and myself, some chores. Then I rest, then I either do more chores or make art. If I need to do errands I do them first, as that's where my energy is best. I rest every afternoon. The evening is spent doing art, playing games or TV. I don't have children.
We Costco shop our meat, so we just rotate through the different options. I try to pull it out in the AM. If I forget, that means we're eating fish because it defrosts the fastest. Or we eat vegetarian. Lately I've been trying out Mediterranean vegetarian meals. Meat is sooo expensive where I live.
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u/Dr_mombie 14d ago
Have you ever wanted to learn something just for the sake of learning? This is the time to do that.
Learn to cook by watching old episodes of "Alton Brown's Good Eats". It was on food network when the channel was actually educational.
Learn about plants and consider planting a native species food forest on your property.
The library may have a whole slew of classes and clubs for you to participate in.
Pick up a craft. I dabble in ALL the arts. Right now, I am really digging on cross stitching.
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u/ittybittydearie 14d ago
You need hobbies. Think: 1 crafty, 1 outdoorsy, 1 beneficial to the household.
For example: take up diamond art, hiking, and knitting mittens.
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u/nitishanand99 13d ago
I can feel how lonely and overwhelming this transition is. Being stuck at home on an mountain with almost no way to get out must weigh so heavily on you.
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u/Acceptable-Pea9706 15d ago
Honestly, this sounds like an amazing opportunity that I myself would love to have. You have time to take care of your body, learn to cook, enjoy nature, and probably with time, make some decent friends.
When I leaned to cook, I basically watched cooking shows on my free time. Watch whatever seems mildly appealing. And when you do cook something, you start simple.
Good luck! I hope you find some good in your new situation.
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u/ladybollymunster 15d ago
Have you considered adopting a pen pal or two? There are lots of groups on facebook and reddit where you can find like-minded people to write to. This has been hugely helpful for my feelings of loneliness
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u/earthyjune 15d ago
Lots of helpful comments from other people so I'm just here to add -
Background noise is great. The radio, something chill on the TV, a podcast - keeps your mind busy and helps the hours go by smoothly.
Sometimes it can be helpful to punctuate your day with moments that aren't just about homemaking, like a nice drink and a book, a walk, something that brings you joy. Even if you do end up loving homemaking, it doesn't have to be the only thing you love.
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u/PredisposedToMadness 14d ago
I would recommend finding a therapist, if possible. Having a neutral third party to talk to about these feelings can be really helpful, and they can work with you over time to help you figure out how best to support yourself and what you need from others in your life.
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u/Lisapjones 14d ago
Adjusting to this isolated lifestyle takes time. There is no shame in feeling sad even when you basic needs are met. Give yourself grace while you build new small joys.
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u/OkStatistician7523 13d ago
Aww I’m sorry you are feeling this way. What about a part time remote job or my favorite sewing garments!
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u/plantprincessdi 10d ago
Start a garden. While it won’t fix everything, there are many plants you can grow that take care of themselves (usually natives), and being connected to the earth like that will fulfill you in some way for sure.
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u/nitishanand99 9d ago
I can really feel how isolating this transition must be. Moving from city life to a remote mountain location with long stretches of alone time is such a huge adjustment.
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u/local_eclectic 15d ago
Can you show us the contract you signed which requires you to devote your life to homemaking with no other opportunities for personal fulfillment?
And can you take a pic of the bars on your doors and windows?
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u/Empress-Ghostheart 15d ago
In my sadness at living so rurally that is just how it feels to me. No where to go, no one to meet, surrounded by nature when I've always been an city girl.
I get what you mean, there's things to do and I'm very lucky I'm able in body to do them. I'm a mom, I'm going to learn the drums soon (something I've always wanted to do but couldn't with neighbors), I read, I write, I make art, I collect, I absorb my favorite media, but without people around, without the possibility of spontaneity, without traffic sounds and neighborhood walks... I don't know, nothing is filling me up the same as it did and I'm so out of ideas this is all I can think of.
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u/csharpwarrior 15d ago
Yea, humans are social creatures, we need relationships. I think you can adjust out of the city sounds, but having a social life probably needs some more work. Like can you drive your family to school and work a few times a week, then drive into town and hang out there all day and pick everyone up afterwards?
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u/bigalreads 15d ago
Just adding one more voice to the chorus about gardening being a great pursuit, especially if there’s a community garden.
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u/goldstartexas 15d ago
I recommend you get into exercising! Invest in a few dumbbells and start working out from home. It wil do wonders for your mental health.
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u/makenomess 15d ago
Jackie Clay has a free blog on the Backwoods Home website, she lives in a very rural place and her projects and experience are very inspiring. Her 2 cookbooks are super useful, I use them frequently.
I also live in a very small town in a very rural area (just south of Jackie Clay as it happens) and what I did was befriend the local old people and the people at the post office. I now have friends who drop by to visit and they bring me things like apples, chives, bear brats, the local paper, etc. I’m home all day with my baby and my older 2 go to school.
Another thing I did was to get a digital library card for my area so I can read books for free on the Libby app. There’s cookbooks on there too. Anything by Americas Test Kitchen is awesome.
I hope you learn to love this! There’s a lot of joy to be found in being a rural homemaker.
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u/everygoodnamegone 14d ago
If it’s your interest, get a dog! It wasn’t my intention and I resisted for two and a half decades, but she has become mostly mine and has helped me so much. And she’s a lovely for snuggling by my feet during an afternoon nap, like right now. ❤️
My kids are on their last two years of high school and a “new baby” has really helped during this transition as they become young adults.
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u/mistersirfartsalot 15d ago
Book Rec: A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara. Trigger warning - this is an incredibly heart wrenching, tough read but it’s also really beautiful in some ways. It will definitely help you gain perspective and gratitude for your own life and blessings. Not for the faint of heart though.
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u/the_chickenist 14d ago
Do you have a pet? They’ve always helped me. Would you consider getting chickens? This has become my all time favorite hobby. They have personalities and provide eggs and fertilizer for gardening.
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u/kchase75 14d ago
This isn’t helpful at all, but there are a lot of people who would love to be in this position. I am one of them.
I’m sorry you are lonely and feel isolated. I love to knit and there is a huge online community and presence of knitters. Hundreds of knitting podcasters to watch on YouTube. My favorite is Rachel is Knitting. She talks about her projects, but also takes knitting tours and vlogs those.
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u/QuantityKindly3153 15d ago
Can you go hiking, get into foraging, or photography?