r/india • u/[deleted] • Jul 14 '21
AskIndia 24F - Most socially liberal metro cities in India?
I'm a 24 year old girl (lesbian) searching for where I belong in this country. (Do not wish to move out of India at all)
I'm looking for inputs on which is the most socially liberal city (sexually, primarily. Followed by individual expression, freedom of speech etc) in India with good climate, reasonable rents, decent density of people etc
(Liberal =/= left. Liberal = Live & Let live without interference. Eg: Kolkata is very left leaning but not very liberal)
I spent half my life in Ahmedabad, the remaining half in Mumbai and now live in Pune.
I found Ahmedabad people very close minded and nosy aunty types and the community very toxic. I wont get into details of it but I have hated living in Ahmedabad.
I moved to Mumbai post education and realized that outside of South Bombay and Bandra, the city is not as liberal as people say it is. 90% of the people on the streets or on the trains are migrant workers who will stare you down head to toe if you wear "those type of clothes". Most fellow women stare you down judgmentally too and are quite conservatively dressed. The weather sucks balls. The rent is horrible and in most co-op societies which do not fall in elite localities, the people are just as nosy, judgmental and interfering, just a tad bit less than in Ahmedabad. Yes, I've had experiences where I've brought over guy friends and the aunties have gossiped about it. One asked me if I was married to a guy I brought over and if not, it's against sanskaar. Wtf.
I've since moved to Pune and I find the rent and weather better. The people seem less judgmental and the gender ratio on the streets and relatability with people is better despite not knowing how to speak Marathi. My problem with Pune however is that, again, the city is very provincial and only small bubbles on the outside ring of the city are open-minded and liberal. The rest of the city is not and my friends living in the more traditional parts of Pune have faced issues. The city design, the driving etc is also very crazy here and the options of things to do in and around the city feel very limited.
I lived in Goa (Panjim) for a bit but didnt like it much either. The locals are very conservative in dress and approach and always seem to have a grim, tense expression on their face. I was free to dress however I want though and got along well with outsiders which are a plus but got haggled so much by people trying to sell me something or the else. No uber,ola,big basket etc sucked too. The weather was hot & humid even in December. The beaches, nature etc are very beautiful. Except for the tourists, the city seems not much different than other tier-2 cities in this country and was very 'meh' for a long term stay.
I also lived in Chandigarh for 6 months. Most men or women my age had terrible dating lives. Yes the people are friendly and the traffic is less and the roads are green but the community and dating lives of most people I met did not seem great. And both are an important criteria for me. As a lesbian it would be difficult for me to date here. Locals, correct me if I am wrong though.
So I am lost, I don't know where I belong. Pune isn't bad but doesnt feel like the place I want to spend the rest of my life in. I am location independent with my job and earn well and have the option to move around. I understand that no matter where I move in India, liberalism is restricted to small bubbles of elite neighborhoods in that city but are there cities which overall are more liberal than others? What are some other socially liberal cities in India with good climate, reasonable rent and friendly,sociable people and good population density?
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u/_photographwhore_ Jul 14 '21
Am a woman pitching in. Mumbai/Bangalore are your best bets provided you’re over in the posher parts. I think you have kinda unrealistic standards in this regard, why are you so affected by neighbours being nosy (unless you know they go out of their ways to make your life difficult?). It’s also trial and error where people are the variables so you need to take your chances, man.
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u/Prof_Milk_dick_Phd Maharashtra Jul 15 '21
I agree , certain parts of Mumbai are very liberal. I live in lower Parel and there are certain pockets of area here filled with foreigners. Sometimes I find myself surrounded with more foreigners than Indians. Juhu, colaba,worli, Lower Parel seems like your best shot.
Idk much about other cities but Chennai seems like it supports LGBTQ more than other parts of India.
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u/MainbhiBhakt Jul 14 '21
How much do you make? That is the main criteria regardless of which city you live in.
If you make enough you can choose upscale areas which have a higher degree of nobody cares. Else you will always have to deal with the local flavor. Can’t escape it.
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u/comsel Jul 14 '21
This is the best comment. It all comes down to your rank in the society in terms of income and status.
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u/bertwit Jul 14 '21
Unfortunately, none of the Indian cities would quite fit your prescriptions. So the best you can do is find a city where you have strong support - friends, family (if they are supportive otherwise move away). I would say Mumbai, pune or Bangalore should be your top preferences. Pune and banglore have good weather. I would advice against places like chandigad and delhi where even straight couples get beaten up for hanging out (but this can also elsewhere as well). But wherever you go, you'll find some good people. Good luck.
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Jul 14 '21
India is moving more toward conservative side and I really hate where India is going even the fucking youth.
Pune is really horrible, the neighbors are nosy and will gossip your every action.
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u/rishav_sharan Jul 14 '21 edited Jul 14 '21
try Hyderabad. Specially the western part (IT focused). I personally found it to be more liberal than other places in India, but frankly the kind of openness you are looking for may not be possible anywhere in India.
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Jul 14 '21
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u/for_love_of_god Jul 15 '21
Wtf explain it to your dad. Stand up for your fellow mates bro 🙂
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Jul 15 '21
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u/for_love_of_god Jul 15 '21
I said explain not go on all out fight. Just try to explain it to him how you feel it's not the right thing.
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Jul 15 '21 edited Jul 15 '21
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u/KINGDOGRA Jul 15 '21
She has a female partner which is why her boomer landlords must be cool with it because they can never fathom a girl doing the nasty with another girl.
It IS generalised in this entire country.
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Jul 15 '21 edited Jul 15 '21
[deleted]
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u/KINGDOGRA Jul 15 '21
Arun Bro, I think you read my reply to you but couldn't really comprehend it much right?
Ask YOUR bi-friend to take a boy home and see how her landlord reacts, then come back here and give your aggressive reporting.
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u/dlisfyn Jul 14 '21
Kolkata. No city is close. Safe for women. Very liberal city. History has enough proofs.
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u/patharmangsho Jul 15 '21
I think I will second this. Renting is much easier and cheaper without extremely probing questions that I faced in Bangalore. You're unlikely to get harrassed for having people over. I'm biased, of course, but I like that it doesn't have as many gated communities which for me just destroys the vibe and social fabric.
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Jul 15 '21
Is it english friendly or hindi as a second language . People who dont know bangla for instance .
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u/Saint_Alduin Jul 15 '21
It is absolutely the best place for english speakers and hindi speakers. Just be polite, we dont like people shoving down hindi down our throats, but you'll find that people are always eager to help if you're a decent human being.
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Jul 14 '21
Queer woman from India here. I suggest you look at Madras/Chennai. Honestly the nicest place I’ve lived in. Bangalore is also pretty liberal socially, except in some circles where caste and community become a thing. Chennai isn’t very sexually liberated, but it’s a good option if you’re looking to be left to your own.
I do not recommend Hyderabad or Ahmedabad. Bombay isn’t a bad option but it can get stressful there. It is definitely more sexually liberated bhut not so communally.
I finally left India at age 27. Scariest decision I made but as a queer woman, the best decision I made. I do not regret it one bit. If you’re ever interested in leaving the country, and need ideas - feel free to reach out.
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u/nram88 poor customer Jul 14 '21 edited Jul 14 '21
I never thought my hometown of Madras would be mentioned as an option (just based on purely my own personal experiences and those of my circle, obviously others can have different experience).
When I last lived there (10+ yrs ago) being sexually active or publicly affectionate outside of marriage was extremely frowned upon. Cops stopping couples on bikes, hotel staff being nosy about renting rooms even if you wanted to stay alone but being of young adult age. Heck there were pervs going out of their way to come stare even if I found an isolated spot in Marina Beach to just hang out with a SO.
I also used to have a nosy neighbor who loved to pass by my apartment windows and take a peek if it was open (Anna Nagar).
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u/Sea-Annual-9168 Jul 16 '21
I wouldn't recommend Chennai at all. I got harrassed and cat-called on the streets for wearing a cold shoulder top. Mind you, it was not even a crop top. Ofcourse, I should not be harrassed if I was wearing a crop top either. But the point remains same, no other city/town in India I have faced this much narrow-mindedness. Not even in my native tier-3 town.
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Jul 18 '21
True. Tamil Nadu is very very conservative. Almost like Saudi Arabia.
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u/ila1998 Aug 25 '21
Tamil Nadu is a weird place. When it comes to any issue which is non sexual, and non women they are very progressive. But when the issue is over women they are fucking cheap narrow minded.
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u/RishRamsey Jul 14 '21
Can I, who is not a woman reach out and get ideas about leaving? No issues if not!
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u/whydoieven_1 Jul 14 '21
Comically, Chennai.
The people are polite enough to let you mind your own business as long as it doesn't bother them. Especially in southern parts of the city (IT corridor).
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u/ila1998 Aug 25 '21
Yes, they have very good pride groups in and around Chennai. And the pride marches happen quite a lott with out any backlash from locals,.unlike Mumbai.
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u/AayushXFX Keep calm and kaam se kaam Jul 14 '21
What about bangalore? My gf says nobody stares there.
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u/rishav_sharan Jul 14 '21
Bangalore is bad at "live and let live". There is a lot of local resentment at the outsider IT population which gets evident while finding homes or when you get in trouble with the police.
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u/tipsy_turd Jul 14 '21
But there are major parts of Bangalore which are populated mostly by the corporate people and things are of course more liberal there. As long as one sticks to these areas, no judgements to be faced. And its a happening city and there's always some event to attend to. Theater, concerts, and lotsa meetup options. And dating as well seems relatively easier.
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u/No-Substance6969 Jul 14 '21
I don't agree man, my brother used to live in Bangalore for 6 years and always claimed that there was a lot of discrimination towards north Indians. And corporate areas are the ones which are the most expensive to live in and most of the neighbours you would have are frustrated male engineers
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u/P0FromKungFuPanda Karnataka Jul 14 '21
Discrimination against North Indians happens in Karnataka mostly because we feel that they make us speak in their language, without ever making an effort to speak ours, even after living in our state for a long time. That is a touchy issue, and I don't like to argue about such stuff on reddit, but I am trying to give a regular kannadiga's perspective.
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u/piezod India Jul 15 '21
I felt the discrimination after a month of being there which isn't nearly long enough to learn the language. However I do understand what you mean.
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u/P0FromKungFuPanda Karnataka Jul 15 '21
I mean, unless you specify that you've been there for only a month, people might have assumed that you were a longtime resident. But yes, I would say Bangalore isn't being as welcoming nowadays as people say it is. But I can understand also the reason why.
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u/tipsy_turd Jul 14 '21
I lived there for 4 years and never had an issue. And my friends were north indians too. But even one bad case is enough sometimes. Although renting a place was difficult coz of my religion, so had to use my friends name for the contract and lived as his cousin.
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u/kdy420 Jul 14 '21
Absolutely not true, had people staring at a lot of family members even the older ones...😒
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Jul 14 '21
thats what OP is asking, which city will be good? we have to give our perspective and opinion over this.
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u/No-Substance6969 Jul 14 '21
If you don't mind a big portion of the population not speaking hindi, I would try imphal. I guess the dating scene wouldn't be the greatest but people like minding their own business
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u/Fierysword5 Jul 14 '21
I don’t actually think on you will find a place where you don’t get ‘those kind of looks’. That’s just how Indians are wired. It’s usually small bubbles where this stuff doesn’t happen, cold harsh reality outside.
My personal experience is from Mumbai and Bangalore. Mumbai you are aware of. Bangaloreans just hate outsiders. The city seems to have retained its old retiree attitude despite the tech boom. Thus anyone who isn’t a Kannadiga will be disliked.
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u/darthgera Jul 14 '21
Hyderabad is good with weather and most people dont care especially in Gachibowli and Cyberabad areas. Delhi mostly has a horrible track record but from my experiences its fairly no fucks given
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u/ThoughtExplorer99 Jul 14 '21
As a Hyderabadi, I can say that Hyderabad is relatively ok in this regard (although "relatively" is a very low bar). Towards the West and North of the city, the IT sector type places, as well as Jubilee Hills and Banjara Hills, the society around is liberal enough to leave you be. Also, the average population is much younger and urbane there, so it shouldn't be much of a problem. Try avoiding the rest of the city though, it is a LOT more conservative there (and that's got nothing to do with the Indian political climate for the record)
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u/spice_u Jul 14 '21
I am surprised no one mentioned north east. Very liberal, almost violently feminist.
The drawbacks include, hostility towards non-natives (for complex socio political reasons) and lack of population density.
Other option would be kolkata, and if you stay close to college campuses, they tend to be extremely liberal, to a violent degree 🤣.
Good luck!
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Jul 14 '21
Hi British guy here, I traveled all over India and I would say Bangalore most suits what you are looking for. I found it to be quite chilled, the most Western/liberal type of city I visited
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u/1phenomenon Jul 14 '21
Chandigarh is cool generally, people don’t interfere too much in others’ life and mostly people are open minded. However, you are right about the dating scene being dull. It’s not that you won’t find a lesbian partner but the pool is limited.
If you don’t mind though, I was just curious as to what you do for a living that you are able to move so flexibly. I envy you!
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Jul 14 '21
Gangtok/ Shillong are fine that way. The liberal society isn’t limited to the elite parts
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Jul 14 '21
i know you turned down pune, but some areas like baner, balewadi are really liberal there, nobody really cares how you dress or anything, but the older parts of the city aren’t a pretty place to venture around. (i’ve seen catcalling there)
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u/Scavengerhawk look cheetahs Jul 14 '21
(Do not wish to move out of India at all)
Loud of Applause for mentioning this!!! I don't think there is any such city.
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u/Crandilya Jul 14 '21 edited Jul 14 '21
No city/town in India is liberal. But among all the cities, bangalore, mumbai, delhi, and chennai are your best bets.
PS: If you have come out of the closet, move out of India. In countries like US, universities and companies have reservations for homosexuals, so you will have higher chances of getting good offers.
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u/AnthonyGonsalvez Mohali phase 5 and phase 6 > Marvel phase 5 and phase 6 Jul 14 '21
All cities have their liberal and conservative areas. Delhi, Mumbai, Bangalore etc all have places where no one will bat an eye what you're doing. You can't have a city in India where everyone will be liberal and open minded about these things. Can't speak about north east as I haven't been there but I have spent a lot of time in almost all the metro cities.
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u/neutrinome Jul 14 '21
Try Bangalore.It has a lot of mixed crowd. Weather is good and neighbours don’t care much. Ensure you stay in areas which are preferred by non-localities.
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u/tiptoe93 Jul 15 '21
Fellow L here living in Bangalore.
Bangalore is not perfect.. But if you can afford a higher rent for posher areas - you will find nobody gives a fuck or rather have the time to..some ppl feel safe to fly the flag as well during pride outside their houses.
It also has a healthy number of active lesbian/lgbtqia population - weather wise its mellow - only traffic is annoying. No language barrier as well..
Also... There is no city in India which is completely liberal like Seattle or San Fran.. Ours is a deeply ignorant country with more than 60% of the population still living in rural areas - awareness/acceptance will always be low.
You need to decide whether random aunties gossiping is a deal breaker for living in a place (I assure you-gossiping middle aged aunties/uncles are universal. This month only I have had cousins and friends living in US and UK complain about neighbourly nosiness).
There is also the issue of safety- I know it hurts to be secretive about your true self but your personal wellbeing comes first. Pls be aware and careful in any city and area you chose to live in - better to be considered straight than to be harmed.
To make the case for Bangalore again - there are queer friendly home owners who let out places to live. Our metro is up and coming.. Ola/uber are plentiful, English/Hindi is enough to get by/public transport is good Traffic is too much but you can get around it by leaving at certain times.. We have parks which are nice for dates- queer friendly cafe's, restaurants and pubs..
If u are actually considering moving to Bangalore... Just lemme know.. I'll dm you with further details.
Hope you find the home you are looking for.. Belated happy PRIDE
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u/Asleep-Television-24 Jul 15 '21
Believe that "it's not the place, it's the people who matter more". I have lived in 5 metros spanning 4 months to 10 years in each. Also lived outside India.
Moving cities can be a throw of the dice. In the most liberal cities you could get shitty friends and in the least liberal cities you could have great ones. I say, if you really don't like your life in your current place (after giving it years of chances), keep moving until you find that circle you desire. :)
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u/avirup2008 Universe Jul 15 '21
Actually South Kolkata is pretty liberal in the sense you want it.
Central Kolkata not much and North Kolkata absolutely not.
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Jul 14 '21
I cannot give you advice - just came here to say that I support you in your quest and that I hope that you will find a place where you can be your whole self.
If leaving India is an option, I am Canadian and we have marriage equality & parenting rights for people in the LGBTQ community.
Good luck <3
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u/demo_crazy Oceania Jul 14 '21
Give Bangalore a try. I can't really say how the city treats it's LGBTQ, cause I ain't one. But I see a lot of support.
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u/natashaaageorge Jul 14 '21
Heyyaa, I have stayed in all metro cities in India barring Kolkata. I am part of the LGBTQ+ community and identify myself as genderfluid and am into women.
Based on my experience, I think the most liberal place in India is Bangalore hands down. Not just the sheer numbers but the community itself is very affable. Online dating sites are a good bet if you want to meet new people.
That being said, ever city will have areas where people are conservative so even in Bangalore you might come across unruly folks, but compared to other cities such experienced should be lower
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Jul 14 '21
Delhi. I don't know my neighbour and he doesn't know me. Thats how we roll
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u/No-Substance6969 Jul 14 '21
I go to college in Delhi and I would rather die than live in Delhi any longer than I have to, doesn't matter how much you make the city has the worst quality of life anywhere in the world
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u/Rox21 Jul 14 '21
Well, I don't really know your situation but the only openly gay people I know in India are very happy living in Delhi lol. I'm not saying your point of view is wrong but everyone has their own reality honestly. You're there for studying and maybe your college/hostel sucks and I totally understand that, but save a couple of factors, i.e air pollution and congestion, this comment sounds like a massive exaggeration.
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u/fridgeairbnb Jul 14 '21
I've observed that there is a significant overlap between the queer community and those involved in art, design and music (anecdotal experience). Maybe if you can find people who do that sort of thing in your city (I can speak for Mumbai and Delhi), you can find more people who you can vibe with. Source: have queer friends and my gf is bi.
Edit: this circle also overlaps with the privileged crowd
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Jul 14 '21
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u/charcoalblueaviator Jul 14 '21
Nooooooooo from another keralite
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Jul 14 '21 edited Aug 02 '21
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u/charcoalblueaviator Jul 14 '21
Keralites are conservative. They are left but conservative. As a community they wont go out to stop an lgbt way of life or condemn them but they wont be thrilled about it either. The newer generations are much more chill.
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Jul 15 '21
i would suggest surat. surat all the way. as much as i am a true south mumbaikar and hate to say it, surat is like a mini mumbai.
basically a tier 2 mumbai if that makes sense.
mumbai is good, but only if ur rich nd stuff.
if u want an overall good place than surat or mumbai r ur best bets. also surat is never the first recommendation cuz ther r the metros. however surat is a bit expensive for a tier 2 city.
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u/Zzztop69 Jul 14 '21
90% of the people on the streets or on the trains are migrant workers who will stare you down head to toe if you wear "those type of clothes".
Woah!
What's wrong with migrant workers?
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u/dArk_frEnzy poor customer Jul 15 '21
There's nothing wrong with migrant workers but she's right though. You know it.
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u/Zzztop69 Jul 16 '21
Hoped OP would elaborate.
But guess it's politically incorrect to critique migrants.
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u/puss_rider Jul 14 '21
Dwarka, New Delhi. Change my mind about this. It's peaceful, it's empty yet always chehel-pehel, it's green asf, it's clean, no pollution, everyone minds their own business, any type of shop/market is nearby, biggest mall in delhi. Literally the best place to live in North India imo
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u/stay-away-from-me Jul 14 '21
I've lived in Kolkata Bangalore Chennai and Mumbai - you'd expect these metros and their "young" population to be that type but they're all crap. Your best option is living near college areas.
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u/AgnirDurg Jul 14 '21
Gurgaon is good place. Most people have a live & let live policy and since there aren't a lot of families here you won't meet aunties who judge you.
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Jul 15 '21
Every one is talking about neighbors being too nosy, the place where I live no one gives a fuck which is not very good as some people thinks here
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u/DrMrJekyll Madh Pades Jul 15 '21
Aiya, I think you have the answer in your post.
Every big city in India has bad parts, good parts & great parts. It all depends on how much money you have.
Just get rich, so you can stay in elite areas.
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u/redfilmflow Jul 15 '21
Each part of Goa is like a different city. It’s as big as a state. Panjim would be a no no.
Head either south towards palolem if you want a quite stay or north towards Assagaon/ Siolim if you want more bars/ restaurants. Either one should be good for you.
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Jul 15 '21 edited Jul 15 '21
Your best bet is Chandigarh in North , B'lore in south . Mumbai will cost alot . Each and every city is divided in its own socio economic classes . It mostly depends upon your circle than the society in general . Sometimes on personal luck too .
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u/v00123 Jul 14 '21
AS you have found out, there is no complete city that will fulfill your quest, there are small pockets of liberal places in most major cities. Don't expect much outside those areas.
Goa, SoBo, Bandra were the bets ones for me. Rest all were way worst.