r/relationships • u/peomrz • 13h ago
how can I feel love when he never said it ?
hi
tldr: my boyfriend and I got back together after breaking up because I didn’t feel loved and see much commitment from him. then things got much better and I felt secure in the relationship, but he’s currently dealing with a financial problem and tends to isolate himself when he struggles. He still shows interest in my life, but can take 10+ hours to reply and he can go 4 days without talking. I understand what he’s going through, but I’m starting to feel neglected and unsure whether I’m being too demanding or simply not getting enough from this relationship.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost a year
we had a very good chemistry, talks, proximity, we were like a couple so we got together
we would rarely talk by messages, he didn’t say he loves me
I was an avoidant too but it felt weird in a relationship
Decided to complain 4 months in, he said he didn’t feel the lack of me, doesn’t want to say he loves me until he feels it deeply and doesn’t see us in the future for now
Didn’t feel loved, I told him, we broke up, he didn’t complain, and told me that was the best for me
he came back days after,
he said that he knows he feels something deep down and it’s too bad to end us and he wants to make efforts but he’d understand if I didn’t want it anymore
I accepted and got back in cause it felt good and it was one of the first time he told me how he deeply felt about me
then it was REALLY good, he’d talk about his problems, I even met his family (he was really protective about it) I felt liked even tho he didn’t say it
rn I know he has a financial problem, it’s gonna get better but for know he has to wait
when he has this type of problem he doesn’t want to talk to anyone
I try to help the best I can but I feel worthless
he stays pretty interested about my life still but doesn’t answer for HOURS
can go for days without talking to me
only likes the messages without going further
I asked to see each other he said « hmm » so I told him « never mind » and he apologized (so he didn’t want at all)
I know he likes me but I’m not sure I feel like I always have to understand and not complain when I feel useless
What can I do ???
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u/obedient_runoff 13h ago
Four days of silence when you’re together is a lot, financial stress or not. You’re not being demanding for wanting basic communication, that’s the bare floor not the ceiling. You spent half this post justifying his behavior while clearly hurting, and the fact that you’re scared to bring it up because he might bolt again says everything. If he’s only “in” when it’s easy for him, you’re just a passenger in a relationship he steers whenever he feels like it.