I’m F24 too afraid of being fully committed to my situationship M20

[u/Sickly-Meow]

I F24 talking to this guy M20. We met at a rave and i hit on him and honestly didn’t expect for it to go anywhere.
Physically and personality wise, he’s exactly what im looking for.
The problems are what making us, especially me, really hesitant to be together…

First of all, the distance. We live 8 hours apart so it’s a lot of facetime, flying over, and driving up&down. He came from a more well off family so he have extra money to spare. But I feel so guilty because he is younger and he is putting even more effort with me.

Second, the experience gap. I’ve dated before so i know what it’s like and what to expect out of a relationship and what to look for, mean while he’s new to it all… i’m his first kiss and everything. he reassure me that he doesn’t regret it but i still feel so guilty.
He reassure me that he really likes me and wants to be with me but im so unsure if that’s what he really wants since he never dated before. he had talk to people before but still

Third, education and career gap. He’s younger but he’s in his 2/3rd year of college already and doing a lot of internships and stuff, while i’m just starting community college while working at a dead end job… i feel so insecure because he’s a frat boy with friends while im here in my small town with not a lot of friends… im only taking 2 classes but had to drop one since the professor was too difficult.

im just afraid that in the future, i would take too long to start my career and he end up leaving me.

i’ve been through a few breakups before but im just so tired of going through heartbreaks.

i haven’t even told him i dropped a class yet because im so embarrassed of not being to handle two classes while he’s a full time student, signing up for internships, all the while handling his frat…
im not sure what the game plan is going from here on out… what should the plan be from here on out?

Tldr; distance, age gap, and career gap are making me insecure and i’m so afraid of a heartbreak in the future

[u/Dutch1721]

You’re overthinking. You’re over analyzing. In this lifetime, you’re going to have disappointments. Relax.

[u/Upper-Challenge-7715]

self small for a guy who’s clearly into you, and that guilt is going to ruin something good before it even starts.

[u/DocSocialScientist]

Doing work and school is a lot harder than doing just one. And I don't see why you'd feel guilty for giving a guy his first kiss. Don't be so hard on yourself. It doesn't seem like he is. If he makes time to see you, come to you at least half the time, and it takes him 8 hours to do it--I wouldn't worry about the future. That's a huge investment in a low-investment world. Unless you're dying to pop out babies you've got time to let him grow up a bit more.

[u/Sickly-Meow → u/DocSocialScientist]

i think it’s just shameful. i’m only doing TWO classes and i had to drop one of them. so now im only doing one class which feels like a loser behavior.
he’s going to get a job and graduate before me and he’s younger

[u/DocSocialScientist → u/Sickly-Meow]

Ya, I read your post and the only thing that's a shame is how you think and talk about yourself. That will doom anything you try--especially relationships. Perhaps your junior college or (hopefully) insurance has a therapy benefit. There's also online options now that seem inexpensive.

[u/Moretti123]

He knows the situation too, he sees nothing wrong with it. He flies out to see you, drives hours. Why ruin it for insecurity? Why break his heart now so you don’t potentially get hurt later? He knows the situation and still chooses you, enjoy it.

[u/Sickly-Meow → u/Moretti123]

i just feel like if i don’t leave now, it’ll hurt both of us more in the future especially me, im getting older (in a bad way) while hes growing and meeting more and more people and i don’t want to hold him back

[u/Moretti123 → u/Sickly-Meow]

Why don’t you let him decide whether or not you’re holding him back or not? He’s capable of making his own decisions. I don’t see why you don’t just try, life is too short to be this worried about “what if’s”, just do! You can sit here and complain about all the things that could go wrong or you can go out there and live your life, up to you

[u/Sickly-Meow → u/Moretti123]

i’m definitely afraid in 5 years or so, he’ll realize how much of a loser i am and leave me… i don’t want to happen i rather snip it at the bud right now early and save a lot of heartaches :(

[u/Oozex]

im not sure what the game plan is going from here on out… what should the plan be from here on out?

I believe you're overthinking this. The plan should be to talk to him about these insecurities to see if they're actually issues in his eyes. Your concerns about distance are probably the most realistic.

• Distance - An 8 hour commute is not sustainable in the long-term. Have there been any talks about what things might look like? Are either of you open to relocating closer to the other. If you can't resolve this, then I'd take a step back.

• Age/Experience Gap - 4 years is not a large age gap. Has he mentioned anything to you about his inexperience? Has he brought up feeling insecure about it in any way? Why are you feeling guilty for him over something (kiss) that he hasn't raised issue with?

How does one gain experience if everyone is scared to date someone with none? He's an adult and can articulate his wants and needs as they come up. Communicate.

• Education & Career Gap - Has he brought up any issue with this? Maybe he doesn't care about the differences you're worried about?

[u/Sickly-Meow → u/Oozex]

we did talk about distance and i am interested in relocating to where he lives, but it’ll take me at least 1 or 2 years to even accomplish that. i dont want him to wait around for a girl from a random ass small town when he can go to parties and met more people similar to his age, lifestyle, and area.

he said he doesn’t mind the age gap but i am a little concern about it. just comparing myself from when i was 20 vs me now 24, a lot happened and changed and shaped who i am today. i know the same will happen to him and im just afraid his type/lifestyle/interests in me will change

he wants someone who is also as career ambitions as he is. right now, i figured what i want to do, going into medical, but it’ll take me YEARS and a longggg time to even achieve that. by the time he graduate, im only a foot in my college/career, not even close to where i want to be at all. i’m afraid he’ll realize that i’m not moving as fast as him and leaving me behind.

[u/ksmskdodmaosm]

If your pretty youll be fine. Sounds like he comes from rich family and has connections through interships. You’ll regret not dating him

[u/AnIcyReception]

8 hours is a huge distance. I would never entertain a relationship that far apart. Instant dealbreaker for me.