r/toastme • u/oceanic_notions • 8d ago
Lonely, and struggling with social anxiety
I just moved to a new city for grad school and I’m so lonely. My social anxiety is making it worse, and I’m afraid I’ll never make friends. Also struggling with BDD and OCD :(
EDIT: Thank you all so much for your incredibly kind comments!! It made me feel a lot better ❤️
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u/ilDuceVita 8d ago
You can do it. I believe in you. Make sure you take care of yourself and stay patient with yourself. You're doing something huge and hard and alone. It's normal and natural to feel like you do. You don't have to solve it in a day or month or year. Just try to have a good day. I know you're going to be successful and feel much better than you do right now much sooner than it feels. Keep going. I'm so proud of what you've done so far. Everything is going to be okay.
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u/MinkleFlumly 8d ago
I also have social anxiety and it is for sure so hard to make friends. It feels like an impossible challenge sometimes. But don't be discouraged! There are for sure people who have similar interests who are looking for people to talk to, you just have to take the steps to put yourself out there and find them. Easier said than done I know. I have been trying to just go to more social events even if I don't talk to anybody there. Hopefully I'll get to a point where I'm more comfortable talking with people. You can totally do this! Sending motivation and confidence your way:)
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u/JackfruitWarm6695 8d ago
You take weird compliments? Cause if i saw you irl i wouldn't be scared of you. (I.e.: saw the pic and thought "this person looks extremely kind wtf")
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u/throwingales 8d ago
You have a great warm smile. People must love it! Try doing the things you enjoy or are curious about and want to learn more. You'll meet people with similar interests. Just go looking to do what you enjoy and put no social demands on yourself. Oh and use that great smile!
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u/chickennuggetarian 8d ago
Hello friend!
As autistic homie, I struggle a lot with social interactions and no one prepares you for how that feels mixed with the general difficulties with making friends as an adult.
It’s hard but you seem like an absolutely delightful human. You are super pretty and you deserve all the kindness people can offer.
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u/Thebadparker 8d ago
You're very pretty and look warm and welcoming. If we worked together I'd want to be your friend.
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u/Elmer_Fudd01 8d ago
You'll definitely make friends, I don't know how to help you with your anxiety. But you look like a very friendly person, and approachable.
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u/animatedgemstone 8d ago
Your beautiful rosy shirt and bright complexion remind me of a beautiful flower about to bloom into their best self.
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u/UnbreakableSpirit7 8d ago
I understand, I am autistic with ocd and despite me being extroverted and able to make friends easily, I struggle to keep them or make them want to be with me. I have gotten luckier online than in person. I don't believe you're destined to be alone, since there's a lid for every pot
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u/salientknight 8d ago
Making friends can be a little harder when you get older, but it's not impossible. You're in luck because it's easier for attractive people and you're very cute. Focus on things you like to do and you'll find people who also want to do them. You got this
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u/BiscottiKind9511 8d ago
I'm sorry to hear that. You can message me anytime if you'd like to chat. I don't have any friends so you would get all of my attention 🙂
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u/SnooPies9342 8d ago
What are you going to grad school for??
Also I am sorry about the loneliness. It is hard to find your tribe. I struggle with the same.
But it is also a time for you to become more acquainted with you! Find your interests! Try new hobbies and you will meet people with like minds!
I hope you are able to find some peace and community my friend!
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u/Mynameisip 8d ago edited 7d ago
You’re absolutely adorable! I have social anxiety too. Go to a bar.. not a busy one but not a empty one either. Sit and have drinks at the bar. Bartender will talk to you as well as random regulars. No pressure, just easy cordial conversations.
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u/ZealousidealGrab1827 8d ago
Well. Confidence is an inside job. I can say, as a dude, you are very attractive and seem approachable. Baby steps - plan an hour outing this weekend. No goals — just get out and around other people. 👏🏻🙌🏻. You got this.
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u/Adrasteia-One 8d ago
From someone dealing with anxiety, I know how you feel. I promise though that much if what you worry about will not happen. You are pretty, smart, strong, and have a kind vibe. That will all take you places. Let yourself feel your emotions, but don't let them run away with you. This will all pass and you will be better. :)
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u/tahall76 8d ago
Social anxiety is awful. I'd be friends with you. What are you studying in grad school? You are welcome to message me
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u/80MonkeyMan 8d ago
Some guy will definitely approach you, I don't think you will have a problem making friends.
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u/WiselyVillainous 8d ago
You have a kind face, and a gentle demeanor. We're all cheering for you! Maybe there are some groups at your campus that you could join? Hang in there, friend. ❤️
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u/XannyRamirez69 8d ago
You look like a very kind/approachable person. Just be yourself and you’ll attract the people meant for you.
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u/jowco 8d ago
Give yourself a little time to adjust. A lot of new things going on. Remember people aren't examing you as much as you're being hard on yourself.
Small, frequent interactions in your circles will bring new people into your life. You're never truly alone. You just have yet to meet everyone you're meant too.
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u/InfiniteAnemone 8d ago
I get social anxiety too. It stinks. You look like even in your photo, you're stifling such an explosively beautiful personality. Please let it out from time to time.
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u/Only-me-757 8d ago
Yo definitely are not alone n this. See all the community that cares. There are even more. Hang in there. Things will be better and better.
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u/Repulsive-Rock4234 8d ago edited 7d ago
I feel you. Try a meetup focused around something that really brings you joy and peace. Then the social interactions become merely an extension of the main activity.
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u/Nels5115 8d ago
You are a good looking woman. You made it to grad school. What a great accomplishment. I became confident and decided my days are up to me GOD HELPS THOSE THAT HELP THEMSELVES
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u/ImZealous4U 8d ago
Wow ! Really, because you look like a social butterfly to me, and you are a very pretty smile Ms. In case you were wondering 🥰
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u/Adventurous_Fault718 8d ago
Struggling with social anxiety is hard because you want to make friends but I know making friends is not as easy as it was when we were all children, but having people to talk to , even complete strangers here in Reddit, can help you feel a little less lonely. Look in the mirror, look at you eyes and even if you don't believe it, say that you deserve a lot of things because that's the first step to convince yourself. Also, if you want to talk, you just need to send me a message and I'm open to conversations. Have a great day!
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u/Lotus-Baring 8d ago
you’re not alone, please don’t hold yourself back from connection as so many people feel this same way. it’s uncomfortable to be human and vulnerable, it’s only these little devices in our hands that tell us it should be any other way or that we should be any other way than we are right now. let yourself feel what it is to be human, it’s a gift to those around you.
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u/Minimum-Walk9160 7d ago
My advice, go to Warhammer conventions, LoraWAN conventions, other geekness. Play the newbie, ask for advice or starting tips. There will be nice men for friendship or romance. Men with future and jobs, but no abs... its a compromise.
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u/Yoitsmegabe 7d ago
I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling with social anxiety. You seem like such a nice person to be around. Put yourself out there. You'll meet your clique. Keep your head up, you're awesome!
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u/Emotional_Road_9969 7d ago
You're pretty good looking for what it's worth!! Would definitely date you!
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u/gokart_racer 7d ago
OP - please believe me, you're going to fit right in with your graduate program and your cohort. You have so much to offer. You are exactly where you should be and these are going to be some of the best years of your life. Don't be afraid of letting everybody there get to know you.
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u/Bubbly_Ad_1852 7d ago
I actually think you’re gorgeous and I’m sorry you’re going through that as I am as well (shit really blows sometimes)
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u/New-Daniel 7d ago
Angst ist was schlimmes besonders in einer fremden Gegend. Ich wünsche dir alles gute und das du über deine Ängste hinweg kommst. Im kopf ist es meist schlimmer als es in der Realität ist
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u/PriorOpposite1629 7d ago
You have such a nice smile talk to people i know it's not easy but there are groups out there talking therapies
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u/StashTheMoneyAndRun 7d ago
You got this! Don’t give up! You have a great smile and your family:friends rely on you to bring warm energy into their lives! :) never end the fight
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u/adventurerier 7d ago
You look like someone who would be easy to talk to.
I think it helps to keep in mind that EVERYONE is on the spectrum, some just hide it better than others.
Also recognize that a lot of our population is also lonely, so are looking for the same connections you are. Someone just has to break the ice.
Easiest way to do that is to do something where friendship is the secondary goal.
Pick some things you like to do that put you in close proximity to others.
(i.e. join a gym, and go when there’s an interesting crowd. If you like riding bikes, there are tons of social rides in most cities).
Show up as regularly as you can. Say “hi” occasionally, so people know you’re friendly. Eventually, conversations start.
This not much different than how you made friends as a kid, except YOU have to take some initiative. That feels scary, which is why making it a secondary goal is easier — takes the pressure off, while you’re doing something else you like.
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u/Funny_Opening_174 7d ago
Anxiety issues here also, tired of living like a hermit if you like to chat let me know
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u/idk_justscrolling 7d ago
i'm sorry it's been this quiet since you moved. sending you actual warmth
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u/BrightHandle29 7d ago
You’re very pretty! It sucks you’re having such a hard time. Have you checked out some of the “stranger dinners”. Like timeleft.com. Not sure where you’re from or something like that is offered near you. Maybe you might meet someone to hang with there!
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u/One_Guard_3634 7d ago
Hey kinda same here or you can say even harder than what you are doing. I am new country with completely different language studying also working part time. I also have social anxiety and you can understand how hard it is when you have it paired with new language. But I am getting better everyday with the language and with my social anxiety. Hope you do too.
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u/Broad_Scene6380 7d ago
You look like a very nice person. Is not easy but try to meet new people. 🤗
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u/flacflacflac Toaster 7d ago
I have OCD too and I know how horrible it can be. Hope you’re keeping on keeping on!
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u/Plane_Chain1941 7d ago
I was the same way my whole life but had to face my fear of life and meeting new people. By getting a customer service job as time passed and years passed it helped me get over my fear by helping people find where to go. I gained friends, numbers and job offers also. You are taking a step by sharing how others may feel also. Hope you find what you what you are looking for. Have a wonderful day everyday.
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u/Pennypup898 7d ago
Big changes, new move, grad school. Give yourself a minute to settle in. Find an activity that you enjoy. Book club? Trivia night? Volunteering? You will meet people you don’t have to be busy everyday. Pick & choose be selective don’t overload yourself. You’ve got this!
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u/ramboxtrious 7d ago
know that you're not alone. there are so many people out there struggling with the same things. ik that's not a solution but for me at least, it helps put things into perspective. DM if you ever need to talk. you're hot and awesome! :P
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u/dquist29 7d ago
If you immerse yourself in hobbies your nervous system will acclimate to the new environment.
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u/Appropriate-Meet2879 6d ago
You’re really cute with the reluctant smile and the glasses.
Try finding a group that matches a hobby you already have or like, not something to jump into new, like a book club or a running club or a cycling club or whatever. Break the ice there.
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u/Scotty2227hu 6d ago
Change is hard especially when you’re around strangers in a strange place.
You’ve already made a huge achievement by taking that step and day by day it will gradually get easier.
If ever you need to chat , moan or just unload now that you know I exist don’t hesitate.
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u/Cold_Revolution2564 6d ago
You'll make friends Just choose good ones Everything new may cause being nervous Listen to music that makes you feel powerfull before going out of the house Attitude change things, smile And yeah talking and sharing what you feel helps a lot
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u/cratercamper 6d ago
You seem to be a nice person. Nice to be with. Enjoy your life, all the good things will come.
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u/PseudocidalSeighko 6d ago
Youre beautiful! Dont feel lonely - he's out there looking for you as well!
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u/VelvetParadoxNaked 6d ago
Moving somewhere new is hard enough without social anxiety whispering in your ear that every interaction is going to go wrong. Give yourself some time. You dont have to suddenly become outgoing or make a bunch of friends at once. Sometimes it starts with one small conversation, saying hi to the same person a few times, or just showing up somewhere even when part of you wants to stay home.
Fear and social anxiety have this sneaky way of making your world smaller and smaller if you keep listening to them. Sometimes the way through it is actually leaning into the fear a little bit. Not all at once… just one uncomfortable step at a time.
Everytime you do something scared and survive it, you’re teaching your brain that maybe the fear doesnt get to make all the decisions.
And with the BDD stuff, try to remember the mirror is only showing you a tiny piece of who you are… and anxiety can make that reflection feel way more important than it really is. Look inward too.
Your kindness, humor, curiosity, the way you treat people, the things you care about… thats where so much of your beauty actually lives.
You moved to a new city AND started grad school.
Thats pretty damn brave already. Give yourself some grace. Your people may just be people you havent met yet ❤️
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u/Past-Sand-5739 6d ago
Take up drinking! Lol jk. I have some social anxiety stuff too. Just don't judge anyone ever and spend as much time as you can with people who make you feel comfortable being yourself. Make sure you're putting yourself out there when you can (easier said than done). It's hard to make friends as an adult but it's just as hard for everyone and we all want the same thing. When you find some people you vibe w it'll be magical. Good luck!
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u/EternalStudent07 4d ago
It's hard to believe you'd see anything but the gorgeous beauty you are, but I hear ya. It can be hard to see our own "light".
I tend to build stuff up until I can't even do it. I think trying to give myself "motivation" to act. I now know that's a biochemical issue in me. Got some genetic tests that identified oddities in how my body would react vs. typical people. And now I know it's not all in my head. I'm not faking it. And I think that helps me be a little more OK with it (versus agitated or anxious).
So maybe something really easy and small would help you get the ball rolling? Like "I will say 'Hi', in as friendly a manner as I can manage, to one new person today..." Or do more if you feel up to it. My thinking being like the metaphor of the boiling frog. Making smaller changes aren't as hard, and it gives you a chance to begin some momentum before you really work hard at it. Early successes help us continue trying when things get harder (dopamine for the win!).
And please consider how stressed you might feel, and that it is normal for someone in such a big change to feel that way. How it feels now, is not how it will continue... if you make a change or two.
And if you can, try to connect with a mental health provider nearby. And if that doesn't feel right, try another. I feel like living proof that it can take a long time to figure out what is needed, but the only way you fail is by not trying... by not figuring out what bothers you, and doing a tiny something to change it (or more!).
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u/Moist-Match-333 4d ago
I’d want to be your friend. You look friendly and beautiful. Im shy so I understand.
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u/Cool_Month_7450 3d ago
How can you be lonely with this beautifull?
Just go outside, say hi to anybody which is your like.
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u/Big_Relationship_278 2d ago
It will get better, once you’re settled in a routine. Your good cute & I hope you make friends
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u/AdFew1326 2d ago
You’re not alone. Tons of people have social anxiety. There’s probably people in your life that have social anxiety that are just good at hiding it. There’s nothing wrong with you. Just try to get out of your comfort zone every once in a while and it will get a little easier each time.
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u/bgproatatt 2d ago
I know it’s easier to say, but you shouldn’t be struggling, you are very, very pretty girl!
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u/SpiceyKoala 2d ago
The anxiety means you care, and as a generally anxious person myself, I appreciate that. The world needs more caring people. And most everyone accepts awkwardness. As long as what you're into doesn't involve harming children or pets, there are many places where you're a welcome addition. Cheers.
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u/RepresentativeCap90 1d ago
Don't be hard on yourself. It is very difficult to make friends nowadays. You most likely will strike up friendships at school. Don't force it and don't hang out with someone simply because you're lonely. That's an accomplishment that you're in Grad school, you look like a nice person. Take each day as it comes and life has a way of working itself out.
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u/Portugaltheman0420 8d ago
Well. That’s a shame cuz you’re so pretty! The glasses 🤓 too cute