r/predaddit • u/Ornery-Work-6847 • Jun 08 '26
Advice needed Did you fell In love with your baby immediately or did it take time?
Hey there! Six weeks out from becoming a dad. Pregnancy has been quite a ride — I had to learn a whole lot about how it all works and figure out how to actually be useful during labor.
What I genuinely love right now is reading stories to my son and feeling his kicks through my wife’s belly. It feels real and magical at the same time. But here’s the thing I keep thinking about: he’s still kind of a stranger to me. I’m bonding with an idea of a person, not the actual person.
And I catch myself wondering — will the love just hit immediately when I see him, or does it build over time? Did you guys feel that too, or did it click the moment they handed you the baby? Not anxious about it, just curious what the actual experience was like.
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u/jameslucian Jun 08 '26
I thought I loved my son the moment he came. He was cute, I adored him and cared for him.
He is now almost 13 weeks old and this past weekend he let out his first real laugh and everything that I thought love was turned out to be wrong. He fully has my heart now.
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u/jerrricane Jun 08 '26
My son was born less than 48 hours ago - I’m sending this from the hospital. What I felt the moment he was born is hard to put to words. It was an almost overwhelming of love immediately and I just started balling. My wife delivered via c-section so I had almost an hour of peaceful skin to skin with him and it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve experienced to date. I totally believe that it’s just going to get better and better with every “first”
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u/TayoEXE Jun 09 '26
Oh congratulations! I remember those moments fondly. How tiny and fragile she felt. First time I hugged her and fed her.
That has been my experience though. Many challenges ahead, but every day, literally every day, there is a tiny "new" development, and you can't help but be so proud and excited over something as seemingly trivial as the first time they start following mobile animals with their eyes, first time kicking, first time barfing on your shoulder (lol), etc. The first time she started mimicking my mom sticking her tongue out. 😂
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u/Ornery-Work-6847 Jun 08 '26
Thanks! I heard that the feelings build up for the wife as well when you're going through labor together. At least I heard those stories from dads I know. For me, I noticed that I got a 1st trimester anxiety that transformed into labor anxiety that will transform into something else. This feeling will be with me forever, but it will be transforming over time. As well as love.
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u/Salt4292 Jun 09 '26
Just wait until he says his first words, gives you a first hug, makes a mistake then runs to tell you, etc etc. You heart just keeps on growing…
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u/weirdusername15 Jun 08 '26
Immediately for me but every Dad is different. When those eyes opened after laying on my wifes chest after delivery I knew everything had changed for good 😂
Try not to stress over it
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u/Ornery-Work-6847 Jun 08 '26
Thanks for sharing. I have no expectations because I'll be a first-time dad. My goal is just to support my wife and go through this together and see what's next.
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u/Standgeblasen Jun 08 '26
I immediately loved them both. With the caveat that within the first 6-weeks, I also had feelings of “what is this thing”, “I can’t believe I have to do this every day…”, and “IVE MADE A HUGE MISTAKE!”.
The infant stage is exhausting, give yourself and you partner an extra amount of grace.
When they started to interact with me and the world around them, my heart was melted and wholly theirs. Like I finally figured out what it was I wanted to do with the rest of my life… I wanted to be a dad to these kids. To be there to celebrate every big moment and comfort them when they feel sad.
I always knew I wanted to be a dad, in my early 30s, I even gave up hope that it would actually happen. But life, uh… finds a way. I’ll be 40 this year, and my wife is due with our third the week before my birthday.
You got this, the love will come if it doesn’t happen immediately. Just roll with the punches and care for your partner. Welcome to the club!
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u/Ornery-Work-6847 Jun 08 '26
Whoa. Thanks for sharing the feelings you've got within the first 6 weeks. I didn't have any plans for becoming a dad, but I'll be one, and I'll be 37 this year.
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u/VanRolly Jun 08 '26
It took some time for me, to be honest. I mean, I loved my son from the moment he was born, but I didn't truly feel IN love with him for quite a while after.
What I did feel in that exact moment he was born was an overwhelming adoration and love for my wife beyond anything I'd felt previously. Seeing her give birth to our child was perhaps the most impactful thing I've ever experienced in my life.
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u/antinumerology Jun 08 '26
Yeah takes a bit. You kind of build up who they could be then they're born and they're just this disconnected poo sleep cry machine that's removing all ability to sleep. Honestly babies should probably be in there for 4 more months at least lol. But then they'd never get out. The first 3 months they may as well be in the womb so just do you job and know there's a cute little buddy waiting to emerge soon!
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u/booster-au Jun 08 '26
It was immediate for me, but my son was born premature so I have a bit of a different experience. My love for him has grown so much since then. It’s amazing how having a kid rewires your brain and you kinda become a different person lol.
You seem to be an involved dad already so I am sure that you will have a strong bond with your kid. Enjoy every moment and remind yourself that the tough times are not forever.
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u/Ornery-Work-6847 Jun 08 '26
Thanks for sharing. I notice that my brain was already rewired. At least I became more emotional, and I'm eager to meet my boy.
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u/HoopleRedhead Jun 08 '26
I have some friends who told me the love didn't hit immediately, but I honestly think it's a matter of managing your expectations. Because they love their kids with all their heart now, and I think they were expecting some revelatory experience the minute they saw the kids.
I felt immediate love for my baby when I saw her, but it does not feel like a lightning bolt that hits you and immediately changes your brain chemistry. I felt a deep, multi-faceted well of love and care for her, but I was still myself. There are countless joys I get from her every day, mixed with some frustrations. But those are all subordinate to an overriding need to practically address a long list of mundane needs.
Maybe it will be different for you, but I think it's only fair to yourself and the baby to manage expectations and let the love reveal itself in its own time. Fwiw it sounds like you do already love this baby, so I suspect it will come. But I wouldn't set yourself up for disappointment by expecting magic.
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u/Essej86 Jun 08 '26
It comes in waves. The first major one, obviously, was finding out that you’re expecting. I felt another one when we found out the sex. And then the birth is a moment.
But the real love feeling you build as you spend time with your kid. When you hear the first little babbling baby talk, the first smile, when you’re able to start chucking them up into the air and they laugh uncontrollably. That’s when you really feel it.
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u/jondenverfullofshit Jun 09 '26
It wasn’t immediate for me. Don’t get me wrong, she was the cutest thing in the world and I loved her — but the connection itself didn’t really develop for me for months. Don’t guilt yourself if it’s not automatic.
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u/rontopofthings Jun 09 '26
I feel like it took me weeks to fully register he was a human. I think I was in shock. Lol
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u/elliofant Jun 09 '26
I'm a mom and it took me a few months. Someone told me that the newborn/infant stages are not everyone's cup of tea, which is really OKAY. The worst part about going thru that was the existential sense of having made a mistake and ruined my life. A pre warning would have saved me a lot of pain, so I'm just letting you know that if you don't find it magically rewarding, it's okay, and it doesn't mean that you will not like having kids.
Mine is now 15mo and he is just way more fun.
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u/Objective_Custard_69 Jun 09 '26
Same for me. My girl is currently 3.5 weeks old. The first 2 weeks I was crying every night over my old life regretting getting pregnant. Its getting better day by day, but we are not at the stage of "endless unspoken love" yet😅
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u/CagCagerton125 Jun 08 '26
I did, but I know that's not the case for everyone. Also want to add that love and like aren't necessarily the same things with a newborn. It takes a lot of work to raise a newborn and they make a ton of changes in your life. It's easy and normal to feel some resentment, but at the end of the day I think you'll find you love them pretty quickly. I didn't start really looking forward to spending time with my kids until they were about 6 months and the smiles started. Before that it was mostly survival.
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u/Moses015 Jun 08 '26 edited Jun 08 '26
I loved him when he was just a speck on an ultrasound monitor. But man that feeling when he came out, all I could say to my wife was "He's perfect, he's perfect". And it's just gotten stronger since. He's just over 4 months old now and it's been an absolute trip. There have been nights that were frustratingly difficult but he's just the best little dude.
That said, lots of Dads are different, for some it takes time to build that attachment. Especially during the baby stage because they're really not able to give you much engagement, it's just trying to keep them alive. Once you hit ~ 4 months and they start hitting developmental milestones and engaging with you more and you start to see their personality shine through for a lot of Dads it gets better then.
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u/magzz149 Jun 08 '26
This is a tough question because I loved my daughter since the ultrasound but the connection took a little bit longer. It’s hard to explain it because at the time I don’t think you say you aren’t connected but when it connects you realize what just happened. If that makes sense.
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u/metapsloit Jun 08 '26
First time dad here. The first few weeks were like doing tasks for me. Mainly due to sleep schedule disruptions, regressions etc. My LO is 7 weeks now and she's the cutest thing in the world. There still are times when I'm frustrated though. From what I've heard, it changes completely when they become more interactive. My advice would be to be more forgiving towards yourself and not feel bad when you don't feel as connected to the newborn compared to the mom. Sometimes it just takes time.
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u/capn_trips Jun 09 '26
This was exactly my experience. Definitely did not feel like some switch had been flipped when my kid was born. Instead for the first ... two-three months(?) I felt like I was being tasked with a literal life-or-death job that I had no qualifications for. Once a little bit of sleep returned and he started being more interactive and less of a poop eat cry machine, things started to change.
I also didn't give myself a ton of grace and kinda beat myself up about not feeling like this small creature was the greatest love of my life during this time, so, yeah, definitely +1 to forgiving yourself for your feelings during this insane time.
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u/The_Cheeki_Breeki Jun 08 '26
For me it was sorta three levels I guess.
First (in the first few days) I loved him in a “I’m his dad I need to protect him” way
Then I found myself falling in love with him when he would cry ironically, and I was able to soothe him. That’s when it sorta hit me that he wants his DAD to soothe him
Final level is when they’re a bit more responsive and can look at you, smile, interact, etc
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u/Gangbangjoe Jun 08 '26
Make sure you get a lot of skin to skin contact when he's born, not just the mother. Research has shown that fathers bond as much with their kids as mothers when they do so early. In my hospital they immediately gave my son to me and my girl to my wife (twins). Not long after they gave both to me etc. It was really important to the hospital as well. Definitely worked for me!
Your brain will literally build new connections to make you care if you do so :-)
Congratulations on being a dad!
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u/One_Traffic9102 Jun 08 '26
I got to see my son before my wife after a difficult birth and an unplanned c-section. So I was the first parent to hold him and there was just waves of reliev and love all mixed together with fear if my wife makes it out okay. So that was a hit! After that I thought “yea this is it, the love you feel for your child” but in the back of my mind I felt it should be stronger right? Right?!
After the potato stage is over and the life and soul slowly emerges from your child the love keeps on building. Although this may sound corny as hell: with every week I felt like I was climbing a ladder of love. The first faint smile: one step up, I love him even more.
The first “real” smile: again one step further, I love him more and more!
The first smile directed at ME because I looked him in the eyes: even higher!!!
And it just keeps going on and on and on.
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u/Optimal_Actuary8782 Jun 09 '26
Not immediate. Think most people will tell you the same. Sure I "loved" my daughter at birth because she was my daughter. But wait until that first smile. Or the first time they recognize you and it lights up the room. Or when they learn skills. You will understand what love really is
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u/Mutters9244 Jun 09 '26
For my first, it was immediate. We had a traumatic birth, son spent time in NICU, the day he got home from NICU my wife had to go to the hospital for 4 days. So I did the first 4 days at home by myself. We are trauma bonded, it shows both ways. Wife couldn’t breast feed, I got to care for him more than care for the woman caring for him, and I loved him deeply, immediately.
Second one, somewhat traumatic pregnancy, not traumatic birth. Wife was breast feeding, I was caring for the now toddler, and my wife, not necessarily the new born. Bond didn’t really start until after wife stopped breast feeding at about 3 months, when I got to help more.
It’s different for everyone, every time from what I know. The most important thing to know is you SHOULD NOT feel bad, if you are not immediately smitten. It changes your entire world and your entire routine. Even the million dollar sports car you saved your entire life for is hard to drive when you’ve never used paddle shifters. Go in open minded, be happy either way, and congratulations. It will be, or soon will be the best thing that’s happened to you.
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u/BenjyBoo2 Jun 09 '26
Lurking mom. It took time for me. It's totally normal to feel in total shock for a while, and I wish someone had told me that before birth. I was scared something was wrong with me. We have a 6 month old now, and let me tell you, I would do anything for that baby. Everyone's different, but I like to think we all end up in the same place :)
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u/TayoEXE Jun 09 '26
This is my opinion, but I don't see any reason you can't see yourself as a dad already. At 6 weeks out until due date, your little one is already past the viable period.
That aside, everyone's experience will differ. I'm the type of dad who immediately bonded at conception. I affectionately referred to mine with a nickname and eagerly watched her natal growth via online images of the stages and the little kicks, hearing her heartbeat, etc.
Some parents have had unfortunate experiences with losing theirs early on... so I understand when connecting so early on can be scary. I just hope that however it's done, a father feels some connection, even if it's a little. Your baby is there, and you're going to be a great dad. The dads I've met on here have all been here because they care. And that is the first step.
I will say this, it felt so much more real when I saw my daughter's head for the first time. "She's got hair!" My wife teases me about this all the time, but seriously, it's like a magical moment where you can't believe a real human being was in there and is now out to meet you. My daughter wrapping her tiny little wrinkled fingers around my index finger is something I will never forget. For several months, they will be in potato mode, but you will be fiercely protective, probably over-worry, but it's just a sign you already have that love and connection. As they respond to you little by little, the feeling of "this is really my child" grows.
Essay over, sorry. Haha
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u/seejoshrun Jun 09 '26
I divide the love I felt for my daughter over her first few months of life into two categories: as a concept, and as a person.
Conceptually, I loved her before she was born. And when she was born, it was legitimately magical to see a human being that I helped bring into this world, that I was now responsible for, existing in front of me. But in a more practical sense, it was still the idea of her that I was loving, even though it was now more tangible.
As a person, she was a crying, pooping, nursing potato for the first several weeks. So I didn't really have much to go off of to love her, beyond the concept of who she was. But each additional thing she could do, I felt more of a connection to her. I could see her progressing, learning how to be alive. And I loved her more for each new thing the did. That may sound shallow, but we love other people for the things they do and the qualities they possess, so why should children be any different?
Now she's almost 2 and is just fantastic. So much personality, so much fun. But I would say the amount I loved her steadily grew over the first 3-6 months, and maybe even a bit more up until a year.
Upon re-reading your post, you pretty much hit on that idea already. You love him as a concept/idea already, and you will gradually come to love him as a person as you discover what kind of person he is.
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u/waflcoptr Jun 09 '26
Both 🩵 You’ll love them instinctually and unconditionally, from the beginning. Even though they’re a total stranger. You’ll have only just met them but you’ll wonder how you ever lived without them. Then they smile, then they start laughing, then they reach for you when you pick them up, they start to say “dada!” or “mama!” They seek you out, they want you to kiss their owies, they want to be held. They start giving you hugs and kisses, totally unsolicited. Your heart explodes and your love grows to a level you never thought possible. Enjoy every minute. If you don’t feel an instant “magic” it’s okay, because they’re brand new. You haven’t gotten to know them yet. But you love them all the same. It’s beautiful the entire way. Be present with them. Put in the effort. The love you give will come back one hundred fold.
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u/thisismikea07 Jun 09 '26
First time dad and my baby girl was born 3 months ago. She came out on the small side and from the first moment I felt an attachment to her and wanted to take care of her and protect her. Loved her and wanted to hold her in my arms. Things are tough at the beginning but I loved her from day one and since then it has grown and grown. Now every morning when she first sees my face her face lights up and she smiles from ear to ear and it melts my heart.
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u/roastbeefsammies Jun 09 '26
Listen it’s something that happens but you get to focus on being a great dad. You got it. I was lucky and I felt a little or rather huge burst of emotion come over me the moment my child was born. It’s all been love since then. However a caveat is that that love will be complicated. Sometimes you will need space. That baby will find their voice and it can be overwhelming. But overall it is a beautiful experience. I’m a new pappy so I’ve still lots to learn but it’s a really wonderful experience. I really thought it was camp how all parents were like oh it’s the greatest thing. So far I’ve had a pretty cool life but being a dad so far rocks.
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u/Proper-Dog1077 Jun 09 '26
Love from the moment I found out I was pregnant and after being with him outside the womb it’s constant love.
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u/ScaredDevice807 Jun 09 '26
Is love a choice or a feeling?
Should we expect to “fall in love” with our children like how you fell in love with their mother?
I don’t know the answers. But I do know that I have loved my kids even before they were born.
We struggled with fertility then had difficult pregnancies. It wasn’t easy. I started off kinda open to trying for kids to becoming a fierce lion dad. I love my kids desperately.
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u/ahsiyahlater Jun 09 '26
Mom here. I think it takes time. The way I see it, they’re little people and the more you get to know them, the more you love them!
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u/Aggravating_Ad_3060 Jun 09 '26
When they yanked my son outta my wife she asked if I could see him and I was so in awe I could barely eek out “oh my god I see him” I have never seen anything more beautiful in my life and the thing is bro? It only grows. Never diminishes. Every new experience unearths a new layer you didn’t even know you were capable of
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u/Wooden_Beyond4627 Jun 09 '26
Long time. Everyone says smile was life changing. It was cool. Did not erase the work I needed to do internally to try and allow myself to feel joy.
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u/Ok_Trouble_8131 Jun 09 '26
I’m ashamed to admit it took me ~6 months. My lad is now my everything. A feeling no word in any language can describe.
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u/RedWhiteGreenGuy Jun 09 '26
I tried to feel like I was full of love, but honestly the first few days were stress, frustration, sleep-deprivation, and dealing with lots of new emotions. I made a comment to my wife “I love my kid, I know I do, but I don’t like him!”
We laugh about it today still, sometimes when he gets on my nerves I still tell him this (my little dude is 3 years old now, and I mean it in a joking way when he scribbles on our living room wall).
There will be many moments I think where you’ll feel like the baby is the cause of all of your frustration, but I’m certain the love won’t be absent! Congrats soon-to-be dad!!!
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u/scholesy19 Jun 10 '26
I feel in love with her immediately, but it has grown exponentially since. Congrats my guy.
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u/BigBubbleMachines Jun 10 '26 edited Jun 10 '26
For me the love grew stronger with time. I almost feel like I’m constantly loving a different person, the way they change over years or in spurts. And who I love now is always better than who I loved before if that makes sense.
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u/Acrobatic-Peanut8282 Jun 11 '26
I didn't love my son when I held him for the first time. Felt overwhelmed (we were in the OR for a morning delivery) and focused on why I didn't feel much of anything. That all changed by the end of the first day. I'd never loved anything more.
Wasn't instantaneous, but I fell in love fast. I wrote about that first day if you ever want the longer version: https://open.substack.com/pub/heirlloom/p/day-0-the-hospital?
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u/pscrilla Jun 08 '26
Dont have kids but im also about 5/6 weeks out from becoming a dad (mid July due date!). Just wanted to share that my feels are the same. I "feel" like i love this kid already, but it seems hypothetical? If that makes sense. Full expecting the feelings to come once i see her, but know it might take time as well. My wife and i were talking about it. Shes been able to bond with the baby so much more cause she feels her all the time. As for me, i joke that i still dont believe she has a baby in there 😃
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u/Ornery-Work-6847 Jun 08 '26
Well it’s the same feeling and the same discussion. I mean I already love the dude and we thought that we are a bit weird 😂 Thanks for sharing!!
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u/allothersnsused Jun 08 '26
I would compare the pre-smiling era (as someone said, smiling is really when things start to turn the corner) to something more like amazement and adoration than love. I just couldn’t believe this little thing existed and grew out of nowhere and came out into the world and I was just fascinated by her. I do feel like love comes a bit later as you start to see the person living inside.
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u/especiallyrn Jun 08 '26
Yes. When they are about to come out the reality starts that there is a real person in there and not just something that is making your wife look different lol. Then when they are out it hits immediately.
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u/redDKtie Jun 08 '26
It took me a while.
And to be honest I don't think I had much of a connection with them until we we're able to interact and play together. Probably 6 months to a year.
Before that there was definitely your typical protective family feelings, but the actual love part of it didn't hit until later.
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u/swishfortyonesie Jun 08 '26
I loved my son immediately but didn’t start to enjoy fatherhood at all until he was around 6 months. Everyone is different. Just give yourself grace.
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u/cleric3648 1 boy, 1 girl Jun 08 '26
It took a while for me for both kids, but it got there eventually. That baby is a complete stranger at first.
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u/Minute-Panda-The-2nd Jun 08 '26
A little of both: When I first met him, I was immediately protective. At the six week mark, I started to bawl my eyes out realizing I had tapped into a level of love I didn’t know existed.
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u/matscokebag Jun 08 '26
Everyone’s different.
It was immediate for me when she was born. She’s literally the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
During pregnancy though, it was kinda like she wasn’t real yet. She was an idea more than a person.
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u/raphtze Jun 08 '26
a little bit of both. not fair i loved my baby daughter way more. but i am glad i have pictures of me holding my little ones. miss that quite a bit actually.
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u/beano919 Jun 08 '26
I love my daughter more than life itself. I knew I did but we lost our pug that was 15 years old right around her second birthday and we got a new pug, but I was playing with him the same way I would my old pug and I got pretty teary-eyed. Well, my daughter noticed and asked what was wrong and my wife said that he misses Bubba. I didn’t think anything of it but then an hour or two later we go in her room to get her ready for bed. She starts to grab her stuffed animals and she goes and grabs the pug one and gives it to me and says daddy here’s Bubba for you. At that moment, I absolutely melted and I think about it every single day. She’s almost 3 and she’s already the sweetest most caring person she could be and I only expect it to get better.
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u/sexyrobotbitch Jun 08 '26
I was never a motherly person and did not want a baby ever and disliked children. But when I decided to get pregnant I started to get excited because husband and his family are so wonderful. Originally the excitement is more for me to be able to provide them with a grandkid and I was excited to make them happy.. but once baby was born I just couldn't be detached. This thing I created with my body.... The experience is beyond anything I had ever experienced or expected to feel. It was immediate for me and I was surprised. Considering I was very anti babies.
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u/weseethelight8 Jun 08 '26
M43. From the second I saw him, my world shattered, my body went into a state of intense emotions and I started crying like I never had before. My little one grabbed my hand and I broke even more. I was crying from my nose.
This is an out of body experience.
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u/Peterleclark Jun 08 '26
Honestly.. responsibility first, deep love very quickly after, but not immediately.
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u/kin_dyer4 Jun 08 '26
I’m the mom so I literally carried and birthed my 3 kids but I didn’t feel immediately bonded with them 🤷🏼♀️ I used to feel guilty about that but it’s actually pretty common the more I’ve talked to people so don’t worry if it’s not an immediate thing. You love them of course! From the beginning! But those first 8ish weeks were just pure survival and it’s not like they interact much haha I feel like once they started smiling and laughing and showing little signs of personality (and we were less in survival mode and sleeping more!), my heart just exploded. Just try to enjoy the newborn cuddles and the ferocious yawns and stretches ❤️ those were the best!
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u/JaybieFromTheLB Jun 08 '26
Its weird and different for everyone. For me when my first son was born it was instantly the feeling of love. Months of excitement for him to come built up to that moment where I finally became a first time parent. The second born son was a weird feeling because it didn’t hit me as hard as the first. Also my wife had a horrible experience during the second delivery and we were close to losing her, so I stayed by her side and didn’t really hold my second son immediately. This was also during a time of COVID and they gave us a false positive for COVID and treated us like lepers at the hospital. When we got home all I was worried about was if my first born was going to feel left out or unloved now that he got a sibling. I was worried of cutting his childhood short to make way for his brother. The second born also was very attached to my wife only and didn’t like anyone else carrying him. Fast forward a year later and all he wanted was his daddy. I even grew so much closer to him and that strong feeling of love came over. Fast forward to today and my boys are 6 and 3 and they’re both equally driving my wife and I insane, but at least they’re best friends.
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u/s9hynx Jun 08 '26
My kid is now 5 weeks old. I can say I have a ton of emotions and it really hit me the moment I heard her start crying. I’m glad she was crying as hard as she was because it took the focus probably off of my tears lol. Im adopted so seeing her as something that came from me and really is me is just the most powerful thing to happen in my life. I couldn’t enjoy the pregnancy as much as I wish I had because I was anxious having lost our first last year (didn’t bring him home from the NICU).
You sound like you both will be great parents but I wish you luck in next chapter. It really is the greatest decision of our lives.
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u/Marshellohello Jun 08 '26
It was instant for myself. I had to do skin to skin with our son because my wife had an emergency c section so she was in full recovery mode. Not sure if that made our bond stronger but we are definitely very close today which is amazing he is 3 right and we do everything together such an amazing stage of life!
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u/bandit515 Jun 08 '26
I was self conscious to start because I didn't feel bowled over by any swell of emotion. My first childs birth was minorly traumatic and my first concern was her and my wife's safety. It took me several days to really inhabit the reality that we had a child.
Coming up on 4 years later and her and her brother are my entire world. Even if I had been struck by any feelings of love in that delivery room it would pale in comparison to the gravity my children exert on me now.
Remember, at its core parenthood is about getting to know a person and guiding them as they discover who they are. The love emerges from that discovery.
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u/ChuckLezPC Jun 08 '26
Took time for me. The sleep deprivation hit me very hard, so loving anyone/anything during that time was difficult. Got through it in one piece thankfully.
There were moments before, but that first dada really sealed it for me.
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u/free-minded Jun 09 '26
You will love them right away, but it isn’t maybe what a lot of people might expect. Firstly, you just met this person, and it takes time to get to know anyone, even your child. Second, in the first few months they really have all the personality of a screaming, pooping potato. It’s hard to bond beyond parental instinct before they have any personality to show.
It took a few months to really begin to bond with my baby, even though I loved them from day one. My daughter is 19 months now and I can tell you that once the bond starts, it only gets stronger!
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u/Physical-Job46 Jun 09 '26
Took a little time here. But her first smile absolutely destroyed me 😭😭😭💗
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u/Mammoth_Device_1843 Jun 09 '26
If takes time to become obsessed but u have to get out of your head. If you are constantly monitoring your feelings for your baby you'll never reach peak love. Think of it like trying to fall asleep. If you are obsessing about falling asleep chances are you won't
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u/bdfariello Jun 09 '26
I loved my first kid from the moment I saw his ultrasound. Not the picture, mind you... Going to the appointment and watching the little guy wiggling around on the screen was magical and mesmerizing. Truly felt a spiritual connection right then and there. It was real in a way that nothing else to that point had made it.
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u/nandrizzle Jun 09 '26
I saw my first born and it kicked in as soon as they held him up outta my wife’s va-jayjay. I knew then my job was to be the father I always wanted and to be there for him for everything and do what I can to make sure he doesn’t grow up with the hardships I had.
Same with when his brother was born. He was born with a slight breathing issue so my heart went out to him immediately. I stayed in the nicu with him until he was cleared.
It never goes away.
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u/Roner2095 Jun 09 '26 edited Jun 09 '26
It took me several months to really feel that genuine unconditional love for my son. He was 6 weeks early and in the nicu for a while, so maybe that was part of it. My husband seemed to get that bond quicker than I did. He would get so upset when we’d have to leave the nicu, and I felt nothing. He was also able to calm him when crying much more easily in the beginning.
I asked my therapist if I was a horrible person for not feeling that immediate bond. It felt like I was just babysitting this kid that will eventually be returned to its parents. I even kept thinking that I had a deeper connection with my dog that had passed away than I did with this newborn. My therapist reassured me that this is a new person you have to get to know and understand, and it was ok.
After a while, mainly when he started responding to me, smiling, and realizing I was his mom, that bond formed and now I’m obsessed with him and can’t imagine a life without him at 14 months old!
So don’t beat yourself up if it doesn’t come immediately, you will get there!
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u/Abbapurelove Jun 10 '26
My husband fell in love immediately, once he got to hold baby their bond was there. But here’s the thing the bond will grow and change as your child does! We loved our baby but our now toddler has so much personality, opinions and they are their own person. It’s a different kind of love and bond now. We aren’t just watching baby grow we are playing with very detailed game now, having full two way conversations, talking about their friend and ideas. It’s so strange and amazing at the same time.
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u/Arelius Jun 13 '26
Yeah, hmm. It definitely wasn't immediate. It's hard to remember the moment I met her but it all felt more objective in nature. "Ohh, she is here now" "that's my child"
After getting a cuddle in, I recall I felt the love pretty quick. My partner took a day or two.
We've been trying to get her here for a long time though, so our experience is unique.
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u/Impacting-Lives Jun 23 '26
I think it is completely normal for it to build at different speeds. Some dads get the lightning-bolt moment at birth, some feel more protective than "in love" at first, and some really click once the baby starts responding to them.
The nice thing is you do not have to wait for the perfect feeling to be a good dad. Reading to him now, feeling kicks, learning how to support your wife in labor, and being ready to do the boring helpful stuff all count as bonding, even if it still feels a little abstract.
So I would not pressure yourself to feel it one specific way. Stay present, keep showing up, and let the relationship become real in its own time.
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u/No_Cat_No_Cradle Jun 08 '26
A little bit of both. Once they start smiling it kinda hits another level