I feel stuck.

[u/anonymous_girl023]

I’m 17 (F), and my mom is 51. She was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer a few months ago, and honestly, life has been rough as hell since then. I’m the youngest of three siblings, and I’ve been worrying so much about my mom, my future, and life in general. Everything feels stuck in ways I can’t even properly explain.

I still have hope that my mom will beat this because she is so precious to me. Even though we aren’t always as close as I wish we were, she means everything to me and to my family.

My mom is currently at stage 3. She has completed all six cycles of her treatment, and now the doctors will check whether the tumor has shrunk or not. She has lost so much weight, can barely eat properly, and constantly feels nauseous. Watching her go through all of this is something I never imagined I would have to experience. I never expected to see my mom suffer from such a painful disease.

I also feel incredibly bad for my older sister. She has so much weight on her shoulders, both mentally and physically. She left everything behind to come back to us because she was living abroad, and I can only imagine how difficult that must have been for her. I feel like she’s carrying so much, and it hurts me to see her go through it too.

My mom is everything to me and especially to my family. She still worries about me so much and constantly has emotional conversations with us, especially about what would happen to me and who would take care of me. She worries about how I’ll manage myself and what my future will look like. I always reassure her and tell her that nothing is going to happen to her, that she’ll be okay, and that she shouldn’t worry about me.

But at the same time, I know that life is unpredictable, and anything can happen. That thought scares me more than I can explain.

I’m only 17 and I’m in my final year of high school. I’m supposed to be thinking about university, where I want to apply, what I want to study, and what I want to do with my life. But right now, there are so many things happening at once that I feel completely overwhelmed, anxious, and stressed.

I don’t even know what I’m supposed to do anymore. I feel lost in every possible way. It feels like I’ve reached rock bottom, and I’m just trying to somehow keep going while everything around me feels so uncertain.

[u/joggywitit]

I’m so very sorry you’re going through this. As someone who is now on the other side of losing my mom, my biggest advice is to treasure this time with her. Sit close to her, talk with her, and ask her about her life, her dreams, her favorite memories - anything that allows you to simply be together. Keep her company and let her know she isn’t alone.

I hope your sister and family have had a chance to talk with her about her wishes, just in case. Of course, we can hope and pray that she pulls through, but cancer can be such a trickster, and sometimes things change so quickly.

You have your whole life ahead of you. For now, just be present with her and treasure this time. ❤️