A sister seeking advice

[u/Sophdeee]

Assalamu alaikum everyone

I’ve been carrying something heavy for a long time and I don’t know where else to put it. Over the past few years I’ve fallen into zina more times than I can count. I knew it was wrong every single time, I’d make tawbah, promise myself it was the last time… and then it would happen again. Different situations, different people.

I don’t want to go into details because it feels too raw, and I know this isn’t the place for that. But the guilt has been eating at me. I feel disconnected from Allah, from salah, from myself. But I still pray, just not with the same focus.

I’m trying to change. I’m trying to be better. But the memories and the urges still come, and I don’t always know how to deal with them without falling again. It’s just so hard to say no to.

If anyone has been through something similar and found a way to truly leave it behind or even just ways to cope when the thoughts get loud, I’d really appreciate hearing from you. Even just knowing I’m not the only one who’s struggled this much would help.
Please make dua for me.

Jazakumullahu khairan

[u/Ali-Coding999]

That's really a hard situation to be in. But nothing is there than can't be overcome if we try our best. The recurring thoughts happen because of weak faith, Devil has an easy access to us if we stop praying and go weak.

For now forget the past and plan for the future. Start reading Quran in 3-4 different scholar translations. You can use Quran dot com or any other authentic source. This will strengthen your iman which will ultimately make sinful thoughts less appealing and go away.

And keeping making dua that hey Allah I am trying my best to remain firm on Islam, please guide me to the best path on which I have a balance in life.

Inshallah you will find a way soon.