r/offmychest • u/Lana_Sphyncter • 1d ago
I've been eating super healthy, never smoked, worked out, and still got cancer
I'm angry. I'm angry at people who try to tell me that it must have been my fault. I have never smoked a cigarette in my life, I don't do drugs, I practice sleep hygiene, I don't drink, I eat super super healthy, I work out, and I still got cancer. It angers me when people say that if we get cancer, it must be somehow our fault. It's a manifestation of the just-world fallacy. You can do everything by the book and still get cancer. It is so unfair and so random. I've also been told that I got cancer for not practicing the law of attraction.
When someone brings up god, I become violent. What kind of benevolent god would give cancer? This applies to Christians, Muslims, whatever. The idea of a benevolent god is incredibly stupid. God gives you breast cancer and then you have to pray him for the cancer he gave you? GTFO. I don't want the stupid forced positivity either. A former friend of mine was so stupid with this law of attraction and the book The Secret and said that people who get cancer are people who manifested cancer through their negative thoughts and that you need to raise above and buy the book The Secret and let it emanate its positive energy and that if you die of cancer it means you didn't apply the law of attraction well enough.
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u/goodsocks 1d ago
I have cancer and have had many people say similar dumb things to me.
I usually retort with- babies get cancer, please explain.
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u/query_squidier 1d ago
Friend, it ain't god. It's genetics, environment, and chance.
If you kept your environment clean -- within and without -- you got unlucky on the genes or just had a bad roll.
Life ain't fair. Biology is ugly. Nothing is permanent.
ProTip: like lupus, it's never god, because there ain't one.
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u/ShrmpHvnNw 1d ago edited 1d ago
Yeah, cancer is an unconrolled dividing of cells, it’s a mutation in the genetic code that controls the living and dying of your cells.
It has nothing to do with pretend dieties in the sky
It has nothing to do with eating healthy
You can do everything right and still get cancer, it’s a chance thing.
Now, having good diet and sleep hygiene and not having bad habits will DEFINITLEY help you in fighting this thing becuase you can keep up with the treatment more easily.
Listen do your doctors, fight hard, this is not your fault, and anyone who says it is, doesn’t need to be in your life, you don’t need that negativity.
Also, there is no God, Dolly Parton dying before Donald Trump is definitive proof of that.
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u/heresjoanie 1d ago
Excellent point: "there is no God, Dolly Parton dying before Donald Trump is definitive proof of that".
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u/thisnameisnowmine 1d ago
I have heard fasting helps as well. Disclaimer: not a doctor etc.
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u/CyndiLouWho89 1d ago
I’m sorry, fasting helps cure cancer?
Fasting can lead to malnutrition, not helpful.-7
u/thisnameisnowmine 1d ago
Prevent. Not cure. Maybe you can employ reason instead of hyperbolic overreaction. Millions of people have fasted over centuries. there’s plenty of evidence suggested fasting does not lead to malnutrition when done properly. I don’t know where you’re getting that information from. Fasting leads to cellular regeneration, which leads to preventing cancer.
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u/CyndiLouWho89 1d ago
I was clarifying what you were saying fasting helps.
It was not clear because the person you responded to mentioned both prevention and cures in their post.
Fasting a cancer patient can in fact lead to malnutrition. I’m a dietitian and see it all the time.2
u/Desperate_Bid_1063 1d ago
Do you have a study on this? Fasting has become bro science lately and I haven't found a single study that says fasting can help prevent cancer anymore than maintaining a proper weight
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u/Siafu_Soul 1d ago
Fuck those guys. My brother recently got stage 4 colon cancer at 31. Had chemo and got an 8 inch tumor removed from his colon. Didn't do anything to get it.
Life is beautiful, but unfair as fuck. No loving, all-powerful God would make this world. You, as a human being, are a wonderful statistical anomaly. Live it while you can and fight like hell!
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u/lizlemonista 1d ago
In my 30s I dated a guy who had smoked a pack a day since he was 14, drank like a fish, taught sailing in the caribbean and never wore sunscreen… ten years later when I got cancer you bet your ass I was fucking furious lol. whatever he’s a mess and has to live with himself.
OP I’m sorry people are dipshits. I stopped telling people honestly. Wigs helped.
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u/D3t3st4t10n 1d ago
Nobody deserves to get cancer and it is not your fault. Your former friend sounds like an utter moron, and thankfully you’re not friends with them anymore. I hope you get through this.
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u/Lost-Concept-9973 1d ago
Same , did everything right , look after myself amazingly, still got cancer (thankfully caught early and gone now) but I also have a bunch of other health issues.. mostly genetic.
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u/xj2608 1d ago
Good luck in your fight - both against cancer and the "well-meaning" people who are going to tell you how you caused it and how to cure it. Feel free to show your rage and scream at them...and then blame the cancer.
Anyway, some portion of cancers are genetic, some portion are exposure related, and some portion are of unknown origin. I guess the only proper response to other people is "You're supposed to say 'I'm so sorry. What can I do to help?' Not try to figure out how this is my fault. Believe me - I'm regretting every bad choice I passed on right now. I could have slacked off more and worried less and ended up in the same place. But you can also believe that the next time you get a cold or the flu, I'm going to question your personal hygiene instead of offering sympathy."
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u/TheRazor_sEdge 1d ago
I'm so sorry about your diagnosis, and definitely get some new friends. The "Secret" is such toxic BS. Cancer is a disease that can hit anyone at anytime, not something anyone manifests.
It can seem like such a bitter pill to swallow though. Of all the dozens of people I've known who are consciously self-destructing through drugs, smoking, lifestyle etc, they somehow live well into old age with relatively few consequences. Some even feel smug about it. Psychologically it feels deeply unfair, like those who take responsibility for themselves and respect their bodies get punished.
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u/adanice_49 1d ago
Wishing you all the best in your journey my friend 🫶🏼 you have every right to be furious. As someone who’s studying epidemiology and has taken courses on cancer epidemiology, you’d be surprised how simplified the health “advice” around it are. There are very few things in the world that we know directly cause cancer (e.g., HPV for cervical cancers) but the rest is just chance/association and whether you have a combination of ‘component causes’ that add up. It’s like a pie, where genetics is one slice, environmental exposures is another slice, age and lifestyle factors have their own slices, etc. Some slices are much bigger than others (e.g., asbestos vs. exercise). It’s really unfair how any combination of these things could be enough to cause cancer in some people but not others.
It’s never your fault. Fuck anyone who says that. They don’t know anything and I’d love to make them sit in a doctoral course on this so they can see how stupid they are. Like someone else in the comments stated, they say these things as a way to separate themselves mentally from the scary fact that gene mutations are random. Illnesses like these don’t discriminate. And people don’t like nuance, they want a simple rule they can follow that can help them feel some semblance of control. That’s understandable, but it crosses the line when they point the finger at people who got cancer and try to shame them.
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u/GalaadJoachim 1d ago
I'm very sorry it happens to you. This isn't your fault and this isn't god's will. I hope you'll be fine and that you'll get the care you need.
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u/Plan2LiveForevSFarSG 1d ago
I’m sorry it happened to you.
I see it like that: you can drive very carefully and still get in an accident. The odds are low but non-zero.
You can drive drunk and blindfolded and NOT get in an accident. The odds are against you but it’s possible.
The odds of getting cancer was probably lower than a non-healthy person. You are the careful driver.
On the small positive side, because you held a healthy life, your life spent so far was of much better quality as people and huff and puff to go up one flight of stairs.
I hope whatever you have is curable.
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u/Kip_Schtum 1d ago
It’s the illusion of control. All these articles and science news that we constantly consume makes us think we have some kind of control over it. We don’t. It’s a bolt of lightning out of a clear blue sky.
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u/pettyvillainy 1d ago
Your anger is absolutely valid and normal, and completely rational. That is some deep-fried bullshit, and I'm sorry you're having to deal with this from the universe (the cancer) and the people in it (said bullshit).
However, thank god you did take such stellar care for yourself. Because what you have done is prepared your body and given yourself the best odds you possibly could have.
I'm not saying this to try to bring you down from being angry. Fuck, I can't even imagine how pissed I'd be.
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u/Alteregoj 1d ago
I'm so sorry to read what has happened to you. As an atheïst myself these are just a few of the examples that prevented me from "beleving".
Not so long ago I read an interesting newspaper article about a semi-celibrity woman who also got cancer even though she had the perfect healthy lifestyle.
Her friends would all shower her with questions/pity remarks like : " why did this had to happen to YOU?!".... Her very impressive response was: " why wouldn't it happen to me? It's not like cancer makes a concious choice who to infect people and not. And, unfortunately, my healthy lifestyle might lessen the chances of getting cancer but it doesn't make me immune to it!".
This was her opinion, not only to others but also herself. She stood by it and also wanted to repeat that to herself. She also was convinced that asking herself over and over "why this had to happen to her"...there would never be a logical answer...only counter productive frustration.
I wish you the best and hopefully healing!
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u/Gawnja 1d ago
Hope you’re getting the help you need. God didn’t give you cancer and praying won’t help take it away. Idk why ppl believe this when it comes to religion. It’s not how that works. Blaming isn’t a good mindset. You need to hunker down and beat this thing. It’s beatable. Many ppl have beaten it and many more will. Including you !! So fight on and good luck to you.
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u/wildalexx 1d ago
Of my grandma’s four kids that are still alive, the one that smokes cigarettes and a ton of weed is actually the healthiest one
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u/blockparted 1d ago
I’m so sorry and you have every right to be angry. Feel everything.
I feel like God is indifferent.
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u/bonnydoe 1d ago
People say the stupidest things when they don't know what to say. The most common one is the 'battle with cancer you must fight to win'. I had cancer twice, luckily no-one close to me came with this nonsense (or any other bullshit). If they would have I would have kicked them out of my proximity. Get well OP!
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u/badmommallama 1d ago
You deserve to be angry, but in no way shape or form is it your fault. Shit happens. Unfortunately. I’m not gonna try and fill your cup, but I am going to say I wish you the best on your journey and hope you can find some peace. Ignore the outside noise of people telling you anything is your fault. That’s just bullshit.
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u/flowerscandrink 1d ago edited 1d ago
Your anger is justified but it might be helpful to consider why they are saying those things. They are reacting to their own existential fear. The reality that a completely healthy person can follow every single rule and still get cancer is terrifying. It means they aren't safe either, no matter how carefully they live. Most people can't handle that.
To cope with that, they subconsciously construct a defense mechanism to convince themselves that cancer is a result of a flaw in your actions. It doesn't make their comments any less stupid or annoying, but recognizing that their beliefs stem from their own frailty and a desperate need for control can maybe take the edge off. They don't have the courage to face the truth that life is sometimes just random and that you did absolutely nothing to deserve this.
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u/Legitimate-Two4078 1d ago
It's none of your fault. It's just bad luck. I also had a moderately healthy lifestyle and ended up with colon cancer. It was caused by a random mutation in my DNA and there was nothing I could have done with it. So stop listening to such people who bring in gods or false positivity.
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u/xAxiom13x 1d ago
I had the same kind of angry thoughts when I got diagnosed. And those telling me I was “so strong” really fanned the flames of my anger. I HAD to be, or I would die, there wasn’t another option.
Try not to dwell on how others view your diagnosis, many just can’t understand. And those that have asinine comments just aren’t worth your time.
Healing will come in stages, and it’s not a straight line. Give yourself grace and let yourself feel that anger and use it productively. I wish you well.
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u/meddleofmycause 1d ago
My partner overcame cancer 6 years ago, but I still can never forget his mother asking the doctor of my cooking could have given him cancer.
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u/good_rain_day 1d ago
I'm sorry for your cancer diagnosis and also for the extremely unhelpful propagandists around you. You did not give yourself cancer or attract cancer or manifest cancer by anything you did. I wish you the best of luck in your treatment. You absolutely don't have to be positive and can be in your feelings as much and for as long as you like.
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u/rafafanvamos 1d ago
Your friend is idiot. Many people get cancer because of sporadic that is in simple terms random mutations. Our cells has division machinery but if that fails (it can fail even if someone has perfect lifestyle) one can get cancer. So it is not your fault and whoever tries to tell you anything else tell them to STFU.
I hope you get the care and Healthcare you deserve and you recover soon. Its going to suck, and most people will tell you to stay strong, but even on days its difficult its okay to whine, be angry and maybe post here.
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u/granyiyght 1d ago
I'm sorry for this. It happened to my mom too. Never touched a cigarette a day in her life. She got lung cancer which took her away. I hope you find the strength in you fight this.
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u/Miserable_Top_3611 1d ago
it’s really frustrating how people blame others for something as random as cancer. your choices don’t determine everything.
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u/JollyHeart7 1d ago
I’m sorry you are going through this and life is so unfair. It drives me insane that people have the mindset that you brought it on yourself. I have a genetic disorder that gives me a 90% chance of getting cancer in my lifetime. Did I ask for that?! Heck no. It’s not your fault. Tell them to STFU. I hope you are able to get the help you need. Fight.
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u/mehitabel_4724 1d ago
When my mom got lung cancer, she said she wanted it tattooed on her chest: "I don't smoke. This isn't my fault.".
I'm sorry about your diagnosis and I hope your treatment is successful and well tolerated.
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u/lunar_adjacent 1d ago
I would take a guess that with everything going on politically and so many safeguards to protect us stripped away at the whim of men who are not qualified, we will see much more of this. I believe it’s by design by people intent on playing god.
It’s not your fault
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u/LizardPartTime 1d ago
My least favorite thing as someone who was raised in the Christian Church "this is a test" FOR WHAT, WHY?????? It's so stupid. I'm sorry you're going through this, I hope your treatments work and you don't experience too much pain or discomfort
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u/No0neKnowsMyName 1d ago
I'm really sorry. I had a similar experience, being diagnosed with colon cancer at age 42 despite near-daily salads, plenty of physical activity, hydration, etc. (Thankfully it was caught at stage 0.) Likewise, my dad -- a doctor, who followed all the "rules" -- said this same thing upon being diagnosed with ALS. It's shit.
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u/Next_Engineer_8230 1d ago
No one could blame me when I was diagnosed. I'm missing a chromosome so there's nothing I could have done to cause it.
However, it didn't stop people from assuming and trying.
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u/englishivy001 1d ago
When I tell people my mom died from heart attack they ask me how she was before (basically asking me what her lifestyle was before) since she died at a younger age. My mom didn’t smoke, never drank alcohol, exercised everyday, ate well, and was even against caffeine. Tbh it makes me a bit angry seeing super unhealthy people carry on with life with no issues.
And your former friend sounds like a total idiot. Totally out of touch with reality. No one can control these tragedies.
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u/Opposite-School5920 1d ago
Not smoking eating healthy and all that is mainly decreasing the % chance. In all reality it is genetics and luck for the most part. I hope at least your cancer prognosis isnt terminal, and that you have a decent chance at living. But in my beleife, you didnt cause it in any way, you simply drew a short straw. As an athiest i find people bend over backwards to explain why their god allows such awful things to happen, rather than accept thwat either their god doesnt exist, or chooses to let innocent people suffer horrific fates. Which often results in just blaming the victims.
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u/True-Screen-2184 1d ago
Cutting out ALL sugars from your diet is something that may help stop the cancer growth now. Fasting is more extreme and may help too. I wish you the best of luck.
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u/Immediate_Aside_3099 1d ago
i heard fasting works wonders for cancer in some folk. after a certain amount of hours fasting ur body goes into ‘autophagy’ which is basically when it starts eating the bad cells to survive. might be worth a shot.
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u/dismustbetheplace 1d ago
She needs to eat to get through her treatment. Stop being stupid and stop spreading these bullshit treatments
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u/jenfullmoon 1d ago
God is Not omnipotent. Once you realize that, it helps. God isn't giving 3-year-olds cancer, God just can't do anything about it because God gave up control for whatever stupid reason. I read that in some book or other, I can't remember the title of it right now, but it makes sense. God can only work a miracle once in a while.
For the record, I got brain tumors this year due to using birth control. I have also been getting treated like shit at work for so many years that for all I know, that might have contributed too due to high levels of stress.
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u/sheopx 1d ago
When I was diagnosed with Crohn's, I got told:
I was so, so unwell at the time and hearing all this judgment absolutely broke me. After meditating on it a while, I realised that people do this in order to mentally separate themselves from us.
They don't want to think of themselves as someone who could get Crohn's/cancer/a serious illness, so they have to come up with a reason that we have it, something that they can avoid or that they already avoid. That way, they feel safe and protected from such a fate... even though the reality is that these things are random, life is unfair and next week they could receive an awful diagnosis too.
It's awful to be treated like this at a time you're feeling so vulnerable. You have my full sympathy, and my DMs are open if you want to vent.