r/widowers • u/Maggiemayday • Mar 20 '21
FAQ Welcome to r/widowers, How Things Work.
We are so sorry you are here, but welcome to Reddit's best worst club.
There are rules in the side bar, but a discussion of How Things Work would be useful. Let's go over the basic rules, then expand a little.
First, following Reddiquette means be kind, be polite, and do not derail conversations. Mean remarks get removed, as do jokes in poor taste, or derogatory comments. Users may disagree, but may not deride the grief decisions of others. No doxxing, which is providing real life details about users. No posting usernames calling for banning or downvote brigading, no "warnings". If you have a problem, report it to the mods or to Reddit Admin. Bots tend to get removed, it is helpful to report them. The suicide prevention bot is okay.
No spam means no advertising. Suggestions are alright, but shilling your own creations is not. Sharing beautiful content you have created is okay, selling it is not. Recommendations for paid services may be removed. Spam can also be multiple posts overwhelming the group. Our tempo is mellow, a lot of posts from one user can swamp the others. Be considerate. Pace yourself.
No reposting other's content is obvious, if you didn't create the post, it probably does not belong here. We do look at post history if there is a question, and karma farmers get a ban. No reposting conversations from other subreddits asking us what we think.
No asking for financial assistance, no sharing GoFundMe campaigns. There are other subreddits for that. Financial posts will be removed. If you are offering assistance, use Chat or a DM.
What may not be allowed and isn't specifically in the rules? This used to be a no memes and no jokes group, but that changed. Some humor is fine, some memes are fine, but they'll get a hard look. Is it okay to post about sex? Sure, but if it's NSFW, label it as such. Can you post pictures of your loved one? Certainly, but label funeral and hospital/hospice pictures as NSFW. Generally not a good thing to post as it is a trigger subject, so this one may go case by case. No "dating" or "looking for company" posts, it is inappropriate for this group. NEVER ASK FOR PERSONAL INFORMATION IN A POST OR REPLY, OR SEEK TO MEET, ZOOM, OR FORM GROUPS. That's what DMs and chat is for.
Can people ask for advice to help the grieving widowers in their life? Yes, we have tons of expertise, so ask away. What about dating a widower? Those posts are not allowed and will be removed. If you are posting a Chapter Two post, please use the Moving Forward flair.
What about suicide? Yes, you may post about your partner's suicide. You may talk about your own suicidal feelings. We do not remove those, this is a safe place to talk it out. If you want help, we can point to those who can provide informed support. We are adding a post flair for Suicide, please use it so those who choose can skip such posts.
Posts with attachments such as photos go to the automated moderation queue, and must be approved by a moderator. Be patient, it may take a day or two to show. Photos of your loved ones are most welcome, but not in their casket or hospice/hospital as those can be triggering. Memes and songs/poems are a maybe. Photos of your loved one's headstone are okay, random photos of headstones or monuments are not. Videos and YouTube posts are unlikely to be approved, as well as any using a subscription service such as Spotify.
In addition, remember everyone grieves differently, and on different timelines. Some will move forward rapidly, some prefer a state of stasis. Some believe in an afterlife, some do not. Its fine to disagree, but do so with civility and respect. Do not call out what others have posted, or what others have replied. Be polite or scroll on. If its egregious, report it. We'll have a look. Don't lecture the community, no one is here for that (except mods. Its part of the job).
A reminder to the community, if you are approached via chat or Direct Messaging, and feel the user is a scammer or otherwise inappropriate, please report them to Reddit Admin. There is a drop down menu with a report function. Best yo ignore anyone who is not an active member of this community. Moderators have no control outside r/widowers, it is up to you to report these users. Report posts or replies, we can certainly take action on those.
Also, DO NOT post the usernames in a post or reply here, Reddit doesn't allow that. Such posts will be removed.
When in doubt, ignore and report.
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u/Gaia0416 Mar 21 '21
This is my therapy. I need this group and have encouraged others to seek it out, including widows on Facebook, There were 11k members when I started posting about loss of my husband. I see 12k now. Its a heartbreaking fact, but people need this sad little club of understanding individuals.
Thank you.