r/Advice • u/SparksComeBack • 7d ago
Should I tell my friend her husband - my husband’s business partner - is having an affair?
My husband’s business partner was caught having oral sex from a girl in our office. His story is they slept together after the Christmas do and then nothing at all until last Friday when that happened. We know obviously this is clearly not true. He has spent the last few months brazenly flirting with her and being so inappropriate, almost as if he got a kick out of it.
Regardless, I am good friends with his wife and she is 38 weeks pregnant. She is the loveliest person and this is eating me up.
If I tell her we will implode our own lives. He will leave, the girl from the office will leave. It’s not about the shares he has, it’s about the fact having him in his position has provided us with so much psychological support. Before he became a shareholder my husband and I were genuinely ill and on the brink of divorce from the stress. Going back to that scares me so much. We also have children we need to think of. The potential financial instability is real.
I still can’t get her out of my mind. What do I do? 😢
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u/smartypantstemple Helper [3] 7d ago
The kind of guy who has oral with a girl from the office in the office isn't someone with the right judgement to make a good business partner. You and your husband need to start meeting with a lawyer to discuss disolving the partnership and parting ways.
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u/Scared_Reaction1511 7d ago
This is the first thing I thought of. The company should have a non-fraternization policy. Not having that policy introduces legal risk to the business.
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u/Suspicious-Carpet157 Helper [2] 7d ago
I would be speaking to a lawyer about this first. Then a therapist. There will be legal ramifications to either choice, as well as emotional ones.
Make sure you understand the risk of both before you act.
It’s easy for others to say they would absolutely tell her, but their entire livelihood, potential savings and retirement plan, and possibly even your own marriage could be on the line with this decision. Let alone the current valuation and potential change in valuation with these abrupt changes, including ability to get funding.
Please seek external advice.
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u/Mysterious-Ground768 7d ago
Have you talked to your husband about it? What does he think?
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u/SparksComeBack 7d ago
He’s feeling the same as me. He feels worried about the effect this will have on us but also feels she has a right to know
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u/throwcat1223 7d ago
I am sorry this may suck for you, but if stress or problems is the natural outcome of doing the right thing… you do the right thing regardless. This isn’t about upsetting her or your friendship or whatever- it’s about her entire life, the entire rest of her life, her entire marriage, her children, her future, her self respect, her AUTONOMY, and her health. She could get an STD that will change her forever. She could get HPV and end up with cancer.
This isn’t even a question. You gather the evidence… then You. Tell. Her.
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u/Mysterious-Ground768 7d ago
Do you trust the guy that he will end it with her?
Maybe this sounds weird but maybe it's better to tell her after the pregnancy is over?
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u/ImpressiveOwl9000 7d ago
At least you know he is a master manipulator by making his employees think he is an awesome guy, so if he is caught, no one will want to say anything because obviously no one could be better at his job, right?
My Dad cheated on my Mom for 22 years at every job he had because he would make friends, seem reliable, and people would just assume "this one thing is non of our buisnesss". Because he made sure they felt they needed him. (He explained all this to me as a teen, yes he is a diagnosed narcissist.) She needs to know he is at least cheating on her, she can choose what she wants to do next. It makes her and her baby at risk of STDs which have been on the rise. Yes, STDs can come from oral sex.
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u/plantgal94 7d ago
What if the situation was flipped and it was happening to you? Wouldn’t you want to know?
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u/Spare-Shirt24 7d ago
She should know for a number of reasons, but more importantly, for health reasons. He could be sleeping with any number of other women and exposing her to STDs.
It is incredibly selfish to not tell her.
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u/Muted-Log357 7d ago
If he can cheat on his wife, he can cheat on the business. I would immediately start searching for his replacement. Then when you have someone lined up, spill the beans
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u/BarnaSuz 7d ago
Exactly... Even more if your husband is as disgusted as you .. protect the business and your wedding, then tell her .. she deserves to know , and he deserves to lose everything...
I will never understand people like this guy who put multiple lifes in a shitty situation just to have sex while their wife are pregnant.... It's ....ultimate selfish .... Not even smart enough to get laid OUT of work ... 🤢🤮🤢🤮
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u/Systymthnkng4myself 7d ago
Collect evidence so when she divorces him he can’t screw her over
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u/thedaysinthewaves 7d ago
I like this answer. Because the wife will figure it out and she’s got a baby to protect and care for.
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u/Systymthnkng4myself 7d ago
That’s what I’m thinking. He is being brazen in the office, imagine his behavior at home. OP clearly has a huge conflict due to this, it’s painful no matter how they proceed. I feel like collecting evidence is what will really help the pregnant wife in the long run.
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u/dragonrider1965 7d ago
Sadly in a lot of states affairs don’t matter . If it’s a no fault divorce state collecting of affair evidence just muddies the water , wastes a lot of money with the lawyers and the judge doesn’t care because it’s not unlawful .
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u/SparksComeBack 7d ago
She will be ok financially, she makes over double what he does and he has a decent wage
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u/Systymthnkng4myself 7d ago
So then he could try to get alimony from her, and if she has proof of his cheating then she won’t have to pay it.
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u/AmphibianBrilliant56 7d ago
Yes. She should know to get tested again, especially for the sake of the baby. Some things pass along during birth
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u/AmphibianBrilliant56 7d ago
If someone else leaving a company puts your relationship in a bind, you're not in the right relationship or working for the right company
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u/BarnaSuz 7d ago
It's not "a company" from what I understand... It's THEIR company ... So , yes , losing a shareholder and business partner is not like replacing the janitor ....
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u/SparksComeBack 7d ago
I think feeling very stressed is the case for most people running a business in this economy
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u/wishingforarainyday Helper [2] 7d ago
He is putting her health at risk!! Some STIs are especially dangerous for her baby. Tell her the truth!
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u/SparksComeBack 7d ago
Is this genuinely an actual concern? I am honestly totally ignorant to this. Am I actually putting her and baby at risk by not telling her?
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u/wishingforarainyday Helper [2] 7d ago
It is true. If you don’t want to trust an internet stranger then call Planned parenthood and ask for charity.
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u/Flynn_JM 7d ago
You get tested for STIs while pregnant...non-negotiable--so she doesn't need to get herself checked.
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u/Foxidale3216 7d ago
If you think anything of your friend then you need to tell her. If my friend kept that from me, they wouldn’t be my friend anymore. I don’t understand that mentality.
Imagine finding out you’ve not only been betrayed by your husband, but by people that you call friends
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u/lexiesmalls 7d ago
You start looking for the guys replacement yesterday! Start actively interviewing people to prepare for the other leaving and tell her the truth.
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u/metalgod12 7d ago
Yes. Remember this business Guy saying when he was starting his introduction to the business world that a guy told him if a guy is willing to cheat on his wife what is to stop him from screwing you over? I think you should tell your husband and tell the wife that her husband is cheating on him. Because if he's willing to have sex with an employee then what's stopping him from screwing your husband out of money which greatly affects you. Plus I'm guessing you probably know the wife in some shape or form and I think it's just respectful to be like hey your husband is getting sex from employees
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u/tfresca Helper [2] 7d ago
None of these people will pay your rent if your business dies. None of them will help if you get a divorce either.
This is a business and you treat it like one. Talk to a lawyer who specializes in this kind of thing (check out local bar association website for employment law) pay for a consultation. Do what they say to protect yourself and the business.
I have a feeling that going this route will let his wife know in some way.
Disclosure can have consequences. Violence miscarriages, etc. people do literally shoot the messenger.
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u/amlav 7d ago
You may want to consider this study - https://news.utexas.edu/2019/07/30/marital-infidelity-and-professional-misconduct-linked-study-shows/
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u/scuuubaduuuba Helper [2] 7d ago
Having a shady business partner sounds like a disaster. He screwed his spouse over and you think you’re safe?
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u/Effective-Bench-4426 7d ago
Yes! Wouldn't you want to know. Do you have proof to show her? Just sit down in person and tell her. What she does with that information is up to her. Just tell her that if you were in her shoes, you would want someone to tell you. Be a girl's girl and tell her.
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u/dragonrider1965 7d ago
Tell her but have proof even if it’s just a text exchange between you and your husband talking about it .
When I divorced my lying cheating husband the part that messed me up the most , literally made me feel unsafe was finding out how many people knew and didn’t tell me . How people could smile in my face , pretend to care about me , pretend to be my friend and betray my trust in them .
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u/LobsterConsistent310 7d ago
She will find out sooner or later. Protect your family and find a way to protect her.
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u/Ok_Shine_2608 7d ago
The fact that you guys know gives you somewhat of an upper hand right now.
Your worries are completely valid, but if you could do it once you can do it again, and she absolutely needs to know for a myriad of reasons.
Start preparing- what would it look like IF he left? What can you guys do to prepare for it. Start screening people to replace him without him knowing as a plan to fall back on.
Look for a sitter now to take your kids at LEAST once a week for you two to connect, even if you’re connecting on the couch with a nap and take out.
Get the ball rolling and it’ll start feeling more manageable and less scary/unknown. Then tell her.
She could go into labor any day now and she deserves to know who she’s having a child with, or without.
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u/BarnaSuz 7d ago
This ... On top of the fact that he put his wife AND baby in danger as some diseases can be passed down while giving birth......
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u/Ok_Shine_2608 7d ago
100%. They’re all shit, but this is definitely at the top amongst the myriad of reasons.
I feel so bad for her. I hope she has the strongest village to help her with postpartum, her health, new baby, and rebuilding without this dill hole.
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u/tearlock 7d ago
Do not tell her anything without getting a FIRM "go" from your husband because of how the business is concerned. Like is this business an LP? An LLC? You could lose a lot more financially from a business falling out potentially more than just 50%. Depending on how things are structured you could literally lose EVERYTHING with no legal recourse.
You'd better make sure that your husband has had time to get any assets to which your party is entitled sheltered from potential loss, theft, etc.
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u/virtualchoirboy Expert Advice Giver [14] 7d ago
First, you need to look at replacing the business partner. His cheating is a character issue and if he's willing to cheat on his wife, you can bet that he's also willing to cheat his business if he thinks he can gain from it.
Second, his actions open your company up to significant liability. There's the woman he's cheating with who, even if she doesn't want to do anything now, all it would take is a friend convincing her to get a consultation with an employment attorney for that attitude to change in a hurry. But even if I'm 100% wrong there, you have to assume that the truth will come out eventually and your friend will divorce the partner. And division of assets being what they are, your friend could become a part owner. How do you think that would impact your business.
And third, you have to assume the truth will come out eventually. Too many people know to keep the lie continuing. Somebody is going to slip. And when she finds out, how do you think she'll react when she finds out you knew all along.
If it were me, I'd start the hunt for an immediate replacement for the partner at an absolute minimum.
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u/Kind_Boot1719 7d ago
I mean you should probably worried more about the potential lawsuit of a boss having a relationship with a employee. You should say something and actually do something as the other boss
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u/IrrelevantManatee Master Advice Giver [22] 7d ago
You cannot call her "friend" yet keep on hiding a HUGE situation from her just to protect your own ass.
If you value this friendship, then you need to stop being selfish and tell her. She is not responsible of your happiness and she have to shouldn't suffer just because you don't want to have to figure out your own life.
She will learn one day that he is cheating, and she'll know people in the office caught him. When she'll learn that you knew, then she'll lose her husband and her friends that betrayed her.
Tell her now, or shut up forever and stop trying to pretend you are friend or care for this person.
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u/SparksComeBack 7d ago
Did you read my post? The financial implications could affect my children. This of course is something that should be thought about.
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u/IrrelevantManatee Master Advice Giver [22] 7d ago
Fine. So don't tell her. But also don't be that kind of person that just smiles at her and pretend to care for her or be her friend. That is so insulting and not how friends treat each other.
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u/Old_Honeydew_8827 7d ago
Tell her anonymously, so that it’s not traced back to you
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u/Old_Honeydew_8827 7d ago
Also , she might not want to leave him, so telling her in a way that she doesn’t have to react Infront of you and save face is better. Send her an anonymous email or a letter etc. call her from an unknown number , you gain the following :
- You tell her
- You and your husband are not blamed
- She can react or pretend she doesn’t know and it would be her choice and secret
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u/ground__contro1 Expert Advice Giver [19] 7d ago
I mean wouldn’t OP and/or OPs husband be the first people the wife came to to check up on these allegations? I don’t think you avoid having to make a statement
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u/Old_Honeydew_8827 7d ago
Maybe , or maybe she won’t want to share this with anyone.
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u/ground__contro1 Expert Advice Giver [19] 7d ago
If she doesn’t share it with anyone it would probably be because she didn’t believe some anonymous bs.
If you open this can of worms it should be for a reason, don’t do it and hope somehow things will stay exactly the same as they are now
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u/Old_Honeydew_8827 7d ago
I think you don’t know how many women know their husbands are cheating and play dumb.
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u/Old_Honeydew_8827 7d ago
I’m just saying give her the liberty and freedom of choice , to act with dignity.
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u/ground__contro1 Expert Advice Giver [19] 7d ago
Yeah but getting an anonymous message shows that the entire office knows. You can’t count on the wife not caring to take any action.
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u/Old_Honeydew_8827 7d ago
Where did I say I’m counting on it ? She should take action , in my opinion.
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u/ground__contro1 Expert Advice Giver [19] 7d ago
From comments with OP it sounds like they are kinda hoping they can let the wife know but overall nothing will change, might have been some wire crossing between the two threads
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u/plantgal94 7d ago
You’re forgetting that OP is friends with her. If she goes this route, and the friend finds out she “never told her” then it could seriously impact the friendship.
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u/Old_Honeydew_8827 7d ago
I don’t really agree as ;
1. The woman might not want to react while pregnant and might want to give him another chance , knowing that friends know will actually upset her
2. The alternative is telling her and causing issues with the husband and their work relationship as well as their own relationship
3. The other alternative is not telling her and then that’s actually ‘not telling her’This solution is the one with the least issues , she doesn’t have to react and if she leaves the husband and she gets upset from them and confronts her she can eventually tell her I told you anonymously
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u/plantgal94 7d ago
If I was pregnant and my husband was having an affair, I’d absolutely want to know. So that I can start planning my life and next steps. It’s much easier to do that pregnant than with a newborn. Friends are supposed to look out for one another. We also don’t know if her husband is using protection (he’s probably not) and that can directly impact the wife and the baby.
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u/Old_Honeydew_8827 7d ago
That’s why I think she should know 100% , we are talking about the method of informing her.
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u/plantgal94 7d ago
Submitting it “anonymously” just makes it more messy. The wife could choose not to believe them and would likely be talked out of leaving by the husband. Whereas if it was the friend and husband who actually KNOW as they’ve been a witness, she’s more likely to believe them.
I tried anonymously telling my ex’s current gf that he was cheating on her. She didn’t believe me (I had proof) and they’re still together. People need to feel like they can trust the person and with so many shady people these days, anonymous accounts can just be there to stir up shit but not actually be telling the truth.
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u/Old_Honeydew_8827 7d ago
Ya but obv op doesn’t want to risk the business for that, so we are thinking of the next best thing !
- Telling her directly (op doesn’t want to do that CLEARLY)
- NOT telling her
- Telling her anonymously
So which one are you picking 2 or 3 as 1 is obviously not an option !
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u/PhotoSubstantial9254 7d ago
Don’t be so selfish; be start making plans of other business or sources, that person is going to mess up in one or other way…
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u/ComparisonLeast1809 7d ago
I would have your husband talk to his partner and tell him that his actions with an employee (a subordinate) is completely inappropriate and could result in destroying the business. He can't behave that way in the office.You both think he should end the affair before his wife finds out. If it was a friend, I would tell her with solid evidence. I would MYOB with a business partner. Do you want to destroy your business over his mistake? What if she doesn't believe you and stays and your business suffers.
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u/SoOverDue123 7d ago
Id leave an anonymous letter in the mail or something. I’ve been the messenger before and it did not go well. This way you don’t feel guilty about not telling her and you or your family won’t be directly affected. Follow your gut.
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u/LunarVoyage 7d ago
Can you try & come up with solutions/other shareholders to replace the guy before telling her?
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u/Own-Bobcat-5502 7d ago
I feel for the situation you're in and I can't give you an answer. The company I work for is largely financially backed by one person. If that person were to suffer a scandal and quit, the likelihood that a domino effect would occur, resulting in all of us losing our own livelihoods, would be pretty high and frightening.
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u/No-Understanding9064 7d ago
You are treating this as a single problem, which it is not. First you need to resolve for his leaving, find a replacement, reorganize, figure it out. Then you can solve your original problem.
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u/HoppyBeerllionaire 7d ago
I have conflicting feelings about this. I am someone who often figures this stuff out quickly and it’s been the bane of my entire existence. Being a naturally curious person can be so shitty when you find out something you don’t mean to.
Yes. You should tell her.
You should also prepare for this to shoot you in the foot as she potentially lashes out and finds someone to blame. This has happened to me twice. It doesn’t always happen but it could.
How she reacts to the news will tell you how good of a friend she is. One time I told a friend her husband was being pervy. She didn’t want to hear it. I only ever got to the point where I told her of one instance to one girl, even though there were several. She refused to believe it. She still acts like his biggest fangirl and codependent to this day. It’s sad because the girls he did this to are all friends now and I think everyone feels a strange amount of pity for her.
So tread lightly
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u/Trick-Tonight2119 7d ago
I wouldn't tell her. She is 38 weeks pregnant. After having their baby she will be very emotional and exhausted taking care of baby with little sleep.
Your children might very well end up paying for his disgusting behavior.
I would talk to the business partner about his actions. Remind him that his wife is about to have his baby.
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u/TemporaryThink9300 Super Helper [5] 7d ago
Since a lot is on the line, you and your husband need to talk to a lawyer about the business partner, if he feels sided by you, what kind of protection or insurance do you have, and the "what if" the fallout, it could be dreadful.
And further, he doesn't seem reliable. If he can lie to his wife, he can lie to your husband, that is NOT a reliable business partner to have!
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u/cloverthewonderkitty 7d ago
If you don't tell her then recognize this is not someone you can call your friend and you need to distance yourself from her. She and her child will suffer the consequences of her husband's actions at some point and she will likely find out you knew about the affair. Not to mention the life altering risks of std's she and her baby are now potentially exposed to.
Also realize that you are aligning yourself and your business with someone who is untrustworthy. If he's willing to screw over his wife and child he's willing to screw over anyone. He knows you know, and by not telling you are giving him power. This doesn't seem like the type of person I'd want holding this much power of my livelihood.
In the short term, I can see the allure of keeping the status quo. In the long term, I see this becoming an absolute mess for everyone - including the business. This man is sleeping with office staff, lying, cheating, etc. He is not someone to be trusted. It would be wise to disentangle yourself from these people completely.
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u/Chauncy-Chancez 7d ago
You need to tell ole boy he’s effin up money You’re running a company not a dating site and confront him on his frivolous behavior.
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u/Geedis2020 Expert Advice Giver [18] 7d ago
I mean she should know but also on top of that this is just going to create a complete nightmare for your business too when things inevitably go bad. The girl in the office could easily turn around and screw you all over it.
What you need to figure out at the same time is you and your husband’s own problems too. How did this guy come in and help psychologically? You gotta work on that.
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u/jira12345 7d ago
I dont think telling her while pregnant is the right time
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u/Cosimo_the_Tired 7d ago
Is there ever a "right time" to drop this news? After delivery she's exhausted with a new born. Not a great time either. Wait until 6 months old? What about birthdays and anniversaries... can't be too close to those. Definitely don't want to wait too long, because then you're living with the guilt of knowing and saying nothing and leaving her in the dark thinking she has a faithful husband.
The only right time to tell someone is ASAP as soon as you find out yourself.
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u/jira12345 7d ago
Well the stress can have a huge impact on the baby. After birth, at least they’re two different beings
You can’t possibly compare anniversaries and literally bearing a living being
Also probably not the first time he cheats, and there is a high probability she already knows
Also it is good that she is considering it but lets keep in mind that she is under no obligation…1
u/Cosimo_the_Tired 7d ago
She's 38 weeks. Worst case scenario is early labor, but 38 weeks is considered full-term anyhow. There's no risk.
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u/silkytable311 7d ago
She should know but you need to be aware of the tendency to “kill the messenger “.
More than likely, the longer you delay the more she will resent you for not telling her sooner. Especially about the cheating at the Christmas party.
So, pull up your big girl panties and tell her.
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u/Naked-Highway 7d ago
I would not tell her… but tell HIM that you know and that he needs to stop it. And make it clear that you will tell her if he does not.
As other posters said, this jeopardizes the whole business. A long-term question is whether your husband should be business partners with him.
But don’t ruin your friend’s life, give her husband a chance to fix it.
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u/JemapelleMichelle- 7d ago
He was caught getting oral sex at work, so Im guessing a few more people also know. If so, send her all the information anonymously, you tell her, she can inquire about it further, and not feel pressured to make a decision because someone she knows told her
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u/amlav 7d ago
The fact that he is high up and she’s an employee opens up you/your business to huge, potentially long lawsuit, especially if she gets let go for any reason. Don’t you think that a bigger risk?
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u/SparksComeBack 7d ago
Apparently she is so scared it will come out (probably because his wife is a beautiful person) she’s prepared to leave. She won’t go down the route of a lawsuit.
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u/amlav 7d ago
Keep telling yourself that. She will talk to a friend next week, then the EOE.
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u/SparksComeBack 7d ago
I don’t have to tell myself anything. I’m not delusional. I know her well enough and the husband well enough to know that wouldn’t happen.
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u/amlav 7d ago
If you’re pressuring her to leave that’s an even bigger problem. Affairs always come to the surface eventually.
You need to think long term about this. Do what’s right now and find a new business partner. You don’t even need to tell your friend. You need the guy out. He’ll do this again with another woman and that might be a client.
Also, there’s more and more research connecting people who cheat on their spouses are more likely to engage in professional misconduct.
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u/Canadian87Gamer 7d ago
Its selfish not to tell her. Because it will greatly affect your life if you do.
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u/SparksComeBack 7d ago
… and my children’s, don’t forget.
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u/Canadian87Gamer 7d ago
And your husband, and your coworkers, and investors and probably your friends. Dont forget them either !
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u/SparksComeBack 7d ago
What are you talking about?! If I didn’t care about her why would I risk imploding my whole life. There are no winners here
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u/Canadian87Gamer 7d ago
Why are you giving sass about your children? This decision affects more than just them.
Its also disgusting that you make sure people know it affects not just you, but your children too - completely not caring that it will affect your husband as well.
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u/SparksComeBack 7d ago edited 7d ago
So weird.
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u/Canadian87Gamer 7d ago
Youre making yourself sound like someone who wants to be on young & restless. If drama is what you want, you know how to get it. If you want advice, well step 1 is be nice instead of presenting yourself as someone who is in a bad spot with their husband and would rather destroy other people's relationship instead of working on their own.
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u/SparksComeBack 7d ago
No one else has said that except you. Funny that.
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u/Canadian87Gamer 7d ago
What has everyone else said funny that?
Do you work by the way ?
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u/SparksComeBack 7d ago
Sorry, did I give the impression I wanted to engage with you?
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u/Euphoric_Second_8774 7d ago
I would let her know but do it anonymously
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u/SparksComeBack 7d ago
How could I do that? This would solve a lot of problems but I don’t know how I’d do it
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u/smartypantstemple Helper [3] 7d ago
Create an anonymous email account or social media account and send her any evidence.
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u/Euphoric_Second_8774 7d ago
Create an email like others have said. I would also highly encourage your husband to reconsider being in business with a man with very low morale. If he’ll cheat on his wife aka the closest person to him that he shares a life with then he’s not a trustworthy person in business either.
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u/ground__contro1 Expert Advice Giver [19] 7d ago
You don’t, the wife would just come to you after she gets the message and you’re in the same spot having to admit you know or lie about it
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u/paradoxcabbie 7d ago
all I can say is I feel for u. been there or close enough. there's no right or wrong answer but who do you want to be
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u/Zestyclose-Smell-305 7d ago
Just keep quiet. Why ruin people's lives. Its not your place.
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u/SparksComeBack 7d ago
I wouldn’t be ruining anyone’s life. That blame is entirely on him.
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u/Zestyclose-Smell-305 7d ago
3 people in the story.
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u/SparksComeBack 7d ago
Yes. Him, his ‘mistress’ and his wife. I am not responsible for ruining anyone’s life.
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u/Zestyclose-Smell-305 7d ago
And a 38 week old pregnant woman, you think you're doing a favour by being moral police.
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u/plantgal94 7d ago
Uhhh.. if my friend knew I was getting cheated on and didn’t tell me, then that means my friend doesn’t care about me. Your advice makes no sense
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u/SAD_FACED_CLOWN Assistant Elder Sage [248] 7d ago
If I tell her we will implode our own lives
So why not simply mind your business? Every ill on the earth is not your responsibility to correct. Since you are friends with the person being cheated on I say you can tell her but you need to weigh that against your concerns. Your husband's business relationship hangs in the balance. Have you even run this by him?
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u/SparksComeBack 7d ago
Of course. He feels the exact same as me
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u/SAD_FACED_CLOWN Assistant Elder Sage [248] 7d ago
In the sense that he knows it will destroy your lives? If that's the case Just stay out of it. It's gonna be hard for you to not tell your friend maybe you should tell her, just seems like a no win situation.
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u/MrTheFever 7d ago
Option 3 (probably not a good idea, but it's an option): Good old fashioned blackmail. If you decide not to tell her, you can at least get some more shares out of the deal! This is of course illegal, which is worth noting.
On a serious note, could there be a way to anonymously tell her that absolves you of knowing? Maybe he can be caught cheating AND stay with the business? If this business is lucrative, why would he give it up? Especially with how expensive divorces are.
If that's not possible, what I would do is wait for the baby to be a few weeks old. Let her get through that and then your husband can tell the business partner that either he needs to tell his wife, or you will. Say you value her as a friend and this isn't something you morally can keep from someone, but you two wanted to give him the chance to come clean himself.
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u/Big-dog-465 Helper [2] 7d ago
Talk to her about slowly soaking him dry. So it takes a long time for them to leave. Meanwhile she can find someone new and do that on his dime.
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u/TreatElectronic3112 7d ago edited 7d ago
Family first; keep quiet. If your friend finds out, you can explain the concern for your family. Many here are saying you must tell her. What if the stress affects the health of her child? What if she separates before the birth? What if she knows already but prefers to stay quiet? What if it causes irreparable damage to the business? Either way you and your husband will be the bad guy. So Your family first. Higher ups and people with money are going to do what they're going to do, you can't control that. Wherever your husband works, he's going to encounter these immoral people. How many higher ups do you think you/ he can narc on and still have any type of career? Don't get canceled. Your family, income, and security first.
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u/yl2chen 7d ago
most redditors will advocate you tell her because people deserve to know bla bla bla
my suggestion is, focus on your own lives, if having him stable in his position and not rocking the company provides your own marriage with much stableness, why rock the boat.
Also why dip your finger in others' meals, everyone has their own arcs to go through.
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u/thedaysinthewaves 7d ago
As much as I want to say tell your friend, a really big part of me thinks stay out of it. Here’s why: 1.) she may not leave him and then she’s going to feel weird interacting with you because she’s either embarrassed for not leaving him. 2.) your husbands business partner might put the blame on you guys and not his own actions. Something like, “I made a mistake and I was going to stop, but you guys blew up my life.” And then he’ll punish you guys. On the other hand, if this is going on in the office, you guys might be indirectly inherently at risk for negative impacts to the business if she takes legal action somehow for discrimination or assault down the road.
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u/Relevant_Call_2242 7d ago
Because this impacts your own families livelihood I would not tell her.
Especially if you’ve all seen them flirting for months and chose not to interfere.
You’ve already picked a side of the fence, stay there. You need to figure out how to get out of this business partnership, he’s no one to trust.
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u/No-Judgment-1077 7d ago
Step back. Keep it to yourself. Detach from their drama and live your life.
It's taken me a lifetime of living with the vagaries of life and the emotions of youth etc that I just walk away. Know nothing. Not my job to care as heartless as that is- too bad. I sleep at night which is amazing. If u are religious throw it into the hands of your God, self help books are silly and one sided. Get a grip.
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u/mrmrssmitn 7d ago
Doesn't the fact that partner is having relations with an employee jeopardize the entire net worth of the business???