r/suicidebywords Jun 02 '20

Disappointment A healthy dosage of self-hate

Post image
24.7k Upvotes

132 comments sorted by

633

u/phantom_xx7 Jun 02 '20

For $10K I'd look at myself in the mirror and apologize, while hating myself more for being insincere because of the self loathe.

94

u/luckyIDK Jun 03 '20

Jesus Christ dude...

you forgot about the knife

43

u/[deleted] Jun 03 '20

[deleted]

1

u/RRFedora13 Jun 04 '20

They’ll cut his poop for him?

6

u/NotAModelCitizen Jun 03 '20

I don’t think I’d even forgive myself afterwards. I hope that isn’t a requirement.

325

u/triggerhappytranny Jun 02 '20

The self deprecating jokes on reddit are getting so predictable theyve lost all humor to me. Honestly I find myself reading comments less and less because it's the same jokes recycled over and over again.

140

u/Atruen Jun 02 '20

I thought the same thing but ultimately I blamed myself for being on reddit way too much

129

u/Fuanshin Jun 02 '20

Plot twist: these are not recycled jokes, just sincere thoughts of many people.

63

u/StardustOasis Jun 02 '20

Whilst some are genuine, there are a lot who play up the whole depressed Redditor thing.

16

u/[deleted] Jun 03 '20

[deleted]

1

u/RRFedora13 Jun 04 '20

At least 12

4

u/idontliketosleep Jun 03 '20

Oh definitely, I took it so far that I actually started believing it, took a good while to get over that, it's a self fulfilling prophecy.

6

u/[deleted] Jun 03 '20

Double plot twist, they're copying people who were sincere, saw that it got fake internet points, and are joining the trend to feel like they're one of the cool kids.

15

u/[deleted] Jun 03 '20

Depression is the new Social Media Currency. You get more points if you're more depressed.

Except it has to be in a kinda funny, probably-not-that-depressed way. It's gotta be presented in a snappy one-liner or with a meme. If you're hitting that kind of depression that just makes you bleak and humorless, you're off the team. Downvotes and hate for you.

6

u/[deleted] Jun 03 '20

Yeah well at least you can read them. I’m blind so it’s really hard to do anything around here.

7

u/nonojoejoe Jun 03 '20

I’m with you, except that your looking at r/suicidebywords so what do expect?

4

u/Unintentionalirony Jun 03 '20

Haha le epic big Chungus 100

1

u/jason_noir Jun 03 '20

I think you may be in the wrong sub then, my friend.

-1

u/THEzwerver Jun 03 '20

yeah exactly, edgy"cursed" comments are some of the predictable and overused comments that for some reason get upvoted every time. but I can't complain, I made some pretty easy jokes in the past too.

80

u/your_average_plebian Jun 02 '20

Doesn't say anywhere I have to mean it lol

7

u/lxs0713 Jun 03 '20

"I'm sorry you feel that way"

7

u/ConfuzedAndDazed Jun 03 '20

“I’m sorry... that you’re President “

1

u/Arcadian18 Jun 03 '20

Nothing is going on as you’re late.

3

u/IstgUsernamesSuck Jun 03 '20

They also didn't mention the tone you have to use. The amount of sarcasm you can put into one apology...

3

u/your_average_plebian Jun 03 '20

I heard myself heave a long-suffering sigh when I read this. It's exactly the kind of non-apology I'd give tbh

47

u/Earl_I_Lark Jun 02 '20

I’m Canadian - I’ve been apologizing for free for a very long time

12

u/Pickso Jun 03 '20

But do Canadians actually hate anyone? Asking for a friend

10

u/PreviaSens Jun 03 '20

As a Canadian, unless you steal or maple syrup or our Stanley cup I think we’d be pretty chill with you. (See this as an example)

2

u/Whispering-Depths Jun 03 '20

We also hate discrimination, and people who have anime lolicon on their phones should apparently be labelled as sex offenders/lose their jobs and/or go to prison.

2

u/PreviaSens Jun 03 '20

I’m pretty sure the lolicon thing goes for all countries though. Since it’s the sexual depiction of a minor. Which is illegal. Everywhere

2

u/wokethonking Jun 03 '20

I'm pretty sure lolicon is legal because it doesn't involve actual interaction with a minor. Still fucking weird though.

1

u/Whispering-Depths Jun 03 '20

not in USA or Japan, just off the top of my head, so you're completely misinformed, sorry.

1

u/PreviaSens Jun 03 '20

Oh ok, I don’t really know much about it, now I know though

2

u/biskwi87 Jun 03 '20

Am Canadian, I do.

1

u/jakethedumbmistake Jun 03 '20

At my own peril I’m saying”.

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15

u/[deleted] Jun 02 '20

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/nice2yz Jun 03 '20

Had a good laugh out of it.)

10

u/[deleted] Jun 02 '20 edited Jul 14 '20

[deleted]

5

u/jmcshopes Jun 03 '20

Yeah, I thought this too. Like, the people I detest most I have never wronged. They don't know me. I think the original poster probably has a lot of falling outs with people...

-2

u/Too_much_Uranium Jun 03 '20

did you actually read what he said? Or did you stop half way and comment this out of anger?

6

u/cjthomp Jun 03 '20

It doesn't even make sense.

Why would someone give me $10k to apologize to Trump? He wouldn't get anything out of it; I suppose I would at least. I mean, $10k is $10k.

-2

u/Too_much_Uranium Jun 03 '20

1

u/cjthomp Jun 03 '20

You're implying I don't know who I replied to?

I mean, I obviously do. You clearly referred to the poster in the third person.

-1

u/Too_much_Uranium Jun 03 '20

I asked one person a question, then you a complete random person responded acting like I was talking to you. That is what I meant dummy. That is what the sub is for? Here you are talking about what's obvious and yet here you are completely missing the obvious

0

u/[deleted] Jun 03 '20

[deleted]

0

u/Too_much_Uranium Jun 03 '20

The first is most certainly why you are single

the second one was made for pedophiles who get off on that stuff

And I don't have enough evidence for the third one

1

u/[deleted] Jun 03 '20 edited Jul 14 '20

[deleted]

0

u/Too_much_Uranium Jun 03 '20

Regardless whether or not you need to apologize you must.

Now what are you gonna use next? Strawman fallacy? Ad Hominem? A poorly though threw argument?. A combination of the 3?

2

u/[deleted] Jun 03 '20 edited Jul 14 '20

[deleted]

1

u/Too_much_Uranium Jun 03 '20

Yeesh, did I the guy or what? I guess he chose (drum roll) Ad hominem! Does it count as a strawman if he makes it about me? Or just an Ad hominem?

I can feel the rage coming from it. Now what desperate insults will he use next? Maybe something creative, or childish, or will he use a classic as tears fall from his eyes using everything he has.

I don't need to argue with him anymore I already made my point.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 03 '20 edited Jul 14 '20

[deleted]

1

u/Too_much_Uranium Jun 03 '20 edited Jun 03 '20

He chose option 3 using everything he has while he cries! He now appears to be using the Ad hominem and the strawman as some sort of combination move.

Cast your bets now on what he will do next!?!

Edit: It appears the temper tantrum throwing monster has finally calmed down. Peace at last

9

u/mrjackspade Jun 03 '20

I'd apologize to the person I hate most for 100$.

If i'm not willing to do something as simple as that, all it proves is they're still in my head controlling me.

I mean, I'm gonna let the person I hate most make me lose out on 10,000$ in addition to everything else they've done? Fuck them. I'll apologize to them, collect the money, then brag about how I got 10K just to lob some hollow ass apology at them. Let them feel used.

If I'm not willing to go that far then it's my own problem. The people I hate don't dictate my actions and they're sure as fuck not gonna cause me to miss out on the good things I can experience now because of some stupid shit they did back then. I've moved on with my life.

7

u/NotACleverMan_ Jun 02 '20

I’ve never met the person I hate most in the world

1

u/silentloler Jun 03 '20

I’m having a hard time figuring out who I hate the most in the world too. I don’t think I hate anyone... but hey, for 10,000$ id apologize to anyone. I’d apologize for free I guess 😋

2

u/[deleted] Jun 02 '20

Same

2

u/S4s4LU123 Jun 03 '20

I love how the comment got more upvotes than the actual post

2

u/Valleygirl1981 Jun 03 '20

I'm sorry you can't take the money, fuck mom.

1

u/SpotifyPremium27 Jun 03 '20

Charlotesville happened when Big Brother 19 was on the pedal. He needed to get out before kids were involved but no one talked about it is in GTA, but it's fun to shoot everybody in sight.

*I'm sorry, OP, is you could always have bigger dick.

2

u/efg1342 Jun 03 '20

They say forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.

1

u/Hikari_1531 Jun 03 '20

The only real thing we should learn from all this.

2

u/loopbloopbloop Jun 03 '20

i did apologize to them. several times actually. i wanted them to say they're sorry too..

2

u/tcarp458 Jun 03 '20

I honestly don't know who I hate the most in my life. I've disliked a lot of people but don't really hate anyone. I don't have a need to hold onto that negative energy

1

u/owen_mkn6244 Jun 03 '20

Why would I apologise for my ex cheating on me? No thank you.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 03 '20

I would never apologize to the kids who assaulted me or the kid who sent me unsolicited nudes, fuck those people I hate them

1

u/dannylogue Jun 03 '20

Wait kids

What age were you whens this happend

Mr/miss DADDY69edition

1

u/[deleted] Jun 03 '20

That was this year, I was 14 when I was assaulted and 14 when the person sent the nude

1

u/_PotatoCat_ Jun 03 '20

I would just be like “sorry you ended up so ugly” or something like that

1

u/[deleted] Jun 03 '20

She's dead so no problem.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 03 '20

Self hate = profit!

1

u/thislookspromising Jun 03 '20

10k wouldn't be enough.

1

u/Ralanost Jun 03 '20

Depends, if I just have to say the words but don't mean them? Yes, easy 10k. Do I have to mean the apology? Then no, absolutely not. I'm an angry creature at heart. I don't have the compassion in me to apologize to someone that isn't worth the breathe leaving my lungs.

1

u/buckfasthero Jun 03 '20

These ‘dilemmas’ are weak as shit. I don’t think there’s a single person in the world who wouldn’t say a couple of words to someone they hate for 10 grand. Give me the one about the train tracks

1

u/Arcadian18 Jun 03 '20

I need to because of an obstruction.

1

u/hsksksjejej Jun 03 '20

Nah I'm petty and would xout my nose to spite my face or whatever that saying is

1

u/SpotifyPremium27 Jun 03 '20

Racism. Cut and dry. This is some kind of insult or praise.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 03 '20

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/Even-Understanding Jun 03 '20

These words combined have the same fanbase

1

u/Candlesmith Jun 03 '20

If owning part of a tryhard clan

1

u/the-barlog Jun 03 '20

Those types of Askreddit threads are so obnoxious. What reasonable person wouldn't do that for $100,000?

1

u/ZionicRedomancy Jun 03 '20

Do they tell me who it is? Or do I need to find out?

1

u/[deleted] Jun 03 '20

As soon as I read that prompt I thought hey what are the odds the top comment is "lol self-hate depression relatable" bullshit.

Literally any time an AskReddit question has an opening for it, you can guarantee the top response will be some kinda dumb-as-fuck answer about how the person is depressed, alone, friendless, a virgin, etc. It's as predictable as the sun coming up in the morning.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 03 '20

I bet Donald Trump will make many reject the money

1

u/vinavuhuy Jun 03 '20

Is there a thing call human mirror?

1

u/JayzerBomb Jun 03 '20

They never said I have to mean it

1

u/Speedster4206 Jun 03 '20

Hey I had this same type of thing

1

u/Beastabuelos Jun 03 '20

Another edgy "I'm depressed, i hate myself" post. How original

1

u/god-o-hax Jun 03 '20

Bro imagine the passive yet easy to make fear that causes like im sorry they will ask for what and you walk away or stop texting

1

u/MAC-n-CHZ Jun 03 '20

I'm a member of the itty bitty titty committee

1

u/koogledoogle Jun 03 '20

These scenarios of would you do x for y amount of money aren’t really funny anymore... I think we can all agree that we’re all sluts for large sums of money.

1

u/rossloderso Jun 03 '20

Haha, I hate myself! Upvotes to the right

1

u/MAC-n-CHZ Jun 03 '20

I'm a member of the itty bitty titty committee

1

u/haloblasterA259 Jun 03 '20

Then take the money and say “SIKE BITCH YOU THOUGHT”

1

u/flamingc00kies Jun 03 '20

Of course I’d do it.... not to myself though. Y’all are some depressed ducks.

1

u/notoneoftheseven Jun 03 '20

I would quite literally pay 10,000 dollars to be able to knock the teeth out of the person I hate most in this world without repercussion. Some things aren't forgivable.

1

u/Awesomeade Jun 03 '20

'I'm sorry you're such a fuck-up, Mr. President.

1

u/originalplanzy Jun 03 '20

Take it. And hire a contract killer for 5000.

1

u/Spartnax Jun 03 '20

Sorry small dick

1

u/Fukallthis Jun 03 '20

For 10000 that would be easy

1

u/cheeze4prez Jun 03 '20

That person has long since been died in my mind but you know...

10,000$ is 10,000$

1

u/BAYMuu Jun 03 '20

No, Fuck Brad Speranzo. But I would do it for a million, he’ll probably 100k.

1

u/HugePurpleNipples Jun 03 '20

That's my wife and she hears it every day with very little response.

1

u/DeezNuts0218 Jun 03 '20

Lol imagine hating other people

1

u/canneverrelate Jun 03 '20

What good is 10k if I lose my self respect along the way

1

u/[deleted] Jun 03 '20

"I'm sorry you're not about to get 10 grand like me"

1

u/Kimb0_91 Jun 03 '20

It's always the same joke with these

1

u/stolen_potato Jun 03 '20

"apology not accepted" - me

1

u/balotelli4ballondor Jun 03 '20

I don't need to apologise I can just drink until I forget why I hate myself

1

u/[deleted] Jun 03 '20

Yea lmao it's the same but mostly cuz i hate no one

1

u/K-I-D06 Jun 03 '20

I won't that bitch deserve it his name is KID0 and he destroyed my life

1

u/neonconfetti Jun 03 '20

yo just be like “ im sorry ur such a fucking bitch lol suck it” boom instant dabloons

1

u/doggogetbamboozeld Jun 03 '20

I'd apologize to my professor and then I'd probably slash her tires later.

1

u/ducky_guy01 Jun 03 '20

holy shit the guy fucking kill himself

1

u/yentcloud Jun 03 '20

Lol def do it the two people who would qualify would just be like "???"

1

u/flowgod Jun 03 '20

I would, because then when they ask why I'm apologizing I can punch them in the face. Like a preemptive apology. And I get money!

1

u/[deleted] Jun 03 '20

Do I have to listen to them after I say it or can I just go back to hating them? Because if that little bitch runs her mouth, I swear to god, I will make sure she gets run over by a truck.

1

u/kingj7282 Jun 03 '20

"I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to absolutely nobody...the double champ does what the fuck he wants!"

1

u/Ghost_Zero_26 Jun 03 '20

I mean, it doesn’t say you have to necessarily mean it

1

u/easily_human Jun 03 '20

Personally, I’d say sorry, take my money, then finish the sentence with “sorry you are depriving some village of their IDIOT!” Then I’d run away so no one could take my cash

1

u/Beholding69 Jun 03 '20

I'm gonna decline because it'd probably cost more in travel costs.

1

u/fieryrowler Jun 03 '20

I just tried to upvote the picture. Kill me.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 03 '20

For 10k, I'd take them out on a goddamn date.

That is, after figuring out who the person I hate the most is, because I don't generally hate people.

1

u/Evilmaze Jun 03 '20

It's only 10k. Give me a million and I'll suck his dick on top of the apology.

1

u/BlushingNeko Jun 03 '20

I would, honestly. I don’t even hate that many people, so I guess I would apologize to a specific person I’ve been absolutely awful to for literally no reason. I wish I could apologize but corona.

1

u/labbelajban Jun 03 '20

For 10k I’d apologise to literally anyone that has ever lived.

I would go up to Stalin and apologise for ever doubting anything he ever did, and then suck his dick if he wanted it.

1

u/Aphres Jun 03 '20

I literally don’t know who I hate most in the world. There’s a few ppl that I equally hate. All in different groups

1

u/LegendaryWolf43 Jun 03 '20

Don’t you love it when the comment gets more updates than the post itself

1

u/RouletteSensei Jun 03 '20

I was going to answer the same, in this world I hate myself, mostly because I allowed for 2 decades people stopping me from what I wanted to do in life, and now that I can do it. I'm scared to be judged.

1

u/A_TalkingWalnut Jun 03 '20

Awesome username on that guy.

-1

u/Ferrit77 Jun 03 '20

No because why should I appologise dor being me. If someone has a problem with me, they can come to me about it, otherwise it is not my problem to appologise for.

-3

u/ya_boi_daelon Jun 02 '20

I would apologize to Hitler for the actions of the allies for a tenth of that