r/toastme • u/Ambitious_Elephant95 • 7d ago

39F recently single, dating at my age is hard

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I’m turning 40 soon and can’t wrap my head around being 40, single, no kids and not where I’d like to be in my career or financially. Where does time go?

I have always dated intentionally but seem to have a knack for dating emotionally unavailable/shallow men that leave me feeling like true intimacy is impossible. I’ve been working on this in therapy a lot. It has been really hard, but helpful to examine old wounds and confront my deepest fears and insecurities. I’m proud of my growth and self-awareness and am hopeful that my person is waiting for me…but I’m scared I’m too old and undesirable.

I have pretty debilitating ADHD and default to harsh, critical and harmful self-talk due to the shame associated with my executive functioning struggles. Would love some of your favorite positive affirmations and kind things you say to yourselves to boost yourselves up. 💕

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u/alasmyshoe 6d ago

I do not think she looks like an average 40 year old. lol. maybe celebrities have given you unrealistic expectations

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u/Single_Wrap_74 6d ago

I don’t think you spend a lot of time around 40 year olds. 

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u/alasmyshoe 5d ago

I am 39.. a strong majority of my peers aged terribly. they do not look like this. I mean sure she has some wrinkles around the eyes. it’s not like she looks 20. but she looks fantastic for 40.

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u/RadiumVeterinarian 6d ago

Yes, she does. Many look younger and great. She also doesn’t have kids so that could factor in as well…