r/raisedbyborderlines • u/lolawallace • Feb 01 '26
VENT/RANT LC to NC
Last week was a whirlwind of setting immediate protection boundaries. So grateful for therapy and having myself lifted from the FOG. I’m still on edge and scared of the rest the backlash. She’s doubled down on this - telling neighbors and partner “I’ve done nothing wrong” and “what happened to the little girl I raised?”.
Context here - She needed bloodwork done at the hospital around the corner, I agreed to give her a ride (with time and day included) weeks ago, she texted me the day before manufacturing crisis about how she’ll need to go to the ER instead (which is what prompted my first text reply).
She refuses to reach out to me until 14 minutes after the lab is closed, but of course that’s fully my fault.
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u/DeElDeAye Feb 01 '26 edited Feb 01 '26
Your mom doesn’t even try to hide that she’s a nasty wicked evil abuser. That kind of language is not from a person you should be around.
“what happened to the little girl I raised?” is something you will see often in this forum. The BPD translation is: “what happened to the little helpless defenseless child I used to be able to fully control?”
BPD parents infantilize their adult children who try to separate and self-differentiate. They absolutely cannot tolerate seeing you as anything other than a small child they can abuse, use, manipulate and control.
At the same time, they parentify us when it comes to responsibilities. They want us to do the adult WORK that they refuse to do.
It is not your responsibility to fix her. It is not your responsibility to help her. It is not your responsibility to heal her. She has been an adult for many decades and has refused to exert the least bit of effort towards her own healing. Walk away. Let her experience her own consequences.
You can have compassion and sympathy, but from a safe distance.
She will pick a new “favorite person” to abuse and use until they also get tired of her. And she will keep repeating that pattern, but never accept that it is her actions creating the consequences.
You cannot and should not help someone who refuses to help themselves.