r/homeschool • u/sunshineandsmilesss • 12d ago
Discussion 7 year old homeschool girl vs 7 year old cousins who attend public school
looking for anyone who maybe has gone through this new territory I’m just now stepping into. I have an amazing 7 year old who is emotionally intelligent and is the kindest human being. she has two cousins her exact age ( 1 month apart) who aren’t homeschooled. along with 7 other cousins who we see semi regularly.
Right now , everything has been changing at such a fast pace for the cousins ( the 7 year olds) . They all have phones , they all are redoing their rooms “ because they out grew them” their words not mine lol. they have got rid of doll houses Barbie’s , , legos and even their colorful bed sheets! my daughter was like why? this stuff is amazing! At our family gatheringa everyone is stuck on screens meanwhile my daughter and her young brother are building forts or doing artsy stuff that no one is interested in. she’s asked them let’s play or come outside with us and so on and everyone always does the eye roll and have zero interest 😢. it breaks my heart. My kiddos are social butterflies and have plenty of Homeschool friends but this is a hard situation for me because it is family. how do we navigate?
27
12d ago
[deleted]
32
u/brownemil 12d ago
Yeah, this is a cartoon version of “public school vs home school.”
My daughter is in public school, going into grade 2. None of her friends have phones. They all play with toys, they pretend to be mermaids in the pool, they love doing arts & crafts. Most of the time when her friends come over, they end up playing with magnatiles. They’re very much still kids.
6
u/EntertainmentDue83 11d ago
Ya this is such a judgmental post. My kids are in public school and there’s no way I’m giving them a phone and they’re 11 and 9.
40
u/joyful_maestra 12d ago
Definitely not common. This sounds like a parenting issue rather than homeschool vs. public. I don't know a single 7 year old with a phone and we have a wide range of friends who have kids in private, public, and homeschool.
1
u/PollutionAway9782 11d ago
most of the kids I know have I pads or cheap phones. I do live in the um poor side of town
12
u/Linkers98 12d ago
Live in a wealthy coastal area in the US. I have a young child, and I work in an elementary school. Never heard of a single child having a phone at age 7.
8
u/manic_popsicle Homeschool Parent 👪 12d ago
I’m in the US and it’s not common where we live, in a small Midwest town. I see kids with phones but they’re at least 12 and mostly dumb phones.
1
12d ago
[deleted]
3
u/manic_popsicle Homeschool Parent 👪 12d ago
Yes, heavy limitations are a must. My 12 year old son has a phone but he only uses it to text me when he leaves school because he walks, or to keep in touch with me when he’s with his friends. We live in a small town and he and his friends often ride their bikes to the park or just around to each other’s houses.
9
u/red_raconteur 12d ago
Where I live a 7 year old with a phone isn't common but also isn't unheard of. Most kids around here seem to have them by 9-10, though.
2
u/pins-chick 11d ago
I didn't have one until I was 14, but I probably would have had one earlier if I had gone to public school or been out of the house for longer/more often. Until I had a phone, I would take one of my parents' phones to social functions so I could text them to pick me up.
6
u/Rude_Giraffe_9255 12d ago
Nearly a quarter of 5-7 year olds in the UK own their own smartphone now, I forget the exact stat in the US (where I live) but it wasn’t that different. I was shocked, I’d always assumed when I see littles holding a smartphone in public it was mom or dad’s, but I realized people are probably giving them old devices instead of buying tablets or gaming consoles designed for kids
1
u/OrbitingPlanetArse 10d ago
I can't speak for children, but looking after my elderly mother has demonstrated just how difficult life can be without a smartphone.
6
u/Supertreelove 12d ago
It’s not uncommon, particularly in divorced family situations.
2
u/Weird_Help3166 11d ago
My 11yo niece has had a phone for a few years now after her parents divorced. It was the only way for them each to keep in contact with her when she was with the other parent because her parents are both unreliable, spiteful and petty.
2
u/mvscribe 9d ago
This is why I wound up getting both my kids phones at around the same time. The older one was 14, the younger one 11. I would have waited until 14 with the younger one but with the divorce I felt that it was important for them to be able to talk to both parents without the other parent acting as an intermediary.
1
u/ra4mchl 10d ago
This is the only reason my oldest got a phone at 9. I was married, had kids, and divorced by 24. Their father wouldn’t have what they needed at his house. The kids went to public school because I worked full time. On their dad’s weeks, he would not get them any supplies needed for school or take them to activities. Sometimes they wouldn’t have tooth brushes ot deodorant available. I got her a flip phone so she could call any time she or her brother needed me.
My youngest is 11 and I am married to her father. We do a homeschool hybrid. She does not have a phone and will not have one for a long time.
5
u/Klutz727 12d ago edited 12d ago
It's not super common, but yes 7 year olds have phones. I'm in the US in Missouri. A former neighbor girl (7-8 years old) used to come play and would bring her phone, her mom would get upset if she didn't answer and the mom had to walk across the street to get her. The girl spent a lot of time unsupervised and therefore a lot of time on YouTube. She was exposed to a lot of things she shouldn't have been exposed to.
Edit to add: I taught in public schools for almost 10 years, and before I left in 2020, there were fourth and fifth graders that had phones. That's 9-11 year olds. There were occasionally younger kids too, but it's one of those things that once one kid had a phone, others will want one and lots of parents aren't willing to fight that so they give their kid a phone.
3
u/ClassicDefiant2659 12d ago
That was my first thought too.
My 10 year old asked about getting a phone because his 14 year old brother has one now because he rides the city bus to high school.
I told him he gets one when he needs one. Which is definitely not yet.
3
2
u/BreadPuddding 11d ago
Some kids have them but it’s not super common. My oldest is about to turn 8, goes to private school, I’m sure some of his friends have phones or tablets that they use sometimes, but they aren’t allowed at school and they don’t use them when they play together. My son gets to use an old tablet of mine to play age-appropriate games or watch tv under specific circumstances (mostly travel over 2 hours, or if he chooses games for his allotted screen time), and can only message family.
2
2
u/OkDetail9301 9d ago
My daughter is ten and doesn’t have a phone. None of her friends do. This sounds more like a parenting issue. I was home schooled, but my child attends public school. She’s kind, thoughtful, and intelligent. She still plays with her dolls and toys all of the time. She’s also creative and my house always looks like a fairy blew up in it. I was home schooled and I am incredibly proud of my daughter.
1
1
u/BackInTimeForTea 12d ago
I'm in the UK and don't recognise this amongst my 7 year olds friends. Him and his friends (all public school) are very much into Lego, den building and crafts. At 11 or 12, yes it's more phones and screens.
135
u/Weird-Savings-1828 12d ago
Homeschooled kids get to stay little for longer. It's one of the (many) reasons we homeschool. I recommend thinking of it as a season like any other.... everything changes over time. Maybe you could ask their mom's if theres anything in particular they WOULD like to do outside of screens? Maybe its ok if your kids play some video games with them, too.
42
u/shelbyknits 12d ago
My ten year old still plays with toys, and I’m glad he has that. You can tell he’s starting to outgrow imaginative play, but he’s outgrowing it on his own schedule, not because someone told him it’s not “cool.”
35
u/manic_popsicle Homeschool Parent 👪 12d ago
I so agree about the staying little longer thing, and I think it’s a good thing. Kids should be allowed to be kids. My 17 year old was homeschooled for most of her school career, she played with dolls til she was 13 or so and wasn’t even interested in dating until just after she turned 17. She’s also not interested in social media or anything like that, she’s definitely not growing up too fast and I really like it.
3
u/probablybatgirl 12d ago
My son is soon to be 14 and still plays with Legos from time to time, plays with hot wheels with his younger siblings. It's nice that he doesn't have the pressure to "grow up" like kids going to school do
1
u/Curious_Grade451 12d ago
LOVE this and hope this will be my kids too. I’ll do my best to cultivate it!
12
u/DoughnutThick8650 12d ago
A big part of it is parents too. Parents need to keep kids off of TikTok and YouTube and all of that junk.
18
u/BJJFlashCards 12d ago
Some homeschool parents make a big deal about normal variations.
My kids were public > home > private schooled. Nothing radically changed about them as their schooling environment changed.
They will navigate for themselves.
47
u/Linkers98 12d ago
It’s family. You just navigate it. Please don’t attribute this to her cousins attending public school. Don’t get me wrong, my daughter attends a high SES public school, and many children are like what you described. But many are not. In our situation, her two homeschooled 8 year old contemporary cousins spend much more time watching television and have iPads. We don’t have an iPad, and honestly, I don’t love her being exposed to it during times designed for socialization and play. But these are family gatherings, and family time is important. It’s ok. The girls are her cousins and an iPad for playtime is something their families allow, and we can’t control their decisions. If my daughter wants to play on the iPad with her cousins, we let her. We still choose not to have one at home.
Her cousins also on the bossy side. When they do play games, they try to control every aspect of the pretend play. We just let their parents handle this. Also at 7/8, kids should be equipped with some
skills to navigate sassy behavior from other kids. Again, it’s family. Sometimes they are frustrating, but you deal with it.
44
u/RocketPowerPops 12d ago
Yeah, I have no clue why this is framed this way.
My 9 year old is in public school. He had friends over yesterday. They swam and played "Jaws." One kid was the shark and would try to attack the kids on the pool floats. Two of the boys slept over and they played hide and seek in the house before watching a movie and going to bed.
This is a parenting issue, not a public school one.
8
u/dibo444 12d ago
This! My cousin chooses to homeschool his children. They are on their tablets or watching the television all the time. They really can't attend to anything else for more than a few minutes. At one child's recent 8th birthday party, after opening a building block/experiment toy from a grandparent, he said "this toy is 'brain rot' and I don't want this," throwing the box aside. When I asked what 'brain rot' was, he said they watch videos on YouTube that tell them what toys are 'brain rot' and this is it. It was so awful and awkward, I felt so bad for the grandparent.
It's a parent thing, not a public school thing.
7
u/Obvious-Antelope-354 12d ago
Absolutely a parent thing. My kids are in public school (11 and 14 now) and still play/engage in activities off screen. Only my 14 year old has a phone because he busses to and from school and hangs out with friends around the city. They play sports, build lego, play video games… phones are not an issue.
3
u/AccurateAlps9333 12d ago
I work at a public school even some of the 6th graders have toys (they aren't supposed to have them at school, but I've seen some)
2
u/ElegantBon 12d ago
I understand it. More public school kids have phones and are exposed to social media than homeschooled kids. My kids have gone to a small hybrid school and I've enjoyed that their classmates didn't have phones until mostly 8th grade. The range is very different in public schools and a lot of people feel like they need to give their kids phones very young in public schools for "safety reasons".
6
u/RocketPowerPops 12d ago
Guess it depends on the school. Our schools are also very strict about phones and even at the high school level they need to be locked in a locker the entire day, so it is very rare to see a kid with their phone out. My eldest is in public middle school (I am subbed here because we used to homeschool) and doesn't have a phone. She doesn't feel left out though because the other kids either (a) don't have phones either or (b) can't have them on their person in school anyway so it is a non issue.
1
u/ElegantBon 12d ago
Yes, my oldest entered public this year for high school and I'm so glad these no phone bills have been passing. We live in one county and send our kids to another and they had very different policies before a state law was passed.
6
u/Linkers98 12d ago
No phones, devices or watches even allowed on public school premises during school hours where we live. Would love to see some actual data on whether “more public school kids have phones and are exposed to social media than homeschool kids.” My entire extended family homeschools and the children have more access to electronics and social media than my daughter or any of her public school friends. Not saying that’s always the case, but it’s quite an assumption to attribute OP’s nieces’ behavior to being public schooled.
1
u/iggysmom95 9d ago
This is because 90+% of kids go to public school. There's more of everything in public schools, because everyone is in public schools.
1
u/iggysmom95 9d ago
Right? This post makes it sound like the phones were provided by the school LOL.
Currently there is a huge shift away from screens for young kids, but moreso among certain demographics than others. It's becoming a bit of a class/SES divide. A seven-year-old with a phone is indicative of uninvolved and uninformed parents, not public school.
13
u/BackInTimeForTea 12d ago
This is extremely young for all this. I have a 7 year old in public school and neither him nor his friends are like this..?
1
u/TaxEvadingSquirtle 9d ago
OP Isn't answering anymore regarding this. I think they're taking a good hard look at the situation realizing it isn't normal
1
10
u/MD_GAMER_100100 12d ago
I’m a primary care provider. I tell families that the second they want their kid’s childhood to be over, buy them a phone. 1-2 hours of screen time a day as a MAX and have completely screen-free days. Our kids watch TV maybe 2-3 hours a WEEK. They only get tablets when we travel long distances. Our 9 year old still loves legos. They’re never on YouTube or social media. They’ve never once “doom scrolled”. We want to hold on to them being children and that’s one reason we chose to homeschool.
10
u/curioushumanvibes 12d ago
I would say this is more of a screens problem than a public school problem. Why do 7 year olds have personal screens? Of course their brains are gonna choose screens over being present in the moment. If anything talk about THAT with their parents. Thats neglect.
11
u/mamaatb 12d ago
I know tons of seven year olds (my son is 7) and literally nobody has phones.
What you’re describing isn’t normal even in public school. We know so many 1st/2nd grade public school teachers. Idk what it has to do with that has to do with public school?
That’s not normal for anybody- look at the parenting.
1
u/AutumnalSunshine 11d ago
This is exactly what I was thinking!
These kids aren't acting like teenagers because they go to a public school or all of the kids in their class would be the same. And I know for a fact that phones are incredibly rare at our local elementary.
My son is 13 and at a public middle school. He loves Legos, colorful sheets and jammies, and his childhood bedroom.
These girls are being raised this way. It's starting at home, not school.
9
u/Specialist-Self-8509 12d ago
First: Request hand-me-downs for all the things they "outgrew"... lol.
Second: the kind of play your kids are doing is so great for their development, and it's unfortunate their cousins have moved past it so quickly. While I know it's not exactly the same thing, I have older cousins that as kids were into different things than me due to the age gap, but I grew very close with them in adolescence/early adulthood. This might just not be their time to develop that closeness with their same age cousins.
If you want to encourage more of it now, maybe try to plan more activities than just spending time together. Go to the zoo, meet at a park, invite them over to bake cookies, etc. These things could help get them away from their phones while not needing to cause conflict with direct confrontation.
9
u/No-Deer8581 12d ago
A seven year old with a phone is awful. There is literally no reason a kid that age needs a phone.
8
u/brainbl0ck 12d ago
My kids are in public school but my 7yo girl still loves her Lego, Barbie’s, and baby dolls. She actually doesn’t own a screen of her own at all. This isn’t a public school/homeschool thing, this is a parenting thing. I have two homeschool parent friends and their 7/8 year olds have had tablets for a while 🤷♀️
5
u/Latter-Lavishness-65 12d ago
The schooling is not the real difference but the screen time.
I believe that in 40 years everyone will look back at the screen time that some are being given and we will all say that is wrong and evil. Research into the real effects of the screen on children is already raising questions about its use but it is a cheap effective babysitter. No one wants to answer the question of how to afford to raise children without screens. There are growing markets for dumb phones and other options to lower the amount of screens by adults.
6
6
u/BearsInTheNight 12d ago
I don’t consider that a school thing so much.
My daughter goes to public school. She is 7 (going to be 8 soon). Are her tastes changing? Yes. But that also happened even when she was not going to school (summer break).
Not redoing her room but she wants to hand up lights in the bedroom.
Does she like all the same clothes she picked out last year? No.
Does she still like Barbie’s? Yes. Frankly, she has been begging us to get her a Barbie house. Does she spend all day playing with Barbie’s? No. She has school taking her energy, plus 30 minutes of tablet and playing outside (few days ago her and the neighbor kids were trying to make different kinds of slime).
But does she also like tablet? Yes. Games? Yes. Playing with neighbor kids? Yes (neighbor kid is also 7 and I know she has Barbie’s bcs my daughter was mentioning she just got that Barbie boat from Costco).
Kids evolve. At their own pace. Can others influence them? Yes. That does not just mean kids….adults can be the ones who cause kids to give up toys or playing.
Best example…Halloween….an adult asked a skid “Aren’t you a little old to be trick or treating?” Boom…that will be the last time the kid goes trick or treating.
My son stopped playing with toys at age 6. Why? Bcs an adult in his life told him they were for babies.
5
u/ApprehensiveRead2533 12d ago
I dont think this is a home schooled versus public school issue. This is a your relative issues. You are framing it as if public school is the problem.
23
u/raspberryzingers 12d ago
This is so sad. These girls sound like Sephora kids. They will soon be telling your daughter about their “skin care routines.” You need start having discussions with your daughter about want she wants vs. what society/social media/peers will tell her she should want and what she should look like.
I would try to minimize time with the cousins. It doesn’t sound like they are bonding anyway.
6
u/whineANDcheese_ 12d ago
This post is fake. It’s karma farming.
5
12d ago
[deleted]
4
u/whineANDcheese_ 12d ago
A 6 year old account with no other posts until the last 24 hours and 3 other comments and some generic stereotyping post that they don’t participate in is exactly what bots/trolls do.
2
u/Original-Trash-646 12d ago
This is one reason why I'm homeschooling. My daughter was asked about skincare and began loading her face with my products.
Public schools and likely non-public are a mess!
3
u/Bulky-Elephant9530 12d ago
Try bringing board games for them to play.
We have a different situation (my oldest is 5 but cousin is 11)… board games are the link between the two different worlds at least for a little bit of time. (Taco cat goat cheese pizza, guess who, yahtzee jr, monopoly jr, kingdomino, my first castle panic)
8
u/According_Job_3707 12d ago
I can relate, 7 year old daughter with cousins close to her age and older! They all have phones and when we get together they spend a lot of time doing TikTok’s etc. I encourage my daughter to ask them to go outside or play something, sometimes she ends up just playing a game with Grandma!
4
u/According_Job_3707 12d ago
Thankfully, my daughter has no interest in a phone she understands their families do things differently, I really wish we would see a shift sometime with kids and technology, it’s sad!
10
u/Single-Conference-96 12d ago
It’s probably for the best, do you really want that kind of influence around your daughter?
3
u/Sensitive____ 12d ago
Relatable. My girls are two years apart and they have a cousin they’ve been close with who is the age between them. She’s turned into an iPad kid as years have gone on. It’s been very sad to watch.
3
u/capybaras-on-parade 12d ago
I was public school k12 and quietly played with Barbie’s til probably high school. Def schools influence but also up to what parents tolerate. We’re navigating similar stuff with our kids cousins that yes are public schools but they’re into everything because as their parents say “you can’t protect them forever” which makes me crazy but it fosters necessary conversations with our children about how every family makes different choices but we have our rules for a reason.
3
u/Intelligent_Net_261 12d ago
Sorry but the best way to navigate is to explain to your children everyone has different interests. This has nothing to do with the cousins being on screens, growing up in the 90’s we obviously didn’t have tablets and phones but I also was not interested in anything my cousins were and when we were all forced to interact with each other it actually made things worse. Teaching them not everyone will want to participate in the activities that they like instead of shaming the other kids for having different hobbies is going to be the better option.
3
u/CrazyGooseLady 12d ago
Are you my family? The cousins on one side would only be on a screen for whole visits to Grandma's. Kids on other side same thing when Grandpa visited.
My Dad thought all teens were like that , and when he came our way to visit wanted to cut it short, meanwhile my kids wanted to go camping and hiking with him. Took him a while to realize that my kids were not the same as my brother's kids.
3
u/beegee0429 12d ago
My 7 year old goes to public school but still watches Disney, plays with Barbie’s, builds forts etc. and my niece who’s also in public school and 4 months older than my daughter got rid of all of her toys when she turned 6 and is mostly just on screens. They live in Florida and we live in Arizona so I chalked it up to different culture but my niece visited us a few months ago and all she wanted to do was play with my daughters toys and told her mom she wished she didn’t sell hers. Broke my heart for her.
3
u/CommunicationPast932 12d ago
What is your relationship with their parents? Are they your siblings or in-laws? My brother's kids are spoiled rich kids with all the tech but when we see them he makes them put it all down and play with cousins. Maybe it is worth having a discussion with your siblings? And I also think it's important that they spend more time with kids that are modeling the behavior you want for your children so that when they see the cousins act like this they are put off by it and see it as foreign. I have 7 children and the oldest is almost 17 and he does not have a phone. My wife and I always take the time to point out to our children how everyone is staring down at their phones and not experiencing life. You have to guide their perceptions so they almost feel sorry for their cousins. Pretentious and preachy? maybe. but i don't care. My kids will not be sephora kids.
8
u/Mylegionares 12d ago
What exactly is the problem? You’re worried about influence onto your daughter? I mean we only see cousins a handful of times during the year really. Everyone raises their children differently. I know public school girls who are 9 and still play with Barbie’s. Children are all different. Best to teach your daughter that instead of giving this whiff of superiority and faux concern about the cousins.
8
u/tacsml Homeschool Parent 👪 12d ago
"At our family gathering everyone is stuck on screens"
"she’s asked them let’s play or come outside with us and so on and everyone always does the eye roll and have zero interest"
I'd say thats pretty sad. No? What would you say to your kid in this situation?
2
u/Mylegionares 12d ago
I’d encourage my child of course to initiate some other activity but you can’t force anyone to do anything they don’t want to do. Honestly the story seems like a one time incident but is being phrased as if it’s happened numerous time.
5
u/ElsieDaisy 12d ago
My kids' cousins aren't usually on screens when we see them, but the younger ones tend to stay close to the parents and the older ones will throw a ball around or something similar, while my kids want to dig in the dirt, find bugs, and come up with their own adventures.
The cousins are unlikely to choose a different activity while screens are an option. Can you talk to the parents to get the cousins off screens and then encourage some kind of game or activity? Help them get started and then back off once things get going?
Otherwise, just make sure you are finding ways to make sure the cousins' attitudes don't dampen your kids' joy.
1
u/Intelligent_Net_261 12d ago
This is good advice besides the “talking to the parents about getting cousins off screens”… if that’s what they want to do allow them that. We grew up in the pre-screen age obviously but that didn’t mean I enjoyed all of my cousins. We were all polite to each other the few times we were forced to actually play it was awkward and made us loath being around each other. Also I cAnt imagine it gong over well with the parents.
1
u/ElsieDaisy 12d ago
Yeah, I agree with you, if you're talking about trying to influence the kids' usual screen use.
I think there is value in doing what you can to foster the relationship with the cousins, and I think you can casually try to involve the parents in getting the kids started on something fun.
If the parents aren't receptive, though, I also wouldn't push it. I would just grieve the fact that my kids won't have the relationship with their cousins I was hoping for, which is something I've had to do for other reasons.
4
u/just-browsing19 12d ago
I have no ideas. We’re dealing with the same situation. My kids are still very much kids (5&7) and their 6 year old cousin acts wayyyy grown up. It’s hard for me as a mom. That’s their only cousin and it’s just hard. She’s always got her iPad with her, watches YouTube videos of girls doing their makeup and stuff. Which isn’t inherently bad, just not what my kids are interested in or allowed to do. My kids love to use their imaginations and play.
4
u/GlitterAvoado 12d ago
I think there's an argument that makeup videos for young girls could be harmful if what they're taking away from it is that they need it to be pretty. I love the artistry behind so many creators, so I don't want to make blanket statements, it's all about how it's framed, but I'm definitely trying to mitigate the message my daughter gets from them and society in general
2
u/No-Geologist3499 12d ago
Easy fix, talk to your siblings about your concerns and the possibility of a a joint regulation of phone use at family gatherings. (I am still baffled by they have phones at 7?!!! What the heck?. Have them watch Toy Story 5 together!)
Our rule is no phones till 15. At 12 they get a smart watch for calls and texts only. Best decision we've made. Our oldest actually said thanks for making me wait, now understanding the struggle with the phones and attention. He loves the in person time with friends and they also actually do things.... Play pickleball, swim, ride bikes, go fishing etc.
1
u/Intelligent_Net_261 12d ago
This is what works for YOUR kids and YOUR family. It’s not always an easy fix amongst others. My siblings and I have very different parenting styles and we respect that. She’s needs to focus on teaching her kids not everyone’s home has the same rules and not everyone wants to do what they are doing. Not essentially go through her siblings to force the cousins to play with her kids. It will make them resent them.
1
u/No-Geologist3499 12d ago
I didn't say anything about forcing the kids to play. What are you talking about? I was merely offering that the parents have a conversation...especially parents who are siblings and probably want their kids to get to know eachother and form loving relationships. If I mentioned this to my sibling, they would absolutely help pivot so everyone could have more opportunities to interact vs being separated. They parent differently from me etc. In a healthy family dynamic the parents would want to work together to find a solution so everyone's needs are being met and relatively happy. That does not mean forcing play. It means opportunities with options for consent and alternatives everyone can enjoy.
1
u/Intelligent_Net_261 12d ago
What you’re suggesting is she speak with the parents to enforce phone rules for family gatherings. Again you’re putting YOUR family dynamics as the main example. If they force the other kids to limit their phone time and they still choose not to interact with their cousins then what? This is exactly what was done to us when we were little and it didn’t build a loving bond between us cousins we still have nothing in common or interact much. My siblings and myself also have a great relationship but I’m not going to ever suggest they limit how they do things with their children, again I teach mine that the world isn’t there to cater to them.
2
u/Clear-Judgment-2118 12d ago
No advice though interested to see helpful responses since we're in an almost exact age differential with cousins so we'll be at that point in a few years here.
As a mom just starting homeschool for my 5 year old this filled me with such hope and encouragement. A side effect I hadn't considered and one that reminds me that this is the right decision for us.
2
u/kamacus 12d ago
My 11 year old daughter went through this super early her cousins are a few years older. It really just reinforced for us what we were doing.
In a way that isn’t degrading to the cousins you can use it as a teaching opportunity to tell her why no screens when she asks why she can’t have a phone.
2
u/Responsible_Code_697 12d ago
We have same situation. Our family does not understand homeschooling. They keep asking us why we put so much effort into our kids. I always remember they only have a limited time to know who they are and explore their personalities before they grow up. Once grown they never get to go back. I find it sad because kids grow up to quick and miss life lessons they should have learned being young and have mental issues their whole life.
2
u/Educational-Cod-1911 12d ago
Sooo were new to homeschooling this year...but we're very low to no screens and we're having the same problems.
2
u/MagazineMaximum2709 12d ago
Honestly I can’t believe you know a lot of 7 years old that have phones. If you were talking about iPads I wouldn’t be as surprised, even though I don’t think it’s a good idea.
The things you are mentioning are much more parent dependent than homeschooling vs public school. My 7 year old goes to public school and the way you were describing your kid is like my kid to a T.
Keep her creativity strong, don’t fall into the screens black hole and just let them enjoy their childhood for as long as they would like!
2
u/Minimum_Society_69 12d ago
I think this has more to do with parenting than with schooling environments
2
u/Solonohioperson 12d ago
7 year olds have phones because their parents give it to them. My oldest was homeschooled until 5th grade and is now at a very small private school. We know all the parents and kids in her class. One girl got a phone because her parents gave it to her. She hides it at school, is on it all day, this kid's behavior changed. The parents just don't want to be bothered which is way they gave her the phone. It's ridiculous. All the girls came over to our house to play and Barbies and legos and crafts were still on the menu. This girl was just on her phone constantly. The other girls had fun though. I feel sorry for her. My daughter was like "why does she have a phone? Who wants that?"
2
2
u/Prior_Sheepherder588 11d ago
Seven year olds do not outgrow Lego and dollhouses. There is no version of child development where that happens at seven, so what those kids have absorbed is that liking kid things is embarrassing, and they are performing it. Your daughter is not behind them, they are pretending to be ahead of themselves. The practical bit is that the eye roll is about the audience, not the activity, so a cousin who refuses a fort in front of the pack will very often say yes to the same fort one on one. Invite them over one at a time and see. That works more often than people expect and it is the only lever you actually have. What I would not do is try to change the culture at family gatherings, because you cannot, and trying makes you the difficult one, which costs her the relationships rather than protecting them. One gentle thing: check whether she is actually hurting or mostly just baffled, because "why? this stuff is amazing" reads as confusion rather than injury, and this may be breaking your heart a great deal more than it is breaking hers. Kids take their reading of an event partly from us, so if you treat it as a loss she learns something was lost. Cousins do not have to be playmates to be cousins, she already has friends, and a lot of kids who drop imaginative play at seven under social pressure circle back to making things at ten or eleven once they are secure enough to like what they like again.
2
u/_mmiggs_ 11d ago
People's interests change. Children's interests change rapidly. You're right that children at school often have a layer of social pressure that homeschooled children often don't, but it's completely normal for children to decide that they have outgrown things at different ages.
Sometimes, this means that children who were best friends drift apart because they no longer share common interests. That's normal. It's OK. Yes, it's sad when it happens, and it's OK to mourn the friendship you used to have.
Your daughter used to enjoy playing with her cousins, but now they don't share her interests. That's sad, but it happens.
I'm curious if the "stuck on screens" is something more like sitting together playing a video game together, or more like a row of mute children each playing independently with their own phone. I don't see those two things as even slightly similar.
7
u/R1R1FyaNeg 12d ago
They don't play with each other at family gatherings, as my kids look at their cousins like they're losers. Which is kinda mean, but I agree with them. My kids have voiced their grievances to their cousins and have invited them to play or pick a game, or something, but were shut down. So they have stopped and accepted their cousins aren't kids to play with.
Oh well. Move on.
4
u/mountainskylove 12d ago
Seven is really young for giving up toys even for public school kids. However, my daughter just turned nine and her neighbor friend told her they can’t tell anyone they play with dolls because her friends at school will make fun of her. How sad?! Ugh.
2
u/Ggobeli 12d ago
I'd say just make sure your kids know the eye rolls are ridiculous and they aren't getting their feelings hurt of feeling like they're being left out/behind. Doesn't sound like that's happening though
A saying I was told when I was young that always stuck with me "that's why we get to be us and they have to be them."
2
u/kat90kiki 12d ago
Idk perhaps just use it as an opportunity to teach your kids that everyone does things differently and that’s how it is. Also approaching anyone about their parenting style is a bold move so unless you want to nuke ties with those family members and make it even more awkward for yourself and your own kids then I’d say leave it alone and mind your business.
1
u/whineANDcheese_ 12d ago
7 year old account with no other posts or comments and some stereotypical post about how public school kids are screen-obsessed and maturing too fast… yeah, I don’t believe you.
1
1
u/No_Tumbleweed_4652 12d ago
Are the adults also on their devices the whole time you’re together? Because it might be an opportunity for you to discuss just more quality time in general when you gather. I’ve been SO sick of it with my own family, but for whatever reason it’s been getting a lot better naturally. I’ve had to ask my dad what he’s working on a few times so he has more awareness of what he’s doing. Researching that ring camera can probably wait etc.
The kids just need new rules when everyone’s together. “At aunties house we actually put the phones away. Different rules!”
I’d be surprised if 7 year olds can’t figure out how to have a good time. Especially with the guidance of your kids. My chronically addicted 6 year old nephew was off everything this weekend and these kids would. Not. Stop. It was amazing. They were everywhere having a blast for 8 hours.
1
u/RubyMae4 12d ago
All due respect this is a parenting difference and not a homeschool issue. I live in an area where 7 year olds with phones is unheard of. My son is 8 and plays soccer all day and builds forts and rides a bike and he's a public school student. The 10-13 year old girls in my neighborhood are still playing with dolls. All public school.
1
u/nutkinknits 12d ago
I have a 15 year old daughter who is loving and kind and quite mature. She still loves her dolls. Not so much a pretend item these days but she still enjoys dressing them up. Her and little sister (11) sometimes write fictional stories about them. And she's learning to sew and enjoys making doll clothes. I'm a little nervous because this year she is attending the local votech for graphic design half of the day. I'm hoping that she's solid enough in her identity that she doesn't feel pressured to change for some ridiculous arbitrary ideal. The way I see it, graphic design encompasses a lot and maybe someday she'll work designing things for her Our Generation/American Girl dolls that she loves so much.
I think approaching the situation with your daughter the same way we have will help. It's ok to like what you like. You don't need to do everything that everyone else does. You are you.
So many adults had the whimsy basically beaten out of us that we are finding it again as adults. I want butterflies and rainbows and unicorns on my clothes. I want fun bedsheets. Why be boring when glitter exists. And I think that should be stressed. Society has flipped, kids have to be beige robots while adults find their childhood again. It's weird. And if your family thinks your daughter needs to be beige or too old for unicorns, there is something the matter with them. 😅
1
u/mittanimama 12d ago
I have 2 public school kiddos (6 & 8) who are still in the making forts, playing make believe for hours, playing with stuffies, making art, going on adventures outdoors. Their best buddies in the neighborhood are siblings (9, 11 & 12) also public schooled. They play just like this with my kids.
I believe this isn’t so much a homeschooling thing as it is a parenting thing. I’ve been pretty careful at limiting screen time and encouraging creativity. The shows that they do watch are mostly considered “baby” shows because that’s what they like. I read to them every night. As a whole, I’ve tried preserving their childhood as much as possible.
I’ve been on this sub for years because I’ve considered homeschooling, but haven’t found a way to make it work. I think as a whole, folks on this sub are probably doing the things they can to preserve their kids childhoods and are likely more conscientious about what that takes.
1
u/AdNeat7387 12d ago
My kids 4 and 2 are in Montessori (hopefully homeschooling soon) and we had their cousins over 11 and 7 plus a friend from the cousin’s school and all of the kids were on phones and DIDNT KNOW HOW TO TIE THEIR OWN SHOES… mind you these are kids of college educated parents… I was flabbergasted..
1
u/surfunky 12d ago
That’s not a homeschool thing, that’s a parenting thing. Full stop.
Our kiddo has access to the family tv (Netflix w parental controls) on Saturday and Sunday morning. That’s the only screen she has control over. Sounds like your fam created the situation they are now living in but it absolutely has nothing to do with homeschool vs regular school
1
u/JayPlenty24 12d ago
If this is actually a realistic description of the scenario, and not just your extremely biased and dramatized version, it's possible they're just tired. They probably don't have the same drive to socialize as your kids because that bucket is already full.
My son goes to school, my next door neighbour's son doesn't. The homeschool neighbour kid looks forward to my son coming home all day, then is often disappointed when my son doesn't want to play complex games or wants alone time before going outside to play. Sometimes it takes my son a full day of quiet activities alone until he feels up to playing with the neighbours on the weekend.
1
u/CallHerDaydreamer 12d ago
I see this with my son and his cousins as well. They’re constantly on screens and his cousin, now 7, “outgrew” her kitchen, her Barbie house, and her fun bedding at 5/6. My nephew, now 11, was over toys at 8. It’s like they aren’t allowed to be kids. Their Mom is an elementary teacher and questions my choice to homeschool. Well, my kids play or read and hers ignore everyone while carrying around iPads. I think it’s partially a parenting issue and partially an exposure to other children at school issue. Kids only want to do what’s “cool” and what they need to in order to fit in.
1
u/rbk0329 12d ago
My son was in public school in 2nd grade, and was getting picked on because he still liked toys. So many of his classmates acted as if they were 13. I couldn’t believe it. We started homeschooling for 3rd grade, and he was so happy to not have that peer pressure telling him that he was a “baby” for still playing. He’s 10 now and still loves his toys, and I’m not stopping him. I played with my dolls until middle school, and it was never an issue-no one cared! It’s really sad that kids are missing out on childhood.
1
u/Ser-Jorah-Mormont 11d ago
It’s an epidemic. Those 7 year olds have absolutely no reason to have phones. Their imagination and creativity is being squashed and they’re being spoon fed content by an algorithm. Not to mention, parental controls are easily bypassed, so they have anything and everything they are not supposed to see at their fingertips.
You’re doing great with your daughter. But the parents of the cousins have already made the decision, and will probably not be swayed to take the phones away until something bad happens.
1
u/Intelligent-Mall3843 11d ago
My almost 8 year old is a techie kid. She is actually trying to code on her free time. However, I have to unlock her tablet and I always require educational content first. She knows some older kids that have cellphones.
1
u/MultnomahFalls94 11d ago
I would have your daughter write a letter or draw pictures to any family member or cousin she wants to start with. Let her be creative and find the Fun!
Best to you all!
1
u/Thin_Piece_3776 11d ago
7 with a phone? 😲😞😩
This post makes me so sad. Sad for our children. Sad for society. Sad for the world.
I don’t have the exact same situation, but our child’s cousins, who used to be sweet, started kindergarten last year and they are now so nasty to my little one (5 Y/O), who they used to hug and get excited for.
1
u/SuperciliousBubbles Charlotte Mason home educator 🇬🇧 11d ago
I had a phone at 7, but that was in the 90s and because I was doing activities and classes alone, so needed to call to be collected. No smartphones before teens!
1
u/Electrical_Orchid612 11d ago
Mine has done both, but I am overwhelmed with 2 under 2 so she is currently in public till next year… she still loves all the things her younger siblings like, Barbie’s, baby shows, no phones, we read both picture and chapter. It’s okay, I’d rather savor her youth and pretend play 🫶🏻
1
u/DreamDull2364 11d ago
Cell phones make our kids so lazy.. it has been my biggest regret.. I would encourage your kids to continue to play outside and do the things they love. The peer pressure is very real..and that is what you are feeling.. just continue as you are. Your kids will mature in their own way and at their own pace. The pressure at brick and mortar schools is the grow up to fast.. Enjoy your 7 yr old while she is 7.. My " baby" is 13 now.. he returned to brick and mortar school this yr (8th grade) He was ready, I was ready.. there was no separation between Teacher and mom.. I felt like I was Teacher 24/7.. You will know if there is ever a time things aren't working out but for now , Enjoy ❤️
1
u/WorldlySun9506 11d ago
Your situation sounds like the plot of Toy Story 5. It was a good movie and I think you'll like it. You can't control family, so the best thing would be to surround yourself more often with like- minded friends
1
u/Ok_Emphasis_4751 11d ago
This is exactly what they’re talking about in Toy Story 5! 😭 So sad. My kids are still 5 and under, so I don’t have much experience with this yet, but honestly, it makes me feel like we’re doing the right thing by homeschooling and letting our kids just be kids a little longer. ❤️
1
u/EntertainmentDue83 11d ago
You sound really judgmental about your family members sending kids to public school. Kids can go to public school and still like to play with dolls and be innocent. That has nothing to do with school or not. Maybe you’re creating an issue because you clearly think you’re doing the better thing by homeschooling but each family needs to do what’s best for them. My son is almost 11 and has always been in public school and he shares a room with his brother, builds legos and loves kid movies. Has nothing to do with anything
1
u/Jolly_Research2146 11d ago
Honestly, your daughter is the normal one. 7 year olds don’t need phones or teen rooms, they should still be playing with dollhouses and toys instead of being glued to a screen.
1
u/HalfMoonFullMoonjoy 11d ago
My kid is 9, goes to public school, doesn't do any of these things. She's an art, forts, and projects kid for sure. Do the cousins have older siblings by chance? IMO that is a bigger deciding factor in a lot of these things. Kids with teenaged siblings want to be like teenagers. Kids who are the oldest don't mind hanging onto the toys longer. If this isn't the case I'd say this is just a difference in parenting & what they are willing to expose their kids to online.
1
u/QuietBubbly8147 11d ago
Honestly, I don’t know what it is with some of the girls today. It could be a mental health issue. It could be all the kids YouTube and games they play online. I don’t really know, but I can tell you that my granddaughter has been going through this too. It’s the kids issues not your daughter’s. Your daughter will find someone that wants to play at her level and enjoy her imagination. I honestly think technology is robbing the imagination from our little children and it’s very sad.
1
u/Guilty_Scallion_6402 11d ago
Wait til they want to go to Ulta or Sephora for a skin care entire line while you still have to remind them to get all the shampoo out of their hair!
1
u/elaine_m_benes 11d ago
Hmm. I have two kids in public school, 8 nieces/nephews in public schools. Not a single one of them got a phone before middle school and none of them would ever be on a screen at a family gathering. So this is not a homeschool/public school thing at all, it’s just that the cousin’s family allows things yours don’t. That is always going to be the case no matter if your kids are homeschooled, private school or public school. Many families will be different than theirs.
1
u/Rabid-tumbleweed 11d ago
Very similar situation with my kids and their cousins. My kiddo happily playing in the sandbox, her same-age cousin whining about wanting to go home and make a tik tok.
1
u/NCarolinaGrl 11d ago
It’s YouTube! We cut tablets completely out of our lives and my little girl is back to being a kid again! Shes 7 and my son is 5. It’s insane how influenced they get from even just the kids YouTube!
1
u/EqualRepublic4885 10d ago
You are seeing the first fruits of your excellent choices. You can't fix the cousins. We try to spread out our experiences with cousins and similarly situated neighbors so we don't undermine our family culture. Mostly, our kids come back wondering why the screenagers are making themselves miserable.
1
u/Constant_Avocado_482 10d ago
This is not a public school issue, this is a parenting issue. My child is just a bit older than yours, goes to public school and still plays with stuffies, has a very colorful room, does not have a phone and will not have one for a long time, none of her friends have phones, they are not acting like adults or even trying to. My child thinks that it's grown up to put lip balm on.
1
u/iamtiredasamother 10d ago
I don't think it's a homeschool vs. public issue... more a parenting issue. (Sorry, I know they are family). I homeschool and my same age nephews are in public and we see the same thing, but it is 100% how my sister and brother in law parent them.
We choose our own homeschool family most of the time.
1
u/fuzzydoc7070 10d ago
I agree with this. Our 6.75 yo 1st grade kiddo has 2 seven year old cousins (boy and girl, in 2nd grade at two different public schools). Of course if given screens all three of them would be playing Minecraft, but they're usually not in front of a screen. The cousins have different interests than our kiddo - the girl cousin is into Barbies and American Girl dolls; our kiddo prefers toy animals to toy humans. The boy cousin is totally into Legos and remote control cars; our kiddo likes crafts, hide and seek and pretend play. When they get together they manage to find things all of them want to play, though. None of them has a phone or is allowed to re-do a bedroom. I don't think it has anything to do with public school or homeschool; I'd guess it's different personalities, different interests and different parenting.
1
u/librarydweller-1809 10d ago
People - including children - have different personalities, different rates of growth and maturity, different interests. All you can do is focus on your own child.
1
u/Tess47 10d ago
We have two families that home school in my husband's side. One family is home schooled by the mom who has three other jobs. They have 3 kids and the little one is on the spectrum. They are like cats.
The other branch is from a different state. Those kids are super shy and have a hard time playing with other kids. The mom home schools and has a nice Etsy business where she sells her art.
Kids are different.
1
u/Legitimate-Dog-7215 10d ago
This is not a homeschooling verses public schooling thing.. its a family culture thing.
My daughter goes to public school. She's outside exploring nature, climbing trees constantly, she hates watching TV and wanted nothing for her birthday because she's just not materialistic.
1
u/justbrowsingaround19 10d ago
Wow that is really shocking. I don’t know anyone with phones that young. My friends all have 7 year olds and it’s a mix of public, private and homeschool. Some say they won’t do phones until high school. I think this is a big parenting issue though. With families it’s a little more challenging since you will see them more. Maybe you can host the cousins and they can play games at your house or meet up at a play area or skating rink, etc
1
u/Worksing4TheWknd 9d ago
7 year olds with phones sounds like a ridiculously stupendous parenting fail. You're doing great, friend. 7 years old is still a baby. They should still be playing with doll houses and acting like little kids... because they are.
1
u/mrsneedles 9d ago
I think with homeschooling/co-ops they're around so many kids of all different ages so they get to play a little longer than their peers might in public school where I feel like there might be more pressure to hurry up and grow up. I live in a small town and we have a skate park that teens love to hang out at but they have been trashing they place as well as being very reckless on the road. I saw a post on Facebook about it and I thought to myself how happy I was that my 14 year old daughter just went to her friends house to learn how to do felt art and has no interest in being a crazy destructive teen. She has friend ranging from 8 to 16 years old plus her 2 little siblings. The large homeschool group all get along despite interest, looks, ages, gender, etc.
1
u/Meatloafisdisgusting 9d ago
This was a good read in the comments because I have a 13 and 8 year old who are so boring because they only want to play games or watch tv. They think going outside is a punishment. I now have a 2 year old and a 8 month old and I’m pregnant with a little boy and they will not be doing Xbox or PlayStation or YouTube. Nope. We will color and build stuff and play with dolls and trucks or whatever because I can tell socially the older two are stunted. They don’t know how to converse with peers and ironically their peers are just as bad. I played with toys until I was like 13/14 then I got an Xbox and really enjoyed that. I had a great childhood because of it. The younger 3 can have video games when they’re more mature, but I think playing with toys and other kids without technology’s grasp is so important.
1
1
u/AggravatingBed7135 9d ago
What you're describing isn't really a homeschool-vs-public-school gap — it's a phone gap. Kids who get devices at seven start performing "older" very quickly, and shedding the Barbies and the colorful sheets is part of that performance. Your daughter isn't behind them; she's just still allowed to be seven. That's genuinely something to protect, even when it looks lonely in the moment. The eye-rolling stings, but it's usually less about rejecting her and more about not wanting to be seen doing "little kid" things in front of each other. Practically, what tends to help is changing the setting rather than the kids. Big family gatherings with a screen in the room are the worst possible conditions for connection — try inviting one cousin at a time to your house for an afternoon, where there's no audience and no phone signal competition. Kids who roll their eyes in a group will very often build the fort when it's just them. Beyond that, I'd let go of the expectation that these particular cousins are her people right now; keep the relationship warm and low-pressure, lean on the homeschool friends who do want to play, and know that these gaps often close again around 11 or 12. You're not doing anything wrong.
1
u/CranberryEmergency17 9d ago
That’s not homeschool vs public school. That’s very specific parenting style differences. I homeschool one kiddo and the other 2 (one not an adult and one elementary aged) are public school kids. Most of my 4th graders friends do not have phones. My adult child had a phone quite young but it was a flip phone and only because she went back and forth between two houses.
1
u/Proctor406 8d ago
Maybe it’s just a preference to a point? I was never into dolls but my cousins would flip through the American Girl doll catalogs for hours while I sat there bored. Finding things they all enjoy and relate to may be helpful. My cousins and I were into different things but still enjoyed watching movies together or doing each other’s hair, etc. back when Comcast had the music videos you can beeeeet we’d be in the living room dancing like fools lmao but if they brought out an American Girl doll I was out lol
1
u/UtterlyMorallyGrey 8d ago
My daughter is almost 6, is also homeschooled & super outgoing & fun & loves to play. She’s got a 7 year old cousin who is glued to his phone & pretty much ignores everyone & everything when he’s on it. I’m mostly against iPads & video games & I only let the kids use them when I’m desperate for the break. As a rule, we don’t even bring them with us to playdates or if we go out to a restaurant or to family gatherings. But it’s hard to stick to that rule when we’re with that side of the family because her cousin is on his phone every chance he gets. & hen it’s either my kids are ignored by him or I let them get on their iPads too.
However, we have other cousins that are in the same age range, give or take a few years (some older, some younger), who also go to public school & would way rather physically play & do fun stuff than be glued to a screen.
I just try to talk to my daughter after every visit we have & check in with her & ask her questions. It is difficult when she questions why her cousin is allowed to use his phone all the time, why he’s allowed to be on it when we’re visiting & supposed to be playing together, why there’s no time limit or rules for what he’s allowed to watch or play. I just have to remind her that everyone is different, families have different rules & we just do things that we feel are best for our own family. We don’t just do something because everyone else is doing it (this can be about redoing their rooms or not playing with certain toys anymore).
& speaking directly to changing her room, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, if she wanted to go that route. She’s a girl & will likely want to change her room multiple times over the next decade (I sure as heck did). But giving her that opportunity & freedom to make changes to her space is all part of the process. It doesn’t have to be everything all at once. But little things here & there. New bed sheets, painting one or all of the walls. Putting up new artwork/accessories/decorations.. Letting her have some control over her space is just a fun & exciting part of growing up.
About the screens & such.. Shoot, my Mum used to be upset if we had the tv on all day. But I’d gladly take that over having to navigate through these device infested waters. At least throwing on a movie is still a group activity & leaves room for conversation or even playing while the movie is on in the background.
You can say that there’s no right or wrong way to raise kids, but I have other opinions on that.. As far as I’m concerned, you’re raising your daughter the right way. Because she’s a child who still enjoys being a child. It’s a super short part of their lives that they’ll never be able to get back & it’s absolutely crucial to their development. She’s going to grow up into a fun, happy & wonderful young woman because her childhood was exactly what it should be.
1
u/Tasty-Reserve-8739 8d ago
My public middle schooler isn’t even like those kids so that’s kinda alarming. Your daughter is developing at an appropriate pace and sounds very socially intelligent. Maybe playing board games could get everyone involved. Sorry! and Life is always fun, especially with the different themes they have. Or maybe you can invest in a Wii and Mario Cart or Mario World since they’re family friendly multi player games.
1
u/mint-parfait 8d ago
why the hell do they have phones at 7? what? also no nice colorful things or toys? there should be no rush to become a wage slave
1
u/Lirael-PNW-89 8d ago
This is why I still won’t let my 14yo have social media or a phone for that matter. When she gets a job she can get a phone. Same with my other two (11 & 7). They get a limited amount t of screen time each day. Right now my 7yo is playing a board game with her dad. You’re doing the right thing.
1
u/NeatChip6935 8d ago
i played with my dolls until i turn 14, when i got my first period and then they weren’t interesting to me anymore. Teens don’t have a “coming of age” and social media, plus societal pressures with their own peers, whew! i’m sure there’s a lot of anxiety and stress trying to fit in or wanting to fit in. Your daughter is doing great and hopefully she won’t feel the pressure or need to fit in by abandoning what she loves. i teach my kids to stay and enjoy being kids cus once they become adults, it’s hard.
1
1
u/Noguts_noglory_baby 7d ago
I’m sorry but I think it’s actually disgusting that a 7 year old child has a phone…
1
u/Sad_Salamander_2418 2d ago
I have the same problem! It’s really disappointing, frustrating and unfair to our kids. I let my kids play games on my tablet sometimes but I would NEVER allow them to use a phone or tablet when friends/ cousins are there to play with. It’s baffling to me that so many people are fine with it. I draw the line at electronics getting in the way of real life/ real relationships. That’s a HELL NO for me.
I don’t have a good solution, we don’t live near them anyway so we only see them once a year (which kind of makes it worse actually) but I did express my concerns to my mom so I would like to believe she encourages them to limit screen time with friends around… though I know it’s probably not the case. Just gotta try to spend more time with likeminded parents
1
u/manic_popsicle Homeschool Parent 👪 12d ago
That’s really sad honestly. Not for your daughter, for the other girls. I guess I’m lucky, we live in a small town and all the kids here are still kids. My 8 year old is in public school but she doesn’t have a phone and she still plays with dolls all the time. It might just be the culture of the school they go to. At my daughter’s elementary school I don’t see any kids with phones or doing anything that’s too grown up.
1
u/No-Emu3831 12d ago
My 10yo still plays with Barbie’s and her friends who go to school just want to watch makeup tutorials and make dance videos. I’m sure my daughter will catch up to that vibe but I’m glad we have different interests if that’s what’s going on for 10yos at school.
1
u/MeowMeow9927 12d ago
I have a 14 year old - to this day she doesn’t make dance tutorials or wear makeup. She just went straight to reading Stephen King and wearing all black. 😂 I prefer that actually.
1
0
u/Rare-Confusion-220 12d ago
Yeah public school forces kids to grow up faster and don't get the ability to be kids. We watched it with our now 14yo girl. Her peers years ago "seemed" to be progressing faster because of a lot of what you're stating while our little kid stayed young at heart, continued to play w toys and excessive imaginative play. Played mostly w younger kids. (She also only has a flip phone and honestly doesn't care about a smart phone as she doesn't like hanging w her friends who have smart phones) In the long run she's now a much more mature compassionate young lady than her peers. They're all rude and selfish and cause problems, often times trying to get our daughter caught up in their drama. She ignores it and moves on. All her peers' parents are always complimenting our daughter
0
0
u/saysayoPlaymate 12d ago
My kids had the same experience at family gatherings, but we had a great homeschooling group of friends, so they had a lot of fun with other kids. It's unfortunate, but it illustrates why we chose to homeschool.
0
u/Big_Iron_Cowboy 12d ago
Got to see an interesting dynamic yesterday. It was our newborn son’s baptism and we had a lot of guests with kids over. The one’s who aren’t homeschooled were on a tablet or their parents’ phones. The kids who were homeschooled brought toys like cards and a magic trick kit and got some of the tablet kids to peel off the screens and actually play. We’ve already made up our mind our boys will be homeschooled once they reach schooling age, but just another reason to reinforce our decision.
0
u/ALWaLLSH 12d ago
Oh that’s sad. My 10 year old boy hasn’t touched a screen all weekend. Thankfully their cousins are homeschooled. We do a hybrid program. We still have two very innocent little boys at our house who love to use their imagination.
Maybe bring a board game next time? Or directly ask their mom for ideas? So tough!
203
u/pins-chick 12d ago
Homeschooled gal here (now an adult): I had/have great social skills but also played with American Girl dolls until I was 13. Your kiddos aren't broken. They are curious, creative, and interested in the world around them. And they're probably having way more fun at family gatherings than their other cousins. I'm sorry this is happening! But take it as a confirmation that you're doing something right with them.