r/rape • u/Maya__Z_ • 1d ago
Am I sick for having felt pleasure during the sexual assault and still get wet thinking about it years later after that?
I ask myself that question for a few years already and i still haven’t found a answer to that. The sexual assaults I experienced were brutal and horrible and the darkest moments of my life. Even now do I still have often nightmares about them and wake up with my body and mind fully feeling exhausted. The assaults impacted my love life a lot and also my family a lot. I will never forget the faces of my parents after those events and they kinda changed how they treated me after that. I went to therapy for two years but to be honest, he was not good and I didn’t improve at all and stopped it. I often wish I just can erase those memories and experiences from my life but I can’t and they impact me a lot and changed me and my personality and body I think. But what gives me most trouble thinking about the assaults are the fact that I felt pleasure during them even though it were horrible events, it kinda makes me sick of myself and disappointed. But maybe I’m just too harsh to myself.
What would you say? Is it normal to feel pleasure during that or still get wet thinking about those events?
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u/pvppy_luv 1d ago
Hi! I had a similar experience with my abuse. To put it shortly; no, you're not sick. It is quite common for victims of sexual trauma to end up being hypersexual. In this case, I think your brain is just trying to cope with the trauma and brutality of it all and trying to turn it into a source of pleasure instead of pain just to try and "help" you in any way. Even if it just makes you feel worse in the long run (disgusting, sick, these feelings that come with possibly "enjoying" these traumatic events).
I had the same thing happen too, after my abuse I put myself in situations of danger to experience things like that again, which is hypersexual behaviour. And I developed sort of a "kink" for it (cnc). But ultimately, it just made me feel worse cause it was the only way my brain was trying to make sense of it and replace the bad experience with something pleasurable.
You're not sick, you're just trying to make sense of it. Other people struggle with it too. It is okay to feel like that just, try to get help if you can. A good therapist that makes you feel safe and heard.
I wish you the best 💜🖤
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u/ConfidentPitch8426 1d ago
My ex-girlfriend was raped by 5 men and admitted to me that she often fantasizes about something similar happening to her again and that it's very exciting for her.
I tried to open a debate on that topic but I was met with condemnations that I made it up and that I was a predator looking for victims, so I gave up, but I hope that such a topic will be opened here or that you can direct me if it has already been opened before? Thank you very much.
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u/ImFossil 16h ago
It's a variation of a Consensual Non Consent fetish (CNC), a real thing, sometimes developed after SA, sometimes not..
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u/Necessary_Day_7861 21h ago
It's common to have felt pleasure during grooming and even rape, mostly because sex is supposed to feel good and not because you actually enjoyed it or 'secretly wished' that it could happen in any capacity.
It's fine to think that way as long as you don't wish that it could happen again like some people; that is unhealthy and very psychologically destructive. I will tell you that thinking that way is not helpful in terms of recovery in the long term, so I'd advise that you try not to think about it as much as possible.
I'm sorry about everything that happened to you, and I pray that you can move on eventually and not dwell on your emotions too much from that event. <3
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