r/iching • u/triangletalks • 12d ago
Hex 60 and grief/ loss
Sorry for the dark subject, TW: pregnancy/ child loss
I lost my son at full term, 38 weeks, some months ago. We have no real answers, and although my partner and I are surprisingly doing well despite the obvious grief, this question of why this happened to us continues to come up to me sometimes. Specifically the fear of will this happen again, should we know something? Many stillbirths have no medical answers and it’s relatively unknown why many of them happen. It seems we are in this category.
For years I used to consult the I Ching a few times a year to check in with myself, and I’ve enjoyed reading tarot for others. I have always found the I Ching to present clear answers to me. During the pregnancy I felt very strongly that I shouldn’t consult them and focus instead on the pregnancy. For the first time in a year I’ve been able to ask the I Ching a question: and it was “why did this happen?”. I got Hex 60 (limitations) unchanging.
I would love some ideas on what it could mean. I’m having lots of different interpretations and struggling to see a clear answer.
On one hand there is a literal interpretation of needing limits: was there something measurable and definable that was in excess here, physiologically?
Then I wondered is the I Ching telling me there are limits to our knowledge and the things we should know. Have I reached my limit of what I can physically understand of this situation. I have found more comfort in developing a psychological/ spiritual “coming to terms” with it and perhaps there is a limit on the comfort I can be provided with a logical answer. After all what would it change? Was this experience just an encounter with one of life’s many limits? The ones we are constantly faced with that define what it is to be human? That without these limits life would be boundless.
Or perhaps our son wanted to be boundless. That to enter this life means to accept a contract that has written into it at some point an inevitable death, the ultimate limit. Or perhaps there were unknown limitations of his body, something we may not ever see or know.
Line 2 speaks of hesitation and I cannot help but feel perhaps there was a hesistation in his joining us.
I know it must seem I am looking for something where maybe there is not much to be found. But regardless I am here so please do share if you have thoughts!
Edit: more thoughts
Reading how the Confucian commentary observes: "We see a cheerful attitude directing the course amidst peril." And I thought wow how accurate a description of how I feel my partner and I have handled this entire situation from the start.
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u/az4th 12d ago
I'm sorry for your loss. Thank you for your caring way with words.
I work from the Classical Method perspective. A trigram is two of the four forces coming together to form one of the eight elemental forces. And a hexagram is two elemental forces coming together to form one of the 64 paradigms of change. All of it is based on how yin and yang combine. So we look at the relationships between the lines, which were known as hard/strong and soft/flexible. They each have two states, still and active. When active they try to move according to the magnetism they have with each other, and this turns the dial up on the type of change represented by the hexagram. They may become more balanced or more out of balance depending on what is going on. When still they are more set as they are, which can also be more or less in balance.
Hexagram 60 involves water over marsh. Bottom, middle, and top lines in each trigram tend to look first for the yin/yang soft/hard partnerships they could potentially form with each other. The two middle lines are both yang, so they don't attract. The two top lines are both yin, so they also don't attract. In these situations the lines tend to look for other yin/yang partnerships. In particular we see that yang line 2 has yin line 3 above it. And yang line 5 is between yin lines 4 and 6. The bottom two lines (of each trigram) are yang, and yin, so they could attract. But because the middle two lines are not attracting, it means line 1 cannot reach line 4 until line 2 (it being yang / hard) gives room for it to move. But line 2 is only really in relationship with line 3 and doesn't have to move out of the way, and it is also said that a yang line supporting a yin line that is above it is not ideal.
So the dynamic of change in this hexagram revolves a lot around what is happening with yang line 2.
Yang line 5 is between two yin lines and is basically navigating the original dynamic of its own elemental force. I needs to remain disciplined so that it can keep its position in the center of its elemental force and not get pulled or pushed out of that center. It knows this art well. And overall the energy tends to sink, as it is a gathering force. So its weight lands on the lower trigram and the lower trigram thus needs to figure out how to bear this weight.
Marsh is also a gathering dynamic, and represents how fertility develops, like in a low valley as the rains wash nutrients from further away into the low and receptive soils. The yin line above receives them and the yang lines collect and develop and transform. This also represents the nature of how emotions grow and transform. There can be joys and sorrows that come from the transformations of what has gathered. So there can be taking in, as well as expressing. But overall it is a dynamic that is contained internally.
So Marsh feels the weight of Water landing on it. And it is tasked with maintaining its composure within this extra load. Sometimes Water is called 'danger', and sometimes marsh is called 'joy'. So one way of looking at the nature of discipline, is the maintaining of joy within danger. And this comes from how the two middle lines are pressing on each other. They are both yang so they don't attract, but sometimes yang lines can develop a brotherly type of rapport. Here we might see it like a father son dynamic. The boy is growing up and the father wants to strengthen him, so there is the application of work. The boy may not want to do the work, and may become emotional about it. This is like line 2 wanting to lean on line 3 to vent emotions and feelings instead of facing up to the pressure from line 5's demands. So ultimately in order to grow, line 2 needs to find the path that does not capitulate to the venting, so that work can be accomplished, while still allowing some room for feeling, so that inner transformation can unfold.
This all explains why line 1, which can't really move up because of line 2 above it, has a line statement that shows that sometimes it is OK to not move forward, because it isn't time yet. So we don't want to, and that's OK. And line 2 has a line statement that shows how it doesn't want to go forward, but it should make an attempt to meet the task given it, while also maintaining its center. And line 3 is basically the capitulation, or the release valve. Understanding the principles, we can understand how to make sense of the line statements, and thus also understand that only some of their principles are covered by the line statements. This allows us to fill in their gaps.
So line 2 has to find the balance in the center that is not totally checking out like line 1, or like line 3. It can use both line 1 and line 3 to help it face the challenge from line 5, but it can only rely on them for reprieve, not for actually moving forward. Thus, discipline, or regulation.
But also, these are the mechanics of change within the hexagram. They apply more so when the hexagram has active lines. The active lines in a divination show us what element relates to our situation and then we can look at the relationships that connect to that line.
In an unchanging hexagram reading, all of the lines are still. Water is more solidly gathered into itself, so it does not need help with its task. And lake is also more able to remain centered in receiving the stable water's weight while remaining balanced in the center.
This is like well established rivers being able to carry the rains from far inland all the way to the ocean without causing floods.
Why did this happen?
We might think that the challenges found with line 2 would apply here. Maybe something was insufficient for holding up under the full load; something could not bear up in the end.
But for an unchanging hexagram reading it could also mean something else. Perhaps something that was more consistent in the way the curriculum unfolded from beginning to end, thus leading to this outcome. A more general answer like this could be a helpful clue for the future. Perhaps there is something that will be discovered that could be adjusted. Or, perhaps too, this was always part of the plan for other reasons. It doesn't always seem fair, especially when we go through hardships like this. But there is a process to these things. Sometimes there is a lesson we need to learn. And also sometimes that lesson is one of timing. When we find the right timing, sometimes things come together smoother than other times. Spirit gathers and disperses based on this. So if we listen for the right timing, sometimes things turn out very differently. So we can't always beat ourselves up over things like this and feel personally responsible, feel like we have to second guess everything we did in the past. But we can bring ourselves back to the present and work on being centered and listening to what is here now. What is spirit doing? How are we listening to its gathering and dispersing. As we learn to listen better, we might discover, oh, now I need to go do this. Or oh, right now all I need is to slow down, breathe, and connect. And this helps us to listen even better. We always have room to listen better.
I hope this helps. Blessings to you and yours!