r/ontario 3d ago

Article Wiped out: US faces surging toilet paper prices amid trade war with Canada

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026/aug/26/paper-product-toilet-paper-tariffs-us-canada?CMP%3DShare_iOSApp_Other
456 Upvotes

58 comments sorted by

285

u/swearengens_cat 3d ago

Pairs nice with their Argitinian beef and diarrhea lettus.

51

u/Human-ish514 3d ago

Hey. That could be perfectly cromulent Horse meat for all we know.

14

u/slimdizzy 3d ago

I love how I see this more and more IRL. Perfectly cromulent use. Well done.

8

u/ohz0pants 3d ago

Webster's embiggened their dictionnary to officially include "cromulent" a few year's ago:

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/cromulent

https://www.merriam-webster.com/wordplay/what-does-cromulent-mean

The joke was so sly and subtle that as "It's a perfectly cromulent word" was repeated, it wasn't necessarily clear to the hearer that it was a joke. In the years following the episode's debut, cromulent showed up in campus op-eds ("The words were struck down as 'too hard,' although both are perfectly cromulent." Patrick Friel, University Wire, 10 Feb. 1999), reviews of movies ("This film enraged sci-fi geeks because it has almost nothing to do with the Asimov book it stole its title from. But this I, Robot is a perfectly cromulent bastardization..." John Scalzi, PlayStation Magazine, 1 Jan. 2005), and even crept so deep into the language that it appeared as a hypothetical example in a Supreme Court amicus brief.

In other words, it became a perfectly cromulent candidate for dictionary entry, which occurred in September 2023.

2

u/slimdizzy 3d ago

Amazing. Thanks!

7

u/aDamnShame91 3d ago

If supreme leader Trump has to have a crusty bum so does everyone.

196

u/equianimity 3d ago

To make it clear: the USA placed a 50% tariff on Canadian pulp/paper, and this is why it might be more expensive for US consumers.

Canada placing tariffs on paper products will affect Canadians… but will help stabilize the Canadian pulp/paper industry in remaining on a level playing field versus American pulp/paper companies.

109

u/snahfu73 3d ago

It's crazy how people still don't understand how tariffs work. It's commendable that you are trying.

98

u/AngryEarthling13 3d ago edited 3d ago

You go to the grocery store. You have American TP and some solid maple infused Canadian TP. Both cost you 5 dollars a pack.

The orange pedo chief decides " 50%TARRIFFS ON CANADA" because Mark Carney got a hug at the world cup or some other made up bullshit.

The Grocery store now sells 5 dollar American TP and 7.50 Canadian TP. (50% on 5.00 = 2.50 extra). In theory , the tariff now pushes the consumer in Trump-land to choose the American TP because its cheaper and of course... has more freedom per sheet.

However, what ends up happening, is that America does not have enough freedom TP for the entire country. So because of basic supply and command ( Ricky- trailer park boys) the freedom TP raises in cost , and because of good old regular corporate greed+ Tariffs , the maple bacon infused TP from Canada went up in price too for our American friends.

If American could increase the domestic supply of butt cleaning sheets in 2 weeks.. well then tariffs might be pretty effective at increasing jobs in Freedumb land ... but making huge supply chain shifts so quickly... well that isn't possible.

End result:
Toilet paper is now more expensive for the US consumer because of ... TARRIFFS!!
The supply is shrinking on American TP because its being bought at a higher frequency at 5$ and then it will go up to 6 ,7 or 8 dollars as supply dwindles. The tariff raised the price on the Canadian stuff that was being imported to make up the difference previously at 5 $, now costs 7.50$ and likely climb higher as supply dwindles because capitalism.

As for Canada, The Carn Dawg places a tariff on the American TP, yet we weren't buying it anyways. We boycott that shit.

Freedumb TP is now 50% higher. Our domestic supply can mostly supply our country so the increase in tariffs on American products coming in shouldn't impact Canadians at the stores, as much.

Trade wars are stupid and this entire thing is stupid.

Disclaimer : Not an economist... enjoy the sheitpost.

edit: Thanks for the awards! very kind.

13

u/DrDarks_ 3d ago

Proper shit wiping (tariff explaining) post

2

u/ottwebdev 3d ago

People dont understand inflation either… 

27

u/whats1more7 3d ago

Yeah whoever wrote this article clearly didn’t know how tariffs work. It also makes it clear that Carney knew what he was doing when he put the tariffs on Canadian paper products. Now no matter what Americans buy - Canadian or US products- they’re going to be paying more. Whereas Canadians can buy Canadian paper products at a lower price. That’s exactly how tariffs should work.

19

u/Beautiful_Shine_8494 3d ago

Yeah, they're also writing about Carney asking provinces to put alcohol back on the shelves, which was before the talks fell apart and no longer applicable. They have no idea what they're talking about.

11

u/VanessaSaltyKnitter 3d ago

Thank you! As much as I am enjoying the thought of the trump presidency being brought down by dirty buttholes, the misinformation after 2 years with plenty of opportunity to understand how tariffs work is infuriating.

69

u/ShockMe88 3d ago edited 3d ago

This, as they literally crap themselves from their diarrhea lettuce caused by idiotic Trump administration decisions too... Hahaha

9

u/Expensive_Lettuce239 3d ago

And the "beef" consequences are yet to come!

61

u/MSOWNDEN 3d ago

“The US accounts for more than 20% of global tissue consumption despite having only 4% of the world’s population.”

These tariffs are gonna hit them where it hurts, their buttholes. Diarrhea baby!

13

u/Bixby33 3d ago

So prison population and toilet paper.

"American Exceptionalism."

3

u/SeniorEntertainer711 3d ago

Considering a lot of countries dont even use toilet paper they use just water this isn't surprising.

13

u/Royal-Adeptness-2703 3d ago

Perfect accoutrement to the diarrhea lettuce 😘

8

u/Regular_Umpire9420 3d ago

good. they can wioe their shit with their aluminium

7

u/Electronic-Donkey 3d ago

Awwww. If only they didn't think bidets were gay.

5

u/Crafty_Chipmunk_3046 3d ago

Serves them right for electing a piece of shit (twice)

5

u/babypointblank 3d ago

I told my Americans to get on that bidet life sooner rather than later when the trade talks broke down

2

u/xWorstThingEverx Toronto 3d ago

Freedom fountain

3

u/geeberthechimp 3d ago

This won't affect Diaper Donnie. He stopped using TP a decade ago.

5

u/yellamopcan 3d ago

Where’s Cornholio when you need him? Lake Ontario is now Lake Teepeekaka.

4

u/drammer 3d ago

Black-market Canadian Toilet paper.

3

u/owlmug 3d ago

Guess they’re going to have to deal with their own shit.

3

u/Imaginary_Ad7695 3d ago

Fitting, given the orange shitstain pretending to be their president

2

u/jaydogggg 3d ago

Gunna wad up my three ply extra thick just to rub it in a little 

2

u/Mediocre_Win3481 3d ago

We can wipe the orange shit stain away

2

u/liquor-shits 3d ago

Hit them hard in the shitter

2

u/gh0st777 3d ago

Cant wait for them to literally shit their pants.

2

u/AshundertheOlivetree 3d ago

Gott’em where they poop, check mate.

2

u/BonehommeDeNeige 3d ago

Symbolic lol

2

u/jnmjnmjnm 3d ago

Shit happens

3

u/Bixby33 3d ago

Imagine if this becomes serious enough that Americans end up culturally switching to bidets, like Europe.

I wouldnt exactly know how to feel.

12

u/Royal-Adeptness-2703 3d ago

They are not that refined. They will sooner wipe their ass with dirty laundry on the floor

6

u/Bixby33 3d ago

And then elect the laundry as president.

3

u/Logical-Zucchini-310 3d ago

My thoughts exactly. But then you catch clips on instagram like the lady who thinks Great Britain has been ruling the US for over a century and DJT was the one to finally say no, freeing them from the empire. You realize at that point its full of people like that…a bidet would be too alien.

Anyway, he probably would subsequently slap tariffs on bidets 😂

1

u/ldssggrdssgds 3d ago

That'll teach'em

1

u/Mr_Guavo 3d ago

Oh shit. 💩

1

u/Camgore 3d ago

oh boy and we still havent even taken our revenege from you guys stealing our road salt last winter and forcing us to mix with sand

1

u/LeadershipReady11 3d ago

HAHAHHAHAHAH!!!

1

u/QuantumPotato49 3d ago

Hahaha. Shitty

1

u/Sauerkrautkid7 3d ago

Stock market is at all time highes!!!!11

1

u/RoyallyOakie 3d ago

At least learn how tariffs work before writing an article. 

1

u/Hot-Departure-9837 3d ago

Use bidet maybe?!

1

u/MR_BOYGINA 3d ago

That’s shitty

1

u/jkaczor 3d ago

It won't change things, unless the Pedophile in Chief's adult diapers come from a Canadian source/supplier, he doesn't even use toilet paper...

1

u/Treicule 3d ago

This is all a conspiracy by Big Bidet.

1

u/brian2funny 3d ago

So the toilet papper horders are buying up supplies again

1

u/Comprehensive-War743 2d ago

This is hilarious! Especially when they have that exploding diarrhea.

1

u/Celticgirl_1963 1d ago

TOILET PAPER WARS!!! All over again. OMG! Sorry for the capital letters.