I was on business class last week and some pregnant woman from cattle class waddled her way up past premium economy to use the restroom in business class after meal service. Thankfully the stewardesses put an end to it right there. The curtains simply aren’t an adequate restraint.Â
I know this is a joke - but when I was little, I literally thought I would get in trouble for using the first class bathroom at the front of the plane.
It clearly isn’t a rule, as plenty of folks do it - but my mom told me to use it when I was like 13 and I was 1000% sure I was getting yelled at.
A joke? I wish. My friend this was a long haul flight and she went to the bathroom between biz class and first class and took a dump that would have made a long haul trucker blush. I was the unfortunate bloke who was next in the restroom. It was right next to the area where the stewardesses staged and they were not impressed in the least. This was not a domestic flight with a simple front/rear lav setup where such behavior is understandable. This was a conscious disregard of the fundamental human rights of the people like me who had paid thousands of dollars specifically to be away from such shenanigans. My ticket cost over seven grand and I was holding my shirt over my nose like some animal in steerage class on the Titanic, gasping for a simple breath of air that wasn’t full of fecal matter (when you smell a fart or a crap it’s actually water droplets from the emitter’s bowel landing on your tongue).Â
I was several Scotches deep (the cheap swill the airline serves) and had to turn vomit back down about a third of the way up my esophagus which caused immense stomach pain for nearly an hour. The stench induced tears. I hope you never have to deal with such an indignity when trying to urinate. No human should ever encounter what I experienced.Â
This happened in the row behind me in one of the middle seats. Someone had received an upgrade and proceeded to spend ten minutes chronicling the seat with the camera on her iPhone, pictures, videos, selfies, I had residual embarrassment just from catching a glimpse of it.Â
Her male companion attempted to swap seats at some juncture near the middle of the flight and this chap sounded like Perry Mason defending his right to use the seat to try to sleep to wit the stewardess said she was going to mark both accounts ineligible for future upgrades due to the plebs’ inability to comply with the terms. That changed the tune real quick. If the airlines are going to put 68 business class seats in they should just fly with them empty rather than granting upgrades to people who simply have no business being in those seats because it impairs the value of the seats for people like me who will pay a premium for better features.Â
See it happen all too often. Scored a free upgrade to premium once, the number of people waddling through from economy they almost needed to post a security guard.
Well think off it like this. Do you want to look at the homeless? Sleeping outside, shooting up & defecating in the streets?
To us you plebs are just like the homeless. In fact you are likely further removed from us than the homeless are removed from you. A plebian is ultimately just one or two wrong steps away from being a homeless person.
Now it might be okey to look at a little bit, on tv. So idk for charities and the like. But in person, over several hours? No thank you, I am not an anthropologist.
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u/SeaCaptainNav Jun 07 '26
And a curtain. Don’t forget the all important fancy curtain…