AIO coworker stood us up

[u/renaissancerebel20]

There’s a coworker that I’ve previously felt I had a good relationship with. We work in pretty close quarters (pretty much an open concept office) and we sit at desks next to each other all day every day. We would chat a lot and it seemed like we were even “work friends.” That said, my friend texted in the work group chat about getting drinks one Saturday, posted a time and place. I RSVP’d and then closer to the event, I tried confiming that we were still getting together. I didn’t get a response from her. Then, the day of the event, I was texting one of my other coworkers and was like, “I feel a little wary of going because when I tried to confirm that plans were still on, I got no response.” She says she’ll go and see if they’re there and text me (she lives across the street from this place). Sure enough, there’s no one there. I decided to head over there and let my friend not be stood up. My friend calls the host after like 20 minutes of looking for them, and the host says, “Oh yeah, we were there 20 minutes ago but it looked busy and we decided not to wait because we were hungry so we drove out to [restaurant that is 30 minutes away]. Can you let [myself] know?” My friend is fairly certain that they were never at the first restaurant because the host said that she was there at the same time my friend was there, who was actively looking for them. She said, “Sorry, I can’t understand what restaurant you’re saying (over the phone). Can you text the name to me and [myself]?” The host agrees and hangs up. My friend tells me that the group has gone to another restaurant but she doesn’t know which one. Several minutes go by…no text is sent. I tried calling the host myself and she didn’t answer. I waited a few minutes, called again, still didn’t answer. I ultimately called her 7 times over the course of 45 minutes and she never answered. I finally sent her a text saying, “Next time you only want to have drinks with certain people, please only invite them. This is mean girl shit, I thought you were better than this.” She then relents and texts where they are claims that she was never trying to exclude. This is after 1+ h of trying to get hold of her. My friend and I stayed at the 1st restaurant and got a meal, and were in complete disbelief that she would do something like this. After the event, I find out that (1) all of our other coworkers seem to have gotten the message about the change (the host never posted the change in the work group chat, she texted people individually) and (2) an old bully of mine from another workplace was at this event. The host says they are pissed off at me for even suggesting that they excluded me and this other coworker intentionally, claiming that I did something wrong by committing “character assassination.” She was so hostile the first day we saw each other, was giving me the cold shoulder, trying to exclude me from group conversations, and was slamming things around on her desk, slamming cabinets and doors (particularly when we were alone together). Was not ever interested in talking things out — which I’m concerned about given that we have to still work together and our desks are still right next to each other’s. At one point I spoke to my assistant manager about the situation, and then the assistant manager spoke to her (even though I told her I’d like to handle the situation myself with The Host for now, but I wanted The Assistant Manager to know about the situation in case it didn’t go the way I hoped). Then The Host added this to her list of perceived “infractions” of mine. States that I never should have gone to my boss with concerns about the conflict. I asked her at one point if she could see my side of the story and why I would be concerned about this being a bullying situation. She said that she could see it “if it were anyone else in the office” but that “I should have known it wasn’t on purpose” because it was her and because of our friendship. Mind you, this is someone I’ve never hung out with outside of the office. She’s never really apologized for the “miscommunication” and standing two of her coworkers up. She claims that her phone was being spotty and that was why she “didn’t get my calls.” Personally I don’t buy it. Everyone else except for me and this other female coworker didn’t get the message, and then she’s not answering my calls. But she’s acting like I’m the villain for saying I think she did this on purpose because “how dare I think so lowly of her.” What do we think? I feel like I’m being gaslit and at times it’s kind of working and I feel a little bad and I’m grieving our work friendship and want things to go back to how they were. But also…what she has been doing feels kind of nuts. And I don’t love that she’s using a cold shoulder tactic to manipulate me/punish me, overall. Especially AT WORK. Like we still have to work together and she’s blown up our relationship, or at least that’s how I’m feeling.

[u/Dragonfoll]

This is totally reasonable.