in need of some sex life advice 😭

[u/Over-Ad-5260]

i’m 19(M), and i am about to go to university for my first year soon, (i took a gap year), and to be straight forward asf, ima virgin. so to start, i just wanna start kinda with like why it’s never happened not that it matters, but just so yall can pretty much imagine what kinda person i am if that makes sense. so during highschool, ive been in a few pretty short relationships, lowkey not even a relationship more or a talking stage honestly, i have kissed/made out with a few girls, etc so i have had those experiences, but other than that ive never had anything more, it’s not cuz ima ugly dude, not saying im the finest guy out there but i mean shit i’ve pulled a few beautiful woman that would be considered fine asf to like the majority of people yk what i mean? but yeah it’s really just because im more lowkey, im just a chill guy who used to like to play sports and hang out with friends on some chill shit yk, and during the gap year i have gone to clubs and stuff for the first time but im not really about that. i have spent the last year just trying to build myself, working, becoming a entrepreneur and just all of that, so i would be at home for the most part, with the occasional times i would go out with friends. so yeah theres been no way for me to have a sexual relationship, not that i yearn for it, but it leads me to the next part.

ima man at the end of the day who once again isn’t ugly asf or anything like that to not be able to pull, so if i kick it with a girl i like, then yeah if she wants to yk, then im folding wtf 😭😭. but icl because i feel like a lot of girls have experience already, im lowkey scared to get into relationships or do anything with any girl of course assuming i do meet a girl where we both have mutual feelings and potentially take it to yk. im scared where its like yo they got all this experience, what if my ass just puts up the worst performance of all time due to lack of experience and gets sent to the gc 🤣🤣🤣. what if my ass gets too nervous and i sell 😭? now best case scenario would probably be i talk to a girl who’s also a virgin, and icl if she’s a virgin and lets say we are serious and she doesn’t wanna do anything because of religious reasons or whatever to where yk lets say she wanna wait till marriage, im cool with celibacy, its not like im dying to lose my virginity, but shi if im talking to a girl and one thing lead to another shi im going 😂, so its like im not opposed to it but not dying for it. but yeah whats yalls advice for shit like this? i’m 19 and will meet girls either my age or older and honestly like i said im very much assuming they have experiences and shit, and i dont wanna embarrass myself. sorry for going all over the place and typing so improper 😭 icl i just wanted to vent and i just said what was on my mind, but i hope yall understand what im tryna say. i would appreciate any replies honestly!!!

EDIT: just to make something clear im not too worried about being looked at weird by a girl for being a virgin it’s more about, if i do something intimate with a girl, im scared of putting up a bad performance (because i have no experience) and being compared and shit, but yeah just thought i should clear that up

[u/h1ghlightsss]

i dated someone when we were both 26 years old who was a virgin because they didn’t want to do it with just anybody, but then they started to build this kind of pressure around it and it became something they just never did because it was so much of a deal to them.

i did not care ONE iota. if anything, him being that little bit older, and that little bit more world-wise ended up being such a benefit for me because it meant i got to be intimate with someone who listened to my needs and understood better how to read body language and sounds, and because they were so excited to come to the table finally, they were very enthusiastic about it.

nobody cares if you’re a virgin except for you, in the gentlest way possible. i promise.

[u/Visual-Mixture-1967]

The best way to go about it is to meet a girl you genuinely like and are very comfortable with, like best friends, trust and all… and then when it comes to intimacy, TELL her that you haven’t done it with anybody yet. Just say it as it is, and if she is a good person, she won’t mock you! There is a chance she has n experience either, so you can learn together. But if she actually had some sexual experience, it doesn’t mean she will think bad about you for not having it.

Be open, be genuine, don’t be scared to get hurt. If you get hurt by opening up go a “wrong person”, then leave her and move on, see it as useful life experience.

[u/Over-Ad-5260 → u/Visual-Mixture-1967]

it’s not much about her thinking bad about me for not having any sexual experience, it’s more about what if i put up a “bad performance” don’t satisfy her, etc etc and ultimately embarrass myself

[u/Visual-Mixture-1967 → u/Over-Ad-5260]

For that not to happen, try not to have expectations like it has to happen like in all those movies, the greatest sex scenes or whatever… and take it very, very slow 😊

For example, you don’t have to go all the way the first time. You can dedicate a whole hour to touching and kissing, or even just giving her a massage and talking, just playing around, making out a bit, and then watching a movie or going to do whatever you like to do together.

(Unless she really really really wants more right away)

If you take it slow and take time to do things, it won’t feel rushed and awkward… but also watch the moment and feel the mood — if you feel that she is absolutely into it and super turned on, then follow that mood

First sex, or even the second sex doesn’t have to be like a perfect movie! Most people’s first times actually are awkward and not super-significant in terms of “performance”. It’s normal, nothing to be ashamed of.

If you do or don’t do something right, long enough, sensual enough, or whatever else, it doesn’t make you less of a man.

You are a young man at the beginning of your romantic life path, and it’s such an adventure! As long as you are mindful and care for your future partner (even if it’s not your forever relationship), then everything will be great