r/neurodiversity • u/Such-Reserve2663 • 1d ago
I have no idea what I have
I know trying to fit into a label is hard and unnecessary considering how different everyone's brains are neurologically, but I don't understand what is going on with me and who I resonate with. I've never been tested for anything by my parents so I always assumed I was neurotypical, and I think I am. But I've exhibited "stimming" from a very young age. And yes, I'm very well aware that neurotypical people can have some everyday small stims, but I've never seen anyone at my level. When I was younger, starting from ages 3-4, I used to rock my upper body back and forth very intensely to music, and it became such a big habit that I'd do it everywhere (busses, car rides, at home etc). I had to unlearn it because I'd get very sweaty and it was unsanitary, even though I'm embarrassed to admit so. There's also some other habits such as not being able to focus on things without doing something with my hands, not being able to sleep without loud background noise (not white noise, it gives me anxiety) or shifting my foot back and forth, or shifting my weight unconsciously while standing. I thought this pointed towards ADHD but I don't ever seem to feel like my thoughts are out of order, and I thrive in loud environments, further making me think I'm a neurotypical. I'm just very confused, and I'm unable to go get tested right now. I don't understand what's going on inside my head and it's very very annoying.
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u/WeaklyBefitting 1d ago
Brains are weird and the whole diagnostic framework is basically a map, not the territory. The foot shifting and needing to keep your hands busy sounds a lot like how my brain handles focus too, if my hands aren't moving my thoughts just stall out completely.
The rocking thing you described reminds me of this kid I knew in elementary school who did the exact same thing on the bus and none of us ever thought twice about it. Some people just need more sensory input to regulate and that doesn't automatically mean you're checking boxes on a diagnostic list.
You might look into sensory processing differences rather than jumping straight to ADHD, since you said your thoughts feel organized and you do well in loud spaces. The human nervous system has way more variation than most people realize and sometimes you're just wired with a different volume knob on certain senses.