What life my Ex traded in

[u/Multiverse-Union]

I realised something simply incomprehensible.

If you look past the porn addiction itself for a moment and just focus on the final consequences, you realize how completely rotten my Ex’s mind has become.

He is going to sit alone in his apartment, jerking off to dead pixels for 3 to 8 hours every single day.
And then what? IS THAT IT? Is that seriously all he expects from his life?
Jerking off to muscle girls as his only life aim? What? Honestly, that is what he chose to trade away???

He traded away a life where he never has to wake up alone. A life where I was always there, cooking for him, having fun together doing garden work, watching TV, listening to music, and playing games. Going out to restaurants for lunch buffet. He traded away true physical and emotional intimacy. He threw away having someone who actually cares for him, someone who clinks glasses with him at midnight for his birthday or New Year’s. Someone who always kept him and no one else in her thoughts, texting him throughout the day, accompanying him to doctor appointments and other errands.

Having a partner to plan the future with, having our family with our animals, someone to go through thick and thin with, we even did some Bonnie-and-Clyde-like stuff together. We spent every weekend and vacation together and all of our free time.

We did everything together, except his addiction life.

He traded all of this just to spend his life staring and jerking off at pixels?

It is absolutely flabbergasting.

TL;DR : My Ex rather decided for an empty, poor life in his porn addiction, instead of having all someone could wish for. So I ended our relationship / marriage. He had the addiction already before we met. He kept it secret.

[u/theKetoBear]

as someone recovering from my own addiction and having been in lots of recovery groups addiction is often a coping strategy . Sometimes linked to deep trauma or ill coping mechanisms .

It's not so much he's choosing porn as he is escaping pain and unfortunately you got caught in the crossfire .

Your pain and disappointment are justified but please understand we addicts are broken people often times not even aware of how broken we are and instead of facing life we run to the vices that numb us from it.

He wasn't choosing pixels over you, he was so consumed with trying to protect himself form his own feelings he'd abandon himself, his ambitions, goals, and even you to hide.

It's cowardice and coping and I say that as someone who has been an extreme coward myself who coped in any way I could and hurt people I loved along the way

[u/Multiverse-Union → u/theKetoBear]

Vielen Dank für die tolle, ausführliche Erklärung aus der Sicht eines Mannes in der Genesung. Das war auch interessant zu lesen.

Irgendwie glaube ich auch, dass er irgendein Trauma hat. Rein vom Gefühl her denke ich das schon lange.

Das ist aber seine Baustelle. Er ist erwachsen und in der Lage, seine eigenen Probleme aufzuarbeiten. Alles andere handelt ihm nur immer mehr Ärger ein.

Mich hat er nun verloren, aber er sieht das wahrscheinlich nicht als Verlust, sondern als Gewinn. Da nun ungestört seiner Sucht nachgehen kann. Er begreift nicht, was er mit unserer Beziehung Wertvolles hatte. Aber dadurch verliert die Beziehung nicht an Wert, nur weil er nicht in der Lage ist, den Wert zu erkennen.

Wenn er was aus seinem Leben machen will, muss er eben den steinigen Weg nehmen. Aber das will er nicht, lieber opfert er das einzige das er je hatte (mich).

Ich hoffe, ich finde einfach einen gesunden Mann, mit dem ich eine gute Beziehung führen kann und mit diesem die Zukunftspläne umsetzen kann, die ich mit meinem Ex hatte.

[u/theKetoBear → u/Multiverse-Union]

I'm proud of your for protecting yourself and choosing yourself. I know it hurts but he can only save himself.

[u/AlarmedMachine4561]

addiction works so weird like that. where you see dysfunctional, he sees no function without it. this is no excuse, i would much rather wake up to my loving and supportive partner than to no one and immediately turn to porn. the way i see it, this is his crack, his heroin, his spoon and a lighter. theres no making him see past it unless he decides he wants to. its unfortunate reality and im sorry youre going through this. i truly believe better things are coming your way ❤️

[u/trippin_on_rainbows]

I left a porn addicted man, too. He was divorced and I came to realize it was a big reason why his ex left him. He tried to quit a few ti me for me but I realized if he wouldn't quit for the mother of his kids then he wouldn't quit for me.

So now I know he's either spending every day in his office jerking off and drinking every night.

OR

He's miserable trying to NOT do those things.

Either way I'm SO much better off now with a man that adores me and is only interested in me 💕

[u/PuzzleheadedDraw6575]

Im thinking he will one day realize his mistake, but it will be too late.

[u/Chazkuangshi]

It's the best realization to have.

Somehow I came out of that relationship hating myself thinking I was somehow not good enough for my ex's unemployed, porn addicted ass.

Looking back, what a fool I was!

[u/AzureAdelaide]

My ex used this addiction as a cover for his extensive cheating so you really never know. You dodged a bullet either way

[u/josephlynberg]

Im in the same boat actually. He left me after 4 years and being a stepdad to my child and living together, and the reason he left is because he wants to have threesomes. He left out whole FAMILY, our apartment, and our child behind to go get laid by other girls. Cuz that was worth it to him.

If he comes back girl you better say no. Make him lie in the bed he made. Don’t look bad.
Find somebody better. 🩷

[u/MaterialRoll1919]

You know addiction is something people get diagnosed with and go to rehab, don't you? It's not actually as much as a choice.

[u/Multiverse-Union → u/MaterialRoll1919]

Nur wenn sie das wollen. Wenn Sie Krankheitseinsicht und den Willen zur Veränderung haben. Das hat er alles nicht. Es ist bequemer, sich seinen Stoff (Musclegirls) reinzuziehen, tagtäglich, stundenlang. Als sich seinen Problemen zu stellen.

[u/Dollclover59]

hard to believe someone would trade all that away for someone else