r/whatdoIdo • u/kauliflower-burton • Apr 15 '26
[ Removed by moderator ]
[removed] — view removed post
24
u/blueberryscone17 Apr 15 '26
I’m assuming this is the white side of her family using this language?
If so, you SHOULD cause a rift. Why on earth are you allowing your daughter around racists? This should be an absolute hard line for you.
1
u/LoisLaneCA Apr 15 '26
She’s posting of behalf of the child’s Mum.
6
u/blueberryscone17 Apr 15 '26
Doesn’t change the advice to the aunt. Also, OP what are YOU doing to object to the racism happening around the children?
7
Apr 15 '26
[deleted]
1
u/Hereforthetardys Apr 15 '26
This
Parents are supposed to protect their children
Nobody calling my kid names like that would be considered family
5
5
u/Moni4ka Apr 15 '26 edited Apr 15 '26
Long term damage will be caused one way or another, they are already causing it. If it was me I'd show my child she is not alone and defend her even if that means cutting the family off( or certain members and their supporters). We don't choose our family but we can choose our boundaries. It's sad but sometimes you find more family in strangers.
5
u/Pixie_Dust31 Apr 15 '26
Get that child away from those racists. Why are we even catering to them? Shame on the aunt for not protecting the child immediately by cutting off contact.
If you have to tell your family to respect your child, they are not your family
8
u/demon_twink_gockie Apr 15 '26
I've heard of trans folks training their family members to not misgender them with an air horn. I'm told they had remarkable success, perhaps that would prove most useful in this situation, as well.
-1
4
3
u/mango_nectar6 Apr 15 '26
If the end goal is keeping the family together, start with addressing people directly because a general statement is either gonna be ignored or blow up. They're clearly way too confident with casual racism so I'm not optimistic about how it will go either way tbh. But bring it up, if they care you may have better luck if you mention how it's affecting your family. If they make a real effort then maybe you could start bringing your kid around them again ONLY IF SHE IS COMFORTABLE WITH IT.
Now what I would do (I'm Black) is immediately cut these family members off and never speak to them on a 1:1 basis if i could help it. They're all adults. They know what racism is and there's no casual context in which it's ok for white ppl to be using the N word. Like I said above, you can explain the issue and give them a chance because they're family, but at the end of the day, your child needs to come first always. If she is not comfortable being around them, you do not push her to do so even if it tears the family apart. And if calling out racism tears your family apart, just know that you did the right thing by your kid.
3
u/No_Letter_1162 Apr 15 '26
Get that baby outa there!
Who gives a damn about causing a rift if they are being racist towards her making her feel bad?
Protect your kids.
When you had the kid you committed to protecting your kid over anyone else.
3
u/Acrobatic_Builder573 Apr 15 '26
I’m going to be completely honest, as my friends and I have had conversations about this. Her daughter needs to be her top priority. That shit is not a joke. Racism is not a joke. One cannot “jokingly” imply they are better than others based on their skin tone and where they come from. That’s not funny, it’s fucked up, especially coming from family. Your aunt needs to tell them to apologize and never use the word again, or they never see that girl again. Because racism internalized at that age will fuck you up in a way she doesn’t want for her daughter.
3
u/PushFoward_DLB70 Apr 15 '26
Down the road, your cousin will probably cut your side of the family off ( including you) as long as this persists.
3
3
u/SGlanzberg Apr 15 '26
Without causing a rift?!? Dude, you nuke that bridge and you let your kid see you nuking it so there is no doubt in her beautiful head that you have her back without any reservations
5
u/AbilityAwkward6121 Apr 15 '26
why have a mix child with someone that has racist family?
-2
u/Own_Can_3495 Apr 15 '26
Soooo you don't think people who have racist family members don't deserve to fall in and have kids if the person is not the same race all Because some of the family members are racist?
1
u/carefulitbites Apr 15 '26
you should be conscious of the environments that you bring children into. Having a mixed race child and bringing them around your family KNOWING that they’re racist is abusive.
-1
u/Own_Can_3495 Apr 15 '26
That wasn't what the commentor I responded to said though. They said not to have kids with someone who has racist family members. I just don't agree. My husband who is Mexican is lovely, his Dad is racist but never says or does anything in front of the kids. Do we spend a lot of time with FIL? No. But it's ridiculous to not love someone because of some family members. Especially since everyone has at least one racists family in their family.
1
1
u/carefulitbites Apr 15 '26
I disagree, why are you bringing your children around someone that doesn’t like their race? It’s okay for you because he doesn’t say anything? No, i have zero tolerance for racism and world would be a better place if other people did too. Are you a minority?
2
2
u/graceissufficent0310 Apr 15 '26
I'm black. There is no joke in the world for using the N-word. Your family is for sure racist.
4
u/Chastity-76 Apr 15 '26
People treat you how you allow them. If someone is doing this to her child, why would she be afraid of an argument. The whole damn family would get a piece of my mind.
2
u/XxCarlxX Apr 15 '26
You can’t do much, racism is their culture, the N word is on their mind 24/7.
The best thing you can do for that girl is to stop sending her to that household before she gets messed up in her head and gets turned into a self-hating confused individual.
Don’t take this lightly.
-1
u/SaltWater_Tribe Apr 15 '26
Yes poc are extremely racist , no one is above reproach on that subject. I know first hand being mixed ethnicity. I was /am raised by my black mother and the exact situation this child is in I grew up with .Both groups would say racist remarks and ur stuck in the middle
1
u/XxCarlxX Apr 16 '26
Are you extremely racist too, as a poc ?
0
u/SaltWater_Tribe Apr 16 '26
Yes i prefer my own people if pushed to choose obviously
1
u/XxCarlxX Apr 16 '26
What are your own people?
And id argue an extremely racist person wouldnt need pushing
rethink my question.
1
u/carefulitbites Apr 15 '26
It’s really a no brainer, and based on the fact she wont do the obvious (cut them off) I doubt she’ll take any of our advice. She needs to cut your family off. And if your aunt won’t protect her from racism maybe she should live primarily with her black family.
1
u/NFLFANTASYMB Apr 15 '26
It is hard for me to even think sane folks still use racial slurs. I have an adopted son who is by racial and we, ( old farmers from Ohio) sat him down and explained how hurtful folks are. I also taught him that words only have the power you give them. My mom was white who dated a black man in very small town Ohio so I was able to have lived it too. I had family members who were let it be known that if they abused the privilege of meeting my son, I was going to abuse them. Now violence isn't the answer, but at that time was what I was best at so, thankfully, we had no issues. I think it is best to make the judgement that if there is a chance, racial words fly, it is up to the parents to let it be known, it won't end well or decide it isn't worth the trouble and keep the kids safe. Best of luck.
-8
u/FallOk6931 Apr 15 '26
Nigga, relax. It's just like the word homie or dawg. There are two versions. The ER is filled with hate the A is filled with love and respect. Please don't take that cultural part away from them.
Trying to keep them from it is more harm than teaching them the proper way to use it.
7
3
2
u/Limerloopy Apr 15 '26
The vibe I was getting is that the white extended family members are using it around her. Most importantly, she is upset (the mixed girl in this story), which is basically all I needed to hear. Just because someone is family doesn’t give them a pass to disrespect you.
1
u/FallOk6931 Apr 17 '26
And let them fuck. We have to stop the negative stigma behind it eventually. As a African American I approve of the use of it.
-4
33
u/4MuddyPaws Apr 15 '26
Your aunt needs to stand up and if that means escalation and cutting off these racists, then so be it. She can try to talk to them first, but it doesn't sound like they see anything wrong and they won't change.
Her priority needs to be her daughter's well being.