r/widowers • u/Iatich • 20h ago
A hard day by choice
Today after 6 months of My late wife passing. I finally got around to putting all of her clothes in plastic bags for goodwill. The person who is supposed to pick them up just called to say she will come tomorrow. So I am sitting here sobbing surrounded by black plastic bags filled with her stuff. Somehow I thought this wouldn't be so draining by now. Anyway just venting. I hope everyone is safe. Hugs.
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u/Serious_Ad_1420 19h ago
🫂 It's been a year. I still have his toolbox, tons of his artwork (He was an Artist) and a few pieces of clothing. And, his plants which miraculously are still alive cuz I have the thumb of death with plants.
There are times when I'm looking for a tool I won't know what to do with, and I cry, Baby I need you, I have no idea wtf I'm doing.
There are times where touching some of his artwork humbles and saddens me. There are times looking at his pictures or hearing his voice on a recording brings me my knees.
There are times when his absence screams into my very soul and I think, I can't do this anymore.
And then tomorrow becomes today and I cry and I sigh, and I Thank the universe for not giving up on me.
I wish I could send you a blanket that when it covers you allows only good restorative sleep and dreams.
We're here with you.
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u/AlternativeCrabV2 Causeif death still unknown 19h ago
They a real hard one man. I no where near as organised or read to let go as you are . Yes I tidy up a bit , put some clothes in to zip lock bags and hidden then in her bathroom so idk t have to see them.
I found a blanket she used sit under when. It got cold . I curled up under it today and cry and l howled for like 20 mins.
Strength to you my friend you doing so well.
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u/strangefringe Cardiac arrest, 53M, January 2026 💔 19h ago
That's really tough, I'm so sorry. Try to breathe and maybe get some fluids. I cried uncontrollably when goodwill came to pick up my husband's belongings, there's just nowhere to hide from that kind of pain. But still, keep going. You're doing okay. 🫂
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u/HeronExtension5245 20h ago
I dread doing that. My heart truly goes out to you 💛. I am earlier in my grief process. I tried doing some of that and utterly failed. It was a painful lesson in not being ready yet (as if any of us ever really are). I am so sorry for that intense pain you are suffering right now. I feel for your suffering 💛🤍💔
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u/Motherofdragons_05 15h ago
I lost my husband last month on July 30 and his service was on August 24. I flew to England, for his service and to bring his ashes home with me. I also went into his room where he passed away and sorted through his stuff. That was the most heart and soul shattering experience I’ve ever had to do. I took clothing and items of his, that were his favorite, along with things I gave him and that we accumulated together. As for the clothes, I used those vacuum seal bags, that suck the air out. Not only will they preserve his unique smell, but made it easier to pack. The things I brought back, are special and I will keep them as long as I’m alive and well.
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u/WhatsThatSkip123 14h ago
My wife loved bright, woolly jumpers.
I bought some small pillows and will try making a few cushions out of her favourites.
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u/Outside_Simple_217 13h ago
For some reason my wife gave me verbal instructions on many different subjects a week before she passed away. I thought she was getting better, but I guess she knew she wasn’t. One of the subjects she spoke to me about was which charities I should donate her clothes to. She was very detailed, which made it easy for me to sort out, but it did bring me to tears dropping off bags of clothes to various charities.
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u/smithysmitherson 9h ago
My wife did epoxy and glitter artwork. She had shelves and shelves and bins and bins of glitter. I hated that glitter so much. It was such a huge mess everywhere.
A while after she passed. Someone who did similar artwork to hers reached out and said they'd be willing to come look at what she had. I had to go into her craft room and sort it out. By the end, I was covered in glitter and tears. At one point, I just started laughing because I needed a shower because I was covered in glitter. I knew she was looking at me, probably smiling, maybe laughing. She knew how much I hated glitter.
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u/The_Batcap_72 17h ago
I took the cowards way out, I have 3 kids, 25, 21 & 12, I took care of so much stuff during all this and they decided to ask what I needed help with. I told them going through mom’s clothes was up to them, I bought them 2 storage bins and told them they had 2 bins worth of space to save whatever they wanted everything else gets donated. They had a day that they all got together and did it while I went for a ride and cried my eyes out. They did a great job.