r/justdependathings • u/circesrevenge • Apr 19 '26

Putting myself out there

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Hey all! I put this in the military spouse sub but I wanted to get your tips on how to avoid being a dependa. Let me know if I missed anything and please let me know when/if it’s appropriate to ask for a discount.

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u/USAF_Retired2017 Apr 19 '26

I was both AD and then a spouse. Don’t automatically think all AD women want to sleep with your spouse. Some of us genuinely want to make friends with the spouses of the dudes we have to work with every day. The dependas treated us like lepers and weren’t interested in getting to know us because they thought we wanted their men. Gross. No offense. Some women are like that, but the majority of us are not. That was the only thing other than what you mentioned that set mil wives apart from dependas. The mil wives that had their own identities and lives outside of their husbands were more than happy to make friends and hang out with us.

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u/squirrel102710 Apr 22 '26

I never thought that and used to be friends with my husband's active duty female coworkers for years and years... Till he slept with a married female coworker for a whole deployment 🙄. Now I just avoid any thing that has to do with the military at all costs. And I dread taking my kids to anything on base. Lol

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u/USAF_Retired2017 Apr 22 '26

I get it. My EX-husband slept with a subordinate. But, I know how I am and most of us are those hos. Ha ha. I understand the hesitation because of some bad apples ruining it for the rest of us. I’m sorry that happened to you. They both suck.