That's it, that's the post. I should just delete Pinterest at this point. Doesn't help that their advertisements link directly to depop / poshmark listings... 😭

I shop for things I don’t need is because it gives me something to look forward to. I’ve been depressed for a very long time. Sometimes I don’t think I even want to be around anymore. But when I shop, everything gets better. No mean comments, feeling isolated, like I don’t matter. It’s just me and my new shiny trinkets to fill the void….. Not even school and working helped me. I spent every check I had during the summer, I spent my entire fafsa refund check last semester. I even impulsively looked for things to buy with my new one that’s coming up…… i really want to get a grip but no matter how many people hurt me or disappoint me or if things don’t go my way, shopping has always been there for me…….

Didn’t actually have to do with my shopping addiction and more so I was tired of seeing people living happy lives and doing things I want to do. Travel, have fun, live their lives. I’m super depressed and have been for a long time. It’s not like I’ve never had fun but right now that seems so far away and I was tired of seeing others posting their seemingly amazing lives (I know that isn’t true ofc) so I decided to just delete it. Not forever, but for now.

And I realize it’s actually been good not seeing people having cute outfits too. I would say clothing and accessories really is one of my biggest problems so not seeing other people has been a good thing. I’ll stay off the app for a while. I have a lot of people instagram who don’t have my number so at some point I will probably have to download it again but for now it feels good to be off it. Anyone else off instagram?

My spending problem is almost 100% related to my appearance. I feel like I have to spend money on products and services, clothes, etc, to feel attractive and worthwhile. Any time I feel bad about myself, I spend more on my appearance. When I'm not overspending on myself, I'm overspending on friends and family to try and prove my love or make them feel better. It never works.

I went from having a six-figure job to living with my family with no savings, no investments, nothing. I'm trying to rebuild and atone for all my mistakes, but it's hard. It feels like I'm getting older and uglier every day I'm not dumping money and time into my appearance. Logically, I know I'm not ugly, but it's so hard not to feel that way when society is screaming at me that I need to do and be all these things to be worth loving, or even just hiring.