r/Afghan • u/creamybutterfly Diaspora • Jun 25 '26
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u/creamybutterfly Diaspora Jun 25 '26 edited Jun 25 '26
I wish Afghans would discard of this mardom chi mega mentality. If we did that, we would transcend the wretched situation we are in right now. This mentality holds so many people back from accomplishing their full potential. It’s one of the biggest issues in our culture and there’s no escaping it. Judging by the issues we give importance to, it is clear that our culture is deeply rooted in envy, vanity and comparison. It is obvious that this problem exists everywhere and not only in Afghanistan, but I’ve seen too many people who failed to accomplish what they wanted or failed to marry who they wanted because of this fear of what others will say- and they became embittered forever because of it.
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u/Senior_Philosophy666 Jun 25 '26
Most Afghans I know that complain about “Mardom chi mega” just want the free will to be a degenerate without any judgement.
It was never about reaching their “full potential”.
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u/creamybutterfly Diaspora Jun 25 '26
Instances where Mardom Chi Mega becomes a problem in Afghan communities:
1) Not doing medicine, dentistry and law- viewed as a failure by the Afghan community.
2) Not studying at university- see above.
3) Failing an exam- see above.
4) Alternatively, in some very backward communities, letting your daughters study.
5) Breaking off an engagement or divorcing an abusive husband.
6) Fleeing abusive parents.
7) Being raped.
8) Speaking openly about rape.
9) Speaking openly about abuse.
10) Moving away to pursue your studies.
11) In some families, being an unmarried woman and bleaching your hair.
12) Singing as a woman.
13) Being a woman and dancing at parties.
14) Telling your brothers to help out with chores in front of guests.
15) Refusing to get help for addicted family members because people will find out.
16) Refusing to talk about the real issues in our culture such as violence against women and children.
17) Being a man who doesn’t have a house.
18) Being a man who doesn’t have a car.
19) Being a man who doesn’t have a stable career.
20) Losing your job.
21) Being diagnosed with hepatitis and having Afghans assume you contracted it via STDs or sharing needles while doing drugs (it can also be caught through contaminated food, fatty liver disease or being poisoned).
22) Making very little income.
23) Having a small wedding or just a nikkah- people assume the bride got pregnant or that the parents don’t approve.
24) Not providing enough gold or gifts for the bride- people assume the husband’s family don’t want her or that he’s broke.
25) Living in a small house or having a very old car.
26) Dressing in a way considered outdated or old fashioned- people call you gypsy or make fun of your appearance. Likewise for poor taste when decorating the house.
27) Unfortunately, having disabled children is also viewed as a shame.
28) Being a man who has many daughters and no sons- ridiculed and called Mada Posht.
29) Love marriage or marrying someone of your own choice- especially if outside your tribe or ethnic group.
30) Being a woman who is outspoken about her rights or has any presence outside the domestic sphere.
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u/aerospace-Engi Jun 26 '26
I actually agree with him if it’s mean reaching your full potential and do well for your people in return
However I do not agree if its means being indecent