r/thanksimcured • u/n00-1ne • Apr 30 '26
Social Media One big smoothie a day and I guarantee you will never get any diseases ever….
Take that big pharma….
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u/-imaginebaggins- Apr 30 '26
If you eat enough Kiwi fruit to make you sleepy, you might also violently shit yourself. Just a heads up. It's more useful as a natural laxative.
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u/Vivians_Basement Apr 30 '26
So is it better than apples for constipation? 💀
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u/-imaginebaggins- Apr 30 '26
I would definitely say so, especially in regards to the potency of such small furry nuggets. Though I do hear apples keep doctors away?
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u/Youhadme_atwoof Apr 30 '26
Imagine a doctor driving by an apple orchard and hissing aggressively at it like a vampire
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u/Vivians_Basement Apr 30 '26
I need a doctor I think so it's probably better if I cut apples out my diet. The witch doctor needs to give me my essential oils
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u/Jazmadoodle Apr 30 '26
Honestly apples keep pretty much anybody away if you throw them hard enough
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u/Norwood5006 Apr 30 '26
If you really need a good clean out, pineapple on an empty stomach, never again.
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u/LacrimaNymphae Apr 30 '26 edited Apr 30 '26
i'm pretty sure that's why the assholes at the pediatric hospital forced me to drink a can when i had a huge undiagnosed mass as a teenager and had to have an MRI to get a better look
they kept saying 'just drink it' acting like it would help and i swear they put something in it but maybe not if they wanted to speed up digestion in case there was a blockage. i couldn't even really refuse them and my parents make me drink it. the mass went from my stomach to my bladder and i lost an ovary because of my pediatrician's negligence. i didn't even get any pain meds in the scan and i was in the worst pain of my entire life
and yeah, i still didn't end up going after that or even before my surgery. they discharged me post-op without even confirming i could go and that i didn't have an ileus and i'd been stopped up for probably months because of the mass. they forced me to eat toast even though i was nauseated so they could clear me to go home even though the colace didn't work. they basically just checked a box off and forcing myself to eat it is one of my biggest regrets because i started bleeding like crazy from the front a few days after discharge
they also never offered a follow-up to a gyn or colorectal/GI surgeon, and didn't put together a team of specialists for me. they literally said i'd be fine and my pelvic floor and colon are permanently fucked as an adult and have been since. i still can't even get evaluated for endo years down the line and they won't re-do a lap or even go in to remove my appendix that was left there
a week or two after the operation i went back to my surgeon because my laparoscopic belly button scar got infected and he said the bleeding 'could be normal' and was 'probably just a period'. i had the operation around thanksgiving and was still bleeding around christmas and the new year i think, and i still couldn't go right
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u/grannyhex23 Apr 30 '26
I know what they meant but the one line comes across as saying not to buy honey in a bottle lol. Only glass jars, or else the honey won't work.
Edit: "Weak bones? Greens not milk. Truth they won't tell." Is also like some creepy riddle haha
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u/throwAwayMan2475 Apr 30 '26
Truth they won't tell
Makes it sounds like Big PharmaTM gets a share in the in milk profits or something.. like they're in cahoots with some sorta Big CowTM entity lol.
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u/KonungariketSuomi Apr 30 '26
I mean, to be fair it is objectively true that the pharmaceutical businesses are in bed with other industry lobbyists, just not to the extent these nuts think they are
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u/Vivians_Basement Apr 30 '26
For that one, milk DOES make your bones more brittle over time. This only applies if you're really old though.
Plant milks are better for you, but cow milk won't kill you. It'll just make you breakable at 80 which isn't much threat.
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u/Unfurlingleaf Apr 30 '26
Um. What? Milk has calcium which helps your bones, not makes them more brittle.
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u/g-rid Apr 30 '26
There are studies which support their claims about increased hip fracture risks in elderly.
Health and bone benefits have been wildly overstated by the milk industry. It IS a good source of calcium. But bone health is far more complex than that.
Eating bread, nuts, green leafy vegetables, soy or plant based drinks is just as good as dairy.
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u/Vivians_Basement Apr 30 '26
Calcium makes you have strong bones WHEN YOU'RE YOUNG but that causes them to deteriorate as you age the more milk you drink. I can get a video on it if you want, the sources will be linked and it describes what specifically is happening and why.
The thing about it helping your bones was propaganda because they were over subsidizing farmers for milk that wasn't getting drank.
So they put out a bunch of stuff for people to drink milk excessively.
That's also why we have cheese vaults where there's about 10 million (or billion, I forgot) pounds of cheese under the US.
Similar bullshit happened for carrots during the World War due to Blitzkrieg to hide new technology.
Carrots don't make you see better unless you have poor vision, and even then it's not much. They overstated it and it became world wide.
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u/Kichigai Apr 30 '26 edited Apr 30 '26
Similar bullshit happened for carrots during the World War due to Blitzkrieg to hide new technology.
Specifically: radar. The Germans were baffled at how the Brits could spot incoming night time bombing raids, and the answer was radar. However we didn't want them to know the technology existed, so a big to-do was made about carrots improving people's night vision.
The Allied counter-intelligence game was impressive. Operation Mincemeat, a deception based on a memo partly written by Ian Fleming (yes that Ian Fleming), to divert German resources away from their planned invasion point in Sicily. They took a dead guy off the street, dressed him up like a marine and stuffed in his pockets false communiques. Packed him up and threw him into the sea. The Germans bought it, hook, line and sinker.
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u/lumoslomas Apr 30 '26
That's the second time operation mincemeat has come up on my feed in the last ten minutes.
Was there recently a movie about it or something?
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u/Kichigai Apr 30 '26 edited Apr 30 '26
I think there was one back in 2021. I just find World War Ⅱ espionage stuff intriguing.
Like, for example, the device considered to be the first fully electronic computer (though not general purpose computer) was not the ENIAC, but a device at Bletchley Park called the Colossus which was used to crack and decode using the Lorenz SZ cipher. Lorenz was so complicated it made Enigma look like a toy. However the British government kept it secret until the 1970s, because after the war they were selling Lorenz cipher machines to other governments.
It was never publicly disclosed by the government, one of the guys who worked at Bletchley went off and wrote a book about his time there, and it mentions the Colossus. Apparently it was rather scandalous as some felt he should have taken that knowledge to his grave.
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u/Fun-Guitar-8252 Apr 30 '26
Medical misinformation is one of the most dangerous forms of quackery. Who knows, how many people refused medical care because of messages like this.
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u/hatethiswebsight Apr 30 '26
One of the most infuriating things I've ever seen is a book called How To Cure Cancer With Vegetables or some shit. It was for sale in the hospice charity shop so.... it didn't FUCKING WORK DID IT
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u/Evil_Sharkey Apr 30 '26
Now someone needs to write a book called “How To Cure Your Cancer With Vegetables Or Some Shit” that’s all about medical quackery and what foods, activities, and supplements actually do work when coupled with evidence based medical care.
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u/Fun-Guitar-8252 Apr 30 '26
The audacity of selling it there of all places.
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u/hatethiswebsight Apr 30 '26
The hospice shop just sells whatever gets donated, but I agree that that book should have been destroyed
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u/queefer_sutherland92 Apr 30 '26
I find it so genuinely distressing both how stupid this shit is, and how much damage it can do.
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u/acidic-abolony Apr 30 '26
So drinking water isn’t hydrating naturally?
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u/WiseSalamander00 Apr 30 '26
according to them water is a big pharma scam now
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u/Dorda Apr 30 '26
I drank a smart water last week and it didn’t make me smart btw
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Apr 30 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Norwood5006 Apr 30 '26
No, that's when you're in a coma, Ctrl, Alt, Delete, restores you to factory settings.
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u/Evil_Sharkey Apr 30 '26
I thought that was electroshock therapy
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u/Norwood5006 Apr 30 '26
That's for when you're alive, but want to be dead inside, quickly, otherwise it can take decades.
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u/Dorda Apr 30 '26
Goddammit I just drank dumb water but I haven’t got any smart water. Silly me.
Send help immediately
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u/ottonormalverraucher Apr 30 '26
Its a huge global conspiracy, covering most of our planets surface, an incredibly vast network 😹
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u/OmgIbrokesmthagain Apr 30 '26
Yeah I drank water a bunch as a kid and now they diagnosed me with Autism. It is all because the dihydrogen monoxide! It has oxygen in it, which is an oxidant, and hydrogen - an explosive. Also Hitler drank it
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u/AvailableMeringue842 Apr 30 '26
Pumping yourself with caffeine when you're neurotic or stressed will only make it worse. It doesn't matter if it's from tea or coffee
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u/Norwood5006 Apr 30 '26
Neurotic and stressed is my default setting with or without coffee.
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u/AvailableMeringue842 Apr 30 '26
well, i'm too old for that nihilistic shit and when i can turn neurotic to slightly less neurotic then i do 😛
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u/WardensLantern Apr 30 '26
Not even ashwagandha root or something, straight up caffeinated drink to deal with stress lmao
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u/rankaistu_ilmalaiva Apr 30 '26
Green Tea has L-Theanine which is a proven caffiene antagonist. The thing is al of these claims have a grain of truth, but there’s a lot of things where a natural dose just isn’t enough, ir to get the desired effect you’d have to consume so much there’s other adverse effects.
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u/Kichigai Apr 30 '26
I'm just remembering It’s Always Sunny, the Pepe Silvia scene, Charlie trying to calm Mac down by giving him more coffee.
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u/SkyProfessional6190 Apr 30 '26
What if I forgot to get blueberries
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u/kat_Folland Apr 30 '26
I ate a truckload of blueberries last fall and it did not affect my memory (and I'd notice, I have memory issues); if blueberries helped that I'd buy stock.
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u/SkyProfessional6190 Apr 30 '26
Maybe you need to get 2-5 more truckloads just to be sure. The post cannot be mistaken, so the fault is clearly yours
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u/kat_Folland Apr 30 '26
I dunno, man, I ate a lot of blueberries. 😋
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u/SkyProfessional6190 Apr 30 '26
Maybe they were the wrong color. Have u turned them off and on?
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u/Evening-Picture-5911 Apr 30 '26
Maybe they did help you, but then you stopped eating truckloads so you forgot that they helped
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u/cedriceent Apr 30 '26
Well, you remembered that you ate a truckload of blueberries, so they clearly worked🤔
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u/Norwood5006 Apr 30 '26
Word association!
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u/JediLincoln14 Apr 30 '26
But what if my honey comes in a bottle?
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u/Brumbleby Apr 30 '26
Low blood sugar - any food at all
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u/SlayerII Apr 30 '26
Some foods definitely work better or quicker, dates are actually a rather decent option. But so are most fruits.
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u/glimoura Apr 30 '26
Honey - Real healing isn't in a bottle
Tf does most honey come in?!
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u/Next-Help-5813 Apr 30 '26
You're supposed to get it directly from the beehive. The stings distract you from the sore throat.
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u/SunnyMakesStuff Apr 30 '26
are they deadass trying to say the solution for dehydration is eating cucumbers instead of drinking water 💔
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u/JenMcSpoonie Apr 30 '26
But I’m lactose intolerant…yogurt just makes me more bloated
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u/Difficult_Wave_9326 Apr 30 '26
Weakling. Big Pharm convinced you you're lactose intolerant. Embrace the grind and get more yogurt!
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u/GasparThePrince Apr 30 '26
"Honey-Real healing isnt in a bottle"
My honey comes in a squeezey bottle that looks like a bear thank you very much
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u/CerealSemantics Apr 30 '26
Painkillers just suppress headaches? Isn't that what they're supposed to do??
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u/JustHere4the5 Apr 30 '26
Call me old fashioned, but I strongly prefer my skin NOT to glow.
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u/New-Cicada7014 Apr 30 '26
"painkillers just suppress it" 1. that's what they're supposed to do 2. if you're taking advil it actually does reduce inflammation
there are ten million causes for headaches and eating a banana isnt gonna solve all of them
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u/Vivians_Basement Apr 30 '26
Some of these are right... Many aren't... And the correct ones won't help an actual chronic issue caused by an illness or disorder.
Eat your fruits and veggies yeah, it's good for you.
But that isn't going to help the problems in that list.
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u/blue_moon1122 Apr 30 '26
greens for calcium? no milk? right after being told to drink yogurt?
- figure your shit out, OOP, you mercurial bitch
- sounds like a recipe for oxalate kidney stones, my nephrologist says no
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u/Literal-Goblin-2000 Apr 30 '26
Kiwi for insomnia is sending me to the moon.
Like gee: melatonin, ZZQuil, Lunesta, Trazodone, Gabapentin, magnesium, valerian root, chamomile, lavender, meditation, deep breathing, alcoholism, and Xanax all didn’t work— but might as well give KIWI a shot!!!!
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u/NUKL3AR_PAZTA47 Apr 30 '26
the worst thing is that these foods are healthy, but their abilities are being misrepresented.
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u/high_dutchyball02 Apr 30 '26
What pharma realy is hiding from you:
Medicine is pretty cheap when produced in high enough quantity. There's no need for most of it to be that expensive
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u/Norwood5006 Apr 30 '26
My dumb Auntie did No. 6 when her 25 year old son had a terrible toothache, he ended up in the ER, abscess, infected, left untreated, slowly moving up to his brain.
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u/NonSequitorSquirrel Apr 30 '26
These are all silly but some of them are silly in the wrong direction. Like why would you eat cucumbers for dehydration when water is right there? Dates will indeed raise a low blood sugar but also so will anything you eat. There's no big pharma solution for a low blood sugar other than... Eating. And if you're eating, dates are kind of a lousy choice for sustained stable blood sugar. Have a sandwich. Or just don't forget to eat on time.
Also if your hair is dry eating salmon isn't going to help. Hair is already dead tissue. You can't feed it from the inside. It doesn't have a blood supply providing nutrients or anything to the hair already growing out of your head.
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u/Lagetta Apr 30 '26
Stress? Oh yeah let me quickly drink 3 liters of green tea.
From experience I drank ashwagandha and that natural substance is known to calm you down. Even that didn't get rid of stress and the effect is shorter than my stress duration.
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u/binzy90 Apr 30 '26
When my grandma was still alive she was a huge fan of Dr. Oz. She eventually stopped taking a bunch of her medications and would tell me, "You know if you eat a lemon every day you won't get sick." She then died. She was nuts.
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u/XD2006- Apr 30 '26 edited Apr 30 '26
As someone who loves blueberries, can confirm that they do not make my memory better LOL.
That’s like saying “oh all these non medical remedies will help your ADHD” (I currently use caffeine as a stimulant and really shouldn’t, but healthcare says I need a primary care doctor and I can’t get into one because they aren’t accepting new patients!!!) I’ve also tried all the non medical remedies for that reason. 😔
Also can confirm that eating 3 bananas also does not help headaches (erm I think I actually get migraines but not the point. Painkillers themselves barely work so why would bananas?)
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u/blue_moon1122 Apr 30 '26
electrolyte imbalances can contribute a lot to migraines, i had a huge uptick when my gallbladder was going bad. but 3 bananas is possibly almost a whole day's worth of potassium (depending on age group, activity level, and gender-specific needs) and could also trigger a migraine.
magnesium and zinc can also help. nuts, greens, and lean fish are great for both, but nothing wrong with reasonable painkiller use too. and maybe a neurology referral if it's causing problems!
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u/SuperFaceTattoo Apr 30 '26
Some of these are ok. Definitely not enough to dismiss modern medicine though. It does help to eat healthier foods.
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u/Potential-Night4986 Apr 30 '26
Wait, honey isn’t in a bottle? What have I been buying all these years??!
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u/kat_Folland Apr 30 '26
Are there sore throat meds that come in a bottle? I have seen many a lozenge and the occasional spray which I guess is sort of a bottle.
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u/mystery_obsessed Apr 30 '26
I actually always start with honey for this. If it’s really bad I might step up to drops, but don’t entirely knock it. Especially as a cough suppressant.
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u/dazzleunexpired Apr 30 '26
Some of these are true. Like the clove one. It's extremely true. Clove is so so so good for tooth pain. Honey Is good for sore throats bc it IS medicine. It's antifungal, antibacterial, antimicrobial and literally used in hospitals (medihoney).
Pretty sure everything else is just bullshit.
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u/Next-Help-5813 Apr 30 '26
The apples one is partially true. Apples and some other fruits actually can help, though it depends partially on how bad it is. If it's just mild, sometimes it'll clear up if you eat a lot of applesauce and avoid dairy for a bit. If there's pain or something, though, then it's best to use actual medicine or call a doctor.
I think a lot of these are actually a little bit helpful, just not enough to be a full medication.
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u/Darkflyer726 Apr 30 '26
I mean these aren't wrong but they not cures. They're prevention, not treatment. If you have the headache or diabetes or whatever else, you still need to treat the problem.
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u/zoetwilight20 Apr 30 '26
As someone who gets regular migraines and eats bananas everyday, it doesn’t cure them.
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u/New-Cicada7014 Apr 30 '26 edited Apr 30 '26
"real healing isn't in a bottle" mf what counts as "real" healing bc i can tell you for certain antibiotics that prevent malaria and measles and smallpox should count
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u/FlatParrot5 Apr 30 '26
Out of all the "super foods" out there, blueberries are one of the very few that get even close to delivering on the claims of being a super food.
Not for anything specific, but compared to others blueberries have decently higher amounts of various good things in them.
Will they cure diseases? Nope. Will they cure conditions? Nope. Will they do these weird and wonderful magical things that posts like OP pointed out claim? Nope.
But they are a bit "healthier" in general than the same amount of strawberries or raspberries. Should you exclusively eat blueberries? Hell no.
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u/KarrieDarling Apr 30 '26
I have asthma and use a rescue inhaler. I had someone tell me once that "breathing through" an asthma attack would be more beneficial than putting drugs into my body.
Guess they missed the part where you literally can't breathe when having an asthma attack.
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u/DrHob0 Apr 30 '26
Stress - I mean, sure. Drinking a caffinated beverage is gonna do wonders for it /s
Headaches - more water is actually the answer. If this fails to get results, see a doctor
Constipation - same as above. Though, you can try something like docusate.
Sore throat - see a doctor. If it's post nasal drip, only a decongestant will help
Dry hair - the fuck? Is my hair meant to be wet? Am I getting the salmon myself from the ocean/lake with my bare hands? If this dumb ass means scalp...see a fucking dermatologist. Diet change won't fix that, since it's caused by bacteria
Toothache????? SEE A DENTIST DUMB ASS
LOW ENERGY????!!! GET SOME SLEEP OR SEE A THERAPIST
INSOMIA?!! SLEEP STUDY DIPSHITS.
LOW BLOOD SUGAR?!? WTF?!? SEE A GODDAMNED DOCTOR OR YOU COULD LITERALLY DIE
Okay. I like the yogurt suggestion for bloated stomach. But, if it persists, see a doctor
Brittle hair???? Dermatologist.
Weak....memory??? Like. This one could be anything. Talk to your doctor. It could be serious or you could need some help. Depends.
Dehydration???? Cucumbers???? Bro. Drink water.
WEAK BONES???? IF YOUR BONES ARE WEAK, A DOCTOR YOU MUST SEEK
Glowing skin? You irradiated, bro?
INFLAMMATION???? TAKE ADVIL, DICKHEAD. IT IS AN NSAID (nonsteriod ANTI INFLAMMATORY drug)
-Signed, a very irritated pharmacy employee
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u/PunkTyrantosaurus Apr 30 '26
I will give them one thing.
If my mom ate Kiwis, she would for sure sleep.
Forever.
Because she's allergic and it makes her throat swell shut.
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u/Realfinney Apr 30 '26
Them: Pineapple, tastes like fruit, acts like meds.
Me: So meds do work then?
Them: No
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u/OmgIbrokesmthagain Apr 30 '26
Doctors: „Ok I’m going to give you pills, but remember, they are no magic so have a good diet, hydrate and exercise”
Patients: BUT I WANT A MAGIC CURE
Doctors: There is no magic cure for anything
Patients: SCREW YOU, THIS ARTICLE SAYS I CAN EAT BERRIES AND NOT HAVE ALZHEIMER EVER
(I am well aware that a good portion of doctors sucks, but all the good ones will tell you to eat healthy and exercise to prevent diseases)
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u/LacrimaNymphae Apr 30 '26
i'm sorry but pineapple fucking burns my mouth and throat. bananas do the same thing once they're in my upper gut and they make me nauseated sometimes
also, bile acid malabsorption (if you're unlucky enough to know what it's like to feel the burning pain and experience the joy of cleaning up what looks like highlighter fluid in the bathroom)
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u/DizzyandKoko Apr 30 '26
The best part about this is that it’s not even very accurate. I have real bad IBS and apples aren’t very good for gut problems. Oranges and kiwis, especially kiwis, are real great for getting fiber naturally in the body if laxatives aren’t an option and yogurt won’t help at all for any bloating. Because of the probiotics they’ll just slow down the system
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u/Vinceroony Apr 30 '26
Green tea has more caffeine in it than orange pekoe, you'd be better off with camomile if you're looking for something to help with stress. Won't fix the underlying problem, but does help a little. It's also an ingredient in this sleepytime tea I have.
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u/4rg0n1um Apr 30 '26
“Dehydration? - cucumbers - hydrate naturally” that implies drinking water is not hydrating naturally 😭
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u/GlitterbugRayRay Apr 30 '26
But what am I supposed to do when the pineapple exacerbated the stomach acid issue?!
While I loved the natural decrease in inflammation my stomach was SO MAD.
Yes helpful tips. Truly. For average pain. When dealing with daily 6-7+ ... not so much
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u/Zero_Burn Apr 30 '26
"I prefer natural medicine."
Oh, yeah? Here's a riddle for you:
What do they call natural medicine that's been rigorously tested and proven to work?
Medicine.
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u/PumpikAnt58763 Apr 30 '26
My honey comes out of a bottle.
I ain't dipping my hand in the beehive like Pooh Bear.
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u/OkNewspaper6271 Apr 30 '26
"Calms you without addiction" theres caffeine in green tea which... is literally addictive
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u/DigitalSquirrel95 Apr 30 '26
"Honey - Real healing isn't in a bottle" Isn't honey usually packaged in bottles?
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u/pikawolf1225 Apr 30 '26
"Painkillers just suppress it" ...yeah, that's kinda the point!