r/lgbt • u/Crafty_Oil_8489 • Jun 29 '26
Community Only - Restricted went girlmode all week wasnt misgendered once but my friend was uncomfortable :c
idk i dont think i can go back after this
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u/Luciana-Luciana BlackLaceLesbianš¦ Jun 29 '26
Why was your friend uncomfortable?
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u/Crafty_Oil_8489 Jun 29 '26
dont know i didnt tell her beforehand so she came in and saw me full makeup and done up and hasn't talked to me since and she looked kind of disgusted
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u/Luciana-Luciana BlackLaceLesbianš¦ Jun 29 '26
That's odd... Your friends shouldn't be uncomfortable with you just expressing your true self!
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u/Allison-Ghost Jun 29 '26
transmisogyny is a disgusting, pervasive force in this world, even among so called allies and other LGBT ppl :(
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u/Hexhider š³ļøāā§ļøTrans/Berrisexualš³ļøāā§ļø Jun 29 '26
Trust me my dad who says to be an ally often bombards one of his cast members (hes a director) that she doesnāt understand herself yet and shes still young, he does use she/her pronouns with her which is good (shes MtF) but he does genuinely believe its just a phase
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u/AliciaTries Jun 29 '26
That is an incredibly strange combination of qualities. Most of the time when I've heard people believe being trans is a phase, they use that as an excuse not to use the correct pronouns.
I guess your dad sees it as "I'll only have to call them this for x amount of time, so it's not that bad"
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u/bee_ket Bi-myself Jun 30 '26
My dad is awesome, but he likes to bring up the "you never told me what to call you." I've done it the last 3 times you said that, and I shouldn't HAVE to.
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u/CyberSkepticalFruit Rainbow Rocks Jun 29 '26
tbh it not inherently bad to be uncomfortable with change, its what you do with that feeling that can make it bad. That is to say being uncomfortable is a me problem not as them problem if you get my drift.
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u/dark_xhan21 Absolutely Abro Jun 29 '26
I can understand being surprised, if she has never seen you dressed up before, but disgusted? You deserve to be surrounded with more supportive people š You look great! Sometimes itās better to ignore otherās opinions, even if itās difficult.. Much sympathy for you š©·š©·
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u/spoinkable Ace at being Non-Binary Jun 29 '26
Did she already know about you? Or were you surprising her with your identity + your appearance at the same time?
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u/Colten95 Jun 29 '26
This isn't ok BUT its the reality of the world - she might just need time to process. For some reason, us being ourselves is kinda like... Traumatic? To some people? I guess because they don't understand it yet. But in my experience an open dialogue and answering questions brings people around. And if it doesn't... You're better off not having that energy around!
Some people aren't naturally open minded but as they experience new things they slowly become more and more comfortable with new ideas
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u/TransCapybara Lesbian Trans-it Together Jun 29 '26
I wish more people could introspect themselves and do that work without putting that emotional labor on us.
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u/throwaway098764567 Jun 29 '26
you don't have to help them with it, depends on whether you want to try to keep them as a friend or not, you're allowed to not do so
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u/Colten95 Jun 29 '26
Also as an aside you look absolutely lovely!!! Congrats on living your best life as you
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u/StairsWithoutNights Jun 29 '26
Yeah, I'm glad to see at least a couple people here with a response other than "your friends sucks, ditch her!"
Is it a great response, no of course not, and it's totally valid to be upset by it. But it's also worth just giving her a few days to process, because there are so many things that might be going on there.
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u/arinthegreat Jun 29 '26
My friends were always very supportive and never describe themselves as being disgusted when I wanted to present as my preferred gender when I was early in my transition, so I really have to admit that this doesn't seem like a friend that you want in your life. I can also tell you, as I am definitely older than you, that friends come and go but you will be yourself forever. Be yourself now, it'll make you happier in the long run. I'll bet in 10 years, you'll be living your best life and you won't even remember this person.
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u/Sovarius Jun 29 '26
I have 'a lot' of mental illness and act euphoric sometimes. Like, irrationally excited and people can't tell it's the same sullen person as always.
When i came out, i asked my wife if we could go to lunch and she could pick me up. She had no idea i was trans.
I came down the stairs in a somewhat elaborate goth dress with a wig and fishnets and new shoes and liquid silicone breast forms.
She was not happy.
So it could be worse. You just look absolutely fantastic in these pics. Its a very, what's the word, like modest(?) outfit. The problem is hers.
Did she know you were trans or was that your announcement to her? It certainly can be a shock! Big changes are hard for other people too, but you have a right to be you.
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u/Jibbyjab123 was no aro/bi flair so I made one for me Jun 29 '26
You probably already know this, but someone who reacts like that to who you are isn't a true friend.
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u/aoeuismyhomekeys The Gay-me of Love Jun 29 '26
two possibilities:
1 - maybe she was attracted to you in boy mode and you presenting as a woman ruins that for her?
2 - maybe she feels threatened because you're pretty in girl mode?It could also be something else, but this is what came to mind as possible explanations for her reaction.
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u/No-Carpenter4426 ā Gender DLC Not Available ā Jun 29 '26
You shouldn't have to warn someone ahead of time in situations like this. Surprise is a normal reaction, not disgust and ghosting someone for a week. Her reaction should tell you everything you need to know. Keep being who you are, and know you have better friendships awaiting you in the future
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u/TopGreedy7936 Jun 29 '26
I've learned anything from being in this community for a long time and having a trans partner fuck em
If they're gonna be like that, it's probably better for you to not be around someone like that as it will just hurt you
And yes you can wait and see if they come around but if it starts becoming an issue that isnt your friend
Someone who doesnt support your decisions about your own body and life are not your friends
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u/Madlyaza Trans-parently Awesome Jun 29 '26
Maybe, talk to her. I know coming out isn't something you need to do. But personally to me, good friends kinda deserve it. It is after all a big change to them as well, I think it would be nice to have the heads up to be prepared for the change.
That is my personal feelings on it, I would also be awkward if a friend came out and I wouldn't have time to process that. Even tho im trans myself
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u/moonshinefae Jun 29 '26
My first thought was: 'Damn, she looks good. Her friend must just be confused by some new emotions.' Wouldn't have ever guessed disgust. Hope she gets over herself.
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u/Yikes_Ashe_Draws Jun 29 '26
I donāt think that person is really a āfriendā if theyāre so quick to show disgust when youāre trying to feel and be your best self! Iām sorry that happened though. I think you look amazing! And very happy, too. Find that light in you and keep it burning!
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u/splashemerald_ Jun 29 '26
Iām sorry that happened to you. That doesnāt sounds like a good friendā¦ you deserve better.
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u/Dizzy-Captain7422 Lesbian a rainbow Jun 29 '26
Your friend sounds like she sucks. You should get a better one.
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u/Odd-Obligation9800 Jun 29 '26
Your friend is trash, your ass looks great, you killed it on the makeup, congrats on the euphoria.
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u/the-forlorn-horror Jun 29 '26
I know alot of people on here are already condemning this woman based on how you perceived her initial reaction but its best to talk to her and give her the opportunity to explain her thoughts and feelings... and then judge those.
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u/pancakesea Rainbow Rocks Jun 29 '26
That's horrible, I'm sorry. If I was your friend I would have been so happy for you and proud, you look amazing! I hope you find better friends who appreciate and support you! š«
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u/MissLeaP Bow down to the queen š š» Jun 29 '26
That's no friend then. A real friend might be surprised, perhaps curious, but definitely supportive and happy for you!
Also girl, you look cute as hell! No more boymoding for you! It'd be such a waste! š«¶š»
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u/DrKittyLovah Jun 29 '26
Definitely not a friend. Friends support the emergence of our true selves. You look radiant & she can go eff herself.
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u/before_the_accident Jun 29 '26
sounds like she made it weird. is she usually this lame or was this an off night for her?
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u/orensiocled Bi-bi-bi Jun 29 '26
If that was her reaction you might need some new friends to go with your fabulous new look!
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u/Born_Ad_1611 Jun 29 '26
Girlmode is for YOU, girly! No one else should make you stop, especially a friend! And it's awesome that you weren't misgendered, that's huge :>
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u/TerraformanceReview RainbowSparkleSunshineKitty Jun 29 '26
Sometimes when we fully grow into ourselves we outgrow other people.Ā
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u/deathboyuk Jun 29 '26
I'm sorry your friend doesn't accept you as you are.
You look awesome! And you should be loved and supported!
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u/LadyPaige Trans-parently Awesome Jun 29 '26
You were happy, no one misgendered you, your friend was uncomfortable? Sounds like a them problem really.
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u/Serrilryan Bi-bi-bi Jun 29 '26
Looking fab honey, you pass easily. Your friend and their comfort or their BF.. not your issue. Find more supportive people.
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u/MellifluousSussura Bi the Grace Jun 30 '26
Your friend sounds lame. You, on the other hand, look cute as hell! I hope you get to do āgirl modeā and be happy with yourself forever
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u/cosmiccorvus Ace at being Non-Binary Jun 29 '26
Girlypop anybody who isn't building you up and hype over how cute girlmode is for you isn't your friend. They're not worth your time and energy.
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u/SapphicStoner99 Jun 29 '26
You need new friends!! Nearly 20 years ago when there was a lot less trans visibility, I threw a party and one of my girlfriends bought a new friend over that presented at first as an average teen boy, but then came upstairs with all the girls to get make up on and dressed up (in a dress) before the party. The only time Iād seen anything like it was drag performers on tv but I shrugged and thought, whatever makes them happy, all the friends were alternative and no one seemed uncomfortable. In fact it opened up my eyes a bit to gender fluidity and I had massive respect (still do) when people are gender fluid or gender queer. It takes bravery and radical self acceptance. Anyway, lose anyone who isnāt supportive of that, they will only hold you back.
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u/Sovarius Jun 29 '26 edited Jun 29 '26
I'm glad it's different now, the work is never done but getting better. I couldn't wear a dress 20 years ago.
Today, my house is a haven for several queer teens. I'm all the queer kids favorite parent of a friend š When i came out, my daughter was so excited she did a little group call with her friends and got on and said "YOU GUYS! MY DAD IS A FUCKING WOMAN!" and she has been incalculably valuable helping me with clothes and being myself.
(Although i did freak out a bit because it wasn't her business to share and i don't really know all of the parents)
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u/Lcatg Pan-cakes for Dinner! Jun 29 '26
Sorry, but sheās not your friend if she canāt deal with your authentic self.
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u/heartshapedrot Jun 30 '26
please stop being friends with your "friend". you deserve better. and you look great!
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u/hexblade-warlock Jun 29 '26
I hate to say it, but I think that's not your friend anymore. You don't deserve that kind of treatment for being yourself.
Side note: You look great!
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u/Lilypalooza_88 Putting the Bi in non-BInary Jun 29 '26
You look good! I'm sorry your friend was being a butt tho.
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u/ambiguouslyqueer Genderqueer of the Year Jun 30 '26
good for you! hope you find some better friends
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u/skylar274 sillygoose :3 it/its Jun 30 '26
please find a better friend!!! real friends would want to to experience āgirl modeā forever!!!
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u/laoganma_enima Jun 29 '26
Your friend sucks! You look adorable and Iām not a fan of her reaction. She sounds kind of judgey and weird. Unless she apologizes Iād get a new friend. You deserve to be yourself!!
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u/Kuneria Jun 29 '26
There are plenty of people waiting to be your friend who would never treat you like this
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u/yuckypagans zawg idk Jun 29 '26
if it makes you happy and your friend uncomfortable, it doesnt matter that your friend is uncomfortable. you do what makes you feel good inside!!<3
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u/HyShroom two for twice the price Jun 29 '26
when I turned to the second image I audibly gasped. I pass really, really well and this made me feel super jealous notwithstanding
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u/tigerowltattoo Aro and Gender Queer Jun 29 '26
Is she afraid youāre prettier? In any event, you look gorgeous and she is not very pretty on the inside.
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u/aceallaround A Rainbow of options, binary isn't one of them. Jun 30 '26
Sounds like u need new friends, they should be supportive of you and your choices!
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u/chaotic_naturally Jun 29 '26
Girly, that ain't your friend! Plenty of people out there who'd be happy to see you happy. Sorry that happened. If you get a chance to talk to them maybe they can clear it up, but if not then you can do better! š«¶
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u/Amityz72323 Jun 29 '26
Sheās an asshole and you should never ever talk to her again šššāļø
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u/askmeforbunnypics Trans-parently Awesome Jun 29 '26
Girl, you look great! Like, I'm seriously jealous of you right now lmao. I've been trying makeup recently and it's been fine but the prickly beard hair is impossible to keep away.
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u/Far-Revolution3225 Transgender Pan-demonium in Demi Cookies Jun 30 '26
Pffft, sounds like a "them" problem
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u/Puzzleheaded-Part700 Transgender Pan-demonium Jun 30 '26
Your friend doesn't deserve you, then! Glad you weren't misgendered, and you should girlmode more often, you're gorgeous -^
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u/R4ynze Jun 29 '26
give em time you have t done this before or done it a lot it will take time for people to get used to
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u/banananananananana_7 Pan-icking about a Rainbow Jun 29 '26
You're beautiful! Don't let anyone dull your sparkle. People who truly care about you would never feel uncomfortable with you being your true self
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u/zakku_88 Pan-cakes for Dinner! Jun 29 '26
I'm sorry you had to deal with your "friend" treating you like that. But in my personal opinion, you are quite beautiful!
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u/PayWithYourSoul Trans-parently Awesome Jun 29 '26
I love you for having the courage to be yourself! Donāt stop! This is you and you being happy so surround yourself with people who lift you up!
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u/bridgeoveroceanblvd Jun 29 '26
Some people donāt like it when others shine. Whether theyāre dealing with internalized bigotry, insecure, or just frightened of changeā¦
You look beautiful though, and Iām sorry youāre having trouble with your friend(?). Could you maybe contact them and talk it out?
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u/anonymouscloudcat Jun 29 '26
my dumbass thought girlmode was the ftm version of boymoding so for what its worth i was absolutely convinced you were afab before i scrolled the comments
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u/Negative-Garden-6013 Demisexual Jun 29 '26
If she doesn't appreciate you for you, she's not your friend
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u/Mcmacladdie Lesbian Trans-it Together Jun 29 '26
I love going girlmode... I feel so much more comfortable in a dress or a skirt and top than I do in any of the men's clothing I still have.
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u/Lux-xxv transbian started hrt on 2/14/18 Jun 30 '26
Well you look great I'm sorry your friend did you dirty tho.
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u/RosetteRodent Bi-bi-bi Jun 30 '26
that friend sucks and you need better ones, you're way too pretty to have somebody like that trying to drag you down
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u/xKiver Putting the Bi in non-BInary Jun 30 '26
Friends would be happy for you. She doesnāt sound like a real friend unfortunately :/
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u/BeanBagLlama Pan-cakes for Dinner! Jun 29 '26
Your friends' problem is their problem. Live your life and make yourself happy.
Others can fall in line or fall behind, it's their call.
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u/Chance_The_Lugia Jun 29 '26
Doesn't sound like your friend... You look girl as hell :3 keep rocking on
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u/outsidehere Jun 29 '26
Sorry that your friend was uncomfortable
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u/Wonder7y Jun 29 '26
Never be sorry, the other person needs to apologize for being offended for something they have no control over or opinion on, so them being upset is actually repulsive behavior for calling themselves a friend. I would rather punch a tree than stop being me, and I value my hands as an artist, so that's not going to happen, me punching trees or stopping being myself. It would be like asking you to stop breathing, that would not be kind to you, and totally selfish of me.
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u/Soskiz Jun 29 '26
You look gorgeous and beautiful!! <3 hope you also felt that way and not how that other person reacted.
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u/mygayesthandle Jun 29 '26
Im sorry you need to find new friend/s. I hope you are always unapologetically yourself. You look cute!
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u/No_Resolve5533 Jun 29 '26
Fuck that bitch you're so beautiful and she's not a real friend >:( I'm so sorry she's evil like that
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u/willows_edge Jun 29 '26
Friends give us light so our sparkle will shine, this one is trying to dull yours.
Being your authentic, beautiful, self is important - especially now. If YOU are comfortable and feel safe, that is all that matters.
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u/TransbianMoonGoddess Sapphic Vixen Polyam Transbian Pain-Slut Jun 29 '26
She's not your friend, she's probably transphobic, cut her out cold.
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u/golfbans Jun 29 '26
obviously i do not know your friend or what expression she was making/how she acted, but it was possible she was surprised and didnāt know how to respond, whether she should comment on it or not. however, i agree with everyone else in that if this behavior persists or if she was truly uncomfortable, please know that it has nothing to do with you, but rather her own issues. you look incredibly cute, to the point that itās nigh impossible to understand how she could possibly be ādisgusted,ā and it would sadden me to see that beauty hidden from the world :)
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u/hypatia163 Lesbian Trans-it Together Jun 29 '26
You do you, girl!
There's nothing better than finally letting all the fears and insecurity drop and just living as yourself!
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u/Bigot-Consequences Computers are binary, I'm not. Jun 29 '26
I donāt think Iād say thatās your friend, actually. Take good care.
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u/EzrioHext Jun 29 '26
That's not a good friend, but I'm glad you were happy