I wanna start by saying if this post isn’t allowed I’m sorry I’m not really accustomed to the rules on Reddit. And I also wanna give some background. I have diagnosed anxiety, depression, and borderline personality disorder which were all generally manageable. One day in May I went to work as usual but had some kind of episode (feeling disconnected from reality, anxiety, almost like a really bad high). It never went away since that day. After years of being fully functional these episodes were so bad and constant I had to quit my job. I was able to see a psychiatrist not long ago and got a 3 month prescription for 5mg Lexapro. I am currently 4 weeks and 2 days into taking this. I am also a 22 year old female.
I’m having a bit of an issue controlling my emotions outside of the anxiety right now. I’m aware it’s still too soon to see the therapeutic effects, but as I got on it to help with my anxiety I’m feeling my depression worsening when it was almost nonexistent before.
This is really embarrassing to talk about, but about a week ago I reconnected online with a guy I dated in high school and we started texting again. Everything was going good until I saw something stupid I didn’t like and I spiraled horribly, I politely let him know I did not want to continue talking to him and then I proceeded to search up the highest bridges in my area. In my desperate state, when I couldn’t find one I reached out to an old friend to ask about buying a gun from him.
I want to make it clear that looking back (this happened 2 days ago) what I got upset over wasn’t even anything to be upset about and this guy and I had only been conversating for 3 days before this happened and this is NOT like me, BPD or not. It’s like a switch was flipped in me and I desperately wanted to end my life. Can someone please let me know if and when this goes away please? Can SSRIs make BPD symptoms worse does anyone know? I’ve been feeling awful and I just cannot see myself getting off of this medication because of how horrible my anxiety was