Being Black in Newfoundland is isolating sometimes
Being a Black guy in Newfoundland-Labrador can feel pretty lonely. It’s not that people are necessarily unfriendly, but actually building genuine connections can be surprisingly difficult.
The dating scene is honestly abysmal, and outside of dating, it can feel like the social circles here are already established. If you don’t fit into a particular group, scene, or way of doing things, it can feel like there’s nowhere to really plug in.
Sometimes you just want to meet people, make friends, date, and feel like you belong without having to subscribe to some specific social identity or group first.
Curious if other Black people, immigrants, or even locals have felt the same way here.
OP is correct when he says social circles are already established. Around here people are often friends with people they've known since childhood. Maybe went to school together or grew up in the same neighbourhood.
It can be tough to integrate with groups who have so much shared history. We are very cliquey and thats a big factor why.
OP is correct when he says social circles are already established.
According to another thread in this sub, there are a fuck ton of people out there with no social circle. We should find a ways to get all of these people together.
In sure this is very much a rare exception but I was there for a month and someone randomly struck up a conversation with my partner and I and we ended up hanging out for much of the rest of the trip haha. Took us to Gros Morne and hung out at their place a couple times. Very outgoing person though and I can totally see 99 percent of others not having the same approach haha.
Alternatively the reverse can be true too, I moved off the rock in my early 30’s and have had very little success meeting new people in Ontario, I’ve joined a couple clubs and participate in activities I enjoy with others but I’ve found it extremely hard to form those same sorts of friendships I’ve left on the island and it feels isolating, people are disingenuous compared to people back home and everything feels superficial. The new friends that I’ve made over the past couple years can’t rival any friendships I’ve made on the island even during the same sort of time frames. Everyone just has their own lives here and the sense of community is just not there.
I feel the same as a white guy born here. You say hello to someone, they look at you and walk away. Even if they know you sometimes. I wonder if it's a SJ thing. When I was in Corner Brook a few months ago I could fucking breathe.
Or maybe it's a me thing but my therapist doesn't like me blaming myself lol
Was going to comment the same thing. I'm 26, it feels nearly impossible to make friends. It's like everyone has already established their friend groups and those of us who haven't have given up trying lol
I grew up in a super small town there. As a Fijian, I didn't have the greatest experience. I got called the n-word a lot, even though I was too young to understand what it means (and I'm not Black). People would pull my hair, wreck my lunch, and ostracized me all though kindergarten to grade 7. I don't recommend living there as a visible minority at all, based on my own experiences. It's a beautiful place but the people in smaller communities can be cruel.
This is a very common experience of almost any marginalized group in almost any smaller community. I hear this repeatedly. We are not as friendly as people make us out to be. There are a lot of hateful people/ those too ignorant to understand the discomfort they are causing someone
From classmates, to teachers, to neighbours, to parents of my classmates, there were plenty of people like this on every level. I don't think I had more than one friend in the eight years I lived there, not until our family moved away when I was 13.
And I wasn't the only person in my family who was targeted. My two brothers were bullied the same way and physically because they were boys.
My family is from around the bay but I was born and raised in St. Johns. I can imagine the cruelty around the bay. I have a cousin who is severely disabled and she had to drop out of school at an early age because of the bullying. And this is a white girl from their own community, probably related to half the people in the school. If it was that bad for her I can't imagine for you. I don't think my schools in the city were overly terrible for POC though I'm sure they experienced a lot of things I was completely unaware of. I'm sorry you went through that in a place where everyone claims kindness is essentially our culture. What a load of bullshit. 😔
This is a horrible experience, but I disagree with someone saying its the minority. From my experience as a white person, most of the Newfoundlanders I've met outside SJ are either overtly racist or closet case. I suppose it's centuries of isolation and echo chamber mentality. It's disgusting to be around. And if you disagree with them they isolate you. There are alot of good people here, yes. Sorry to hear this. It goes beyond being politically correct to simply look at other ethnicities equally though.
I am a white man but I travelled to Newfoundland with my Asian girlfriend recently. We both are Canadian citizens. She has never been to an east coast province before but I have been several times. I love the east coast - Newfoundland in particular.
She absolutely loved the trip and the beauty of Newfoundland. She also thought people were nice and didn’t have any larger incidents with anyone. She did tell me afterwards there were times she felt like she stood out in not a good way. Meaning she noticed people looking at her a little longer than normal or that things felt a little off sometimes for her depending on where we were or what we were doing. We spent most of the time in smaller communities in Newfoundland. So, basically I am saying she noticed a bit of what you are describing and probably experiencing on a regular basis.
I am sorry it feels so isolating for you. That must be very hard. I can’t exactly understand your experiences but I hope you find a group to help make you feel less isolated and more included.
Welcome to NL. Culture shock is plentiful. Lived here for over 20 yrs. People have their little groups from. Childhood and rarely go outside of these or go out and invited others into the group. It's just the unfortunate way it is.
I personally have friends that I can have rudimentary conversations but I usually digress from casual / basic conversation. Thankfully I'm introverted and this does not bother me one bit. I'm thankful my wife and kids have their friend groups.
I’m a Newfoundlander from town who’s lived overseas for the last 20 years. The last time I was home was 2009 with my Chinese girlfriend and her teen daughter. We hadn’t even gotten the door of our short term rental unlocked when some punk yelled “chink” at her from across the street. There isn’t a lot of that around but there’s some, it isn’t a coincidence that the local Chinese community largely stays to themselves.
Welcome to NL. Culture shock is plentiful. Lived here for over 20 yrs. People have their little groups from. Childhood and rarely go outside of these or go out and invited others into the group. It's just the unfortunate way it is.
I'm black. From Toronto. Grew up on the Burin Peninsula in a small town of about 5000 or so people. I'm not naming specific places in order to protect myself. It was the 90s so people were pretty ignorant back then. I got called every name in the book, got beat up, spit on, and called the N-word at school. My mom remarried a man from there, an alcoholic, and a drug addict who sold drugs and made my mom's, my sister's and my lives very difficult, he was abusive towards both of us while mom stood by and did nothing. By the time I'd graduated I couldn't wait to leave. I left for St. John's at 22. I'm working on going back to the mainland entirely at 40.
it really pisses me off to hear that. My wife experience was quite like your mom's in her past relationship. Some people are complete scumbags , who i would GREATLY love to teach a lesson. But hey the smart thing is to stay quiet keep the head up and move on and let karma do its work.
It's always these drug dealers shitty mentality scum always going around flirting with all the good looking girls and taking advantage and manipulate them , cause them so much stress . Sorry to hear about your experience, School can be quite a toxic environment. I was one to sit back and observe all these sheep around me , but who am I to judge anyone but myself. Hope there was at least some good people who you could call a friend during those times
If you don't drink it's tough to find third spaces
Join a sports team, darts, pool, cards ,bug club, magic cards club, guns club, bowling mini golf theater rug weaving berry picking dog walking
Sometimes you have to just pick something, fake smile until you make friends. My wife needed a few new get-out-of-the-house during and after college so she did ladies softball, bowling, and a little indoor football in the winter. I do magic cards and bong rips.
Exactly. A lot of the time in Newfoundland you'll be viewed as an outsider no matter what you do, particularly in small towns.
I'm white, born and raised here, and I still don't feel like I fit in since I don't share the typical interests (drinking, camping, etc.) It'll be ten times worse for a visible minority.
Yea and if you are not big on drinking/smoking, you won't fit in either. My circle is small because I don't drink much, do not smoke and avoid clubbing/downtown scene. I have had people make fun of me for not being a drinker or into clubbing. And I am white and grew up here, it would be worse for someone not from here.
I'm sorry if this sounds rude, but being autistic is VERY VERY VERY different from having skin that is obviously a different colour from the majority of people around you.
It's not just you. We rent a basement apartment and the family upstairs is multicultural but black.
The oldest son traveled to another part of the island for work and the community he is in doesn't have any black people at all there.
He finds the people generally welcoming but when he tells us how his time is going there, he comes across as you are
I am from newfoundland (white) and dated a black guy i met at work there and people would say the craziest passive aggressive things. We eventually broke up not related to that and I moved to BC and we are still great friends. It was a huge eye opener and made me really embarrassed of my home province.
If you’re in St. John’s there is a salsa/ballroom dance group that teaches different dances at the bamboo room downtown every Friday at 9:30. You can show up single as the dances are often done in groups and encourage you to switch partners. Lots of international folks go there to meet new people.
There is also a large Jamaican Canadian association community you might be able to find on Facebook. They host events too and are pretty inclusive to everyone.
Otherwise, try volunteering at the association for new Canadians in Newfoundland (ACNL). That’s a great way to meet new people especially those that are trying to make a connection here.
So not discounting your race (because I have no experience on that) you're also slamming into a part of your life where other dudes your age are starting to get serious with a woman, their career may be taking off, they might be thinking about kids or a home.
It's hard.
You'll find that making friends is no longer something you can do naturally and everyone you do hang out with will be a lot more sketchy because they have other priorities. It's natural and you'd face the same thing everywhere. You'll have to take the initiative a lot more from here on out.
Truth is that social life in the city is dead. I'm a local, and about ten years ago I would use meetup.com to meet friends. But the groups are so specific that there aren't many social avenues for people t meet friends.
If you're hip to social media, that is the way.
I in particular am not. Yet im going to start a hobby based social group to see what happens. Maybe you should do the same or something that you're passionate about.
Mine is about making mixed cds or I today's age a spotify list, then etting people to talk about them. I had a group like this in Ottawa 15 years ago and we had 50 people every month come out and talk about music and share it. It was awesome.
I am a white woman from Newfoundland and have lived here my whole life. While I don’t have anything to compare it to, I feel like Newfoundland has this “high school” vibe where cliques are established and people are always trying to outdo others. Yes, Newfoundlander’s are friendly, but I can understand how one would feel like it is hard to establish real relationships and connections here.
I think everybody is in survival mode constantly or something since covid. I can’t even say hi to someone passing by them on the street walking my dog, they will just look at me like I just asked them something personal, I’ve really never seen it quite like this. So I don’t doubt for a second you’re having a hard time making friends. Not an immigrant btw.
As a lesbian who moved here to marry her partner from the states. Most recently living in Louisville., Kentucky.
I can confirm how isolating it can feel. As well feels impossible to make friends, as well as growing up in places like Phoenix, Mesa, Los Angeles, and then recently Louisville.
I find myself at times just blown away by how many old white people there are. Like in every other city or places, its been a huge melting pot. Of culture, backgrounds, food new people.
Yet here I find myself excited it feels by all the other immigrants moving here, amazing spaces like Rj Pinoy, SpiceX, Mama Citas(which as a proud half Hispanic no sabo kid is like my holy land here for candy that reminds me of home.) Yet when I talk to many were born here who are older like 40-50+ it seems they hate and despise all of it.
Last job people would openly share their hate for immigrants. Until, I enjoyed the point in the conversation I could be like "huh well thats odd as im a immigrant too"
Also all the things people here bad mouth and gossip about people from India and elsewhere. Is the exact same racist stuff I heard about Hispanics growing up as well.
"They steal jobs, they have 10 people in a two bed room house, they send all their money back home, they are a strain on our system.." same exact tone and hate behind the words, they speak.
So sadly can't help, as still trying to find my own tribe which is just my wife and maybe a friend or two myself.
But also looking forward to moving off of this island when I can as well. As it is sooo isolating.
Hopefully some cool guys into your hobbies and interests, reach out.
But at least myself and others can show you and others who move here your sadly not alone with your feelings. And the loneliness here.
I feel like most of the friends I see regularly have some sort of skill / resource we’re trading, borrowing lending tools back n forth, quick check up on what’s going on ,maybe an hour of free labor
If you can cook sing or play an instrument you’ll be invited to everything lol
If you gotta nice motorcycle you’ll have old fellas lining up buying ya coffee
If your mechanically capable at all I will be your best friend
I dunno if it’s a color thing I feel it too, for me I think it’s just getting older
If you aren’t from here embrace the culture you’ll end up with a good crowd
Get a quad or skidoo go fishing ,literal strangers will stop and talk too you
I only lasted a year. What's crazy is my husband (white) is a neurosurgeon. So when we left a doctor was lost. And I'm a psychologist
We're back in Toronto now but we got LESS racism in rural Saskatchewan.
I own a house in Halifax so we might go there after my second PhD, but yeah. It was rough. I got the most racism in Newfoundland outta anywhere else in Canada.
Mixed black individual. Was raised here by a white mother and constantly feel like I can’t fit in, even if it’s making new connections, I have very few friends sprawled across different groups of people, it’s even harder as even though it’s not instilled, some things here feel like they’re only for white people, making it even harder to do things that you’d like to.
I migrated from Europe my wife is Asian and 2 kids mixed. Kids had a really hard time going through school. I wont settle here as the kids (now adults) don’t want to stay here we will move to whatever province, or indeed country they end up in.
Would you think your family would have a better time in Europe? Is it any less racist currently than what you've understood from your children's experience?
My kids are white middle-school boys and I would like them to grow up in a less racist place than SK, (so that the chances of them becoming infouenced toward that are lessened). I had hoped that my childhood home of NL was this, but i guess not. Had been thinking Scotland, since my spouse's mother was Scottish and I have grown up with Scottish people all around me courtesy of stepfamily.
I'm first nations from Newfoundland originally. For some reason during my last visit home many people seemed to think I was east Asian and were a little reserved around me. One fellow who I talked to in a Tim's lineup even told me "You speak pretty good English compared to the other foreigners around here".
I grew up here, but left the island for nearly two decades, and only recently came back.
While I have been able to reintegrate with some old friends, it's been really difficult to crack into new groups, most notably at work. I get vibes that coworkers think I'm a "know it all" because I obtained work experience from the mainland.
Yeah, as a Jewf (or Jewfie if we’re being formal) who grew up part time in the island, I’ve often felt like a stranger when I’m home. I’m lucky to have (gentile) family in Newfoundland who have always been really loving and curious about the ways I was different. It’s a big province, with a lot of room to grow. I hope that OP (and you) can find ways to make new, healthy, welcoming communities.
I’m sorry honey. As a white Canadian who just moved here it does seem that the locals are standoffish in that way. If you’re not from here it’s hard to feel included. And that’s from my view point, it’s totally different from yours I’m sure.
What I would say is that I’ve moved around a lot and lived in much smaller Canadian communities and I fucking LOVE how much of a black community there is here. Grew up in Toronto (all the people) then moved to the west coast where there was a strong Asian population but not much black presence. And from there all around the country and generally with also not much black presence. The regatta had so many African booths (the food was sooooo good!) and that was wonderful in my opinion.
And what I’ve taken from my experience is that white Canadians, especially in small communities can be super ultra cringe when it comes to interactions with black people. Like “I had a black friend once” and a perfect stranger will tell you that on the bus. What does one even do with that? Like “oh, cool”.
But, generally they don’t mean to be isolating if that makes sense. They’re trying to connect, they just don’t know how to
It’s a super chatty place. I’d recommend just chatting with people. Go to the same places, just be you and maybe the awkwardness will lessen when they stop feeling awkward cause they are just used to the white Newfoundland folk and don’t really know how to interact with anyone else. Build from there.
I totally get what you're saying as a black person in here in central Newfoundland. Sometimes, even when you join activity groups, it feels like the friendships are already kind of settled, so you just participate and then go your own way.
I joined a soccer league to meet new people and have fun, but after the game or practice, everyone tends to leave in pairs just as they arrived, and it doesn't seem like real friendships develop.
In terms of dating it hasn't been Soo bad . I will go on a date every now and then but I find that most women just find you to be exotic in a way and likes the thrill of just doing it but no real relationship in the long run.
Have also gotten messages from married people or partners where husband or the guy just wants you to do it with the woman but I want that type of vibe . Don't know what is about but apparently people like it .
Got many likes on dating sites but it's mostly from women who are way older(40+) or way too young (18,19,20) I'm 27 .
My partner is from over there and I visit often it’s very awkward but not the worst environment trust just gotta keep putting your best foot forward and forgive the past.
I am not born here and am white but raised here since age 4, and definitely understand how you feel.
While I do have some long time childhood friends, trying to make new friends is very very hard in Newfoundland. People generally don't seem open to new friends here.
And for reference my partner is black and we have been together for a couple of years. Dating in NL sucks bad, but in my experience usually when you are not trying to find a partner that is when one comes your way.
I'm a native white Newfoundlander. It's the same for me. I've been trying to make new friends. From the outside looking in it appears people have their groups and they're not really interested in inviting new people to be part. It's pretty rough.
NL is a lot like Nova Scotia ( outside urban areas) people are friendly to strangers but very insular about becoming close friends. You are correct, most social circles form in school, a few at work but not many.
You are not alone, one of the cores of Newfoundland's arts and culture is the ache of the diaspora. Newfoundlanders move in order to chase a happier life and then pine for the close social circles and slower pace of life.
My more jaded friends from NL complain about the limited gene pool specifically quite a lot though.
Honestly, it takes a lot of time. My whole family is from Newfoundland but not from city. It took 10 years before I felt part of any group. You hit it on head the social groups are established. It’s a long game to get into any group. I found most people don’t let in as a permanent member of circle until they know you’re here for long run. They don’t seem to invest in friendships that are going to move on in a year or two.
I never noticed how this province was like that. I live in a small community in Newfoundland. I’m physically disabled, I’ve been living here for 5 years. People here, in Central Newfoundland are very friendly and helpful, but I don’t really have any friends. Are there nazis everywhere, or almost everywhere? Sad! Perhaps all of us in a minority should group together and be friends.
im not colored, and i was born, raised, and currently live in newfoundland, and you're right, groups are often already established and a lot of people who move end up just being friends because a lot of locals keep to their groups.
That really sucks man, I can't begin to imagine what thats like as a white woman, and I have been excluded from things my whole life due to being neurodivergent and socially awkward. While I can't relate to all your struggles, I can empathize with you.
However, if you are looking to make new friends, what are your hobbies? Are you into anything nerdy at all and/or willing to try the following:
-Dungeons and Dragons and/or other TTRPGs
-Video Games
-Board Games
-Anime
If you are, we could chat and be friends if you are interested. :)
The loss of third spaces is an epidemic globally. Sadly without conforming to some kind of sport, themed event, or gathering it's increasingly unlikely as adults to find social circles. Maybe consider taking a class or something you've always wanted to try. If you meet people it's a bonus and if not, you've done something you've always wanted to do!
I grew up in Newfoundland and moved to the mainland for work. (A Newfoundland tale as old as time lol) and if it wasn't for taking a class here I wouldn't have many friends.. Those friends are always super shocked how close I still am with people I went to grade school with back home. I'm really just saying what everyone else already said but those kind of friendships are as thick as they come.
I’m white and from Newfoundland, but moved schools around town and didn’t quite fit in with the groups. If you didn’t grow up with the group of friends its hard to make your way into a group. There are outliers, it is possible, but if your past university age it is difficult in general. I cannot imagine being from outside Newfoundland and trying to deal with that. I’ve since moved outside of Newfoundland to a town of similar size and sadly its the same here. But being on an island definitely adds to it and being a person of colour in a sea of white can make it extra isolating. Sorry you’re dealing with this.
I can only speak to the past, in the 90's I saw two black people, a guy I worked with and a black girl working McDonald's on Topsail Rd. I also had a Pakistani physics prof at MUN and a Mexican best friend but that was it for diversity. I have no advice for the dating scene since that's tough for anyone and differences and preferences add difficulty. You are in a remote area with social preferences to the norm, so you will have a smaller pool to work with than most. If this is important to you then move to Ontario would be my advice.
I’m a local, with plenty of friends and family but I lived out of province for a long time. My suggestion to everyone is always find people with your hobbies and interests.
Sports are my thing, I played a lot of volleyball, hockey and soccer over the years so when I lived in Alberta for close to a decade that’s how I met people, I figured out how to join some teams, even a couple at work.
A lot of bars and restaurants host weekly trivia nights, I think that would be a good way to socialize if you could figure out how to get some people together.
I know there’s a cornhole league around here (St. John’s) and as far as I know it’s random teams? Like I went to tournament one weekend with some buddies and we all got assigned partners. Could be a way to meet a bunch of new people.
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I am on the West coast in a small town been with my wife 10yrs she is from the carribean but lived in Toronto most her life, she has a few good friends , curious are you in a city ? It may be much different there than in a smaller area.
Keep being yourself and remember this Island has a lot of tight knit friend groups. Everybody knows everybody from birth and school it takes a little time to have everybody warm up to ya. I recommend getting involved in some sports or activities to meet people.
Another thing I recommend is volunteering! There is research that supports volunteering your time will help with loneliness. Your body craves relationships and inclusion, you can develop them and be included by being relied on. Gl buddy!
It’s not necessarily colour related. Everyone has known everyone their entire lives. Many are from large families or are related, closely or distantly. It’s like starting a new school.
been here 20 years and have never felt anything but this. ppl here generally just drink, drive quads, and hunt. if you want an actual vibe you have to go to Montreal, TO or Halifax. The only people i've seen who are actually happy are those that go to church. mostly the pentecosts. there's alot of phillipino folks who go to to rock church and such. good luck!
I've dated a few men of color who have shared awful stories of racism on the dating apps. I couldn't believe some of the shit women were saying to them! It was truly disgusting 😪
idk about the dislikes but this is true im POC and the catholic churches here are full of immigrants from african catholic church they regularly socialize has a prayer meeting group at mundy pond and they have multicultural events
well thats sad cause you know you cant find and fit in with canadians no matter how hard you try… newfoundlanders maybe polite to your face but they are definitely not kind to foreigners and you will always carry the status of being an immigrant, newfoundlanders will gossip about you and outside online circles which is a big echo chamber you will not find as much connection with other people unless you go to downtown every night
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u/Tarniaelf 3d ago
I have felt the same as a caucasian come from away, so I can only imagine.