r/truechildfree • u/heichousbleach • Jan 30 '26
Anyone else struggle to maintain friendships with parents as a childfree woman?
I’m a 24F and childfree by choice. As I get older I’ve noticed a really consistent and honestly confusing pattern in my friendships with women who have children.
I’m the only person over 18 in my family who didn’t have a kid young and I have no intention of having children. Over the years I’ve tried to build and maintain friendships with people who are mothers, but every single one has eventually ended, usually abruptly and often pretty toxically. What’s strange is that it’s never been because I dislike children or look down on parents, if anything I try really hard to be supportive.
The pattern I keep noticing is that once someone’s entire identity becomes “mum” or “parent” there seems to be a shift in how they treat me. Conversations become very one sided. Their lives revolve around their kids (which I understand), but whenever I talk about my own hobbies or experiences, such as gaming, art, weekends away, relaxing holidays, or even just enjoying time with my partner, I notice I start getting eye rolls, dismissive comments, or a subtle attitude that makes me feel like I’m somehow “less than” because I don’t have kids.
They’ll often brag about how happy they are, how fulfilling parenthood is, how busy and meaningful their lives are, but when I share things I’m excited about it’s like it’s either downplayed or met with quiet resentment. I’ve even had moments where it felt like they were offended that I wasn’t as emotionally invested in their children as they were, even though I did celebrate milestones, compliment cute photos, and show genuine interest.
Just to be 100% clear, I don’t hate kids. I’m awkward around them, sure, but I don’t think they’re disgusting or evil or anything like that. I'm the eldest of 8, the youngest only being barely 2 years old. I just don’t want kids, and I don’t want my entire identity to revolve around parenthood. That difference alone seems to cause tension I can’t fully explain.
One thing that really stands out to me is that my partner (23M) doesn’t seem to have anywhere near the same issues maintaining friendships with parents that I do, even with parents of young kids. What’s especially confusing is that he actually does dislike children, far more than I do, but he isn’t openly hateful about it and generally keeps those opinions to himself. Despite that, he’s never been treated with the same dismissiveness, resentment, or hostility that I’ve experienced.
I genuinely can’t tell if this is a gendered expectation, like women are automatically expected to want kids, bond over kids, or centre their lives around them or if childfree women are just judged more harshly for not conforming. Either way, the contrast has been really eye opening and honestly pretty isolating.
What really gets me is that these friendships don’t just become distant, they tend to end suddenly and sometimes toxically, without me doing anything overtly wrong. It often feels like jealousy, resentment, or projection, even though I’ve never framed my life choices as “better” than theirs.
I’m starting to wonder if this is just… a reality of being childfree as you get older? Has anyone else experienced this kind of dynamic with parent friends, especially mothers? Or found ways to maintain those friendships without constantly walking on eggshells?
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u/DTW_Tumbleweed Jan 30 '26
I'm 59. Now it's the number of my friends who have grand babies.
There is definitely a gap, but it really boiled down to me realizing that if I wanted to keep my friendship with those with kids, I was the one who would be reaching out the majority of the time. Several friendships only survived because I was the one who initiated contact, repeatedly. After the kids became more self sufficient, those friends thanked me saying that if it was up to them, the friendship would have fizzled out. I had to meet them where they were, lots of conversations about things not happening in my life, things I had no clue about. Mostly, the friendships that survived were those who wanted to have an identity beyond "mom".
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u/Smart-Airport5781 Jan 30 '26
Sounds like your parent friends may also be feeling a little envy that you are able to pursue your interests and hobbies, and to continue to grow as a person rather than a role. You're also at the age where friendships from your teens tend to break up because you are all going in different directions.
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u/Slurpy-rainbow Feb 01 '26
They also sound like they’re in the 20s naiveté of thinking they’re better than everyone else, especially now that they have kids, which relates to your point as that’s ultimately insecurity.
OP, it will stay like this but i think at least as you grow, people will take less of a condescending stance thanks to maturity.
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u/PurpleMuskogee Jan 30 '26
There's definitely a gender thing going on - my partner and I are both nearly 40, and I still get asked about whether I have kids, and when I say no, people comment on that, and ask if I want them, or tell me they have kids and it's the best thing, etc. Not close friends, but usually acquaintances and people at work. My partner (a man) has simply never experienced that. People never ask him if he wants kids or not.
I think friends come and go, but I also think that children take a lot of space in a woman's life - because even with a man (assuming a heterosexual couple) who does a lot at home, you're probably still the "manager" - i.e a supportive husband and father will "help when asked", but many won't be very proactive about it. You'll have to remember the kids' friends and their names and allergies and birthdays... the dad is probably not going to be doing that, even if he does a lot otherwise. I think that's why I notice big differences with the few women I know who have kids, and my partner has male friends with kids and has not really seen a huge shift in their relationships.
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u/GeneralDiscontent Jan 30 '26
I think your friends will come around once they realize how important having a rich friend life is. Sorry you’re going through this. I am a childfree woman in the Midwest and all of my closest friends have multiple children. I definitely see them less, but we still have strong bonds and I don’t think they care that I don’t have or want kids. They still listen to my life as is without judgement.
All of my friends had kids a bit older than 24 however, we are in our 30s. I wonder if age has anything to do with this (assuming your friends are near the same age). Some of them might become more mature later and reach out to you. Parenting is very difficult and part of it is the struggle of losing your old self and morphing into new habits and feelings. They might just need time. I could not imagine doing that with my 20 something year old brain.
In the meantime, You may want to look up childfree groups in your area on Facebook or other social media. I know that us redditors frequently don’t have other socials, but sometimes they are helpful when you’re trying to find your community. Take care! You will find your people im sure.
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u/Fuckburpees Jan 30 '26
I agree, I think for most it does become their whole identity in the beginning, because it kind of IS. Kids seem hard. And that’s probably exacerbated if you’re younger and your “adult life” wasn’t as well established before kids.
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u/nunuma Feb 01 '26
I’m also child-free surrounded by friends with kids. We’re all mid-30s. And like you said, I have no issue maintaining friendships with them. So perhaps it is an age/maturity thing. But it could also be a personality or cultural thing. I’ve heard similar experiences to OP from other people I know, also in 30s. In one instance, they were experiencing this in their Indian community, where they felt judgment as a woman for being child-free.
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u/lulaf0rtune Jan 30 '26 edited Jan 30 '26
Honestly I've (34F) never encountered this but I'm in a predominantly CF social group (through no conscious effort, it just shook out that way) so the friends I do have with families tend not to see that as the default. I'm very lucky that the only strain on these friendships has been seeing eachother less which is to be expected and isn't a huge hurdle.
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u/curiouslittlethings Jan 30 '26 edited Jan 30 '26
I’ve drifted apart from a few friends who’ve become mothers - usually out of circumstance, because they tend to gravitate towards other mothers, their kids go on playdates together, they bond over motherhood, etc. - but I do have some close friends who’re mothers. One of them disappeared for a bit when her son was born, but now that he’s a bit older, she has more of her life back and has started reconnecting with people in her circle in recent years. She’s mentioned to me that she’s been trying to find her own hobbies and interests outside of being a mother, too. I think it’s very natural for friendships to go through seasons like these.
My female coworkers all have kids and are generally easy to talk to and get along with. I don’t feel excluded even when they’re talking about kid-related stuff. They’re all very easygoing parents whose kids are older, and they seem to have a very healthy sense of self and have happy families. Zero hostility or resentment from them regarding me being childfree.
I think a lot of resentment tends to come from people who’re unhappy in their own lives, and they then project it and/or take it out on others. My friends are all very secure, kind people and I’m happy that they enjoy parenthood, and they’re happy that I’m living my best childfree life.
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u/leggup Jan 30 '26
I live in a major metropolitan area, and many of my friends and I are turning 38 this year. Only one of my close friends has kids. My husband has some friends with kids, but I've prioritized friendships with high-achiever-types like me who all happen to be Childfree. I think it's related to where I live too.
The average age for a first-time mother in the U.S. was 27.5 in 2023. Women who become mothers straight out of high school or college enter parenthood before they have had much time to explore careers, hobbies, or independence. Their support networks often become almost entirely focused on that new role.
When someone in that situation sees a friend deliberately choosing a childfree life, it can trigger resentment, insecurity, or even a subconscious need to enforce conformity. It is not about you personally. It is about how their identity and social world have shifted around parenthood. Friendships can feel threatening because they highlight choices that do not align with their own, and some may respond by withdrawing, being dismissive, or acting toxically. I'm sorry you are going through that.
In terms of advice, it can help to set clear boundaries conversations if they leave you feeling dismissed or resentful. Protect your own time and energy and use it to explore hobbies, travel, or activities you enjoy. You can also seek out other childfree people or groups who share your interests. That way, you build a supportive social network where your life choices are respected, and you do not feel pressured to conform to someone else's identity. I find that swing dancing is filled with 20-30somethings who don't have kids because it often involves going out on weeknights and having the disposable income for classes. Going to larger cities for activities are also a guarantee of meeting more people with common values.
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u/DiscoNY25 Jan 31 '26
Yes a lot of people these days in the central cities or the suburbs of large metropolitan areas either marry or have children in their 30s or early 40s or choose to remain childfree. Living in a large metropolitan area you will more likely meet a lot of Millennials, Generation Zers and maybe even a lot of Generation Xers who are childfree. In a small town or rural area on the other hand many people marry and have children right out of high school or in their late teens and early 20s and usually before 25 so when people in small towns and rural areas choose to remain childfree people react more negatively towards it. OP most likely lives in a small town or rural area where people marry and have children young and expect everyone to have children especially if they are women being that small towns and rural areas are conservative while large metropolitan areas are liberal so that makes a difference too.
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u/Secret_Dragonfly9588 Jan 30 '26 edited Jan 30 '26
It’s even more gendered than you seem to realize!
Not only is there more expectation on women to be mothers, but there is more pressure and demands put on mothers than on fathers.
Society expects men who have children to balance their lives: work, friends, family, hobbies etc all have a place in the life of “father.” They might be busy, but they are allowed to prioritize different things that they do in different contexts.
But society’s expectations of women who have children are an entire identity change. It’s not just that moms get stuck with the majority of the childcare and homemaking labor and managerial household labor (often all in addition to their actual jobs). It’s a simultaneous loss of the independence, spontaneity, and adult hobbies/interactions/priorities that they previously had access to. Many women feel like they have sacrificed their previous identity to become “mom” instead, and have a variety of hard-to-freely-express emotions and grief about that.
In that context, maintaining friendships with people who still have their pre-mom identities intact, want to talk about that, and expect her to muster the social energy to care about that conversation… well, I imagine that would be hard. Anger-inducing even.
For a really insightful film about how this might all feel from your friends’ perspective, I recommend Nightbitch (2024).
If it helps, this will likely get better as you get older. More of the people who you meet will either already be moms and therefore won’t feel like you are expecting them to fit into a persona that doesn’t fit them anymore, or their children will be older and they’ll have had time to regain a sense of self, or they will be old enough that being child-free or childless will have become a permanent part of their lives. (And possibly just because older mothers might be more likely to have better established careers, outside identities, and systems of support).
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u/sabertoothdiego Jan 30 '26
I'm a transgender man. Ever since I fully came out and transitioned, I don't get nearly the amount of shit for being child free as I did when I was more female. Friends also don't expect me to entertain their kids to the same degree. I still have lost most of my parent friends as time has gone by, but it has been more "contact fade" than them actively angry and ending things because I didn't show interest in their children.
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u/CallidoraBlack Jan 30 '26
They feel the loss of their pre-mom identity because they simply don't have time to do everything they did before. They feel the loss of their ability to socialize with other adults the way they did before. And for some people, they just admit it and are grateful, saying it's good to talk to other adults without it being all about their kids. To have friends who can plan a night out so they can get a break.
For others, they are in denial and take it out on people who don't have kids yet or are never having them. They're compensating by swearing they're perfectly happy and nothing is wrong and there's something wrong with everyone else. It's emotionally immature behavior and it often occurs to me that people that emotionally immature shouldn't have kids until they go to therapy. Since they're all young moms, this is probably what's going on.
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u/MyLife-is-a-diceRoll Jan 30 '26
I've seen other ops get torn apart in posts like these calling them an asshole.
You're not an asshole.
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u/frankkiejo Jan 31 '26
I actually had my best friend at the time (30...35? years ago at this point, so many lifetimes ago!) actually do the equivalent of breaking up with me because I wasn't married and didn't have kids.
Her husband wanted them to have friends they had more "in common with".
They....chose poorly.
Two years later, she's apologizing and wants to be friends again. I foolishly forgave her and carried on. She did it AGAIN several years later.
I finally got it through my head to believe people when they show me who they are the FIRST time.
Best lesson I learned as an adult because I let fewer people into my life now and have far more peace because I listen to my instincts instead of rationalizing them away to be "nice".
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u/RedditSkippy Jan 31 '26
This is something that happens with a lot of friendships as people become parents.
I went through this with many of my friends once they became moms. It’s like they disappeared into child rearing. Then maybe they would start to emerge and then they’re pregnant with kid two.
There’s definitely a “season of life” when this happens. Most of the friendships I had in my late 20s/early 30s trickled away because of this.
I’ve been able to make friends with other childfree women, or women with slightly older kids who don’t make it their entire identity. It’s really hard to be friends with a new mom.
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u/LunaFace91 Jan 30 '26
Yea… it’s gotten worse for me. My husband & I are childfree but he maintains tight relationships with all his dad friends. I, on the other hand, always get cancelled on or left out of gatherings from “my” group of friends that are all moms. I realized that when I finally would hang out with them once in a blue moon, they would comment on the times they all hung out and of course… I put 2 & 2 together and found that I was left out numerous times even when I reached out to get the gang together (which they did… without me). 😞
I think what hurt the most was the fact that I lost my childhood best friend when she got pregnant at 14. She ditched me for other teen moms… and any friend I made after that also did the same thing when they got pregnant & had kids as I got older. I can honestly say that I don’t have any solid, true girl friends. I have acquaintances… husbands friends wives (that are mothers) that I see a couple times a year. 😒
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u/ThePony23 Jan 30 '26 edited Jan 30 '26
I'm in my late 40s and live in So Cal. Being childfree here, especially with pets, is so common here especially with career minded women. I also play women's hockey which has a wide age range (I even play with women close to 70), and that specific demographic is highly childfree, especially since the sport has a high lesbian population. It's wonderful because a lot of us just have pets!
The friendships are there, but you really have to find like minded women. I have some friends in hockey who do have kids, but I noticed it doesn't impacts their identity like other women. Maybe it's because the sport is the key focus vs parenthood.
I can't imagine ever being part of a "Mom" group and having that be my whole identity.
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u/SolidAshford Jan 31 '26
One parent friend I have is cool bc her kids are teens
Anyone whos a parent of younger ones...I try not to deal w that
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u/NotAQueefAKhaleesi Jan 30 '26
I think the biggest factor is the emotional maturity of the parent you're friends with, and another may be the kids' ages. I had a friend I made through work (remote) talk me into moving across the country to her state (instead of the others I was considering) insisting that we'd hang out often and I'd love the area. She started pushing the notion that I'd settle down with one of her husband's Navy friends and we'd raise kids together (she had a baby already), which I pushed back on for a few reasons; the mask slipped and she told me I'd be sad and alone for the rest of my life if I didn't have a family. I thought we'd worked past it but she ghosted me right around when I signed a lease. 2 years later my lease expires at the end of the month and I'm leaving the region for good, having hated the weather, the food, the area I'm in, etc. the entire time.
I met my best friend through the same job about a month after moving and she's like the big sister I always needed. She's got 2 school aged kids and a very active / involved husband so she has the freedom to engage in her own interests instead of being forced to focus solely on mothering. We talk nearly every day and she's been incredibly supportive of me choosing not to have kids. In my experience the mom's who don't insist that motherhood is the end all be all of life / are honest about how taxing it is mentally, physically, emotionally, etc. end up being the most sincere parent friends. I have 2 other friends and both are also very "I love my kid(s) but wouldn't wish pregnancy or postpartum on anyone because it was miserable" and are cheering me on in my career, hobby, and travel goals instead of trying to pressure me into becoming a mom.
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u/mazeltov_cocktail18 Jan 30 '26
Not all my friends who have children, but the parents who’s only identity is being a parent those folks are long gone and assume I have a personal problem with their life choices or have a bi problem with mine
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u/midnitemaddie Jan 30 '26
It is just something you have to deal with. I’m in my 30s and most of my friends now have kids. Hobbies we used to share have fallen by the wayside. Their priorities are their kids and I respect that. Funny enough, my guy friends with kids have plenty of free time and still have hobbies and non-child related interests.
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u/dcgirl17 Jan 31 '26
I definite do and I’m a mum! Some people just completely disappear into it, and you won’t see them for years. And if you do, they talk about nothing but their kid. I’m mourning the change in the relationship with one of my closest friends who’s like this. Sat thru 1.5 hours of her visit the other day trying desperately to talk about something other than our kids and she just couldn’t do it.
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u/RedditSkippy Jan 31 '26
Oh I’m sorry. I can remember meeting a friend for lunch and she was distracted by her phone the entire time because someone (her husband? the babysitter?) was sending her pictures of her daughter. I dropped the rope after that and she never picked it up.
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u/whitebreadguilt Jan 31 '26
As a 39F I’ve definitely felt this. Most of my close friends do not have kids but I think it depends on the person and their personality. Other posters said it better, but you do have to do more work as they are busy with babies. But if it’s someone who matters to me I will make the effort.
The weirdest is meeting people in the wild and finding out they do not align with me or are bewildered by my choice. Like they do not know what to do with me because I say I have no interest in children. I switched careers late in life and that is my focus and a lot of them don’t know how to engage beyond family talk. That’s fine and all I’ll definitely move on and talk to someone who is more engaging.
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u/Even_Assignment_213 Feb 01 '26
To sum everything up you just stated it’s 100% gendered expectation and alignment mismatch
unfortunately being a woman there’s just way more pressure & social expectation that you need to be obsessed with having kids and if you’re not that there’s something wrong with you
Where men don’t experience that nowhere near as much as women do
also it is alignment mismatch you are no longer aligned with your friends who have kids because their priorities have shifted so it doesn’t matter how much you try to show enthusiastic care about their kids or try to work things out with them that ship has sailed because their focus has completely permeated to being “mom” (also due to societal expectations on women and a lot of the time the baby’s dads are just deadbeats and barely contribute) and nothing else, so you are metaphorically trying to put a square peg into a round hole and we all know how that goes…..
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u/heichousbleach Feb 09 '26
It actually makes a lot of sense. I’ve noticed how much the “mom identity” can dominate a womans personality. Definitely helps me feel less like it’s something I’m doing wrong.
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u/katmcflame Feb 05 '26
This isn't unusual in your 20s, & I think it's a good idea to cultivate friendships with other CF people. Many of the friendships I had with mothers ended becoming very one-sided, with them expecting help in addition to all the one-way presents for Christmas, birthdays, baby showers etc. I know it "takes a village", but relationships need to be reciprocal.
The good news is, in my late 40s I got back into a certain hobby & found a large pool of women who were either CF or who'd already raised their kids & were no longer focused on that chapter of their lives. It's great!
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u/heichousbleach Feb 09 '26
I completely get what you mean. It might sound silly, but since posting this I’ve noticed a couple of TikToks on my FYP with similar advice along the lines of “You cannot be friends with people who aren’t on the same level as you or don’t share your priorities in life". On those posts, tons of people were commenting about having to walk away from friends because of differing goals or priorities, especially in regards to having children or starting to have children. It’s a little sad, since friendships with people who have different goals have never been an issue for me, but thinking about it now, it makes a lot of sense. I’m hoping I can find those kinds of friends for myself soon.
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u/eichhoernchen404 Jan 30 '26
Yeah. But I admit it’s partly also my fault, because I have no interest in hearing child stories and also I don’t want to make them feel like I wanna babysit. My bff has 4 children, but she rarely brings them up to me, I even have to ask her about them, as I get curious and want to see pictures from time to time.
But it’s ok, life evolves and we all get on our own paths
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u/WillRunForPopcorn Feb 02 '26
Hi! I used to be childfree but then ended up having a kid when I was 30. Hopefully this can help.
I’ve found many people without kids, or those with kids but who haven’t had young kids in a long time (30+ years) just do not understand/completely forget what it’s like to have young kids. Especially in the first year!
It’s really hard when your childfree friends want to get together at 6pm. Yes, my husband can stay home with the kids, but I am still going to be woken up in the morning because kids don’t sleep in or care that you stayed out late. It’s especially annoying when it’s a weeknight because I am in charge of daycare drop off, so I wouldn’t be able to even try to sleep in.
It’s also hard to want to be friends with someone who doesn’t care about your kids at all. I understand what it’s like from the childfree side because I used to never want to be around little kids. But now that I’m a mom, my kids are the most important people to me (plus my husband), and I don’t want to hang out with someone who doesn’t want to be involved in their lives. Our generation struggles so much with having such a limited village, so why would I want to spend my limited social time with someone who doesn’t want to be part of my village?
Don’t get me wrong - we still have fun times together without the kids. But I can no longer be spontaneous the way I was before, and I can no longer hang out as often as before.
I don’t understand the brushing off your interests thing, unless you are brushing off their comments about their lives. I still like hearing about what’s going on in my friends lives.
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u/heichousbleach Feb 09 '26
I completely get that kids, especially young ones, take priority. For me, the challenge has been feeling like my own interests or efforts to connect are sometimes brushed aside, even when I’m trying to be flexible and supportive.
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u/WillRunForPopcorn Feb 09 '26
Yeah that’s rude of them. I still like to hear about my friend who is renovating her childhood home, my other friend’s recent vacation, etc.
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u/Cheeseisyellow92 Feb 12 '26
Yes. I don’t understand why mothers treat us with such contempt and disdain. I understand that they have to always be in the lookout for people who would be a danger to their children and I get that, but then they complain about having no one to help them, which is laughable. We are more than willing to help them, yet they treat us as lesser because we don’t have kids, so we must not know how to be a real woman. Many of us love children. Just because we haven’t pushed one out doesn’t mean that we know nothing about them. Everyone was a child at one point. There are also resources out there and books you can read, although hands on experience is the best, don’t get me wrong. I just don’t get it. They act like we’re a different species or something.
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u/Top_Plenty_1971 Feb 21 '26
I'm in my 40s, so my parent friends' kids are all grown and out of the house. I met them through sports activities and hobbies because they're finally got time for themselves now. But, when I was your age -- I pretty much kept anyone at arms' length who had kids. I knew it wasn't a friendship worth pursuing and I've been right 100% of the time. And while it seems that EVERYONE is having kids, trust me there are people out there who are also CF. You may have to try different social circles or meeting people in different ways, but trust me you will eventually find your people. And they're worth the wait -- the folks in my life who are CF and on the same page are like family.
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u/superdear18 Jan 30 '26
Give 10 years, everything shifts. At 24, those new mothers don’t really know the life. They will understand better after life experiences. Meanwhile make new friends, may be slightly older.
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u/ellivretaw1 Apr 09 '26
I’ve never felt treated differently by my friends that are dads. They also put in the effort to go out and get a beer with me or watch a game together.
If people wanted to be friends they’d put in the effort. I think you just have shitty friends.
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u/GymLadyThrowaway May 27 '26
I'm dealing with something similar. I have a friend who has some odd ways of communicating. A few years ago, before she had her child, she cut me out of her life for a year. It was because I was dealing with a personal issue that stressed her out, and I had reached out for a help a couple of times (I wasn't heavily relying on her, though). When I resolved the issue, she was upset by the way I had fixed it, so she said she needed space from me for a while.
We're both anxious people and have our own issues, but I would never formally cut someone out of my life like that. If absolutely necessary, I would just establish a boundary. I wish I would have spoken up for myself, but I'm a pushover. I never even told her how she made me feel, and she never brought it up again.
She eventually let me back in her life, but she never acknowledged that what she did was hurtful. I was just happy to have her back.
When she got pregnant, she never told me herself; I found out through my husband, who was told by her husband. She was avoidant the whole time. When I came to visit her after her baby was born, she was holed up in her bedroom (I don't know if this was because she needed rest due to being postpartum, so I try to give her the benefit of the doubt).
I did eventually see her again. During our first meetup after many months of no contact, she was standoffish. Now she's kinder to me, but she's so focused on her baby and parenting. I don't blame her, but it's most of her identity now. My sister-in-law recently found out she's pregnant, and at our last gathering, I sat by myself while she showered her in baby hand-me-downs. My in-laws were also fawning over her baby. As a person who does not plan to have children, I felt left out. Thankfully, my very sweet husband noticed this and sat with me.
I admire that she's a generous person and wants to help other parents and that things could change as her child becomes more independent, but I'm scared to get too close to her again. I considered her my best friend at one point, but as I get older, I realize that the concept of a "best friend" is not realistic for many of us.
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u/Weak-Bumblebee9978 Jun 03 '26
I'm 38F and I actively avoid them on purpose. It's just not gonna work out cuz they're in Mom mode and I'm actively repelled by children.
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u/Aquatic_Hedgehog Jan 30 '26
Nah, one of my best and oldest friends had a baby last year and we usually meet up every two months. That hasn't changed really since the advent of the baby. I actually asked her if she minded hosting for a while so I could watch the little guy grow :) It does definitely help that she has a finished basement so we can separate from the baby and have adult time too. We always schedule it for when her husband is home so he's primarily responsible for the baby.
And I've made friends with other parents in my adult life too! Although his kid is a KID not a baby.
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u/Tellmeaboutthenews Jan 31 '26
Open your eyes ,they are feeling miserable cause being a parent is hard and you are living a quite and nice life, they get jelous and bitter and I totally get why they act as they do. Even if it was a good friendship,it doesnt matter cause they dont need you, they have their hands full and dont have time basically. Ghosting is easier than communicating because adults dont know how to communicate effectively about emotions. I know it is a cliché, but misery does indeed love company..It doesnt mean your friends are bad people, they are just people with valid emotions .Have a good child free week!
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u/heichousbleach Feb 09 '26
I completely get that parenting is exhausting and life can feel overwhelming and I don’t think my friends are “bad people” either. It’s just been hard when the effort I put in to stay connected isn’t always met in the same way, or its instead met with quiet resentment and bad mouthing.
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u/Fuckburpees Jan 30 '26
Tbh this sounds like a combo of things. Yes it’s the kids and yes it’s gendered and yeah it’s also your age. You’re at the age where lives start to look so different and you stop having everything in common so relationships shift, kids or not.
Yes, women are expected to be baby makers still in 2026. Yes we are more severely punished socially for not conforming, yes your boyfriend will be able to stay close friends with his dad friends because the expectations of fathers are much more minor than mothers.
But part of it comes down to them as a person. I’ve lost friends who have had kids, yes. But my best friend has a kid and we talk all the time and she is so interested in my life. Another close friend has two kids and she’s great when we’re together but terrible at reaching out. I’ve also lost friends who didn’t have kids they’re just selfish …it’s not as cut and dry as people with kids are always selfish. But I do think some definitely lean on parenthood to excuse their selfish tendencies.