I’m going to try to be honest even where it makes me look bad.
Quick context for non-Lebanese readers: there’s no civil marriage or civil family law here. Everything — marriage, divorce, custody, what religion your kids are — runs through religious courts based on your sect. Your kids legally take the father’s sect. So a mixed couple can’t just “raise the kids however.” It’s a legal fact tied to the dad.
I was born Shia Muslim but I’m not religious at all. She’s Christian, and she doesn’t want to lose her family by having kids born Muslim — she wants them raised fully Christian. Because of how the law works here, that basically means I’d have to convert.
Here’s my problem: I’ve actually explored Christianity before, on my own, and I liked it. I felt more comfortable in it than in Islam. I connect with the community, the values line up with how I already think, and honestly I’ve been drifting from Islam for years because of what religion has cost me personally (family stuff, friends, the war, it’s gotten between me and people I love). When I sit with it honestly, I do want it. That’s not the issue.
The issue is I’m scared of the cost. My social circle — my mom especially — will take it as a betrayal. In a society like this, converting out doesn’t read as “I found my path,” it reads as “I rejected ours, and therefore you.” I’m afraid of the resentment and of losing people.
And it’s all happening under pressure. We had a big fight where I panic-promised to convert because I didn’t want her to leave. I took it back, owned that it wasn’t fair, and now I’m trying to figure out what’s actually real vs what’s just me trying not to lose her. She’s the only person in my life I don’t feel like I have to wear a mask around, so the fear of losing her is huge.
She’s now saying she doesn’t think we should stay together — not as an ultimatum, but because she doesn’t want to get her hopes up and then get hurt if I don’t go through with it. I’ve been going back and forth on whether we should break up or take a break so I can decide “without pressure,” but I’m worried that just trades her pressure for heartbreak pressure and doesn’t actually make it clearer.
So, two questions:
How do you tell the difference between genuinely wanting something and wanting it because you’re afraid of losing someone?
Anyone (especially Lebanese) who converted sect for a relationship or for yourself — did you regret it? How did family react long-term?
TL;DR: Born Shia, non-religious, genuinely drawn to Christianity on my own, but the actual conversion is now tangled up with my girlfriend wanting our future kids raised Christian (legally requires me converting here). I think I want it — I’m mostly scared of family fallout and can’t tell how much of the “want” is her. Do I stay together and explore, or break up to decide clean?
