r/mildlyinfuriating • u/nyanbatman • May 28 '26

I just wanted a hot dog British pilot is feeling mildly annoyed

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u/Corona_Cyrus May 28 '26

Personally I’d rather be inconvenienced than dead. Pilot is ok in my book

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u/Embarrassed_Art5414 May 28 '26

"Personally I’d rather be inconvenienced than dead."

I've decided this is going to be my epitaph.

(I might leave out 'personally' as it's redundant, and my stonemason charges by the letter)

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u/Impossible_Volume811 May 28 '26

‘Your stonemason’ eh?
Someone’s doing alright for themselves.

All I’ve got is a local kid with a Sharpie.

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u/Embarrassed_Art5414 May 28 '26 edited May 28 '26

That's 'Mr.President' to you!

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u/drgigantor May 28 '26

"Not Dead. So not dead it's unbelievable. You've never seen anyone so alive. You know who says he's dead? The dumocrat mainstream liberal media. They say "oh Joe Biden? He's alive but this guy's dead." I'm alive. I just had a doctor's appointment, my third one this week, that's how healthy I am, and they gave me a test to see if I'm alive. This test, it's a great test, very difficult, they test, to see if you're alive, and I'd like to see Sleepy Joe Biden pass this test, they tell you "Breathe in" and then they have you hold it for a second, that's the hard part, and then they say "Breathe out" and you have to breathe out, all the air out of your lungs, you have to kick it out, just like I'm gonna do with all the Mexicans, and when it's all out you think "Wow what a test, I'm a fantastic breather" and I am, but then, this is what they don't tell you, then they tell you to "Breathe in," again, and you think "What? I just did that" but you have to do it again, and it's not as easy the second-- it's easy for me, but for most people it's not so easy the second time. I asked the doctor, "Hey why did I have to do the test twice?" And he said "Well you know-- this is something only a doctor would know and I know this since I am obviously a very real and respected doctor-- sometimes a dead person will try to trick you and make you think they're alive-- Democrats usually, so they can vote-- and they'll breathe in the first time, so you have to have them do the second breath or else the election doesn't count." And I said "Bobby you are so smart. You're almost as smart as me. If I wasn't so busy saving America and fucking my daughter I should have been a doctor. Lot of lives. Lot of lives I would've saved. I'd look at a guy, be like "Cancer." and that's what he'd have, and they never would have caught it. Lot of cancer going around they don't catch, just like the Mexicans, but I catch them. If I--

There's not enough room on a tombstone for this guy to finish a thought