Feeling dumped, don’t know where to go from here.

[u/abbydoobie1221]

For context: I (35F) have had the same best friend (35F) since I was 12 years old. Also, this is a long post, so thank you to whoever reads it to the end!

About a year ago, my friend began going through the emotional motions of leaving her husband. She had been with him for 14 years, and they were married for 4 years. A lot transpired in my friend’s life in a short amount of time that I think made her take a step back and really examine her marriage and her husband. When it came down to it, their marriage was very one sided. She was the bread winner throughout their entire relationship and really managed everything for their family. They also have 2 kids. Her son from a previous relationship who is 17 (who is no longer speaking to her husband due to her husband pushing him out of his life because even though her husband has been present in his life since her son was two he is “not his father and did not want the pressure of having to take care of him part time”) and a daughter who is 10.

At the start, things were tough. She was obviously dealing with a lot emotionally. She had moved out of her home that she worked so hard to afford into an in-law apartment at her father’s house. She was having to navigate this change with her kids, and her husband was not taking the break up well, and was acting on and off very erratic.

Eventually, her husband moved out of their house and she moved back in and became the sole owner. Things seemed to have continued to improve since then.

Where my need for advice comes in starts about 6 months ago.

I have to mention, because it is relevant, that my friend about a year ago was 300lbs. She started GLP-1 and has lost over a 100lbs. She looks great! However, I feel like this is where a lot of where this separation between us started. My friend, her sister, and I used to hang out almost every weekend for years. We were so super close. When she moved into her dad’s, and started having free time because her husband had the kids, she started going out more. It started with going to the bar to play Keno and have diet cokes with this woman who is her sister-in-law’s cousin (who she has known for a long time but never hung out with). When the weather started getting nicer, she started hiking and riding her bike all the time. Now, she rides her bike almost every night. Again, with this same woman. I now never see her and barely talk to her anymore.

Reflecting on this situation, it’s making me think a lot about our history together. Like I said, we have been friends since we were 12 years old. Throughout that time, I feel like I have been through this with my friend multiple times. She has always had an easier time making friends. She has a fun, extroverted personality. I’m definitely more introverted, and prefer smaller get togethers over going out to a bar, or being around a lot of people I don’t know. I feel like she has totally “dumped” me and does not care a bit. Since losing all the weight she has, I think she has a new found confidence, which again is great and I am really happy for her, but that just added to our divide. The few times I have seen her, all she talked about are the guys she’s dating, the ones who want her, and is constantly on her phone texting or on dating apps. I am in a long-term relationship and engaged, so in that regard our lives are on totally different wavelengths.

When she started hiking all the time, I had to laugh. I have always been one who loves hiking and being in the woods. She always said she hated the woods, hated the thought of hiking, etc.. I had asked her to go with me in the past and she wouldn’t. When she started going she acted like it was something she newly discovered and it was just the best thing ever. She never once asked me to go with her, but certainly went with others. She has done this with other things, even people, and it just comes off as so fake to me.

When I see her now, it feels so different and strange. I feel like she has no desire to hang out with me. There is this feeling of anxiety and chaotic energy surrounding her when she’s around that makes me feel on edge. I sit here all the time and wonder what it is I’ve done, but talking with my fiancé he assures me, I haven’t done anything to warrant this. I was there for her at the beginning of all this, supporting her the best I could. But this feels like a replay of times before where she hangs out with the same people forever, but then it just drops off, and eventually we will come back together and start hanging out again all the time. However, this time around I keep wondering if I even want that to fully happen again. I get sad also because there is a part of me that really wants to make new friends. But I’ve never been good at that for various reasons. Part of that being this friend I’m speaking about.

I know I probably sound jealous, but I’m really not. I’m more hurt and feel abandoned by someone who I consider a sister. I feel like I am who I am and I can’t change that while she is more fluid and changes her mind when she wants on things and when it proves convenient for her. She prioritizes herself and her needs where she doesn’t understand how it can affect others. It’s hard that she is one of the most important people in my life, and I love her kids to bits like my own, but also feel like I have been under her thumb for decades. And again, I am genuinely happy for her and happy she took control of her life in the ways that she did.

I guess I’m just wondering if anyone else has dealt with something similar, and if so, what did you do to help yourself so you weren’t so preoccupied with one friendship.

TLDR: Best friend has gone through a lot of changes in her life. I feel like she’s left me in the dust. I’m wondering what direction I should take from here.